Take It Where You Find It
December 10th, 2007
Right now, I am studiously avoiding the cat’s litter box. It’s so bad — oh, it is so, so bad — and yet I can’t bring myself to do it, I simply can’t. And the worse it gets, the really and truly worse it gets, if you know what I’m saying, and I kind of hope you don’t. I keep telling myself day after day that tomorrow will be that day, it will! It will be tomorrow! And then suddenly, today is tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes the new tomorrow, and there is an endless string of tomorrows full of poopy litter boxes that will kill us all, I’m sure of it. So I, uh, sprinkle another dose of Arm & Hammer and run away, because I’m confrontational like that.
I find it interesting, actually, that landlords would rather have cats than dogs, as a general rule, when in my experience, dogs are far more sanitary. Their poop is completely contained to the outdoors, and if trained properly, don’t claw or chew anything and spend most of their time lying about like pickle warts begging for belly rubs. Cats, on the other hand — at least my cat — poop in large quantity at odd intervals (particularly just after you’ve cleaned the litter box) into a receptacle that stays in the house, and oh yes, there is much carpet-clawing going on, and we’ve already replaced several squares as the result of his extreme anger at being locked out of whatever room he wanted to get into.
Note to self: when/if I am a landlord, accept small dogs, no cats. Yes, that’s it. Small dogs, no cats! (The truth is, I don’t think I’ll accept any pets, which makes me a fat hypocrite, I know it does, and the reason I’m considering this is that it is a possibility I may rent my house in the future because Jesus knows, no one is going to buy it. See: last week’s mental breakdown.)
Anyway, there are far more important things to think about, like whether Mucinex does anything at all (Verdict: no). I mean, I was convinced that all of my chest congestion would just go whipping out like a bat out of hell — or, more accurately, like those fat little mucous-men with bowler hats and New York accents. Mysteriously, they would also be carrying suitcases. Except it’s done nothing at all, and I’m back on Robitussin to keep the barking at bay. The word “expectorant” is also a little upsetting, so perhaps it’s best.
I was up all night with a super-attractive post-nasal drip — you know, the kind that gathers in your throat so bad that you must, you SIMPLY MUST, clear your throat right then and there, only to find that it is merely a temporary solution that lasts no more than, say, THIRTY SECONDS before you have to do it again? Everyone loves a throat-clearer, especially at 2:42 a.m.
Also worth noting: I drooled my face off last night, in the precious moments that I actually slept, and my drool turned my taupe pillow case blue. Blue! Am I a medical mystery? Am I somehow tainted with top secret poison-infused drool? Why is the pillowcase blue? This and other mysteries solved tonight in a Robitussin-induced haze.
All this, P.S., and I watched the last episode of Grey’s Anatomy, despite my better judgment, and oh, RIGHT. That’s why I said I was finished and started reading more. OF COURSE. I’m actually interested in how this writer’s strike will affect the shows I watch — if nothing else, I’ve gotten along quite swimmingly without television. Do you know that I never even watched the last three episodes of Heroes, and in fact, deleted them from my TiVo without a second glance? The only shows I miss are Friday Night Lights, Pushing Daisies and Dirty Sexy Money. That’s it. The rest of them can go shit in their collective hats of bad writing and painful melodrama.
And finally, I always find it a little funny how things can seem so cruddy and then all of a sudden, they return to normal, or some variation of normal. It’s like we’re all set to some relative standard of balance, like a bobber in a lake. And we just bob, bob, bob our way back to okay no matter what.
Van Morrison
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
14 Comments Add your own
1. bubandpie | December 10th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Just the term “post-natal drip” makes me start clearing my throat.
2. amber | December 10th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
You know what I think? I think renters WANT you to have cats, because then they know they’ll never have to return your obscenely expensive ‘pet deposit’. You can’t tell me it actually costs $500 to replace a couple of carpet squares!
3. Heather B. | December 11th, 2007 at 3:30 am
That last paragraph is the best. The end.
