First of the Gang to Die
November 20th, 2007
Welp, we’re off to the frozen tundra of the great wild north tomorrow, with our big burly neighbor staying with our pets. Um, seriously, you know, just in case you thought of robbing us. He’s large and I’m quite certain he owns multiple weapons, so I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to come to our house, because our state is a shoot-first state and I’m pretty sure he will shoot you. This is also why I’m a little nervous that I may return home to a dead cat, because what if he makes a noise in another part of the house? Will my neighbor shoot him? Perhaps, but these are the risks we take.
For my part, I’m sort of dreading the holiday for a multitude of reasons that mostly involve traveling on the worst holiday of the year. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be snowing in upstate New York, which means that since we have a layover, instead of getting to go home and make, I don’t know, a small chicken with Stove Top, we’re going to get stuck in a Motel 6 in Atlanta and eat Thanksgiving dinner at a Waffle House in a bad part of town.
What is most disappointing about this Thanksgiving, however, is that we’re only going for a day and a half, which means we’re leaving late tomorrow night and we’ll be home by Friday afternoon. I know! Shortest Thanksgiving ever! And aside from lack of quality family time, which yes, yes, is most important, what’s really killing me is the lack of leftovers. No day-old mashed potatoes! No Thanksgiving bowl! (Do you know the Thanksgiving bowl? When you layer all the appropriate savory leftovers — turkey, stuffing, potatoes, corn or whatever veggie you have on hand topped with gravy and cranberry sauce? Please. Make the bowl for me — maybe drop a little on the ground for your fallen Thanksgiving homie, yours truly.)
Also, and this blindingly random, but Adam and I were reminded this evening of a relative of ours who stopped ordering Chinese food during the SARS scare, and though I remember chuckling when it happened, I just … I can’t think of anything funnier at this moment. SARS! CHINESE FOOD! She wouldn’t order lo mein made in the United States at Shalom Hunan in Brookline, because of a respiratory disease that only existed in, you know, ASIA. She was afraid of toxic potstickers! I … I can’t contain myself, I’m sorry. I’m going to savor that memory like a peppermint as I eat my waffles and syrup next to convicted felons packing heat on Thursday.
And with that, I hope you have a delightful holiday full of Thanksgiving bowls and luscious creamy peaks of mashed potatoes and gravy. Personally, I don’t care much for the turkey itself, and would prefer to eat plates and plates of side dishes with an extra emphasis on the cranberry sauce.
Talk to you this weekend or maybe Monday! Hooray!
Happy Thanksgiving.
*Morrissey
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
23 Comments Add your own
1. maya | November 20th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Enjoy your short n’ hopefully sweet family holiday! We will be eating the turkey dinner at this local place that does a mean, mean martini. Because we are lame.
2. nabbalicious | November 20th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Oh my god. A Thanksgiving BOWL?! Why have I never thought of this?!! It’s like a trifle, but with the best parts of Thanksgiving. Oh, wow. I think you have just changed my world. Life is about to get sooooo good.
3. Kristin H | November 21st, 2007 at 5:55 am
Thanksgiving bowl! Brilliant! I can’t wait. I will be downing lots of wine to stay sane while my family AND my inlaws come over. I am not one for cranberry sauce but I can’t wait to try Pioneer Woman’s mashed potatoes. I have always been chintzy with the butter but this year? AM THROWING CAUTION TO THE WINDS! Bring on the butter! Sticks of it! With cream cheese! And roasted garlic! Oh my god, help me.
Have a great trip!
4. Amity | November 21st, 2007 at 6:07 am
Woman, if you get stranded in Atl, contact me. I’ll make sure you get a home cooked meal and no Awful Waffle.
Happy Turkey Day.
5. TwoBusy | November 21st, 2007 at 6:21 am
The fact that she was considering eating at Shalom Hunan in the first place probably indicates that, SARS notwithstanding, your relative is in no way, shape or form competent to choose her own food.
Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your waffles!
6. claire | November 21st, 2007 at 6:23 am
Heh – Thanksgiving Bowl. That’s kind of like the Kentucky Fried Chicken bowls? But hopefully with more substance and less powdered potatoes? Which is really about 80% of the KFC bowls? Yeah, yours sounds pretty good. Extra cranberries, please.
Good luck avoiding Atlanta and it’s Waffle Houses of Ill Repute. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble in NY – it’s supposed to be 65 deg here on Long Island tomorrow – i can’t imagine it will be snowing too hard upstate. But of course, you never know up there.
7. Jess | November 21st, 2007 at 6:58 am
That SARS thing is hilarious but also tragic in its own way. But mostly hilarious. Have a great (if short) trip!
8. H | November 21st, 2007 at 7:12 am
While I understand many people allow their foods to touch each other on a plate, I am one of those who cannot. Absolutely cannot have my food touch. So the Thanksgiving Bowl? It will never happen for me.
The SARS thing cracks me up! Has she heard of Avian Flu? If so, I bet it’ll be a beef or pork Thanksgiving for her! You never know which turkey faked her way through the flu tests!!
Have a great Thanksgiving! Good travels to you.
9. Lara | November 21st, 2007 at 7:41 am
I LOVE Thanksgiving Bowl, although I have never called it that. Mmmm. Safe travels to you, and Gobble Gobble.
10. whoorl | November 21st, 2007 at 7:55 am
Lo mein SARS. LMSARS! It has a ring to it.
Have safe travels and a happy Thanksgiving. xo
11. Style Bard | November 21st, 2007 at 8:06 am
Yeah, this is my family’s first Thanksgiving not flying out to Baltimore to visit relatives, so we’re just going to someone’s house for the day-of dinner and… no leftovers?? For three days? Seriously?? Why that’s not Thanksgiving at all! And quite frankly, I’m scared.
