Fix-it Men
March 30th, 2008
Well, I sincerely hope your weekend involved excitement and non-stop thrills, because mine sure did, and sadly, those thrills did not involve gazing along bucolic Vermont roads in search of the best sugar-on-snow as planned, but instead, revolved primarily around various and sundry bronchial and HVAC woes.
Mmmm, HVAC woes. Scintillating topic of conversation, yes? The shortest version is that the reset button on our oil furnace keeps mysteriously going off, and who doesn’t like to wake up freezing and trek outside in the snowy Vermont winter to the furnace room to reset the button, ONLY TO HAVE IT GO OFF AGAIN A MINUTE LATER? AND A MINUTE AFTER THAT? AND A MINUTE AFTER THAT, TOO?
Also, I watched I Am Legend this weekend and trekking around in the dark after that is unappealing, to put it mildly. There could have been Darkseekers out there ready to gnaw my face off like a chicken leg, for chrissake.
Which brings me to scary movies: enjoyment or lack thereof. I hate them. Hate. And I realized while watching “I Am Legend” that I am rarely more miserable than when I am watching a film designed to startle and/or frighten me in any way. I don’t see how being on edge is enjoyable, for I find fewer things things less pleasurable than being terrified ON PURPOSE.
Horror movies make me cry. I get so stressed out about what might happen that I just break down. I … I truly don’t get it, and when I’ve queried various people who love them — notably Adam and TwoBusy – many cite an unexplainable thrill in being scared, particularly in the theater. Plus, there’s that whole “It reminds me that I’m alive!” argument, but God no, I’d rather clip my nails to the quick and BLEED for that reminder, thank you. I can handle anything else: dramas, tearjerkers — minor thrillers, even! I was fine with What Lies Beneath! FINE! But things JUMPING and bloody people and DARKNESS, oh my hell, no thank you. No zombies, either. NO ZOMBIES.
Anyway, ha HA, did you notice way back up there that I said winter? Because I don’t know if it’s spring where you are, but it seems when someone announced that spring was here, they totally spaced on informing Vermont. And this morning when I woke up, it was 45 degrees INSIDE THE HOUSE and hello, snow! So nice to see you again.
Also worth noting is that no one is sleeping due to what we have affectionately referred to as Adam’s Bronch, and our poor visiting houseguest endured two solid nights of hacking and wheezing through the paper-thin walls, and yes, there is a lesson here: If you come to visit us, DO NOT HAVE SEX unless you’re an exhibitionist and want us to hear every bump and grind.
And finally, I made Persian meat patties for dinner tonight and lo, they were fabulous. I discovered the recipe on CityMama after being strangely riveted by the whole J&J brouhaha and I now believe the whole thing happened because God wanted me to find the recipe for those patties. Yes, it was all about me. They’re delicious! And simple! Except, if you make them, might I recommend that you add an extra half teaspoon of salt? Not to go all Tom Colicchio on you, but they were well seasoned, but in dire need of salt.
I hope you had a great weekend. I am looking forward to the dawn arrival of Furnace Fixing Man so that I may stop venturing outside to a very scary furnace room. Because did I mention that thanks to I Am Legend, I am now TERRIFIED of the dark? I just ran from the dark kitchen to the bedroom, because there could be someone THERE. TO EAT MY FACE.
*Reindeer Section
(Random side note of major importance: If you haven’t heard of the J&J mess by now, might I urge you to stay away, even though I mentioned it? I know this makes me a hypocrite, but man, everyone enjoys getting their vicarious Internet Dramapants on once in a while, but this was so PAINFUL, and I am now regretting joking about it, but feel like a tool editing it out. I think … I think I would rather read pages and pages of extremely sanctimonious women proselytizing about breastfeeding and attachment parenting vs. CIO than endure such absurdity again.
Unfortunately, this is a lesson that I seem perfectly content to learn over and over again, and next time someone sends me a link to something, will I remember this? No. No, of course not. I will read it and waste several hours of my precious time. In other words, do as I say, not as I do.)
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
23 Comments Add your own
1. She Likes Purple | March 30th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I turned to Mike halfway through I Am Legend and begged, “Can we please go home.” I was so scared! But then I found myself recommending it to people, and why would I be so cruel? Why would I do that? I haven’t come up with an answer either.
