Girls on Film
November 27th, 2007
I got my mammogram today, finally, and lo, it was uneventful, but Jesus, do they have to tighten the vise grip with the hand cranks? Seriously? Does my boob need to be HAND-CRANKED into the machine, after it’s already been flattened into submission while my head dangles like it’s been internally decapitated underneath the white rail?
I will say that my radiologist ruled the house when he sat me down and went over my slides lump by gloriously benign lump — or shall I say milk duct by giant benign milk duct, because apparently that’s what I’ve got going there, some kind of creepy milk duct overgrowth that’s freaking everyone out, including me. I mean, it’s basically the last thing I thought he’d say, honestly. It conjures awful snack jokes and I can’t even think about it without … no no, I won’t, I can’t, just nevermind, because I just made myself sick to my stomach with this whole thing and I’m sorry, I am truly, truly sorry.
Awkward segue! Our front walkway has become some sort of snail breeding ground, which, while appropriately gross, as snails are basically little coagulated piles of mucus with shells, I’m afraid I’m starting to feel as though I should be arrested for mass snailicide, for I shit you not, I crunch no fewer than twenty per evening. It’s horrible, and what’s more horrible is that by the time I return from walking the dog, the carcasses have been mysteriously carted away by some kind of scavenger, and normally I’d say it’s birds, but this is at night! AT NIGHT! Some carnivorous beast is hoovering up snail carcasses under the cover of darkness and it’s gross, it’s oh so gross.
Anyway, I didn’t intend to go on this long about such foul things, when really, I should be talking about how I have to — MUST — start my Christmas shopping, and you know how everyone complains about lame gifts like gift cards and pedicure sets? The shameful truth is that I LIKE lame gifts like pedicure sets, smelly lotions and gift cards, and is that so wrong? I mean, I try not to give them myself, but gift cards make me happy! Gift cards give me a guilt-free excuse to buy that risky shirt at Anthropologie (a store that makes me laugh with its ridiculousness every time I set foot in it, because while it is adorable on other people, I look like I am playing DRESS UP) or a fancy top at Banana Republic. And bath products, oh, how I love bath products, and even high-end stuff can be found at cheap places like TJ Maxx (MOR! Pick up the MOR!)
But really, REALLY, I meant to atone for my totally obnoxious post yesterday by asking for actual, no kidding good book recommendations. To help you get started, I’ll tell you that I loved Curtis Sittenfeld’s “Prep” and if you can believe it, I liked “The Corrections,” although it’s totally the type of book I’m supposed to hate. Oh, and Mark Helprin’s “Winter’s Tale” was wondrous. And Elizabeth Berg! I love Elizabeth Berg! And Salman Rushdie and Alice Hoffman and Gabriel Garcia Marquez!
Hit me, if you like.
*Duran Duran.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
37 Comments Add your own
1. fairydogmother | November 27th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
I’ve been on a non-fiction kick lately. I really enjoyed Marion Nestle’s “What to Eat” and just started Malcolm Gladwell’s “Blink”, which is enjoyable so far. I’ve been on the hunt for accessible, entertaining fiction for a while now so I’m looking forward to seeing what others recommend.
2. lara | November 27th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Mammograms are awesome, I have had to go early (since I was about 32) because of fibroids and Milks Duds of Unusual Size too. When I went for my first, the tech asked me “Have you had any children?” Me: “No.” Next question: “Have you breastfed any children?”. Me: “Ummm, [WTH?] nooooo I planned on saving that for my own children….?” I got a snotty look in return. Just reverse the order of the questions on your checklist, dummy.
3. lara | November 27th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Uh DUCTS not DUDS. I am an idiot, but I also just cracked myself the hell up.
4. -R- | November 27th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
I love Elizabeth Berg and Alice Hoffman too. I really, really, really loved The Ice Chorus by Sarah Stonich.
5. nabbalicious | November 27th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I love non-fiction, and one of my favorite books was “Devil in the White City.” Oh! And you definitely must read “Then We Came to the End.” It’s hilarious.
6. Blythe | November 28th, 2007 at 12:51 am
Does thinking of them as escargot instead of shell-toting slugs help? Probably not.
My latest faves:
The Secret History by Donna Tartt
Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman
(Also, nabbalicious, I loved Devil in the White City too.)
7. aly | November 28th, 2007 at 5:07 am
totally uber femi-nazi recommendation: the women’s room by marilyn french. it’s simply awesome and a good look into one woman’s struggles through marriage (in the 50s), kids and going back to school. very interesting and one of my all time favorites. get it used on amazon for $1 or so.
also, i know you loved harry potter, so i’ve heard amazing things about the golden compass series (bonus: new nicole kidman movie coming out at christmas!).
i can also highly recommend devil in the white city (but thundercast or whatever it was is only ok), along with caleb carr’s the alienist.
8. Kristin H | November 28th, 2007 at 5:47 am
I am not much into nonfiction, but I second Fairydogmother’s recommendation on “Blink” as well as his first, “The Tipping Point.” Blink is the more fascinating of the two, in my opinion. Not recommended: “Consuming Kids” (about marketing to kids). Books like that are the reason I stay away from nonfiction.
