Send Me On My Way
February 3rd, 2008
Last Thursday evening/Friday morning was among the most sucktacular of my career, what with an early morning finish and an even earlier start — to put it in perspective, I slept a grand total of two and a half hours in the pants I was wearing and turned around and wore them the following (well, SAME) day, unaltered (same underwear too, because I am gross like that and was also VERY TIRED). Jeans, by the way, do not make good pajamas, but I’m guessing you already knew that. And while normally, I like to change my underwear every day, I also like to wash off my raccoon eyes, but this was a special circumstance where neither happened.
Beyond that, I have one thing basically on my mind: SUPER TUESDAY SUPER TUESDAY SUPER TUESDAY. I can’t focus, I’m so excited about it. No no — excited is the wrong word. ANXIOUS. I am so very anxious. Sadly, this election, I have turned into one of those people who has become a little passionate, so you know what, I’m not even going to talk about it, because I like you, and there’s a chance we might disagree and who wants to argue? No one! (OMG SUPER TUESDAY)
Moving on! Do you know that after last week’s Facebook post (short story: I joined and feel old, as what is the POINT?), during the aforementioned work misery, I had a lull between editing some stuff (at midnight, oh yes, MIDNIGHT) and I was dorking around on that stupid, stupid evil application and somehow ended up — or so I thought — accidentally inviting my entire Google address book to be my friend on Facebook. THANK YOU FACEBOOK. This is awesome, as it was my professional account, and oh yes, there were CEOs and Microsoft executives and assistants to Steve fucking JOBS on that account. People I have e-mailed exactly ONCE, likely for a story or a press release or something STUPID, and oh, please, will Steve Jobs be my Facebook friend? Pretty please?
Mercifully, after a frantic e-mail to Metalia (who was kind enough to laugh with me at the ridiculously frantic tone of my note), it appears that I did not, and THANK YOU JESUS, because right after that happened — AND I MEAN RIGHT AFTER — my friend Sean tagged and posted a video of me freshman year of college hanging out in someone’s dorm room and gazing adoringly into the camera that my then-soon-to-be boyfriend was wielding (VOMIT OMG). And it was just when I’d convinced myself that even if I had, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Oh God. I was wearing sorority letters and cutoff light denim shorts (WITH FRAYED EDGES) and Sean was singing loudly to Rusted Root and there’s that whole LOOK I keep giving to the camera (or to the cameraman, more likely, and again, OMG PUKE) and please, imagine, if you will, Google’s head of China operations, Kai Fu Lee, accepting my invite (although really, WHY WOULD HE?) and finding that little gem for all to see.
Please, please kill me now. I have to be honest in that I haven’t even watched the whole thing and I don’t think I can. One look at my frayed-edge shorts and I’m contemplating burning all the jean shorts I can find in some sort of wild effigy. Mostly, though, I want to take my nineteen-year-old self aside and tell her, really, this whole thing is a waste of time: get a new haircolor, a new boyfriend (Adam was a mere dorm building away but I didn’t know it) and also maybe some new pants. Or any pants at all.
In other news, and I meant to mention this before, but Lawyerish reminded me with her phobia post (please go tell her what you’re afraid of, because I am RIVETED by phobias and I can’t wait to read the comments. Also: she’s afraid of clusters of things! CLUSTERS! FASCINATING): I, too, share Swistle’s fear of Large Underwater Things. Once, at the dolphin tank at Sea World (the same visit that I fell headfirst into the stingray pool, which is another story), I lost my everloving SHIT because a giant gray dolphin was under the water! Near me! GAAAAAAAAAH. And I haven’t even gone into the countless times I freaked out while swimming in granite quarries growing up (LARGE SLABS OF UNDERWATER GRANITE), nor have I mentioned the other fear I have: that of finding a dead body in the water.
I’m TERRIFIED of finding a dead body. What would I do? Who would I call? HOW WOULD I GO ON? I realize the chances of this are slim-to-none (how many bodies have YOU found?), but every time I’m swimming (which is a lot, I love to swim), I suddenly become irrationally afraid of a dead body floating in the water, its deadness coming to get me with the papery milky skin and everything and OH MY GOD, I can’t, because I just threw up.
And with that, I think that’s enough. There’s a LOT of screaming and throwing of hats and sundry items in my house right now, for the Superbowl, it did not go well. And I have to tell you: I am glad I don’t care that much, because if this were baseball I would be crying and throwing things, too. Um, how about them Celtics, I guess? (Tom Brady was totally injured, so Adam says, and I tend to agree.) (Also, this whole idea that the winner is a “world champion”? It makes no sense to me! THERE ARE ONLY AMERICAN TEAMS THAT PLAY FOOTBALL.) (Same goes for baseball: NORTH AMERICAN TEAMS, PEOPLE.)
I would also like to add a random aside that I’ve always harbored the notion that Tom Brady is a bit of a douchebag — I know I’m supposed to like him, being a New Englander and all, but the whole Golden Boy image rang hollow for me, and in the pre-game interviews, Adam just reminded me that Terry Bradshaw TOTALLY SET HIM UP to look like a douche, with the baby talk and all, and OH HE DID. So you know, Tom Brady, maybe you should grow up a little. You aren’t perfect! In fact I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE HOT. SO THERE.
*Rusted Root. And ah, Facebook friends can see my friend Sean doing a DELIGHTFUL rendition of it, in addition to me in short denim shorts and a Tri-Delt sweatshirt. (I HATE YOU FACEBOOK.)