4. clickmom | December 11th, 2007 at 4:28 am
My parents watch f*ck*ng Deal or No Deal EVERY SINGLE night since the writers strike. Someone poke my ear drums out. please? I think if I saw Howie on the street I’d forget how funny he was back in the day when he had hair and hit him over the head with a shovel.
Also, visited my cat loving sister and her neglected litter box this weekend, and gag, now I am more of a dog person than ever. My big black 75 pound dog is actually also named Sunny, so isn’t that odd to think of?
5. Sadie | December 11th, 2007 at 6:30 am
You know the litter box is bad when the cat starts burying new poop with the old poop.
6. fairydogmother | December 11th, 2007 at 6:56 am
Skipping the last three hours of Heroes was absolutely the smart move. I wish I could say I did the same. Unfortunately those are three hours of my life I will never get back. It is worse than my love/hate relationship with Lost.
7. Assertagirl | December 11th, 2007 at 7:00 am
Dogs also don’t leave little Easter-egg style turds at the edge of the litter box on the floor. Ugh.
8. -R- | December 11th, 2007 at 7:53 am
Are you not watching 30 Rock? You need to watch 30 Rock!
H and I watched the most recent episode of Grey’s Anatomy, despite giving up on the show 2 years ago, and we spent most of the episode yelling, “You are doing surgery! Quit flirting/staring at your girlfriend/sending messages to your husband/doing anything except PERFORMING THE SURGERY!”
9. She Likes Purple | December 11th, 2007 at 10:57 am
You don’t miss The Office? I find myself very angry on Thursday nights these days because I don’t have ANYTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. Apparently life isn’t cutting it for me. Pam and Jim? THEY CUT IT.
10. Jennifer | December 11th, 2007 at 11:06 am
I’ve sorta wondered that about landlords and dog/cat preference as well. The other lovely thing that cats do (that you failed to mention) is to barf up their dinner onto the carpet at random times. And, oh yeah, if they’re pissed at you they’ll pee in the corner of your closet and you won’t notice it until everything has had a chance to ferment!
*but* I’m a cat person so I’m personally happy that the landlords have let me and my little darlings in!
I couldn’t get away with letting the litter box go for so long, because when my cats decide the box is too dirty, they just use the floor. We have our own set of checks and balances here!
11. Erin | December 11th, 2007 at 11:20 am
I read somewhere that one of the reasons most television writing has been especially horrid this season is that the writers knew the strike was coming so they were pushing scripts through at a much faster rate, trying to get as many episodes as possible filmed and ready to go instead of taking the time to make sure it, you know, didn’t suck completely. I’m hoping this is true because shows that I normally have loved turned into “convenienceville.”
I dunno… I’m such a television freak I just keep watching, hoping it will get better.
As for cats, I guess that I am in the minority as that my cat is so attached to her litterbox. She has only gotten loose once in her life and I’m pretty sure the only reason she came home when she did was so that she could go to the bathroom in that box. But, you know–I’m terrible with that litterbox. I use Tidy Cats multiple cat formula so I don’t have to clean it as often. Does that make me bad?
12. cassidy | December 11th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Glad that you are feeling better, emotionally speaking. That cold sounds horrific.
13. Andrea | December 11th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
I thought I was a Dog Person, until I got a cat. Now I KNOW I’m a Dog Person (despite loving my cat to pieces) simply because of the things you mentioned, the pooping outside and the not clawing the crap out of the carpet thing. Oh, and the random barf. That sucks.
But I think landlords don’t like dogs because you said that “if trained properly” dogs don’t do those things, but I think landlords find their tenants not necessarily the type to take pet training very seriously. So if a renter has a cat, they’re generally neater and don’t pee all over everything (or bark) but if they have a dog, it’s a crapshoot as to whether they’ll be properly trained.
I don’t know what it is about Grey’s Anatomy for me (maybe my girl-crush on Katherine Heigl) but, even as bad as it’s gotten, I still can’t NOT watch. That just hurts my heart. I don’t know why I have such loyalty. It’s sad, really.
Love! Pushing! Daisies!
14. Pee Public Pee Public Pis&hellip | March 5th, 2008 at 6:16 am
Pee Public Pee Public Pissing…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
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