Groove Is In The Heart
January 10th, 2008
Holy hell, A LOT GOING ON HERE, OMG. Work is insane — it’s 10 p.m., and I just got home and I’m … well, I’m tired, as you can imagine.
I’ve been waking up too early and going to bed far too late for comfort, and wow, there’s something about lack of sleep that really improves your skin, doesn’t it? I particularly love the thin veneer of oil that graces every inch of my face, turning it into something reminiscent of the aftermath of the Exxon Valdez spill. And yet, as exhausted as I am at 3 p.m., my eyelids delicately drooping into my oatmeal, at 9 p.m., I perk up like I’ve knocked back a doubleshot, and I’m up! I’m UP! Anyone need anything? Coffee? Tea? ME?
A large part of the reason that I worked so late tonight was my morning, and OH MY MORNING, I don’t even know where to begin, because the ridiculousness, it is astonishingly ridiculous and may actually beat all ridiculous mornings in the history of UTTERLY RIDICULOUS MORNINGS. Did I mention it was ridiculous?
Let’s recap: I was aiming to be at work somewhere in the range of 7:30 a.m. so that I could get a jump start on my day and NOT have to be there at 10 p.m. and maybe get started on tomorrow’s work. Oh, I had such high hopes. I was in the shower and fully lathered from head to toe, oh-so-literally. My hair, it was full of shampoo, and before I rinsed it, for reasons unknown, I lathered by body up. While lathered (let’s say lathered one more time, shall we? LATHERED. Ew. Say it out loud, right now, three times. LATHERED. LATHERED. LATHERED. Gross. Doesn’t it sound kind of like a form of torture? “Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was taken into custody this morning for lathering his victims…”)
Anyway, it was at peak lathering when the water was shut off, oh ho ho HO! Water! Off! Nothing to rinse the mad lathering! NOTHING! Nothing to rinse the shampoo! Or the left leg that was half shaved and — you guessed it — LATHERED with shaving cream!
I can’t even go into the ridiculousness that was the mix-up, as it involved us paying my father-in-law’s water bills instead of our own (same last name!), and I can’t even talk about the crustiness that was my soapy, dry body after waiting in vain for two hours to get it turned back on, I just can’t (CRUSTY SOAPY SKIN OMG)
I eventually rinsed with water from our lame-ass bubbler — you know those five-gallon jugs full of spring water? I actually dragged pots, pans and large pitchers of water up the stairs to rinse my hair and nethers (brrr! FREEEEZING!), and brush my teeth. And yet I still went to work reeking of Bath & Body Works Fresh Pineapple shower gel, likely because I was carting around large chunks of it in my armpits and behind my knees. Mmm … PINEAPPLEY.
Y’all, do you know how itchy I was all day? The soap, it was gathered in my elbows! My legs! My bum! I was so itchy! And soapy! AND ITCHY OMG.
Also, I totally arrived at work at 9:50, which was NOT MY PLAN, oh no, it was not.
The water came on at 4:30 p.m., and as luck would have it, I left all of the faucets and showers on, because I didn’t believe that our water was shut off, I just DID NOT BELIEVE IT. Adam was treated to a lovely Bellagio-like fountain in the middle of a business call, complete with moaning sound effects and also, um, hot water spewing from the unprotected shower.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should also tell you that my first reaction after finding no water was to storm outside, all soapy and bathrobed, to find out of there was some sort of Armageddon-like situation that caused such strife. I don’t know why I thought that others would have the same immediate reaction, if so — I mean, who goes storming out into the streets with no clothes on and hair looking like a Q-Tip thinking that there MUST be some sort of logical explanation and it’s TOTALLY IN MY DRIVEWAY I KNOW IT IS?
It was only when I spied my neighbor washing his car (at 6:40 a.m. WTF?) that I realized that the water situation was unique to us and maybe I should take my white-lathered hair back inside.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to collapse into a heap, because today… Well, today was tiring. And itchy.
Happy Friday! Wooo!
