Autumn Sweater

I love Halloween. Much more so than I did when I was of the age that I could actively participate, for Costumes + Hate Center of Attention = Anxiety. And that whole getting egged thing that I recounted last year. Nothing quite reinforces nerdy tendencies like literal egg on your face.

Anyway, now? Halloween is a blast. Little peapods and pumpkins and kids in Spiderman pajama pants and I can’t get ENOUGH, I tell you! The cuteness and candy and near-constant availability of Reese’s peanut butter cups, and I know, I know, I say this every year right around this time, and I honestly believe this is the third damn year in a row.

And, like last year, I can’t believe the misery of some people around Halloween. This list! This list that suggests that people hand out tiny bags of pennies or worse — they suggest that people hand out individual applesauce packages! APPLESAUCE! Who the hell wants applesauce on Halloween? You might as well hand out pork chops while you’re at it. Oh hi! Do you want some pork? How about some brussels sprouts? Maybe a nice order of BEEF BRISKET will whet your appetite this All Hallows Eve?

No. NO. And if that’s what any of you are thinking of doing, I’m telling you right now, prepare yourself for the morning-after egging — or maybe applesaucing – by angry teenagers, and I dare say you deserve it. If you don’t want to — or can’t — participate in a proper Halloween, do everyone a favor and pretend you’re not home. I feel very strongly about this. I mean, even if you have allergy issues, you can at least get some SweetTarts or maybe some Spree.

Hey, by the way, am I the only kid who had an inordinate number of residential dentists in her neighborhood? I don’t know if it was the zoning where I grew up or what, but I recall coming home with a ridiculous amount of miniature toothbrushes and travel size toothpastes and maybe some dental floss. How … tasty.

In other shocking news, I am positively floored by the number of Philosophy devotees there are out there. I mean, I accepted a long time ago that it was one of the few areas where Amy and I would differ, at least on Smackdown purposes (Because, y’all, have you SEEN how much she loves Philosophy? Alas, I got despair rather than hope in that jar, in the form of unwanted blackheads and pores the size of a large white whale. Seriously, you could picnic on the bridge of my nose and marvel at the lovely dark polka dots! Festive!

Also, speaking of festive, I have a work event to go to on Saturday night, and while there’s a lot of vague discussion in the invitation about it being a “black tie gala,” the pictures from last year show that many people — important people — did not opt to go black tie, and instead wore dark suits. At least one of my coworkers is going in this direction as well, and frankly, that’s where I’m planning to steer my own man, because really, a rented tux? (Who owns a tux? Do any of you own tuxes? I mean, your significant others. Or maybe you, if you’re a dude, or just a chick with a penchant for pushing the envelope. I don’t know. I just know that the last black tie event I attended was honestly my senior prom. Maybe that means I’m missing out on a higher level of living that involves a lot more chiffon and cummerbunds, but I’m okay with this. But why am I still in parentheses?)

Seriously, is there anything worse than being in a tux when everyone else is wearing a suit? I can’t imagine it would be a comfortable situation, unless you’re George Hamilton and your face hasn’t moved since 1979, so what’s a bow tie in the grand scheme of things? So I ask you — would you rather be overdressed or underdressed, assuming that you are not GROSSLY underdressed? And given the parameters I’ve laid out for you, what would you do?

Incidentally, I’m planning on wearing this again, because I can. (Pictures of me in it are on Flickr, actually) And also because that outfit was worn in another state, and no one here saw me. And yes, I plan to wear it again to the wedding of a friend in November, because that friend will not be at this weekend’s event, and because I am the type of person who wears things to death, and also maybe hates to shop.

Happy Wednesday! It’s been a good week so far for me, and I hope it’s the same for you.

*Or tux. Whatever. Yo La Tengo

27 comments October 16th, 2007