We Get On
February 24th, 2008
All I can think about right now is how I can sneak in a nap without making anyone angry, and by “anyone” that would be my husband, because, my friends, we are on the HOME STRETCH, and if that doesn’t test the limits of one’s mental health, I don’t know what does.
Our entire house is basically packed up and decorated with cardboard boxes and blank walls and would you believe that despite all of the evidence in the universe to the contrary, I still don’t believe that I’m actually moving? I don’t. Nope. NOT AT ALL. I think I’m going on a vacation, perhaps, to a wintry paradise. Maybe I’ll ski, maybe I won’t, but in a week or so, I’ll return to the same life I’ve had for two and a half years. Or ah, not, because our house is PACKED, y’all. And it’s all happening so fast, and as of Wednesday morning, I’ll be on the road to New England, where it’s snowed all winter long. A LOT. And I’m still bootless. I’m hoping it’s melted enough so that I can scrape off my windshield in the mornings while wearing flip flops. (I KID.)
In the meantime, I do not make a very good Lady of Leisure, as by day two, I was calling Adam to beg for errands, and I e-mailed a freelance client for some more editing work. I mean certainly, we have enough shit going on that I don’t need instructions, but after working for 12 years, I turned into mush at the thought of one or two entirely unstructured days. I did, however, have lunch with Carol on Thursday and am having lunch with Tammie tomorrow, and dude, with Carol? I had a BEER. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. I also adore her father and Carol looks even more gorgeous than she did the last time I saw her, and if I’m being honest, I didn’t recognize her, because she went and got these super glamorous bangs that make her look like a movie star, for God’s sake.
Despite being both tremendously busy and incredibly bored, I have found time to make some utterly useless observations, not the least of which is thank God Bath & Body Works discontinued the Mandarin Mango scent, because the hand soap smells PRECISELY like morning breath. Every single time I wash my hands, I find myself vaguely sniffing the air in search of the source of the stale, icky breath. Mercifully, we won’t be packing that with us, and I may even leave it for Lindsey. Perhaps it will smell good to her.
It reminds me, incongruously, of my love for Guerlain’s Aqua Allegoria Pamplelune, which is one of their lighter, less staid perfumes with notes of grapefruit, vanilla and patchouli and don’t make me talk about patchouli’s wonders again (I’ve discussed patchouli before and owe packages, I KNOW. When we move, I promise.) And while it smells delicious to me — tart and crisp, with a slightly bitter edge of pith, like a sunrise walk through a grapefruit grove — apparently to others, it smells precisely like superbad B.O. After wearing it for an entire week on a business trip, I came home to find Adam very gently asking me if I’d showered lately, because over the last few days he’d noticed I smelled … a little ripe, perhaps? And when I proffered my wrist, he nearly DIED of grapefruit inhalation and started screeching, “That’s it! That’s it! IT SMELLS LIKE SWEATY CROTCH!”
So, you know, for what it’s worth, based on my expertise as both a perfume copywriter and an avid collector: always always get a second opinion on your fragrances. While it’s most important that YOU like it, it’s also important that you not smell like sweaty balls and not even realize it.
And in additional odd segues, my diet this week has consisted almost purely of nothing more than Diet Mountain Dew, to which I am entirely addicted and have had five, count ‘em, FIVE today, and crema de leche, which is this cheap, brandless Latin candy that tastes like heaven. Or, more accurately, if you insist, it tastes like dulce de leche, because that’s exactly what it is, hardened and sliced up in one-ounce portions with a cheap blue label with no name, and I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic when I tell you that I don’t know how I’m going to go on without access to it. I’m thinking about cleaning out the entire supply at my local Walgreen’s, which is the only place I can find it, natch. They also have coco de leche, which features coconut mixed in, and some crazy coco-pineapple macaroon-type thing that sends me into swoony fits and might also be the reason my once-loose waistband on my skinny jeans is starting to feel a little tight.
Happy Monday! It’s my last day in Florida with furniture!
Also, if I owe you an e-mail, it’s because we’ve had, ah, technical difficulties around these parts, but we’re back up now.
*Kate Nash
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
14 Comments Add your own
1. Muse | February 24th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I’m DYING at the sweaty crotch comment .. not gonna lie, I’m not a fan of patchouli. It is a smell that makes me feel like hair is going to grow on parts of my body that shouldn’t be hairy. I have such a visual of this happening that even the smallest whiff sends me into a frenzy. But if you love, then rock on girl..
2. Schnozz | February 25th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Ah, give your status as an LoL a bit of time, if you can. It takes a while to know what to do with your time, especially if you just moved, so the next little while will be sort of arm-chewingly anxious in that way. I speak from experience. But now I have derby and my studying and my noveling efforts and I hardly work at ALL but still I have lots of stuff to do pretty much every day of the week. It just took a while to figure out what I wanted to be doing with my time now that I wasn’t spending it in an office.
“Work for The Man all day” and “sit around like a lump” are far from your only two options, but I think it takes a while to realize that, especially when you’re in upheaval!
3. Swistle | February 25th, 2008 at 4:15 am
Obviously you should buy up all the de leche you can find. Use it as packing material and no one will even notice. You are going to need strength to adjust to your new surroundings, and finding caches of various de leches as you unpack will help.