I’m sure you’ve read it, but “Midnight’s Children” is my all-time favorite, ever!
9. Sadie | November 28th, 2007 at 6:37 am
Bumping the rec for Blink, because I have a nerdy crush on Malcolm Gladwell, ever since I saw him speak at a forum a couple years ago.
And Milk Duds of Unusual Size is much, much funnier than ducts.
10. TwoBusy | November 28th, 2007 at 6:40 am
I third “Devil in the White City.” Also, “World War Z,” to help you prepare for the inevitable zombie apocalpyse.
11. Amandam | November 28th, 2007 at 6:42 am
I liked “The Corrections” too – I like Franzen’s voice in particular. (Quiet voice – I also like the “other Jonathan,” Safran Foer, and for that matter the “third Jonathan,” Lethem, though I haven’t read as much of his work as I’ve meant to.) I did go to a reading of Lethem’s, however, in which he appeared with someone you must read – George Saunders. Have you read anything by George Saunders? If not, please do! It may, MAY, be a revelation. (He’s also a Syracuse alum, grad school, and teaches there now, so you’ll be supporting a fellow Orangeman – Orange Man? – in the process.) In a very different vein, Ian McEwen has some dandies – particularly “Atonement” and “A Child In Time.” And then there’s John Cheever, true classic, fellow New Englander, source of the quote “all literary men are Red Sox fans.”
12. Nilsa S. | November 28th, 2007 at 6:46 am
I second Blythe’s recommendation for The Namesake. Also, you should consider Jesus Land, a memoir by Julia Scheeres. It’s more about sibling love and survival than religious preachiness. Funny enough, I’m writing about the book tomorrow on my blog. Check it out!
13. molly | November 28th, 2007 at 7:15 am
It sounds like we have similar taste in books, so let me offer a few new faves – first, read anything you can by Lorrie Moore. Her short story collection “Birds of America” is brilliant, and I loved her novel, Who Will Run The Frog Hospital. I also HIGHLY recommend The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields. And Lost & Found by Carolyn Parkhurst was really good and fun and sweet. And one of my favorite books of the past few years is The Tender Bar – a memoir by JR Moeringher that I fell in total love with.
14. Lawyerish | November 28th, 2007 at 7:27 am
I will throw in another vote for Devil in the White City, as well as The Secret History, Atonement and the Collected Stories of John Cheever.
Also, Richard Yates’s Revolutionary Road is awesome awesome awesome. The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler is another one that I liked a lot although it’s not gotten a lot of publicity.
As you know, I was surprisingly happy with Special Topics in Calamity Physics, even though I thought it was going to be a bunch of smug trickery. The husband is also reading it and loves it, and he does not suffer flashy prose, either.
15. Cindy | November 28th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Have you read Strong Motion by Franzen? Loved The Corrections, too, so went on a Franzen kick. Strong Motion was my fave.
16. H | November 28th, 2007 at 7:52 am
I’m one of those list-makers, so I actually have a spreadsheet to keep track of the books I’m going to read. Unfortunately, once I read a book, I delete it from my list and right now, I can’t think of many good ones I’ve read. I know there were some, but my memory fails me right now. I also loved Prep. The only other book that came to mind, and it is nothing like Prep, is Beasts of No Nation by Uzodinma Iweala. It is written in first person, from the point of view of an uneducated youth in Africa, so it is kind of hard to read at first but please give it a chance. It was so moving.
17. Amandam | November 28th, 2007 at 8:03 am
Oh, one other – “The Best People in the World” by Justin Tussing. It came out early last year. Very different from a lot else happening in literary fiction these days – subtle, quiet, true.
18. Danielle | November 28th, 2007 at 8:34 am
The whole “His Dark Materials” series, starting with “The Golden Compass”, is unbelievable.
Seriously, so, so good. If you liked Harry Potter, this stuff is the totally grown-up version.
Cannot emphasize the goodness enough, people.
19. Suebob | November 28th, 2007 at 8:43 am
One of my non-fiction faves:
A Loss for Words: The Story of Deafness in a Family
by Lou Ann Walker
An excellent memoir of growing up hearing with 2 deaf parents. It took me into a world that I knew nothing about.
Fiction: Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni – it gets a little melodramatic but I still really liked it.
20. My Buddy Mimi | November 28th, 2007 at 9:10 am
We have serious snail issues too. Mimi won’t walk down the front steps anymore, for fear of stepping on the “baby snails.”
21. She Likes Purple | November 28th, 2007 at 11:30 am
I’m trying to get through Pride & Prejudice right now. I’m currently downloading the movie, hoping that urges me along.
Also, gift cards are not lame. Who said they’re lame? WHOEVER SAID THAT IS LAME. What is better than the gift of shopping? Oh, right. NOTHING.
