All the Young Dudes
January 21st, 2008
In addition to Internet woes and 16-hour work days and work ridiculousness the likes of which I’d never seen in my professional career (seriously, if I could tell you about it I would and you would be interested! Because it’s crazy! SO CRAZY! But I can’t now, obvs) last week was punctuated by blinding migraines that left me in bed by 8 p.m. at best, and puking to the wee hours at worst. It’s good to be back, in other words, and I’m confident that a fresh week will bring new opportunities and a brighter outlook! Hooray!
I have an uncontrollable urge to wax philosophical on the economy, and how interminably frustrating it is that people — many, many people — seem to lack any kind of common sense, and how the fact is that usually by the time people are talking about a recession, we are so deeply entrenched in it that any “stimulus” package is likely to have the effect of four tiny needles thrusting against Mount Everest in futility. Except I am going to control it because it’s incredibly boring, if fascinating only to me, and it’s frustrating! So frustrating!
I mean, I can’t help but consider that the country is largely occupied by idiots, and while that’s not exactly the note of positivity I was hoping to kick off this week with, I believe it is, sadly, true. I remember thinking in 1999, when we — a high-tech PR agency — were turning away business by the truckload, including, I think, a company that sold little more than light bulbs online, that maybe this whole thing was an unsustainable bubble. Personally, I had four clients, all of the dot-com variety, all promising to revolutionize something or other and it was RIDICULOUS, oh so effing ridiculous and even I, at the tender age of 23, could see that it was absurd. At one point I was a paper millionaire, my bonus tendered to me in vaporous stock options now worth approximately $0.0005 total. It crashed, suckers, and so many people acted SURPRISED.
And then the housing boom, with piles and piles of fools standing in line (I saw them! STANDING IN LINE) to pick up their fourth, fifth and in many cases, TWENTIETH cheaply made pre-construction deal, very likely with an ARM (and I’m sorry, look, if you have an ARM, I don’t mean to be insulting, it’s just … well, I hope you thought the whole thing through, because Jesus, a lot of people didn’t). And again, this was a total no-shitter, because really, who was going to live in them? There weren’t enough people to sustain the homes being built, for Christ’s sake — who on earth thought it would be a good idea to pick up ELEVEN? And I know — oh, I do — that a lot of people profited quite nicely, but far too many didn’t, and they are now in foreclosure.
This is all a long way of saying that because of these fools I — a perfectly normal citizen who did not overpay for my totally normal house, of which I own exactly one, not thirty — cannot sell my house and am now in a miserably annoying quagmire involving renting it out and determining precisely how much money I can afford to suck up each month to ride this market out or take a mild short sale. Thank you, idiots of America. I appreciate your business and forethought. Also, please enjoy your nine homes with granite countertops and stainless appliances. Go forth and make nine pot roasts for imaginary guests!
And people are … surprised that we’re heading into a recession? That’s what HAPPENS after a bubble!
And all this before I even dipped into the ridiculousness that is outsourcing vital entry level work overseas, which is another topic I can’t stop thinking about. God, I really didn’t control that at all, did I? Perhaps I shall regale you with that analysis another time, but for now, I’ll tell you that I saw Juno this weekend, and while I liked it fine — I think, I’m honestly not sure, actually, now that I ponder it further — there were bits that made me feel like an 80-year-old Republican with a penchant for Strom Thurmond’s politics. Is it weird that it crossed my mind that it was glamorizing teenage pregnancy a tad? I mean, it made it look so EASY! So easy! Oh, look! Get knocked up and your parents will be totally cool with it, and you will find the perfect (well, almost) family and you will even find love! And have no emotional consequences! I know it wasn’t quite that simple, but it was … well, a little simple, and though I realize that’s not the POINT, it did cross my mind, which makes me old and very uncool. Also, I was unable to garner a shred of sympathy for Jennifer Garner’s character because it was a bit … well, was it overacted to anyone else?
I also can’t help but make the observation that all of the uncool girls in films are actually always cool in that Janeane Garofalo way, which, as a lifelong uncool chick, I can tell you is not how it really is. I mean, I was smart and geeky, but it’s not like I had any kind of in-depth knowledge of Sonic Youth or Mott the Hoople to buoy me, and dude, I wasn’t nearly as hot as Ellen Page or Rachael Leigh Cook (who, by the way, totally looks like Melissa from Sarcomical – is it me?) And let’s all remember that I played the oboe and wore a band uniform and I had not yet discovered the ironic T-shirt, though I think I did have a brief flirtation with horizontally striped tights.
