Time Has Told Me
January 30th, 2008
Ah, Facebook. I finally ponied up and got an account for no real good reason other than Adam convinced me because of its vast time-wasting properties. (“But you like to waste time on the Internet!” Maybe I should just sneeze in his ear for all of eternity. I can waste time that way, too.) Anyway, it’s been enlightening, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I am clearly old, because the whole format and networking aspect to it kind of makes my eyes bleed out a little. Again, I AM OLD. And also slightly uninterested in any of its time-wasting properties other than ogling former friends, classmates and flames.
I haven’t even touched MySpace, and mark my words, I never will! I refuse!
The whole point of this is that I discovered that one of my college boyfriends (was he a boyfriend? I don’t know, it was college) is now an Evangelical pastor at one of those super-churches with a campus the size of Saskatchewan. I mean, JESUS. I didn’t see that coming. Maybe it’s … maybe it’s my fault. And another one of my former boyfriends is a smarmy sales rep in New York and STILL ANOTHER is an owner of a Jewish girl’s camp in the wilds of New England, which I know I’ve mentioned before, because it’s so SPECIFIC. Incidentally, one of the reasons I broke up with the last was not only that I wasn’t Jewish enough for his family, but I didn’t want to spend my life picking pebbles out of my ass at a remote camp. My summers would be spent in pink tents! PINK TENTS!
I KNOW I’ve brought this up before, but have you ever had those Sliding Doors moments? Those moments where you look at what could have been, had things been just a teeny bit different? If you didn’t take that train, make that choice, live in that city, go to that school, break up with that guy? I can’t help myself, once in a while, it’s fun to think about, especially when faced with life choices or any kind of crossroads. When you see something like that — the fact that, dude, I could have been a preacher’s wife or a CAMP DIRECTOR, oh my stinking heck — it makes you realize that yes, sometimes things really do always work out exactly as they’re supposed to. I mean, certainly I’m being rather presumptuous that anyone would WANT me as a preacher’s wife (my sense is that I’d have been dumped or run off before I reached that point), and that also, as alert commenter Kristin H. pointed out, sometimes when you’re in the world, you look back and see it only one way. Ergo, everything “always works out” because in a weird way, it does — at least for the life you ended up with.
I know I certainly ended up with who I was meant to be with, if not where. And I like to think that isn’t just because I couldn’t see it any other way, although it’s damn true. I often reflect that Adam is as much a life choice as he is a romantic one — I loved him instantly, for sure, and I always thought he was adorable (still do, for he IS), but the fact that we want exactly the same things out of life, consistently, has been just as important. There’s room for change, yes, but it’s not like we differ on some broad aspect of our lifestyle. Too often, I think that is overlooked. You need lots and lots sparks, sure, but I also needed someone who would love me in the every day life that isn’t as romantic. I know that’s unromantic in theory, but in execution, oh it is. I married my best friend, and thank God.
Facebook: making unfashionable thirty-somethings take a dip in the lamely philosophical every day.
Another way that I am pathetically old for my age: I spied ASS CRACK on a Bluefly commercial and it nearly sent me into fits. Crack! BUTT CRACK! On basic cable! Interestingly, it reminded me of the wave of brief nudity that washed over network TV about 10 years ago. Before Janet Jackson’s Nipplegate, there was Sela Ward and “Once and Again” when I swear, they flashed her nipple for a full four seconds, and it remains one of the thousands of reasons why I am mystified that anyone cared about Janet Jackson’s star-clad wardrobe malfunction.
I’d also like to say that I am waiting to watch Lost until Adam gets back on Saturday, because I have, as I always do, occupied myself with every trashy magazine under the sun, and between OK! US Weekly, People, Project Runway and a glass of Target wine in a box, I’m a little too busy for Lost. I’m sorry. Plus, he’ll watch it with me when he gets back, where as the Project Runway/OK!/US Weekly not so much.
