Celebrity Skin

Thing the First:

Oh HO, Juno was nominated for Best Picture, which confirms that I have shit for taste in movies, though I’ve gotta tell you, even if I LOVED it, it sort of pisses me off that it was nominated, if only for the ghosts of indieish films’ past that never had a chance. I mean, lovely and adorable as Juno was (forget my grandma reaction for a second), where was the academy for The Royal Tenenbaums? Thumbsucker?

Ah, Diablo Cody. Your journo-stripper buzz carried you right through to the Oscars! (Uh, not that there’s anything wrong with that! Wow, I really am coming off as a psycho right-wing Conservative in wing tips, aren’t I?)

Thing the Second:

I don’t know why I always get so upset when celebrities die young. I mean, people die young every DAY, and there’s really no reason to care about some more than others because they were in Brokeback Mountain. And yet … I remember being devastated for DAYS when Aaliyah died, even though I swear to God, I couldn’t tell you a single song she sang before the whole thing went down (ah, literally and figuratively). John Ritter was a crushing, embarrassing blow to the point where you’d think I knew him personally. I mean, no one wants to make light of death, but I hope it’s not inappropriate to make fun of myself here, because I can be a little ridiculous about it. And though I totally know you know where I’m going with this and it’s SO PAT at this point, dude, Heath Ledger! THE HELL. I’m seeing an entire River Phoenix-like montage on every evening show for days and days.

Ah, drugs. Such a bad idea. And though this may warrant a Thing The Third title, as I don’t think our fine Aussie was on heroin, do you ever wonder, who in the Sam Hill tries heroin? I mean, there are PLENTY of drugs out there to get you high, really there are and though I don’t advocate any of them, heroin and crack continue to mystify me, because it seems as though you’re signing up for a sad death, very likely in a cardboard box. Ergo, I ask you: who sees heroin and thinks, wow, I should totally try that! What an AWESOME idea and a fun high!

Thing The Third:

After Swistle‘s post on the topic, I was unable to resist and picked up US Weekly for the bajillionth time, against my better judgment. And really, Trista, REALLY. Of all Things Celebrity that I am over, losing baby weight has to be at the top of the list, because first of all, I don’t believe that they’re all breastfeeding, sorry I don’t. I actually think that they SAY they are so that they avoid the Ire of La Leche, and while I can’t say that I blame them, what irks me more is that they leave people with the false impression that breastfeeding WHIPS off the pounds as good as four hours of cardio per day. And while dude, I think it helps, COME ON. And Trista, please, go eat a taco and put away the abs. Also, you’re not a celebrity.

Thing the Fourth:

My eyes are puffy and I’m carrying approximately 11 extra pounds of water weight. And while certainly part of it is period-related (sorry), I am more than a little certain that it can be directly traced back to the four, count ‘em, FOUR, pounds of Smitten Kitchen’s pickled carrots I’ve made and consumed over the course of the last half-week or so. And if you haven’t made them yet, you’re missing out.

Happy Wednesday!

**Hole

24 comments January 22nd, 2008