Also: sides! Being a vegetarian aside, side dishes are DEFINITELY the best part of T-day, and I am not above calling these New Thanksgiving people and demanding to know what they’re planning to make so that I can be sure to bring whatever they’re forgetting. Aren’t I considerate?
One last: The Atlanta thing? Totally happened to me. Thank god I was a resourceful 17-yr-old (whom, by the way, the airport did NOTHING to aid, despite traveling alone. ‘Um, there are shuttles out front to the hotels you can pay for. Would you like a complimentary toothbrush?’ If it hadn’t been like, 3am, I probably would have thrown a fit).
Happy Thanksgiving Jonna + readers!
12. Heather B. | November 21st, 2007 at 8:17 am
I doubt it’s going to snow but you do realize that if you truly get stuck in Upstate NY, you can come over because Friday morning there will be a lot of ‘Thanksgiving bowl’.
13. She Likes Purple | November 21st, 2007 at 8:40 am
Happy Mashed Potatoes Day to you, which is what I’m calling it because mashed potatoes are my favorite food ON THE PLANET but Weight Watchers will only allow me a teensy bit, so I’m so excited about those few bites that I’ve renamed the entire holiday. And even if that’s totally ungrateful of me, so be it.
14. no name slob | November 21st, 2007 at 9:04 am
Yay for Morrissey titles!
And good luck. I hope you get turkey rather than waffles, even if you don’t get turkey leftovers. I will probably be eating pasta or something similarly non-Thanksgivingy, since turkey and gravy and oh-so-delicious pumpkins are not terribly big in Italy.
15. Beth | November 21st, 2007 at 10:12 am
Every year, my brother and his family hosts Thanksgiving, so every year, my mom and I make Thanksgiving 2.0 on Saturday, a small turkey, a vat of stuffing, mashed ‘taters, and mushroom gravy. Just the Thanksgiving Core. And then I get to have stuffing and gravy later that night. Heaven. Fat-napped heaven.
16. Suebob | November 21st, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Happy Thanksgiving. I am indeed thakful for your site and for all the brilliant commenters who frequent the place.
I hope Atlanta is not your fate. I am traveling to VA next month and, like an idiot, booked through Cincinnati one way and some other Ohio city that begins with a C on the way back INSTEAD of Dallas/FW, which, considering winter weather, would probably have been a much, much better decision. I am counting on global warming to get me through without a blizzard.
Side dishes: yes. I am also a veg and I do love the veg turkey thing called Quorn Roast. It is remarkably like dry white turkey. I love me some mashed potatoes; sweet potatoes/yams (whatever, all you copy editor types) as long as they have not been mutilated with brown sugar, cinnamon and god forbid marshmallows; green beans but not green bean casserole (eeeh, poor green beans); stuffing but not if it contains scary animal parts (giblets? WTF?); and of course cranberry sauce.
Wow, it appears that I am a picky and annoying eater. What else is new? I have been this way since birth and doubt if I will change in the coming decades.
I am going to a terrible diner with my folks. Reasons? “We don’t want you to go to a lot of trouble.” “We don’t want to dress up.” “Spending $35 each for a meal is just crazy.” So there we have it. The place we are going has red vinyl booths, gold frosted glass light fixtures, and a U-shaped counter with Bunn-o-matic coffee makers and a pie case in the middle. Classic Americana. I am thankful to be with them, as they are 83 and 89, so I know I won’t get too terribly many more like this.
Hugs, Jonna. You are the best. Give Ad and your fam a smooch from me.
17. amber | November 21st, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Once again, you have made me smile and flinch in the same blog post. Damn you’re good. If it makes you feel better, I’ll be at work on Thanksgiving (you know, in case anyone chokes on turkey or beans a relative with a sauce pan) probably chowing down on a TV dinner. Happy holidays!
18. Mauigirl52 | November 21st, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Hope your trip is wonderful and you arrive in time for Thanksgiving dinner – no waffles for you!
19. metalia | November 21st, 2007 at 9:44 pm
A Thanksgiving bowl is perhaps the most brilliant idea I’ve heard in quite some time.
20. ali | November 22nd, 2007 at 11:29 am
not eating chinese food during SARS….bwahahahaha!
21. Josh | November 22nd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Hey now lady, don’t go doggin the convicted felons in your audience, or Waffle house, our holy midnight drunken sanctuary of food and warmth. We don’t appreciate it. But I’ll make a thanksgiving bowl (which sounds so fucking good I almost nut myself) for you and throw out a spoonful or two on the ground for my poor deprived homie.
And what a dumb ass tool! Who refuses to eat Chinese due to SARS. What an idiot. It’s like this dumb hick i dated for a while who went vegetarian. She sent out a message today telling everyone not to eat turkey and to eat extra pumpkin pie instead. I wrote her back with my scathing theory about how not eating meat is the same as killing babies. Some people just don’t get it.
22. Andrea | November 25th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
I’m all about the turkey sandwiches, but that Thanksgiving Bowl sounds like a sin. I’m just going to have to risk hellfire and damnation and make that for dinner tonight. You Rock, woman!
Happy Thanksgiving.
23. Sarah | November 25th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Oh my, SARS and no chinese food? I’m a virologist, and I know some people don’t quite understand the whole virus thing, but WOW! Great story!
Also, at least you won’t be eating Thanksgiving in the Detroit airport, which is what my husband and I did in 2001. Only place we could find that was open and had seating was a Mexican place, so not only did we not get leftovers, we didn’t get the first round, either!
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