22. maya | November 28th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Weeeellll there’s always the (cruel but effective and not harshly chemical ) other option: salt all the perimeters of your walkway. They won’t get underfoot and then whatevers’ hoovering them up will get a little extra spice. So i have a rather silly question- arent you a bit young for having to have your tatas smashed around?
23. jonniker | November 28th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Maya: I have three relatives who had breast cancer, and these massively dense, cysty breasts, so I have to get mammograms up to twice each year, depending on what’s up with my cysts. This year, it was the freakish milk ducts that caused all the brouhaha — they swelled up and became all cysty and miserable, ergo, off to the mammogram I went.
But normally, yes, I’d be too young — I’m almost 32.
24. Andrea | November 28th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I really liked the book The Mercy of Thin Air by Ronlyn Domingue.
I know what you mean about gift cards. I love to get them, but feel as if I’ve copped out GIVING them. It’s almost as if I’m cheating, unless the gift card is to somewhere unusual where I know the person wouldn’t normally go, but those are risky because what if they don’t like the experience? I’ve done nothing more than create a bad memory for them. Such pressure!
I’m glad your tatas turned out to be healthy, even with large milk ducts (love the Milk Duds of Unusual Size). Maybe that means that when you have a baby, if you decide to breastfeed, you won’t have the quantity issues some other bloggers have written about. That could be the upside to the trouble the Milk Duds have caused.
25. Jonniker. » Bones&hellip | November 28th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
[...] Incidentally, thanks for all of the book recs, and feel free to keep them coming. [...]
26. Blythe | November 29th, 2007 at 12:04 am
Oh, I second The Tender Bar too. I just couldn’t put it down.
27. Mia | November 29th, 2007 at 4:21 am
I loved the The Tender Bar, too. Two other good memoirs are The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson and Wait Till Next Year by Doris Kearns Goodwin. For fiction, Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro is excellent.
28. Joni | November 29th, 2007 at 6:43 am
I just finished Any Bitter Thing by Monica Wood and would highly recommend it. A bit dark but beautifully written and lots of twists. Another one I just read for grad school is The Professor and the Madman which chronicles the making of the Oxford English Dictionary. Yes, sounds horrifically boring but trust me- you’ll like it even if you don’t read the dictionary for pleasure like I may or may not be known to do.
29. Lawyerish | November 29th, 2007 at 7:31 am
Oooh, oooh! Seconding Mia’s recs, The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid is awesome, yes, as is Never Let Me Go by Ishiguro.
30. Clink | November 29th, 2007 at 11:49 am
De-lurking because my English major and love of books refuses to let me not make at least one recommendation.
I suggest Nathan Englander’s “For the Relief of Unbearable Urges” to everyone, as it’s one of my all-time favorites. Each short story feels like a fully fleshed novel, in the best way.
And I second Molly in that Lorrie Moore is absolutely amazing.
31. slynnro | November 29th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
The fact that the Bath and Body Works Bundle of Crap gift is now out of style saddens me too. Now I have to spend my own damn money and that shit is expensive. I miss the 90s.
32. slynnro | November 29th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
I didn’t read the recs, but Curtis Sittenfield’s “Man of my Dreams” is also great.
33. H | November 30th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Aha – there’s one I had forgotten: Never Let Me Go
I third that recommendation
34. H | November 30th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Sorry, one more: Snowflower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
35. Josh | December 2nd, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Hey, possibly your new found super-milk glands could segue into a career in human cheese? They would probably sell it at the high end super markets. Tell them it’s organic!
And sorry about eating your snails, if you want them to stay slimy and dead where they were, just e-mail me.
And that Anthropology store looks just like every other chick store ever. Just letting you know. I’m sure you wouldn’t look any more like a ridiculous fashion idiot than every other woman who puts on that trendy crap. Just stick to jeans and a boobie shirt, and you will have all the fashion you will ever need. And never get rid of the pink hair, it’s wicked hawt! I’ve told you before, fun people like fun hair. If anyone gives you shit for the pink, then kick them in the balls/uterus and tell them to fuck off.
36. Swistle | December 2nd, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Do you read Maeve Binchy? I love Elizabeth Berg and Curtis Sittenfeld, and I love Maeve Binchy.
I love gift cards and bath sets, too. It alarms me when I hear people scoffing, because I worry that I’ll get them something I love and they’ll think I”m cheesing them.
37. Lara | December 4th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Oh, how I love reading everyone else’s book recs! I will echo the recommendations for The Secret History and Jesus Land and THe Tender Bar and Eating the CHesire Cat (Helen Ellis) and Georgia Under Water (Heather Sellers) and Infidel (Ayaan Hirsi Ali) and The THirteenth Tale (Diane Setterfield) and oh! Cloud Atlas! and The Road! and How Elizabeth Browning Saved My Life! and, hell, just go to my various book pages. The links on my blog disappeared, but here’s 2007′s list: http://www.redredwhine.com/?page_id=438; here’s 2006: http://www.redredwhine.com/?page_id=204 and here’s the lifetime list (from what I can recall): http://www.redredwhine.com/?page_id=205. I loved (and therefore recommend) anything with a star next to it.
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