Happy Thursday!
*Nick Drake
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
30 Comments Add your own
1. M&Co. | January 30th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Target has their own brand of wine in a box? Oh the things I miss living here.
2. Artemisia | January 30th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
A pastor? I’d be reeling from that for DAYS. But feeling thankful I’d dodged that bullet.
3. She Likes Purple | January 30th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
SHIT! I forgot to record Lost. Do you know what I was watching instead, while it was on? Well, two things, actually. GENERAL HOSPITAL and REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES GAUNTLET THREE. I don’t deserve to be allowed to watch Lost but can we blame it on the strike? I haven’t really had to anticipate a TV show in so long, I’ve forgotten how to.
But if it helps, there’s a character on GH right now that reminds me quite a lot of Milo. And as far as Google can tell, he’s not dating an 18-year-old. He was apparently on Gilmore Girls as Paris’ first real boyfriend. I don’t remember him though but Wikipedia does.
4. Mauigirl52 | January 30th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I often think about things like this. Especially since my husband’s best friend (who didn’t even live in our state at the time) met a very good friend of ours from our neighborhood a couple of years ago and they ended up getting married. Talk about Sliding Doors moments….”If we hadn’t met her…if they hadn’t gone with us to…if this…if that…”
5. Angella | January 30th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Jennifer (She Likes Purple)’s comment made me run downstairs in a frenzy because I was so worried that somehow I messed up and missed it.
Nope. PVR is set to record it on Thursday. Phew.
I hear you on Facebook. Thanks for adding me, though, Yu have inspired me to see if I cannot be less Facebook-disabled.
6. Orange Peacock | January 30th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Now I’m going to wonder where you are on facebook, haha. I got an account a few months ago from peer pressure, and I don’t see the huge appeal, but it allowed me to track down an old friend in time to see her married.
7. jonniker | January 31st, 2008 at 5:19 am
Artemesia, I AM. I AM REELING. I can’t stop e-mailing the one friend we have in common using words like, “I AM FLABBERGASTED RIGHT NOW THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.”
(It’s the superchurch that’s got me, not the church itself. THE SUPERCHURCH. IT HAS A HUGE CAMPUS. HIS WIFE HAS VICTORIA OSTEEN HAIR.)
Jennie: Last night was only the annotated recap. Tonight is the Big Kahuna. You’re all good.
Also, M&Co, Target boxed wine is only available in certain states.
8. Tessie | January 31st, 2008 at 6:19 am
I cannot STOP having Sliding Doors moments, and I have been like this FOR YEARS. I practically have it written down in a Moot Decision Tree. My brief foray into MySpace (RETCH) revealed that a former college boyfriend, who swore that he was going to try “the rock bank thing” for one year after college and then get a real job after that, is…STILL ROCKIN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
9. Tessie | January 31st, 2008 at 6:20 am
BAND! Rock BAND! Argg, that ruined the entire flow of my comment. Rock bank SOUNDS like a real job. Sort of.
10. claire | January 31st, 2008 at 6:32 am
heh.. rock bank. hehe.
I’m with Artemesia. That would just about knock me over. A SUPERCHURCH. WOW. After watching Jesus Camp this weekend, that has me wondering what kind of guy this was when you knew him. Cause wow. And Oh No.
And i am all about the Sliding Door moments. I hear you.
11. Lawyerish | January 31st, 2008 at 7:19 am
OMG, is your ex Pastor Ted? Hee. Ok, no, I know freaky-deaky Ted Haggard was not your BF, so don’t anyone go spreading any rumors now.
I find Facebook to be very clunky to navigate, although it does not have as many seizure-inducing backgrounds and features as the reviled MySpace.
I about FELL OFF THE COUCH when I first saw that Bluefly commercial. HOW IS THAT OK? Why do the censors allow ASS CRACK on national television? WTH?