And look, I KNOW, I sound like an old cranky fuddy-duddy, I know, I totally know, and I’m sorry. Would it help if I told you that each and every time I see Michael Cera, I wonder aloud if 19 is too young for a 32-year-old? (Except in the case of Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia, it totally is and it kind of grosses me out, because Milo, SERIOUSLY.) (Am old and gross and wear granny panties, apparently. See?)
Happy Tuesday! I hope you had a great long weekend!
*Mott the Hoople, of course. Worst name for a band ever, honestly.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
28 Comments Add your own
1. ali | January 21st, 2008 at 7:44 pm
oh, how i love me some mott the hoople. i’m so happy that Juno brought that song back into my life. it’d been years since i’d heard it!
2. bethany actually | January 21st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I have not seen it, but isn’t Juno supposed to be sort of a fairy tale? Maybe I am thinking of the wrong movie…
I am SO WITH YOU on the annoying problem of house-selling. I walked downstairs to read this post in my feedreader literally seconds after concluding a 20-minute conversation about possible ways for us to deal with our current home (sell? rent? refinance?) when we move across the country this summer.
3. Swistle | January 21st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Oh, I know! It’s like the non-pretty girls in movies, who are actually very, very pretty but WEARING GLASSES! and UNFLATTERING CLOTHING! There’s a Simpsons quote, something like, “No, Marge, I don’t mean UGLY-ugly, I mean HOLLYWOOD ugly!”
4. Swistle | January 21st, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I meant to conclude: “And it is the same with Hollywood Uncool.”
5. jonniker | January 21st, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Bethany: Not sure if it was billed as a fairy tale, but that’s sure as hell what it was. And I just felt very, very old watching it, because all I could think of was that at one time, that could have been me (and frankly, almost was, but I made a different choice …), or now, it could be my daughter, and because again, I am old and wear granny panties, it rang too hollow for me to totally enjoy.
6. babs | January 21st, 2008 at 7:55 pm
wow, I have to de-lurk for once and say, You are SO RIGHT about Juno. It was all so pat. And then, the actors and writer were on Oprah the other day, and they kept talking about how “fresh” it all was. I wanted some regular dialogue… gimme a break on all the cleverness. (and don’t I sound old and gripey too?)
oh and ditto on Michael Cera. LOVE him.
7. -R- | January 21st, 2008 at 8:31 pm
I have the same thoughts about Michael Cera. Except I am only 28, so I tell myself it is ok. But only in my head. I’m looking at you, Milo and Hayden. 18 and 30? That is so wrong.
8. H | January 21st, 2008 at 8:55 pm
I don’t know if I have incredible foresight or if I’m just a risk-avoiding-weasel (probably the latter) but we were forced into an ARM for our lake cabin (something about the value of the cabin as a percentage of the total value of the property) but the minute we signed those papers, I forced my husband to help me find a fixed rate for it. I can’t tell you how much better I felt once we signed the fixed rate papers. So, risk-avoiding-weasels win!
9. Kristi | January 21st, 2008 at 9:01 pm
WORD! On the whole bloody mess you just wrote!
10. Angella | January 21st, 2008 at 9:44 pm
The Girls and I went and saw Juno this weekend and I LOVED IT. I am honestly listening to the soundtrack whilst I am typing this.
Yes, they brushed over the UNBEARABLE UNCOMFORTABLENESS (yes, that is a word) that is pregnancy (I’ve done it three times).
Apart from that, I laughed OUT LOUD more times than I can count. And cried tears at the birth, for I know all too well the emotions that erupt upon childbirth, goo and all.
Not to knock you (At all!), but it was one of my most favouritest (Yes. I said favouritest) movies. Ever.
11. Blythe | January 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 am
Haven’t seen Juno. Someday it will come to my local theatre and I will see it. But until then, I must agree that Hollywood rarely gets The Geeks (they are my people) right. The American Idol audition show is the only place to see real geeks right now, and most of the time Simon is being mean to them which makes me sad.
This topic always makes me mourn Freaks and Geeks and, specifically, Bill Haverchuk. I didn’t even recognize that actor (Martin Starr) in Knocked Up. He is a genius.
Tracy Flick from Election was also highly recognizable to me. And, sadly, my high school classmates probably thought of me when they saw her.
12. TwoBusy | January 22nd, 2008 at 6:05 am
Just wondering if you’d considered trepanation for the migraines. You know… to let out the evil spirits.
