Steam
October 22nd, 2007
I loved hearing about all of your hobbies, or lack thereof, and perhaps most importantly, Lawyerish is right: who the hell has hobbies under the age of 85? Who? I mean, assuming that hobbies involve train sets and die-cast cars and maybe some woodcarving.
I kind of want to make out with my Bissell steam cleaner. No no, I want to have intimate relations with my Bissell steam cleaner, and do wildly inappropriate things with its purple steamy cleanliness. It’s highly possible that I may be leaving Adam for the steam cleaner, oh yes it is. It’s so satisfying, really it is, in a way that vacuuming could never be. The nap is restored! The carpets smell oh-so-fresh!
I really think I need a moment. It’s getting hot in here, isn’t it? Some might say steamy!
(I kill myself!)
Anyway, my carpets are sparkling, and I’m with Beloved Reader Kristin in that I have a particularly odd love/hate relationship with the resulting gallons of black, black water and terrifyingly large clumps of pet hair, and I can’t believe I even deigned to walk on such filth before the existence of my new lover, the Bissell.
It reminds me, too, of the bizarre phenomenon of imploring others to witness and/or smell whatever horrors unfold before you. You know that urge you have to share something gross? How many times have you smelled something horrid, only to announce, “This reeks like moldy towels. Hey, smell this!” and proffer it before your companion so that they, too, can understand just how foul it is? Lest there be any mistake, I will wholly admit that I am the first — the very first — to stick my nose in whatever nastiness is offered before me. And really, I want to smell it, because I must know — I simply MUST KNOW — if this particular mildew growth rivals that of my past.
Ergo, I was dragging large clumps of moist, filthy pet hair up the stairs to show Adam the disgusting, wretched mess, because he needed to see it, really he did, just like I need to know when your fingers smell like earwax, despite the fact that they were not in fact in your ears, for reasons unknown.
Go forth and steam!
Also, hey hey HEY, how about them Red Sox? Or, if you’re Suebob, the most loathsome team in baseball.
Aand, speaking of loathsome … Heroes, anyone? Is it making anyone other than me want to kill themselves slowly? Because the characters! The neverending stream of characters! And women kissing Peter Petrelli who are not me! And oh my God, just enough, please, enough with the whole thing.
And finally, look, I wasn’t going to say anything, but I can’t keep it in: Sunny has tapeworms. Ostensibly, she got them from swallowing an errant flea, despite being Frontlined and … and … well, the discovery was among the most defining moments of intestinal fortitude in my entire life, and I don’t know how to say it other than … I can’t. I can’t even say it. It’s too much, even for me. It’s too much.
Happy Tuesday! Happy happy Tuesday!
*Peter Gabriel
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
19 Comments Add your own
1. Amy K | October 22nd, 2007 at 7:41 pm
About Heroes – what’s up with the new “I can do anything I see on TV” superpower? I’m hoping that particular plot doesn’t get much air time. Maybe she’ll watch a Happy Days rerun and learn to jump sharks.
Tapeworms…blech. Poor Sunny (and you).
2. Josh | October 22nd, 2007 at 8:11 pm
What the fuck is it with you women and your cleaning, Let alone steam cleaning? You act like being clean will bring you to orgasm. Well it won’t, you’ll just want to clean more GD it! It’s a vicious circle!
And Heores? How fucking awesome is this season? No one listen to this imposter Jonniker! Heroes rocks the Casbah! Twice! Little miss. Jonniker, you maddame have a serious attitude adjustment in front of you. Heroes is the best show ever! The never ending stream of characters is what makes it fresh and exciting! (as is the never ending stream of new powers) But I will say, I am a bit dissapointed that you weren’t the new heroine making out with the infamous P.P! I think you deserved it! I’m rooting for you. Get my back when that Irish hottie comes up available after you steal Pete away from us all and go to live in paradise with his amnesiatic ass!
3. blacksheeped | October 23rd, 2007 at 4:57 am
Jonniker! Two things! I have a Bissell HAND HELD Steam Cleaner, and it too has changed my life. Two cats, two dogs. Love. It. I also got a Bissell vacuum, the one designed for households with pets, and I feel so satisfied when I empty the cannister and see how much pet hair I am getting rid of. I always (always!) yell to my husband, who never wants to see it, “YOU SHOULD REALLY SEE THIS! THERE WAS A TON THIS TIME!” I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to see it. It’s so much. And it’s going in the trash!
Also, my dog got tapeworms a month or so ago, and it was pretty horrifying. I was running to the vet about 2.4 seconds after making The Discovery, and I disposed of all his bedding stuff Just In Case, even though I knew it wasn’t contaminated. But tapeworms are gross, and I sympathize, and I suggest you do not google info on tapeworms because you will never be the same. In a bad way.
Dogs are awesome!
4. Assertagirl | October 23rd, 2007 at 5:07 am
We have a Bissell too but I haven’t used it in AGES. I really should. The euphoria will be worth it.
Also, i don’t watch Heroes but it was on the tv at the gym last night and if that Peter guy is the one that chick was making out with at the very beginning of the episode, I might just have to watch it just for him.
