First of the Gang to Die

Welp, we’re off to the frozen tundra of the great wild north tomorrow, with our big burly neighbor staying with our pets. Um, seriously, you know, just in case you thought of robbing us. He’s large and I’m quite certain he owns multiple weapons, so I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to come to our house, because our state is a shoot-first state and I’m pretty sure he will shoot you. This is also why I’m a little nervous that I may return home to a dead cat, because what if he makes a noise in another part of the house? Will my neighbor shoot him? Perhaps, but these are the risks we take.

For my part, I’m sort of dreading the holiday for a multitude of reasons that mostly involve traveling on the worst holiday of the year. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be snowing in upstate New York, which means that since we have a layover, instead of getting to go home and make, I don’t know, a small chicken with Stove Top, we’re going to get stuck in a Motel 6 in Atlanta and eat Thanksgiving dinner at a Waffle House in a bad part of town.

What is most disappointing about this Thanksgiving, however, is that we’re only going for a day and a half, which means we’re leaving late tomorrow night and we’ll be home by Friday afternoon. I know! Shortest Thanksgiving ever! And aside from lack of quality family time, which yes, yes, is most important, what’s really killing me is the lack of leftovers. No day-old mashed potatoes! No Thanksgiving bowl! (Do you know the Thanksgiving bowl? When you layer all the appropriate savory leftovers — turkey, stuffing, potatoes, corn or whatever veggie you have on hand topped with gravy and cranberry sauce? Please. Make the bowl for me — maybe drop a little on the ground for your fallen Thanksgiving homie, yours truly.)

Also, and this blindingly random, but Adam and I were reminded this evening of a relative of ours who stopped ordering Chinese food during the SARS scare, and though I remember chuckling when it happened, I just … I can’t think of anything funnier at this moment. SARS! CHINESE FOOD! She wouldn’t order lo mein made in the United States at Shalom Hunan in Brookline, because of a respiratory disease that only existed in, you know, ASIA. She was afraid of toxic potstickers! I … I can’t contain myself, I’m sorry. I’m going to savor that memory like a peppermint as I eat my waffles and syrup next to convicted felons packing heat on Thursday.

And with that, I hope you have a delightful holiday full of Thanksgiving bowls and luscious creamy peaks of mashed potatoes and gravy. Personally, I don’t care much for the turkey itself, and would prefer to eat plates and plates of side dishes with an extra emphasis on the cranberry sauce.

Talk to you this weekend or maybe Monday! Hooray!

Happy Thanksgiving.

*Morrissey

23 comments November 20th, 2007