13. Erin | January 22nd, 2008 at 7:36 am
Yes! To all of that! Except Juno because I haven’t seen it.
14. Lawyerish | January 22nd, 2008 at 8:28 am
I feel like I am going to have the same reaction to “Juno.” Of course I will, because we are the same.
Also, I am with Blythe — my classmates, if they’ve ever thought of me at all, I am sure thought of me when they saw “Election.” I was Tracy Flick, except without the sleeping with the teacher business. And not as cute.
15. Katie | January 22nd, 2008 at 9:16 am
America is 95% idiot. Naturally, I include my self in the other 5%.
All of those charge-off, credit-in-the-crapper people who shouldn’t have been granted mortgages in the first place (who managed to somehow “afford” in my neighborhood and are now mucking things up) who are now in foreclosure are a bunch of losers who dug their own grave and I hope they all end of on the street except that really isn’t a good solution for any of us. Whaa!
16. cassidy | January 22nd, 2008 at 9:42 am
I often find myself wondering if 25 is too old for a 19 year old because everytime I see Michael Cera in anything, I lust. Hardcore.
17. She Likes Purple | January 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
Gone Baby Gone was my favorite movie of 2007, although I did love Juno (and I loved Jennifer Garner’s character/portrayal, actually). But, yes, I agree with you that although I laughed throughout and thought it was fantastic, I am 26 and I want to get pregnant with my husband. What if I was 16? Would I want to get pregnant with my boyfriend who was (unfortunately) NOTHING like Paulie Bleeker and who tried so hard to be cool but FAILED MISERABLY? That wouldn’t be good, and so, yeah, I agree with you there.
And you will hear NO CONTRADICTING from me when it comes to Milo’s decisions. Every time I see that series of pictures of the two of them, walking hand-in-hand through the mall, I cringe. I liked him so much better with Alexis (Rory), even if he did allegedly beat her.
18. Mammaren | January 22nd, 2008 at 10:32 am
Hmm, I liked Juno. But I agree, the geeks and rejects are NEVER that hot. I certainly wasn’t. But, I have to say, on the age dilemma, my husband is almost NINE years older than me, and we seem to have worked it out.. It was a little nauseating to see the reality of the situation so simply “explained” away at the end. And what happened to her after? This is why I shouldn’t see movies. I always want to know more.. By the way, pregnancy is not that cute or that easy. Trust me.. I didn’t parade around in camo cargos and just-big-enough stylish Tshirts.. Pregnancy = mumu.. Don’t be fooled..
19. Kristin H | January 22nd, 2008 at 11:00 am
I have wondered the same thing about people who are stuck in the whole ARM mess. I mean, I have been through the whole mortgage experience thing several times and I know for a fact that they go over it repeatedly and put it IN YOUR FACE how much this is all going to cost you, when the ARM is going to balloon, etc. I mean, how many people really got taken by “dishonest lenders”? Not many, that’s how many. So what about all the other whiners? What were they doing while the person in the suit outlined the costs? Snapping their gum and listening to an ipod? I mean, come on.
20. jonniker | January 22nd, 2008 at 11:22 am
Mammaren: Despite my snarkiness, age difference doesn’t faze me that much, really. But oh MAN, it’s really disconcerting to hear a then-17-year-old dating a 30-year-old, and then have people say “well, she’s like a 30 year-old, really.”
REALLY? SHE’S BARELY EIGHTEEN OMG.
21. Rachel | January 22nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
After seeing Juno, my immediate reaction was displeasure at how trivial teen pregnancy was portrayed. I saw no emotional consequence in Juno or Michael Cera’s character (He’s always George Michael to me), and that ruined the whole movie for me.
My opinion on this was very WRONG according to all of my friends. Glad to see someone else agree with me.
22. Spring | January 22nd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Yes, I do believe that this entry is everything a good blog entry should be.
Cheers.
23. Heather B. | January 22nd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Right now I’m all about the crapass economy and recession and the fact that I was all happy and rainbows and puppies and shit about finally putting money into the market. Hell, I was even on the brink of “HOUSE! WHOOT” but yeah…eff it.
Sadly, I loved Juno. I know. I continue to be a major disappointment.
24. Mauigirl52 | January 22nd, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I’m with you on the whole economy thing. Not only does it screw up people who are trying to sell their houses but OMG look at my 401k!
I haven’t seen Juno but the previews of it did make me think the way you are – the kid in it looks about 12. Is he really the father???
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