Public Service Announcement

I’m not sure what kind of spam filtration system allows the words “anal sex” in the name field on comments, but apparently that filtration system is mine, allll mine, and I just spent the last 40 minutes deleting throngs of salacious spammy comments. Thanks, Spam Karma, for all you do!

Anyway! It’s tip time! If I may, I would recommend that you not take liberties with your Hoover FloorMate, meaning maybe you shouldn’t vacuum up cat pee that made its way outside the litter box, even if it’s been doused in Nature’s Miracle. Why? Well, I’m guessing that most of you won’t have to ask this question, for by now, you’ve exclaimed incredulously, “Who would be so stupid? WHO?”

OH HI. And for anyone else who may have thought hey, it vacuums up liquids, why not? Here’s why not: Because every time you vacuum after that one incident, your will spread cat pee molecules, and your entire house will smell like cat pee, which isn’t exactly the kind of fragrance Glade is marketing these days, as Eau de Boycat (with top notes of fecal indoles and a heart of good old-fashioned ammonia!) lacks a certain mass-market appeal.

You’re welcome!

I might also add that our garbage can mysteriously smells like … well, man juice, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Since we just got it yesterday, I can only assume it came like that (A pun!), unless the men at Waste Management were having a bit of fun before they dropped it off, and um, ew. Perhaps more disturbingly, the fragrance seeped into our garage, which then leaches into the car, which results in a drive to work that resembles a romp in a dirty bed at the Bunny Ranch. This is not particularly conducive to drive-time breakfast scarfing, as I’d rather not eat a bagel next to Isabella Soprano, fresh from the office with no time to wash her face.

Aaand, the final cautionary tale of the evening: While taking out our porny garbage tonight, I stepped on a snail, the hard crunch of its shell like an extra-crunchy potato chip, followed by the snot-like consistency of the body it was made to protect, all oozy-like underneath my foot.

My bare foot.

I help where I can.

Hope your Wednesday is everything you hope it to be and then some.

*The Bravery

15 comments September 25th, 2007