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
22 Comments Add your own
1. Lara | February 3rd, 2008 at 7:27 pm
I am amazed someone else is grossed out by clustery things – I posted a comment over at Lawyerish.
Now I need to go to bed ’cause I’m all heebed out. HEEBED!
2. TwoBusy | February 3rd, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I hate football.
3. Lara | February 3rd, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Also, I share the dead bodies phobia. At a teenager I was camping at a lake where a boat had overturned and they hadn’t found the body – needless to say I did not go in the water and I presume this is where that phobia was born. I was also in Thailand during the tsunami and yeah…ugh (not that my silly phobia was the biggest concern down there, but it really cranked up my need to LEAVE NOW). I love the water too but I am constantly thinking of any type of *thing* touching my feet. HEEBED.
4. Teej | February 3rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I, too, am freaking out about Super Tuesday. Very, very anxious. And nervous. Yes, mostly nervous.
5. Janssen | February 3rd, 2008 at 8:40 pm
You know what makes me sad about Super Tuesday? I live in Texas and don’t get to vote until MARCH! I mean, by March, there might only be one candidate left for each party. My vote may never have a chance to count.
6. Suebob | February 3rd, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I don’t know what to say.
But I will go over to Lawyerish and post my freakish phobias.
7. kirida | February 3rd, 2008 at 11:56 pm
We don’t have a primary in Washington. We have a caucus. So lame.
8. Lawyerish | February 4th, 2008 at 7:46 am
GIANTS WIN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry. I couldn’t resist.
And I AM SO NERVOUS about tomorrow. I feel like I am going to be extremely distraught if Obama does not win New York and several other states. I WILL BE DISTRAUGHT. Possibly inconsolable.
9. -R- | February 4th, 2008 at 8:28 am
I am excited about Super Tuesday as well, although I actually like more than one person left in the race, so I am not too anxious. I am more worried about my senatorial race because our incumbent senator is horrible.
10. babs | February 4th, 2008 at 8:47 am
I also have a fear of finding a dead body! But mine is that I’ll find it when I’m out walking my dogs… that they’ll run off the trail and start rooting around in some underbrush and uncover it.
And ditto on being excited about Super Tuesday. I also wish that Texas was included in it.
11. lizgwiz | February 4th, 2008 at 8:48 am
I had an almost identical conversation this morning re: Tom Brady. Definitely a douchebag. And NOT hot.
12. Jamie | February 4th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I am equally passionate about loving the Giants and not finding Tom Brady hot. I have friends who still see Tom Brady as “their” quarterback because he went to the Univ of Michigan. College sports loyalties make me want to scream.
How can anyone find someone with that weirdo chin hot? IT’S LIKE A SECOND BELLY BUTTON, PEOPLE. I can’t stop staring at it. Yuck.
13. She Likes Purple | February 4th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I don’t think he’s hot either. And he just oozes douche to me.
14. Kristin H | February 4th, 2008 at 10:59 am
How can I be the 14th person to comment yet the first to bring up the fact that you thought you EMAILED YOUR ENTIRE ADDRESS BOOK TO FRIEND YOU AT FACEBOOK?
This, my friend, is the reason I read your blog. Perhaps no one else shares in horror of that moment where you thought you really did it, but I am right there with you. This is horror that, for me at least, would greatly excceed any large underwater things. Perhaps because I can see myself doing the same thing.
15. M&Co. | February 4th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Now you have given me something else to be afraid of: dead bodies in bodies of water. It is documented, (or I admitted what I thought it was weird but I’ve since learned it ain’t so odd) I am already afraid of finding dead bodies just generally. You may have single handedly ruined the water for me forever!
16. rookiemom | February 4th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Yea, another disgruntled Texan here. I’ll be watching Super Tuesday like a hawk (Please, candidate that I like, O please!) but I wish wish wish I could vote. It makes me feel so helpless.
And the dead body thing? Yea, when I was a teenager we used to go swimming in a lake where they had found bodies. We were gross. Also, I got a fish hook stuck in my foot there once, and ew, dead body cooties in the water contaminated me, I just know it. Uck.
Super Tuesday!
17. jonniker | February 4th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Oh y’all, in case you forgot, I live in Florida and my primary vote DID NOT EVEN COUNT, for they stripped us of our delegates. So now you know the party in which I reside. NO DELEGATES.
I totally voted anyway.
18. Style Bard | February 4th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I didn’t realize until the moment I read that that the few times I’ve swam in quarries and the like, the giant slabs under there have absolutely terrified me. I totally forgot until now, and that is fascinating. Meanwhile, I’d love to swim with dolphins. (I… think?)
I also signed up for facebook for the very first time on the day I read that post and it was like ‘hey! me too! I’m not the last person in the world!’ ….so that means we need to be facebook friends, right?
19. the new girl | February 4th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Every time I walked my dog in the woods at the end of my street, this would play in my head (in the voice of the guy who does all the true-crime shows, you know him?):
“She was walking her dog in the woods when she made a GRUESOME DISCOVERY.”
Because it’s always a GRUESOME discovery. Or GRISLY. Sometimes it’s GRISLY.
20. metalia | February 4th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I’m STILL laughing. I’m sorry, but I am.
21. jonniker | February 4th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
And for that, Metalia, I just Facebook-friended you. Enjoy my light denim shorted self.
22. Dana | February 5th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I’m also one of those really passionate Super Tuesday people. This election is more depressing than exciting for me and I mean like, really depressing. Sad face.
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