Fly
November 25th, 2007
Thanksgiving was everything you expect from a holiday, but in extremely condensed time frame. There was tension, laughter, tears and stuffing, which means that I did not get trapped in Atlanta and no, I did not eat my Thanksgiving dinner at a Waffle House, but do you know how many plates of leftovers I consumed? Exactly zero. Zero. Let me say it again: ZERO.
As you can imagine, this was most devastating, to the point that I’ve actually proposed to Adam that I make a full turkey dinner next Saturday for the sole purpose of having leftovers for the Thanksgiving bowl and maybe, oh maybe, the Thanksgiving casserole, which has only recently come to my attention (Mmm … butter and salt! Butter and salt, OMG!) I was serious, but alas, my proposal was summarily rejected, as my husband hates leftovers and in fact, refuses to eat them in most cases. I’ll never understand this part of him, but hey, we have to overlook tough things in the name of love sometimes.
But who can complain about the lack of leftovers when there’s plenty of this to munch on?
Newborn baby with chubby thighs for snacking! MONCH MONCH.
Our flights, by the by, were sucktacular, and I made the usual spectacle of myself coming home on Friday, wherein I let my nerves get the better of me and I insulted a fellow passenger. This time, the fellow passenger(s) happened to be a group of seven-year-old boys who were traveling alone, or rather, sort of alone, as their mother was a full ten rows behind them. They were being intensely irritating, as seven-year-olds are wont to do, but while I could handle the inexplicable shouts of “Arriba! ARRIBA CAPITAN!” I — how do I put this delicately — lost my everloving shit when they started yelling “MAYDAY. MAYDAY. FLIGHT GOING DOWN,” during takeoff, because my constitution is just that fragile, and all of my brain vibes are focused on keeping the plane ALOFT, and cries of “MAYDAY” aren’t really in line with the Zen-like concentration that’s required for such things.
And although,”Seriously, guys, ENOUGH. COOL IT NOW,” isn’t exactly overly rude given the subject matter at hand, if you’d heard how loudly I shouted it, and the hysteria, OH THE HYSTERIA, in my voice, you’d have done what Adam did, which was to bust out laughing and spend the rest of the flight lecturing me how really, I need to get it together during takeoff, please, for the love of God.
I might also add that on the second leg of our flight, there was some kind of belt loose on the emergency exit, and I kept hearing the banging, OH MY GOD THE BANGING, to the point where I asked the flight attendant what the hell was going on. Her reply? “I mean, it’s not good — not good at all — but we should be okay. It’s just a loose belt flapping against the fuselage.”
I spent the rest of the flight imagining my body being sucked out somewhere over the swamps of South Carolina, where I would no doubt be eaten by alligators, never to be heard from again. I mean, JESUS.
I hope you had a spectacular holiday, and are still enjoying the spoils of leftover feasts.
Happy Monday! I, for one, am not all that thrilled about going back to work. I want to eat more stuffing. It’s not fair.
*Pick one. Nick Drake, Veruca Salt … and oh, hundreds more! Hundreds!
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
15 Comments Add your own
1. Beth | November 26th, 2007 at 3:45 am
And did the boys cool it when you asked them to? Or did their mom give you a dirty look despite her kids’ misbehavior? Between that and the loose belt (and the flight attendant’s loose lips) flapping, I hope you ordered a drink or six on that flight. Ack!
2. TwoBusy | November 26th, 2007 at 6:23 am
If you’d attributed that song to Sugar Ray, I would have become very concerned about your psychological soundness. Phew!
3. Swistle | November 26th, 2007 at 6:25 am
I love leftovers. Paul doesn’t. This makes me incredulous. I wash down the incredulity with leftovers that are MINE MINE ALL MINE.
Crash jokes are 100% non funny. Did they stop when you told them to?
4. claire | November 26th, 2007 at 6:45 am
I lost out on leftovers this year, too, but that was an accident. The boyfriend accidentally gave them away. Apparently he didn’t realize that care package was OURS. Sad, very sad.
Seven year old boys are horrible, especially when they travel in packs on planes. Hateful.
5. Suebob | November 26th, 2007 at 8:37 am
I had a grilled cheese and fries for Thanksgiving. Not exactly a memorable meal.
Thankfully, I had several proper T-day type meals in the days before and after the holiday, but alas, no leftovers. And I am still kind of pissed about the grilled cheese (my parents insisted on going to a horrible cheap diner and the extent of the vegetarian food on the menu is grilled cheese or cheese omelet…)
6. mar | November 26th, 2007 at 9:51 am
no leftovers for me because i ate at the (almost) in-laws. i guess we did stop by on friday to snag a turkey sandwich when we roadtripped to a friends’. it’s not the same, though!
7. Sadie | November 26th, 2007 at 10:25 am
The leftovers are truly the only reason I continue to host Thanksgiving for my ungrateful family. I even hide extra turkey in the back of the fridge so that anyone asking to take leftovers home can’t get them. “Here, take some of these green beans. and rolls. it’s all that’s left.”
I don’t blame you for snapping at those little cretins on the plane. Takeoff, flight, landing – none of these are good times to hear mayday jokes.
8. Kristin H | November 26th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Geez, I’m surprised the flight attendant didn’t say anything to those boys. Don’t the airlines train their people to have 0% sense of humor about stuff like that? Where are the innocence-robbing, frisking airline people when you need them?
PS–I got run through the super-special For Terrorist Only wind machine/screening device when I tried to board a flight with an expired license. Not that I’m bitter or anything. But if I got the royal once-over, those boys should have been quashed with a stern, unsmiling hand. I DEMAND JUSTICE.
9. jonniker | November 26th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Beth, et al: They did stop when I hollered at them. I mean, I think ANYONE would have, for I was all hysterical and screechy. It was awful.
10. Sarah | November 26th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
That is exactly why I (currently) prefer animals over children–they can be caged when behaving badly and no one cares. Glad to know they stopped for you.
And your husband isn’t alone–I normally hate leftovers and refuse to eat them, with a few exceptions, Thanksgiving leftovers being one of them. As we missed out on the leftovers, I am totally doing a Holiday dinner party JUST so I can have more stuffing. Mmmmm. And possibly a Thanksgiving bowl or casserole!
11. Tartine | November 26th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
I didn’t have any leftovers, either, and I am very sad about it.
I would probably have lost my shit, too, with those kids. Gah!
12. Mauigirl52 | November 26th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Sorry to make you feel bad but we had leftovers tonight. And we have more left after that. Too bad you don’t live in New Jersey or we’d share!
I feel your pain on that takeoff with those abominable little boys. I am surprised the flight attendants didn’t do something to them for saying stuff like that.
One time I was on a plane that hit some turbulence and had to make some kind of a sharp turn and go almost sideways to get away from it. It happened suddenly…and I…SCREAMED. Loudly. In front of everyone. And I was the only one. I was pretty mortified and my husband was cracking up.
13. Carrie | November 27th, 2007 at 9:52 am
*sigh* No leftovers here, either. I am ALSO seriously considering making my own turkey feast next weekend just BECAUSE. But, like yours, my hubby doesn’t like leftovers (AT ALL!), so I am envisioning myself forcing all that goodness down–and gaining the “Holiday 10″ before I’ve even bought the first X-mas gift. Yeah. Better not…..
14. willikat | November 27th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
wow. that’s why i xanax up when i fly. you make me laugh so hard though.
15. She Likes Purple | November 28th, 2007 at 11:20 am
Or The Dixie Chicks, even.
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