*Dee-Lite featuring Q-Tip, which is totally what my hair looked like. Get it, Q-Tip? HAR HAR!
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
19 Comments Add your own
1. whoorl | January 10th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
This made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE. And itchy.
2. Sarah | January 10th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Oh, I am so sorry, yet so amused! Lovely replay, and hope you see the humor in it sooner rather than lather.
(Haha, I crack me up!)
3. amber | January 10th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Oh, that sucks! I had a similar experience a while ago…I rubbed myself down with my super-good body scrub (everyone knows scrub works better if you use it on dry skin) and then went to turn on the shower, and the knob fell off in my hand, and…I had to call the maintenance guy and walk around covered in oil and sugar for a while. Yuck.
4. Artemisia | January 10th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Oh, I am wiping tears from my eyes.
I have to go shower. NOW.
I am sorry for your crappy, crappy, ITCHY day, though. Here’s to Friday, for sure!
5. cassidy | January 11th, 2008 at 12:00 am
So, a few months ago I was in mid shampoo when our water shut off because we have a well and the power went off and the pump stopped working. IT WAS THE WORST. I had to use the water from the fridge in the brita filter to wash it out it was FREEZING and miserable and I had to just pull my hair up wet and still somewhat saturated with shampoo and my head itched the entire day. I felt like I had lice or something. It was the worst. I feel for you. I am so glad you got everything worked out.
6. Suebob | January 11th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Freaking horrible. I guess this is why you should always make really good friends with at least one neighbor. Though I probably would have stopped at the gym instead because who goes over to a neighbor’s to ask to use the shower?
7. TwoBusy | January 11th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Am I really the only one who thought, “You could have asked your neighbor to hose you down”? Granted, it would have looked like something out of a 90s hair metal video, but hey: no pineapple crud is no pineapple crud.
(crickets)
8. claire | January 11th, 2008 at 7:51 am
I was totally wondering where you were going with your song title. I could not see it until you explained it at the end. Thank you.
And i used to love that song.
itchy, dried soap. yuck. that sounds like a horrible day.
9. Jamie | January 11th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Jesus Christ, J! I need a drink just READING about your day.
10. Sadie | January 11th, 2008 at 8:31 am
not fully rinsing the soap out of your bum is the most maddeningly itchy thing that could ever happen to a person. I started squirming in my chair just thinking of it.
You would make an excellent cartoon character, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. I would totally watch the cartoon, is what I’m saying.
11. -R- | January 11th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Umm… I had the same thought TwoBusy did. I am scared.
12. Kristin H | January 11th, 2008 at 10:47 am
So, so funny. For me, I mean. Probably not so much for you. : )
13. H | January 11th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Too funny. I, too, immediately check the neighborhood when something goes wrong in my house. I do it when the power goes out and once when we lost all water pressure. As introverted as I am, if it does affect the neighborhood I want to talk to my neighbors about it too.
I agree with Sadie — cartoon, or sitcom. You’re very entertaining, and I also mean that in the nicest way.
14. Danell | January 11th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
TwoBusy…me too!
But then again, I went to school in Grenada and the water was getting shut off ALL THE TIME. I got used to asking neighbors if I could rinse off there. We were always having to study in the dark or sweaty and gross or soapy…
15. Mauigirl52 | January 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
ROFLMAO. I’m so sorry for your awful day but the way you describe it is so funny….
LATHERED…oh help me.
16. She Likes Purple | January 11th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Wow, this is a bad bad bad day. Trumps all my bad days this week.
Bellagio-like fountains (cracked me up).
17. Kelly | January 11th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
That sounds like a blast. But at least you smelled sweet and citrusy, if there can be an upside to being unable to rinse a hefty lathering.
18. Sarah | January 12th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Oh, I would have so called in sick. You are a strong woman. I would have curled in bed in the fetal position until the water comes on,
19. Mammaren | January 15th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
OMG, this has happened to me. I feel your itchy lathery pain..
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