And — AND! — I must wholeheartedly and 100% agree with you on the practical aspects of choosing a husband/life partner. DOOODE. Yes. IT MATTERS. Of course romance and attraction matter, but they do not matter as much as lots of people want them to. I’m sorry, but when you are 80, you will not care what your beloved looks like nor whether you had sparks flying out of your respective tingly areas when you were 28; instead, you will be grateful that you chose someone who is, more than anything else, trustworthy (in every sense of the word), someone who is your teammate and your best friend. It’s about building a life together and sharing a world-view (not in every respect; I don’t mean you have to find a clone) and always, always being in each other’s corner. You know? I’m not making sense, but you know what I mean, as we have discussed it millions of times.
12. Jamie | January 31st, 2008 at 7:19 am
Umm, first things first: Target boxed wine is the SHIZNIT. I personally like the Shiraz/Cab blend and the Sauvignon. OMG YUM.
That being said, I think about the whole concept of Sliding Doors a lot – I’ve seen the movie a few too many times (I own it on VHS because I’m cool like that). I think it makes me dip into my own repressed regrets sometimes. I’d love to say that I don’t have any regrets and that I don’t wonder “What if…” but I do.
13. H | January 31st, 2008 at 7:51 am
The potential of a Sliding Door Moment paralyzes me, sometimes, because I’m an overthinker. A major decision always seems like a Sliding Door Moment to me — what if, what if — what if I make a decision that I’ll regret and can’t take back. On the other hand, I realize that many Sliding Door Moments are the small things that you don’t even realize are directing (or not directing) you in a particular direction.
Target cannot sell wine in either of the states to which I have easy access — and it sucks.
14. TwoBusy | January 31st, 2008 at 8:12 am
You make an interesting point. However, my mind quickly went from thinking about previous choices I made (and associated “what if?” issues) to thinking about choices my wife might have made… which very quickly made me extremely jealous and uncomfortable.
So… thanks for the F4 now spinning inside my skull.
15. moo | January 31st, 2008 at 8:17 am
Alas, I cannot look up old boyfriends because 1.) their names were so common there are too many to go through or 2.) I have forgotten their last names.
How old am *I*?
Still, I hijacked my SIL’s Facebook account to check it out … and it was depressing for me. Too much going on and no real interaction. Stalkerville. MySpace makes my eyes bleed. So yeah, add me to the old list.
O-L-D.
16. Laurel | January 31st, 2008 at 8:58 am
The Scrabulous application is the only reason I am still on Facebook–add it and we can play!
The Target Wine Cube is glorious–I love it more than I ought to!
17. Morrigan | January 31st, 2008 at 9:44 am
OK, there’s so much going on here that I just *had* to de-lurk!
First, Facebook — OMG. I resisted for a while, but was convinced to get an account almost a year ago (overseas friends can talk me into anything if they swear it’s going to help us keep in touch). While there are two people I will be eternally grateful for reuniting with, I am seriously creeped out by the number of things I have learned about people I don’t really care about and haven’t seen/talked to since high school for a reason. I am addicted to scrabalous though.
As for the Sliding Door moments, I am actually in the midst of one right this very minute: I just learned that an ex-boyfriend is getting married and am so ridiculously happy to have dodged that bullet that I can hardly write my congratulations card without including that information. Emily Post would say that’s tacky, right? Oh, and I actually bought the movie on DVD so that I could take it to my stylist and get Gweneth’s cute short cut, ’cause I’m cool that way too.
While I am not familiar with the Bluefly commercial in question (I don’t think we have it in Canada), I was very distressed to encounter butt cleavage the other day. Think camel toe, but from the back end. Not pretty, and not office appropriate no matter where you work!
P.S. Target sells wine? Oh, how I want a Target of my very own!
18. Morrigan | January 31st, 2008 at 9:47 am
Ack! I spelled Scrabulous incorrectly. AND I hijacked your comments. I’m sorry, I’ll go back to lurking now . . .