The perfume thing makes me SO NERVOUS. Definitely I have been around people who were wearing scents that made me wonder how both our noses could be of the same species. But the B.O. category of scent problems has so far escaped my attention—and that seems like a bad sign.
I’ve been in and out of full-time work over the years, and I always feel frantic at first, and at total loose ends, and spend time watching Ricki Lake (or whatever is on now—it’s been awhile since I’ve faced that level of loose ends) or baking just because I’m so bored. And then over the next couple of weeks, I find so much to do, I start wondering how I managed to hold down a job.
4. TwoBusy | February 25th, 2008 at 5:59 am
All I can think is that if I ever told my wife she smelled like sweaty crotch, I’d be on the ground and bleeding before I could take another breath.
5. Sadie | February 25th, 2008 at 6:44 am
I’m right there with Muse: patchouli = dirty hippie. I was with you for “grapefruit [and] vanilla,” and then you lost me and my nose instinctively crinkled up.
Also, does your bucolic farmhouse in VT come with shovels? Because, seriously, you might want to ask about that, or else buy some on the way. There is still a potential full month of snow ahead. oh, and in a pinch, you can totally scrape your icy windshield with a CD case, (if anyone even still has those in the car).
6. Mauigirl52 | February 25th, 2008 at 9:22 am
LOL about the sweaty crotch description! I am extremely fussy about perfume and have worn the same perfume for the past 22 years – Lauren. I hope they don’t stop making it because before that I wore some Avon crap and I would be lost if I had to find a new perfume. I tried a couple of other scents in the past and if I could “notice” it on me all day it drove me nuts. I know when I find the right one when I don’t realize I’m wearing it but other people say “You smell nice, what is that perfume?” (I found Lauren by noticing it on someone else, actually! Someone who apparently had the same skin chemistry as me. Because perfumes don’t smell the same on everyone, which I’ve also learned to my dismay).
Best of luck moving north! I agree on the shovel suggestion. Never travel without one. In fact, keep one in your trunk at all times!
7. That Nervous Girl | February 25th, 2008 at 9:38 am
It’s funny you mention the funky-smelling Mango Mandarin soap – it seems like some of the Bath & Body Works scents vary quite a bit from one product to the next. I bought the Mango Mandarin body cream online, and it has this weird latex-y – or as my fiance put it – cheap sex toy smell. But then the shower gel smells just like Tang, which is much more acceptable.
I have a fondness for patchouli (and sandalwood) scents too, but got a little burnt out on them over the years – and was paranoid to wear them knowing people can have such strong reactions to the smell. I still think they’re nice when in a blend though – but will have to watch out for those notes of “sweaty crotch”.
Best of luck with your move and getting settled into your new home!
8. Christine | February 25th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Oh how you make me laugh. Did I ever tell you that while I pick up the slight garbage-like smell of the Pamplelune, it is Tony’s absolute favorite on me. Like so favorite, that I think he’ll make me buy a bottle this summer since I used my Sephora sample. I don’t get sweaty crotch, but I do get grapefruit plus a note that reminds me of when you know your deodorant is working overtime, but you haven’t quite reached “smelly” yet. Does that make any sense?
On the other hand I tried out a sample of Serge Lutens Douce Amere, which gave me a killer headache. And then, even after a good washing of my wrists when cuddling on the couch, Tony turns to me and says, “You smell like a diaper. But a clean one. Awesome. Maybe he should go into perfume copywriting.
9. Christine | February 25th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Rats, uh, end quote above, after “one.”
Also, you could probably buy your candy online. Probably even at Walgreens, but I’m too lazy to look for you. I’m a real freakin help…but! it gives you a mission while combating boredom and avoiding the packing.
10. Sarah | February 25th, 2008 at 11:30 am
This is hilarious. My mom got me a very expensive perfume once that seriously gagged me- it totally smelled like BO. I exchanged it at the salon where she got it for a massage instead.
11. Karen W | February 25th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Patchouli always reminds me of stinky men who don’t shower.. I have been wearing the same smell for about five years. Apparently it works for me b/c everyone asks what I am wearing. When I tell them, they say, “oh it wouldn’t smell that good on me..” or something. Interestingly, I think it is the combo of perfume, lotion, shampoo, laundry soap, deodorant, all at once that makes up the overall “scent.”.. If it’s good, GOOD.. if not, well, move on.. My mother smelled the same my WHOLE life, then one day got some different lotion. Totally threw me off. I am keeping my system..
I agree about stockpiling the candy.. So something I would do..
12. the new girl | February 25th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I don’t think that you could be ANY FUNNIER.
lmao.
13. Suebob | February 25th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Yes, I shall remain ever unconvinced about the patchouli until it is proven otherwise…ahem! No, really, no worries, I suppose that moving takes a little priority over my need to be proven wrong about dirty hippie sweat.
Um, do you know it might be snowing in Vermont? Just checking. Because I have a deep pathological fear of snow.
14. Pages tagged "staid"&hellip | February 26th, 2008 at 9:42 am
[...] tagged staidOwn a WordPress blog? Make monetization easier with the WP Affiliate Pro plugin. We Get On saved by 2 others kireeka bookmarked on 02/26/08 | [...]
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed