Groove Is In The Heart

Holy hell, A LOT GOING ON HERE, OMG. Work is insane — it’s 10 p.m., and I just got home and I’m … well, I’m tired, as you can imagine.

I’ve been waking up too early and going to bed far too late for comfort, and wow, there’s something about lack of sleep that really improves your skin, doesn’t it? I particularly love the thin veneer of oil that graces every inch of my face, turning it into something reminiscent of the aftermath of the Exxon Valdez spill. And yet, as exhausted as I am at 3 p.m., my eyelids delicately drooping into my oatmeal, at 9 p.m., I perk up like I’ve knocked back a doubleshot, and I’m up! I’m UP! Anyone need anything? Coffee? Tea? ME?

A large part of the reason that I worked so late tonight was my morning, and OH MY MORNING, I don’t even know where to begin, because the ridiculousness, it is astonishingly ridiculous and may actually beat all ridiculous mornings in the history of UTTERLY RIDICULOUS MORNINGS. Did I mention it was ridiculous?

Let’s recap: I was aiming to be at work somewhere in the range of 7:30 a.m. so that I could get a jump start on my day and NOT have to be there at 10 p.m. and maybe get started on tomorrow’s work. Oh, I had such high hopes. I was in the shower and fully lathered from head to toe, oh-so-literally. My hair, it was full of shampoo, and before I rinsed it, for reasons unknown, I lathered by body up. While lathered (let’s say lathered one more time, shall we? LATHERED. Ew. Say it out loud, right now, three times. LATHERED. LATHERED. LATHERED. Gross. Doesn’t it sound kind of like a form of torture? “Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was taken into custody this morning for lathering his victims…”)

Anyway, it was at peak lathering when the water was shut off, oh ho ho HO! Water! Off! Nothing to rinse the mad lathering! NOTHING! Nothing to rinse the shampoo! Or the left leg that was half shaved and — you guessed it — LATHERED with shaving cream!

I can’t even go into the ridiculousness that was the mix-up, as it involved us paying my father-in-law’s water bills instead of our own (same last name!), and I can’t even talk about the crustiness that was my soapy, dry body after waiting in vain for two hours to get it turned back on, I just can’t (CRUSTY SOAPY SKIN OMG)

I eventually rinsed with water from our lame-ass bubbler — you know those five-gallon jugs full of spring water? I actually dragged pots, pans and large pitchers of water up the stairs to rinse my hair and nethers (brrr! FREEEEZING!), and brush my teeth. And yet I still went to work reeking of Bath & Body Works Fresh Pineapple shower gel, likely because I was carting around large chunks of it in my armpits and behind my knees. Mmm … PINEAPPLEY.

Y’all, do you know how itchy I was all day? The soap, it was gathered in my elbows! My legs! My bum! I was so itchy! And soapy! AND ITCHY OMG.

Also, I totally arrived at work at 9:50, which was NOT MY PLAN, oh no, it was not.

The water came on at 4:30 p.m., and as luck would have it, I left all of the faucets and showers on, because I didn’t believe that our water was shut off, I just DID NOT BELIEVE IT. Adam was treated to a lovely Bellagio-like fountain in the middle of a business call, complete with moaning sound effects and also, um, hot water spewing from the unprotected shower.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should also tell you that my first reaction after finding no water was to storm outside, all soapy and bathrobed, to find out of there was some sort of Armageddon-like situation that caused such strife. I don’t know why I thought that others would have the same immediate reaction, if so — I mean, who goes storming out into the streets with no clothes on and hair looking like a Q-Tip thinking that there MUST be some sort of logical explanation and it’s TOTALLY IN MY DRIVEWAY I KNOW IT IS?

It was only when I spied my neighbor washing his car (at 6:40 a.m. WTF?) that I realized that the water situation was unique to us and maybe I should take my white-lathered hair back inside.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to collapse into a heap, because today… Well, today was tiring. And itchy.

Happy Friday! Wooo!

*Dee-Lite featuring Q-Tip, which is totally what my hair looked like. Get it, Q-Tip? HAR HAR!

19 comments January 10th, 2008