19. Cassidy | January 31st, 2008 at 10:34 am
I am on facebook, Jonna… I would be honored to be your ‘e’ friend.
20. Kristin H | January 31st, 2008 at 10:53 am
Amen to Lawyerish’s description of what one needs in a mate!
And Morrigan: camel toe! ha.
Now back to me. Ways in which I know I am old:
1. Only found out about Facebook by reading an article about it in The New Yorker
2. Am skipping a Masquerade Ball in February because it’s on a Friday night and doesn’t start until 9 pm
3. On Saturday mornings I get up at 6 am (kids) and around 10 am think “Whew! Some people are JUST NOW waking up! They are missing the whole day!”
I would add more but geez, this is getting depressing.
21. Amy Mingo | January 31st, 2008 at 11:23 am
I actully really like Facebook. I have a MySpace account but I hate it. It feels hard to navigate and whenever I click on someone’s link I am blasted by eye bleeding graphics and ear piercing music. Gah. The weird thing about Facebook is that I have linked up with former classmates but also with family. It is disconcerting to get an alert that your 13 year old nephew, the apple of your eye, has added the “Am I a Hottie?” application.
22. Swistle | January 31st, 2008 at 11:48 am
Oh, I totally get those Sliding Doors moments! One of my old boyfriends moved to another country and works in missions. Whew! *wipes forehead* I have literal nightmares about it. LITERAL!
23. AmK | January 31st, 2008 at 11:58 am
How fucking weird is that?! I just gave in and signed on to Facebook. Last night. WTH? And not only am I completely uninterested in any of it (beyond finding the boy I had a huge crush on a long time ago when I worked at Starbucks just so I can reassure myself that it’s okay, he’s probably really sweaty and fat now) I also have NO IDEA how to work the damn thing. Much like vibrators, it really just seems like way too much work.
24. Jennie | January 31st, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Once and Again. Wow. Haven’t thought about that show in forever! I loved it, though.
25. babs | January 31st, 2008 at 1:59 pm
God, I am so with you on Facebook. I just signed up a couple weeks ago, and it seems like WAY too much work. And it was shocking to see the few people from my highschool on there. Guess I just prefer to waste my time reading blogs.
And so true on the Sliding Doors moments. I have those often.
26. amber | January 31st, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I know about the sliding door. Sometimes I think, what if that had worked out differently, but then…wait! I sure didn’t WANT it to, did I? Gah. I don’t know if I’m coming across at all, it’s been one of those days.
And now you’ve motivated me to go snoop on Facebook.
27. Gentry | February 1st, 2008 at 3:27 am
Add me! I’m on FB. I’m going to go try to add you.
28. ali | February 1st, 2008 at 6:42 am
i forgot all the witty things i was going to comment about facebook…because i can’t. believe. you. are. waiting. to. watch. lost. ?!?!?!??!?!
29. SemiDesperate | February 2nd, 2008 at 8:41 am
I so agree with you about how being headed in the same direction, so to speak, is just as romantic as all the spark in the world. Jim and I are this way- we definitely had instant attraction (got engaged within a month of dating) but part of that instant attraction, beyond the laying around in bed all day navel gazing, was the realization that we were SO compatible. It was like a giant sigh of relief, meeting someone that you KNEW you could live with forever and not get sick of, nor they of you. If that’s not romance, it’s still what I want at the end of the day.
30. mar | February 2nd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
good to know about the target wine. i’ve only seen it at the super-tar-jay, but i was intrigued.
love ‘sliding doors’! (and also have it on vhs) and attending my ex-bf’s birthday last night (on *my* actual b-day! really it was only because a friend came in from kc & we all met there), it made me realize even more how lucky i am that things turned out the way they did. my love, my current bf is the only person who i can totally be myself around & we have the same way of looking at things, same direction.
addicted to scrabulous too, even though i’m losing all 13 games i’m playing.
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