5. jonniker | October 23rd, 2007 at 5:26 am
Assertagirl: OH YES YOU WILL. Because he’s delicious. Seriously, I get all sweaty when he comes on the screen.
6. Jamie | October 23rd, 2007 at 8:05 am
omg, tapeworms. eeeeeewwwwwwww. you poor thing!
7. Kristin H | October 23rd, 2007 at 8:08 am
I think what Josh doesn’t understand is the sheer gross factor of the black clumps and sludgy water. You see it and think, THIS is what I walk on/lay my head on/pick up food within five seconds and eat off of? My gawd! Even Josh would be compelled to use a Bissel.
And also: tapeworms, oh my god, I’m sorry. Dollars to donuts, I think I’d take crabs. (But who thinks about choices like that? I ask you.)
8. Sadie | October 23rd, 2007 at 8:42 am
I am afraid to steam-clean anything, because then I would have to face just how dirty everything really is. Emptying the Dyson canister is bad enough (“holy shit, I could make six puppies out of the hair the dog shed since last week!”).
Also, I am always that person who demands reason of those that offer me a whiff of spoiled milk or molding tupperware or mildewy towels. Why would I want to see or smell whatever revolting thing you’re marveling over? Oh, I know, because there ARE people in the world like Jonna who are all, “yes, yes, I would like to *experience* whatever vile, nastiness you speak of!”
Lastly, gooooooooooooooo Red Sox! (Maybe Papi and Manny will each actually hit a ball tomorrow night. That would be something.)
9. claire | October 23rd, 2007 at 8:57 am
Tapeworms?? Oh god, that’s horrible. Oh, oh god oh ew. Poor Sunny. Poor you. Ew.
Dogs ARE awesome, aren’t they.
I am jealous of you and your Bissel goodness.
I desperately need to steam the carpets but am convinced that steam cleaning them will not be enough to make me like the crappy-ass carpet that we have and there is nothing that can save them. Maybe it is more ‘hope’ than anything because this carpet must be destroyed, i hate it so. Oh, if only i could afford to rip them up and say goodbye…
wait, what were we talking about? i’ve gone horribly off topic….
10. Suebob | October 23rd, 2007 at 10:03 am
Wow, what a coincidence. Goldie had a case of the Red Sox, I mean tapeworms, too!
11. TwoBusy | October 23rd, 2007 at 10:31 am
Dear Suebob,
We hope your bitterness keeps you warm this winter.
Love,
Red Sox Nation
12. Val | October 23rd, 2007 at 10:38 am
Oh I’m so sad that you aren’t loving this season of Heroes. Because I am. Loving it. I will admit it moves a little slow from time to time, but I don’t care. I love it. I can always do without the Nikki storyline, and I’m glad we didn’t see the crazy tar tears girl and her brother this week, but other than that…I’m in love.
13. Kathryn | October 23rd, 2007 at 10:50 am
Oh, the tapeworms. My parents’ dog had them when she was a puppy, and let me just say that I still cannot look at noodles the same way again. Just thinking about it now makes me woozy.
14. Suebob | October 23rd, 2007 at 12:53 pm
TwoBusy – three words: Rockies in 4.
15. Mauigirl52 | October 23rd, 2007 at 3:36 pm
The Bissell Steam Cleaner! It’s wonderful! In our household the opposite phenomenon occurred – it’s my husband who called to me from the other room while he was steam cleaning…”Come look at this! Look at this hair that came out of our carpet!” and of course the “Look at this water! It’s filthy!” (He is the one who likes new toys like Bissell Steam Cleaners; I am lazy and hate to vacuum, let alone steam clean).
We both shared your grossed-outness in thinking we had been walking barefoot on this carpet. And we even have a cleaning woman who comes every other week!
Sorry to hear about the tapeworms. Our old cat had them once. the little grains of rice things where grains of rice should not be…ugh.
Oh, and hobbies? Because I was away over the weekend and missed yesterday’s question…I will respond now. I don’t know whether you would consider it a hobby, but I am involved in historic preservation. I guess that’s a hobby. I sure as heck don’t make any money at it! I’m not counting reading or blogging though. I guess those would count too.
Go Red Sox. Now that the Yankees are out of contention I can contentedly root for the Red Sox for the sake of my aging mother and aunt who adore them.
16. metalia | October 23rd, 2007 at 5:52 pm
I gave up on Heroes this season; is it just me, or is it THE SAME SHOW EVERY WEEK? Nothing is happening!!
17. H | October 24th, 2007 at 7:00 am
I just watched Heroes (from Monday) last night, and I was disappointed. You know a show is boring when you suddenly realize you aren’t even paying attention to it, even though you’re “watching” it. I was easily distracted by pretty much anything else going on in my house.
18. winterwheat | October 24th, 2007 at 8:17 am
Hey, smell this! *extends finger*
Even the best dog mommies sometimes find tapeworms in their doggies. The measure of your momminess is in how you handle it. (Just in case you were feeling any guilt. Which you shouldn’t be.)
19. Meg | October 24th, 2007 at 10:16 am
I’m the person who won’t smell it or touch it and makes a sarcastic face when someone says, “Smell this!” It drives people nuts. I think that’s why I do it.
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