2. SB yes that SB | March 30th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Another reason to hate scary/horror movies? My boss, the most evil woman on earth, LOVES them. She has let her daughter watch things like Saw and Halloween 63 etc her whole life. WHO DOES THAT?
3. Suebob | March 30th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Oh, hey, I realized what my ick word is. “Pampered.” Urg. It makes me want to hurl. NO I DON’T WANT A DAY OF PAMPERING. Because I will end up in Depends soon enough, thank you.
Oh, it is so awful. Pampering. Eew.
4. the new girl | March 30th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I had NO idea that I am Legend was a scary! It looked all sci-fi and ‘Castaway’, like. I mean, I probably should’ve guessed if you’re THE ONLY ONE LEFT ON THE EARTH that perhaps something scary was happening but I am now SO glad that I never watched it.
5. Desha | March 30th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I have not a CLUE what the “j and j mess is\was….but now I MUST know. Please disabuse me via email asap. Good luck on all ventilation/circulation/resopiration issues!
6. MsPrufrock | March 31st, 2008 at 3:28 am
I guess next time you’re asking for movie recommendations I will not suggest The Orphanage (El Orfanato), as it is rather terrifying. A great movie, but I am a horror movie fan and I was still on edge. I actually had goosebumps and was sitting on the corner of my seat. How cliche, I know.
I don’t know what the J&J thing even is, but I have a habit of seeking out things on the internet that I know will piss me off. I guess I like sitting at my desk all indignant and soapboxy. I’m particularly touchy about breastfeeding issues, and now feel like I should spend awhile figuring out what you’re talking about so I can waste a few hours getting upset at invisible internet people.
7. jonniker | March 31st, 2008 at 4:32 am
Suebob: PAMPERED. YES. It’s such a gross word! It is! I forgot about it until you mentioned it, and I can’t stop laughing. Also, its product derivative: PAMPRIN. GROSS.
The New Girl: I don’t think it WAS that scary! I don’t! I mean, normal people probably won’t, but to me it was horrifying. I hated it. Hated. It.
MsP: Oh, this really has very little to do with breastfeeding at all as an issue itself, I just brought it up because I HATE breastfeeding pissing contests on the Internets and really, in some ways, this was almost as bad.
8. Janssen | March 31st, 2008 at 5:14 am
I LOATHE scary movies. I had a boyfriend in college who loved them and would always make me watch them with him and then he’d drop me off at my dorm at like. . .two a.m. and there would be no one around and I’d have to ride the elevator up to my room on the sixth floor and behold, I thought I would die of terror.
9. claire | March 31st, 2008 at 5:28 am
I hate scary movies, too. HATE. I don’t understand the joy of scaring the crap out of yourself, either. Mostly because the scared feeling doesn’t go away when the movie ends. Like you, i always feel that the “Whatever Bad Movie Scary Thing” is lurking around every corner waiting for me to fall into its snare or EAT MY FACE. Yeah. I’m right there with you. I just don’t get it.
I also don’t know what the J&J mess is, but i’m very curious now… must look that up.
10. TwoBusy | March 31st, 2008 at 5:39 am
(rolling eyes)
11. H | March 31st, 2008 at 6:12 am
Is your furnace room outside? Just curious how that works. Around here, furnaces are usually in the basement but if there’s no basement, they’re in a room – like a closet – so I sort of assumed that’s how it is everywhere.
12. Andrea | March 31st, 2008 at 8:36 am
I Am Legend scared the pee eye ess ess out of me. My SIL has the movie and the second time they put it in (for other guests there that hadn’t seen it yet) I spent an inordinate amount of time in the kitchen googling at my daughter, especially when Robert had to kill his dog. I cried the first time, lo, I bawled. Poor Sam.
However, I find the disturbia kind of horror movies inexorably magnetic to me. I can’t not watch, because I feel that if I watch, maybe if there’s some kind of plague/infestation/videotape killing prophecy that ends in a girl with long inky hair crawling out of my TV, then maybe I’ll have some chance of survival. I do the same thing with books. After watching I Am Legend, I was spawned to read World War Z (also on recommendation of Linda at Sundry Mourning back in her archives when she was reading it and talking a lot about zombies in her hilariously irreverent way that made it irresistable), which I would highly recommend not only for the story but for the style in which it was written. Remarkable.
