Ain’t Sayin’ Nothin’ New
March 17th, 2008
It’s colder than a witch’s … chestal region here, so much so that my nose is cold indoors — the worst sign of being chilly, in my opinion — and my boogers are rapidly forming icicles the very moment I set foot outside. Fifteen, y’all. It’s FIFTEEN out there, and even the trees look shriveled and small, like they’re turning inward to gather the remaining reserves of warmth. I .. forgot that feeling, and I kind of love and hate it, all at the same time.
We had a big melt last week, and the creek out back spread like too-thick arteries on an x-ray slide; they’re now frozen, our own miniature ice skating rink. March mystifies me and seems to be one of the universally hated months, with its schizophrenic weather and woeful lack of meaningful holidays. I mean, other that St. Patrick’s Day, which I’ve ignored every year but one — Split Day, wherein a variety of students attempt to outdrink one another with those miniature beers. I believe that day was followed by a staggering blackout and some quality time with my head in the bushes. No, no, St. Patrick’s Day is not for me. Down with March.
The cold means that the dog is alternating between being all up in my grill — near my face, to be specific, complete with tongue — and wandering around outside, too cold to poop, which always leaves me standing there trying to talk to her rationally, like she’s human. Today, I actually told her that it was too cold to go to the backyard, and I thought I’d fall down the hill if we tried, so let’s poop in the front yard today, FRONT YARD. I said this out loud like a fool. And a fool I am, for I’m typing this somewhat one-handed, for she snores mightily, her head on my left wrist. I’m thirsty, but too lazy to move her, and besides; she’s cute.
Thank you all so much for the movie recommendations — I really appreciate it, and my Netflix queue does, too (and hey, yes, to answer Jen and a few others: keep them coming! Love movies! Love!). Sometime in the last year, while we were in the midst of the Floridian nightmare, we stopped watching movies. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but our lives really sunk into one hell of a black hole during the latter half of our stay — we desperately wanted to leave Florida, but couldn’t sell our house, and renting had not yet occurred to us, because we’re dumbasses who can’t see the forest for the trees — and I didn’t realize until now the extent to which our normal lives ceased while we waited for the next phase to begin. I mean, Jesus, we weren’t even watching MOVIES.
This reminds me of a rule of working from home that I’ve broken all of twice in the last two weeks, only to be reminded of its cardinal nature, assuming you don’t have spawn demanding your attention: get out of the house. Aside from dropping off something to Adam, I worked from the couch today and can I say it again? UNWISE. Adam and I have each learned through our at-home experiences that working from home isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
There are wonderful things, certainly — the ability to make your own schedule, the flexibility to skip out on showering if you want to — but those same benefits can cut both ways, and do little other than act as glass walls that subtly shut you out from the rest of the world. A 9 to 5 schedule, while unappealing, brings you in step with most of the working world, and while it’s tempting to skip the shower in favor of pajamas, the best advice I can give is: don’t do it. Please shower. Clean hair and a little mascara will go miles in terms of making you feel human.
And for the love of God, find a Starbucks and try, at least try, to work when everyone else is working, lest you isolate yourself like a vampire, but without the built-in network of other vampires to go neck-sucking with. It also stops you from farting around to the point where you think you’re actually getting things done, but in actual fact, your laptop is in front of you, but your attention is actually on Bravo beyond it.
I didn’t do any of those things today, save for putting on actual clothes, and it explains why it’s now 9 p.m., my laptop is surgically attached to my body and further, I got neither jack nor shit done today because I spent far too much time gazing off into space and getting sucked into the frillionth episode of The Real Housewives of New York City (thank you, Bravo!), and if you haven’t seen it, I am torn between urging you to TiVo it now and demanding that you run for the hills and never see a single minute of it, ever. The women, they are ABHORRENT, yet oddly compelling and I can’t even talk about it further without little balls of spit forming in the corner of my mouth, so I’ll stop.
I intended to talk about more than this, including my gynecologist appointment tomorrow with a brand-new doctor, wherein I sincerely hope they don’t stick an ether-soaked cloth over my face and steal my ovary or something, but it’s a can of worms and apparently all of this procrastinating has made me too tired to deal with it appropriately. I am, however, hoping they can explain to me what’s up with my … lady parts and maybe help me figure out how to get a PERSON inside these lady parts, which sounds awfully creepy, and more than a little gross, but isn’t that what all the kids are doing these days? All the kids who aren’t firmly ensconced in someone else’s lady parts, that is.
Have a great Tuesday! And remember: GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
*The Roots
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
20 Comments Add your own
1. the new girl | March 17th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
As a (relatively) new mom, the beginning of the transition was like that for me…being all cooped up, no shower, glass walls, pjs for days. Now I force myself to put on real clothes and we MUST leave the house at least once a day. It does go miles toward making you feel like a human.
I try, you know, to get the shower too. I try.
2. She Likes Purple | March 17th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
I hope your new doctor is fantastic!
3. H | March 17th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I’ve worked for a large corporation which sent almost everyone to work at home in 1997. I’ve gone through many phases in the past 11 years. I knew I’d hit rock bottom when I was actually irritated because a neighbor came to my door at 5:30 p.m. (in the AFTERNOON, or EARLY EVENING) and she expected me to answer the door. I actually, for a fleeting moment, was irritated because surely this woman had to understand that I hadn’t showered yet. I quickly came to my senses and realized how ridiculous it was. The bad habit started when I decided that my motivation to exercise would be that I couldn’t shower until I had. But, then work got in the way and 5:30 p.m. arrived and, well, I ended up exercising and showering after supper. Pathetic.
4. claire | March 18th, 2008 at 5:16 am
That is exactly why i am skeptical that i could work from home. I have a hard enough time getting dressed on the weekends or, god-forbid, vacation days. I don’t believe i have the discipline to get dressed in the MORNING if i were to stay home all day. And, like H up there? I feel that way when people ring my doorbell at 5:30pm also. I am totally lazy.
Poor Sunny… it sounds like she needs a whole new wardrobe of think, fluffy sweaters. When it gets too cold to poop, it’s too cold, PERIOD.
5. Lawyerish | March 18th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Lack of meaningful holidays? Easter, hello! That is March’s one redeeming quality this year (apparently this is the earliest Easter since 1916!).
Even if you’re not into the Risen Christ deal, you can go hog wild with Cadbury Creme Eggs and many other sugar-filled delights.
6. TwoBusy | March 18th, 2008 at 6:16 am
Beware the ides of March.
(Not in reference to anything specific, but it seemed somehow appropriate.)
7. jonniker | March 18th, 2008 at 6:26 am
HAHAHAHA, forgot completely about Easter, Lawyerish. Completely. Although you know, I STILL can’t help but think of it as an April holiday, despite its March-ness this year? Plus, I haven’t celebrated it for years, but I *do* think we’ll make a ham this year.
TB: Hey, we made it through the ides of March! I think it’s the 15th, yes?
8. elise | March 18th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Hmm, your doctor appointment is exciting!
Also: I went into a major funk about a year ago as well, and when I finally came out of it, I was shocked to see all the things I normally liked that I had been completely ignoring. It was really kind of scary, but at least I was scared on the other side of it, you know? I mean, at least it’s just NOW that you guys are like, wow, we quit watching movies, wtf, rather than figuring it out in the middle of the whole thing and STILL not wanting to watch them and getting even more depressed about that.
Also! I am horrible at working from home, and learned pretty quickly that if I wanted to actually get WORK done, I had to LEAVE HOME. So I didn’t know I wasn’t the only one who has to do that. Interesting! Now I feel better about myself and less horribly lazy. Thanks!
9. TwoBusy | March 18th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Well, sure, if you want to get all technical about it.
10. Swistle | March 18th, 2008 at 8:05 am
“Chestal region”! HA HA HA!
How do you feel about TV series on DVD? I like them. They’re like REALLY LONG movies.
I love March, because winter can’t do much else. Sure, it can even scare up a blizzard, but we all know it’s on its way out. All it can do is slam the door.
Plus, of course, Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs.
11. Swistle | March 18th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Also, I have a very specific hope for your doctor appointment. I hope they say, “OH! I see what the problem is! Let me just get that……THERE. Okay, you should be all set now!”
12. Camels & Chocolate | March 18th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Ha, I’m having to learn this myself. Six weeks ago, I relocated to SF from NYC, where I was out and about every night. I’m writing from home for the first time, and if it weren’t for my morning yoga class, I would probably be in my pajamas most day until 6p.m. Instead, I go to Bikram early in the a.m., do my errands, return home, shower, and then get back into my pajamas =) Oh well.
And FIFTEEN in March??? I was in Vermont in January, and it wasn’t even that cold then!!!
P.S. My mom always used the “colder than a witch’s titty,” and I’ve never heard anyone else use it — until now!
13. Laurel | March 18th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Oh gawd, I got sucked into The Real Housewives of NYC over the weekend and I just have to say…I kinda like the countess…but everyone else makes me want to puke. Especially that one chick who lives in Brooklyn with her incredibly affected wannabe-French sons.
I mean, Francoise?! Really? Why not just name him French Boy? Or Garcon.
C’mon people.
Good luck with your appointment! Hopefully you’ll be growing your own human in no time!
14. Val | March 18th, 2008 at 9:10 am
I am right there with you on the doctor issues. We are having similar experiences.
I hope and pray that you get some good answers!
15. Leah | March 18th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Having an office job doesn’t necessarily equate to a daily shower. Just sayin…
16. Kristin H | March 18th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I’m with Swistle. The beginning of March sucks, but you always know the end is going to be warmer. Come on, March! What’s that, a little more snow? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
I’ll take March over February — endless February — any day.
17. Moose | March 18th, 2008 at 11:20 am
I was in Bed, Bath and Beyond the other day, and they had a Sounds of the Season section. Which begs the question, WHAT SEASON? What sounds could possibly be attached to March? The sound of icicles crashing through your front window? The sound of regurgitated guiness hitting the floor? Bunnies frantically mating? Seriously, BB&B. I am confused.
After a six month freelance stint and a current three month on-site stint, I am keenly aware of how much happier I am getting out of the house every morning. I really hope I can continue to drag my lazy self off the couch every day when the contract job ends.
18. McWriter | March 18th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I too am mildly obsessed with The Real Housewives of New York City. I have watched each of the first two episodes at least THREE TIMES EACH.
What is my problem?
I’m just sitting there thinking, “If you’re so damn REFINED, then why are you sweating yourself so damn much on CABLE for all to see? Um, do we have small diamond syndrome?”
And then I watch it again.
19. Andrea | March 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Can I just say that while I have many benign reasons for hoping you and Adam procreate at some point (little Jonnikers! What fun!) I must also admit a disturbing amount of selfishness because I cannot wait to read your take on preganncy and motherhood! CANNOT WAIT!
Just that. And the fact that I think you and Adam would make awesome parents because you are both smart people, you have the ability to laugh at yourselves and not take yourselves too seriously, and again, LITTLE JONNIKERS! How awesome is that!
So, um, I know you haven’t announced a second pink line or anything, and I know a lot could happen between the “hey, Doc, here’s our thoughts” visit and the confirmation of such thoughts, but I just wanted to squee a little bit. I can’t help it.
LITTLE JONNIKERS!
20. may | March 20th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I just found your blog today because of a link on Swistle. You’re great! I’m really enjoying it.
And my two cents – we’ve been living in this sucky basement apartment with NO WINDOWS for over a freaking YEAR, and when I don’t get out, I WANT TO KILL. So I drag my 9 month old out into the elements every day so he looks slightly less vampire-like – although his teeth aren’t helping. It’s kind of nice to know that there are other people who have to drag themselves out of the house every day, too. Although at least everyone else has a clue what the FREAKING SUN looks like.
Sorry. Issues.
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed