Spitting Games
September 19th, 2007
I don’t know why this matters to me, but my boyfriend in high school had a mullet, and it’s served as small consolation as I remember and not-so-fondly envision the whole mix tape disaster. Yes, yes, he had a rather long one, and believe me, I’ve asked my mother for some photos, because again: A MULLET. Also known as “hockey hair” around Pennsylvania. Adam, for some reason, maybe because he lived in a cave that had nothing but clothes from Chess King, seems to think that no one had mullets in civilized states. I insist that no no — everyone did, and I maintain they weren’t that unattractive back then. That’s right, I said it: there was a time in my life when I thought mullets were hot. Do with this what you will.
Incidentally, we haven’t put our house on the market yet, because we’re chickens (BAWK!), and because in moments of defeat, I can get very Eeyore about it, because who will buy it? And why, then, should I live my life frantically fretting over whether my water glass left a ring or my Moon Cup is resting on the edge of the sink? (Oh my God, the second I wrote that, I thought, seriously? RESTING ON THE SINK? Um, no. No, I’ve never done that, and I don’t know why I didn’t just correct it, rather than go on this way, but there it is, and no, no I’ve never left my Moon Cup on the sink. I would be divorced.)
Anyway! Onward! Remember how I said work was going to be settling down, all easy-peasy like? Not yet. NOT YET. I am dying here with the not-yettedness yettiness, and the freelance dance when I get home, and I maintain: what’s the point of making money if you can’t even enjoy it, like with a nice beer with someone other than your coworkers? (Beer. Beer is all I could think of? Seriously? Why not Coach handbags? No no, apparently, I miss BEER. And handbags. And maybe kind of clean underwear, but I’m not that picky.)
(I won’t let Adam do laundry ever. I am a control freak about this, ever since my niece turned one of my lambswool sweaters into a Barbie vest.)
Incidentally, and this is in no way related, but that has never, ever stopped me before — did I mention that my brain is mush, like green mushy peas without the butter? — we continue to be plagued by little gray jumping spiders, and in researching them (THEY JUMP), I’ve pretty much freaked myself right the hell out of Dodge. I mean, they aren’t Sundry‘s giant house spiders, but did I mention they jump? THEY JUMP. I killed one this morning by spitting toothpaste on it, and for one fleeting second, terrified myself into thinking that maybe it was about to jump into my mouth on the toothpaste string (I just grossed myself out even more) and JESUS, I’m never brushing my teeth again. (Because I am dead, I have KILLED myself with grossness.)
The whole point of this was to say that I ended up looking up photos of spiders to make sure they weren’t poisonous, and I discovered, for the frillionth time, that I have an irrational fear of touching pictures of insects, like they’re going to come alive and eat my fingers with their giant bugginess.
And with that, I’m off, because the next thing you know, I’ll be talking about the intricacies of Lean Cuisine vs. Weight Watchers meals (Weight Watchers all the way), such is the shallow, shallow depth of my current brain capacity. Also, maybe kind of I cried three times in Kid Nation, especially when Sophia won that stupid gold star, and yes, I’m watching it, and yes, I freaking CRIED.
Happy Thursday to you, and really, I swear, it’s slowing down soon! SOOOOON.
*Snow Patrol.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
25 Comments Add your own
1. Daily Tragedies | September 19th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
I don’t know why I feel compelled to tell you this, but my Moon Cup arrived today. Aaaand there you have it: absolutely no privacy left for me on the internet.
Also, plenty of people in my high school have mullets — today, as well as back in 1996, when I last went to school there.
2. Jess | September 19th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Oh man, I had a summer sublet basement apartment once with those jumping spiders, which my roommate and I referred to as “hoppy bugs.” The deal was that I had to kill them and every time I killed one, she owed me a favor. We thought we had it bad with the bugs until the entire apartment flooded and all our stuff was ruined. And then we were evicted. It was a great summer.
3. Jennie | September 19th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
I haven’t heard that particular Snow Patrol song, although perhaps I have and just don’t realize the name. And in the time it took to type that out, I could have had my answer courtesy of iTunes (or Google) (Or, crap, the two Snow Patrol CDs I own.)
Which reminds me of the time we Netflixed Starsky and Hutch only to remember a week later that WE OWNED IT.
4. bubandpie | September 20th, 2007 at 4:06 am
FINALLY! Someone else who remembers that at one time, hockey hair was really sexy.
5. Orange Peacock | September 20th, 2007 at 4:21 am
Come back to us! I really hope work slows down for you soon, before the green pea mush starts dripping out your ears.
6. Sadie | September 20th, 2007 at 5:25 am
Yes, yes, please watch Kid Nation (says a CBS sales rep).
Also, I grew up in close to the same era as you, and yet mullets stopped being cool by 1988 where I lived, except of course for those few holdouts who kept their mullets and grew dirty moustaches to accompany them, giving the high schoolers a vaguely creepy and much older appearance. Which I am sure served them well in procuring alcohol, by the way.
7. cassidy | September 20th, 2007 at 5:52 am
Oh man! My best friends dad had a feathery mullet when we were kids and I think that back then, it was alright.
Mullets now? Absolutely not! And I don’t care if they ever come back into fashion, I promise that I will never ever ever like them. Never ever.
8. Swistle | September 20th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Late ’80s / early ’90s in non-redneck state: plenty o’ mullets. We didn’t even call them “mullets”–they were just a regular boy hairstyle.
I don’t let Paul do laundry, either. He does crap like not check the settings, so a warm/high load goes through on hot/low. With, like, an overflowing scoop of detergent, when the cup is marked at the half-point (well played, detergent manufacturers).
9. Lawyerish | September 20th, 2007 at 6:18 am
HOCKEY HAIR.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
10. karamarie | September 20th, 2007 at 6:31 am
We have lots of tiny spiders right now, and last night I was washing my hands and looked into the bathroom mirror and saw a spider crawling across my chest. And I’ve gotten so used to these weird little guys that I just calmly picked it off my chest and rinsed it off my fingers down the sink.
And then three minutes later I thought, “OH MY LORD I JUST PICKED UP A SPIDER AND DIDN’T EVEN GET SCARED OR MAKE A NOISE OR OH GEEZ WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!”
So. There’s that point. Hopefully you won’t get to that point.
11. -R- | September 20th, 2007 at 6:38 am
I have heard the phrase hockey hair in MN too.
My mother-in-law has each of her children’s senior picture hanging in her living room, and my older brother-in-law is proudly sporting what I call a McGuyver (sp?) Mullet.
12. TwoBusy | September 20th, 2007 at 7:01 am
Adam is delusional — there was no shortage of hockey hair in the greater Boston area in the 80s/early 90s.
As for Karamarie’s story of a spider crawling across her chest… honestly, I think I would lose my mind. Because if they’re crawling on your chest while you’re awake, what’s happening while you’re sleeping?
(shuddering uncontrollably)
13. Andrea | September 20th, 2007 at 7:37 am
Hey, when I was 9, I HAD a mullet, albeit a very short one. But still. It was a MULLET! And lo, I am embarrassed, but at the time, I got so many compliments on it. I really did. The saddest part? The top was spikey. I HAD A SPIKED MULLET!
hanging head in utter shame.
I call those spider things “hippity hops”. I used to have them in the basement of a house we rented before we built our house. I had to do laundry down there, and the stupid thing was that I had to go OUTSIDE to get to the basement door. There was another door in the house, but it was in the back of a coat closet, like a secret passageway, and we had, you know, coats or something in that closet. So it was either go outside and down the cement steps or go through a bunch of hanging coats down the rickety narrow steps. I hated that basement. Mostly for it’s stupid design, but also for the hippity hops. Ugh, those fuckers gave me the oogies.
14. Andrea | September 20th, 2007 at 7:39 am
Oh, and sometimes I’ve heard mullets referred to as a Kentucky Waterfall.
15. erica | September 20th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Dood – the hockey cut does not equal mullet. My shithead boyfriend in high school had a hockey cut (and p.s. played hockey) and dammit I thought it was sexy – in all my 16 year old wisdom – at the time. All the boys had that cut. However the HC really only borders on being a mullet. It is mullet-LIKE, but somehow different. I think because the wings in the back really were just that – wings – not long tresses or strings which would define the mullet.
Wow.
16. karamarie | September 20th, 2007 at 8:19 am
I mean, it’s not like our walls are coated with them or something. It’s just there are lots in the basement. And they’re really little, airy sorts. Still.
I’m a freak.
17. jonniker | September 20th, 2007 at 8:36 am
I’m trying to think here whether we had more hockey hair or mullets. I think it was primarily hockey hair, although I *want* to say that Greg’s hair was more mullet-like than hockey, at least by the end. Oh God, I don’t know.
I really never considered that there was that much of a distinction. Seriously? There was?
18. Artemisia | September 20th, 2007 at 9:21 am
Mushy peas is not a good place to be. Not. Good.
19. annabanana | September 20th, 2007 at 9:42 am
I had an unfortunate bad haircut in 1989. I was out of highschool, and college and a workin’ gal. I have always been a hair whore. I’ll still go to anyone to cut my hair..how bad can it be? And hair just grows in again. I cannot commit to a hairdresser and I’m amazed by people who live in Austin but still have a colorist in Boston who they visit for highlights. I am in awe of those people just like I’m in awe of olympic athletes or deeply religious people for their steadfast dedication to something. Anyway, I went to Supercuts and asked for a trim. I hung my head and read a magazine while the stylist clipped away. When I picked up and looked in the mirror I almost shreiked but just paid and left because like Jonna, I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Who am I anyway,,Just a hair whore. When I got home I could not deny it was a MULLET, A FREAKING MULLET. A Female Mullet. I remember feeling like I should change my whole wardrobe to accomodate the bad hair. I felt like I should strart drinking budwieser and wearing only black tshirts. I called a close friend who was unfamiliar with Mullets and she couldn’t commisserate. I told her it was a haircut like the boys we knewn high school who smoked pot and played van halen music in their parents garage. Oh she said. Ugh she said. She suggested I call in sick to work with an extended illness that would keep me home until the hair grew! Worse the next day at the office my boss gave me the afternoon off to ‘get my hair fixed’. My boss sent me home for having bad hair! How bad is that? I immediately walked to the nearest other supercuts and got a proper Dorothy Hamil Wedge Cut. Yes, I’m aware it was already dated at that point but I decided to keep it in fashion for another 5 years. All the ‘walk ins welcome’ salons could easily do a Dorothy Hamil – so I felt safe.
20. ali | September 20th, 2007 at 11:47 am
the mooncup scares the bejeezus out of me! way more than spiders! ha!
21. One Smart Cookie | September 20th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I cannot allow myself to watch Kid Nation, because I am so insanely jealous that I am too old to be on the show. I am 100% convinced that I would have been VERY VERY GOOD at that show if it had been around when I was a child.
Also, remember when rat-tails were HOTT? A few years ago (as in NOT the 80′s OR 90′s), I worked with a man who had one, and it was all I could do to keep from laughing and pointing every time I saw it. WHAT WAS HE THINKING?
22. Leane | September 20th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
good God, my husband had ‘hockey hair’ when I met him (YEARS AGO..like mid 80s) and he didn’t play hockey. But at the time he looked soo hot with that hairstyle. Now we look back and laugh and my son says “DAD YOU had a MULLET??”
23. Emily | September 21st, 2007 at 4:21 pm
You totally cried when that little 8-year-old said he missed his parents, didn’t you?? I did.
And then I cried when someone asked the kids if they all missed their parents, and they ALL said yes, and I thought SOMEDAY MY KID WILL GO TO CAMP AND MISS ME TOOOOOOOOOO and, well, tissues. GALORE.
24. Mauigirl52 | September 21st, 2007 at 7:39 pm
ROTFLMAO about the toothpaste string and the jumping spiders! If it makes you feel any better, a friend of mine has such a spider phobia that she won’t even go into a room with a FAKE spider in it.
25. Computer Game News and Re&hellip | October 9th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Computer Game News and Reviews
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting
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