Between hiding from the dark and making sure I have a weapon that can be used beyond arms’ reach so as to kill the zombies, I’m becoming one paranoid person. Maybe you’re right. Maybe such uncomfortable sensibilities are a bad idea.
Good luck with the heater.
13. Andrea | March 31st, 2008 at 8:45 am
And yes, J&J = overblown. I agree that the disinvitation of the breastfeeding mother because she couldn’t be separated from her 9 week old was really tacky, but honestly, I think it’s a lot of ado about not much. I hope that it teaches a lesson in the future to companies like J&J about being explicit in expectations but I don’t think they started out to be ignorant and they just made a mistake. And someone said in the comments about one of the multitudes of posts about it that it when it comes to PR, some bloggers are pickier than others about how they’re solicited in terms of marketing and advertising, and it’s hard for the companies to know the level of due diligence they need to do in order to make bloggers happy. I kind of agree with that.
But hey, it’s a new world, the marketing to bloggers bit, and we’re all learning. Chalk this one up in the lessons column.
14. slynnro | March 31st, 2008 at 9:33 am
God, I am so with you on the scary movies. And just about every movie is scary to me. I mean, like, freaking Ghostbusters is about as much as I can handle.
15. Kristin H | March 31st, 2008 at 10:10 am
So do you like scary books? I am re-reading Salem’s Lot right now. I guess I just get the urge to revisit vampires every once in a while, even though when I turn off the light at night I have to wake my husband up to get him to…I don’t know, protect me somehow. From book vampires.
16. rosarita | March 31st, 2008 at 11:25 am
I completely agree with you about the scary movie issue, but have to say the I didn’t find I Am Legend to be all that scary. Will Smith pulled of the Cast Away bit pretty well (and how come the German shepherd didn’t get second billing?) but the ending was so hokey and lame!
17. Allison | March 31st, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I liked “I am Legend” and I’m not really one for horror movies. I think I was more fascinated by the shots of the overgrown streets and the utter silence in New York City.
Incidentally, I was at IKEA this weekend and thought of you (I am not a stalker. Really) because one of their products was called Jonaker. I can’t remember what it was now, alas.
18. jonniker | March 31st, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I’m laughing at all the “Uh, I Am Legend wasn’t that scary, was it?” comments. Because no, no it wasn’t. Except to me IT WAS. I DO NOT KNOW WHY.
Kristin: I do like scary books, I don’t know why, but I TOTALLY KNOW what you mean about waking up the husband. And would you believe that during an Anne Rice phase several years ago that I actually believed that there WERE vampires and thus was afraid to go outside at night? Oh yes. And I also knew they could hear me breathing. Smooth.
And Allison, that’s hilarious! I now feel like I have to buy it.
19. skiplovey | March 31st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I hate scary movies too. You know what’s worse? When people try to convince you that you like them when you’ve told them a million time no way. You’d think you know what you like right? But yeah, scary movies = the worst.
20. moo | March 31st, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Ah, well, I think it’s just Vermont, welcoming you to the North. Hello, Floridians! It seems to be saying. Welcome to the North! YOU PUSSIES WE OWN YOU NOW BWHAHAHA.
You’ll be so thankful you moved there in September, however.
21. Jess | March 31st, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I hate hate HATE scary movies. I totally refused to see I Am Legend and not just because the previews made it look like that dog was going to die and I HATE THAT. Also because when I saw The Ring I spent the whole time under the blanket (so maybe I can’t really say I “saw” it so much as I “heard” it). And I still haven’t recovered from being forced to watch Saw.
22. Dana | April 1st, 2008 at 8:47 am
I like zombies but I cannot take ANY horror movie with kids in it because either the kids are the victims (and I’m a crybaby) or the antagonists (“Pet Semetary?” Scary kids scare me) and I can’t hang either.
Yeay for no dramapants! I agree with you. If drama unfolds at the J&J thing I’m going to sit in the back with a beer and watch. Better than reality television.
23. Swistle | April 1st, 2008 at 9:53 am
1) I am THE SAME in re scary movies. I hate them.
2) Thank you for specifying that the J&J thing to which you refer is not worth getting involved in. I was thinking, “J&J thing? What J&J thing? Should I check this out?”—but all I really wanted was to be told I didn’t need to. I hate getting all worked up as much as I hate scary movies.
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