Everybody Knows
April 2nd, 2008
I had plans with my neighbor today to take the dogs downtown and relax over a cup of coffee near the river. Honestly, it was pretty awesome, as our dogs frolicked (yes, FROLICKED) with other dogs and we relaxed while watching the water roll over the ice. Haaaa, I said ICE. Because when she came to pick me up, she was coatless, clad in only a sweater and jeans and marveled — clearly before taking a look at me — that it was incredibly warm outside, wasn’t it? And then ha ha HA, she took a gander at me, who took one quick gauge of the general temperature and wound a giant pashmina around my neck and threw on a wool coat. Oh, and I grabbed MITTENS just in case, and my hat was firmly ensconced in my pocket. And she HOWLED, because clearly I am not accustomed to this.
No no, it was not warm, and I’m ashamed of myself for saying it, but I’m a winter PUSSY after living in Florida for two years. PUSS.AY. I can hack it if I’m properly attired, but I’m not about to go prancing around COATLESS, unlike some (very nice) lunatics out there.
I had quite the social day, which resulted in getting very little done, but after the Great Sickness 2008, wherein I was apparently sucked into the vortex of misery such that I believed that I, too, was sick, it felt great to get the hell out of the house and into the real world. And, as is the nature of a small town, when I went to work at the coffee shop, I ended up having impromptu coffee with two other people I know in town, which is ABSURD, as I have only been here a month, and how is it possible that I know enough people to have three pseudo coffee dates in one day? THE HELL.
Dude, it’s lovely — please don’t get me wrong, for I honest to God love it here, and that’s an integral piece of my love — but I’m surprised that I sort of miss anonymity. Not on a regular basis, of course, and certainly not enough to actively COMPLAIN about it, but there’s something I’ve always found vaguely comforting about being able to go somewhere that you can just disappear into the crowd and not see anyone who knows you. I used to love that about Boston — whenever I needed to think something through, I would pick a section of the city like Beacon Hill or the Back Bay, and just walk around, stopping for coffee and lunch by myself. Despite its size and my network there, I never found Boston to be like New York, where you run into people you know every time you head out (at least I do. Every time I visit. EVERY TIME!) It was wonderful — I honestly like being alone quite a bit, and to a certain extent, I need a little of that on a semi-regular basis, even if it’s just a long car ride.
I mean, I can be alone in my house all day if I want to — Adam goes to the office and since I work from home, it’s all mine — but there’s something incongruously perfect about going out into the world to be alone, I don’t know what it is. But here, I’ve honestly never gone anywhere, from the grocery store to the hardware store to a WALK THROUGH THE WOODS, NO JOKE (THE WOODS, AS IN PATHS IN THE WILDERNESS) without running into someone I know. For God’s sake, even when we took Adam to the ER on Sunday, the woman checking him in read our address and got all excited, introducing herself as our neighbor, and hey, what a great time to meet new people, when you’re hacking your lungs out and delirious with fever!
Dude, that’s NUTS. NUUUUUTTTSS. It’s like ONE DEGREE OF SEPARATION ALL OVER THE TOWN. And I’ve been here ONE MOOOONNNNTH. In three, I expect that it’ll be like goddamn Cheers all OVER this place.
While this doesn’t present many challenges — hell, it’s incredibly soothing, really — it does force me to look decent wherever I go, because LORD KNOWS I’ll run into someone who will tell someone else that they saw me and that I was wearing a T-shirt with beet juice dribbled down the front. Really, this HAPPENS. The second woman I had coffee with told me that she heard from the first that I was there and she thought she’d say hi. MY GOD. THE SMALLNESS. SHE HEARD I WAS THERE. And the second woman told me that she was worried about the first, as she was “looking a little peaked.” And she wasn’t being gossipy — she was genuinely worried, oh my hell. Beet juice would spark rumors of a bloodletting, especially if word of my screaming gets out. But they would be NICE about it! SO NICE!
The also prevents me from driving as I usually do. I … I’m an animated driver. The word “douchebag” comes out of my mouth perhaps a bit more often than it should and I do a lot of arm waving and the occasional middle finger flipping, despite repeated warnings that someday, someone is going to shoot me in a road rage incident. I know this is bad and rather obnoxious, I KNOW. But rest assured, that option has been ripped off of me like wet T-shirt. Jesus, I’ll flip someone off and they’ll turn out to be the owner of the bookstore I frequent or the checkout girl at Shaw’s whose mother is the dental hygienist in town who cleaned my teeth and knows my husband’s boss and WHAT THEN? Adam will be fired and we’ll be run out of town with pitchforks and torches, that’s what.
I know, I’m sounding crazy, I KNOW. But I’ve never lived anywhere this small before, and to have that degree of “oh HI!” all over the damn place after a month is just … I’m sorry, but this is just … it’s freakin’ surreal. The whole thing. SURREAL.
Happy Thursday! I have … I have yoga. Third week in a row, and I expect my ass will be none too pleased, for I couldn’t walk until Sunday after last week. SUNDAY.
*The Decemberists
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
20 Comments Add your own
1. Jess | April 2nd, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Oh NO. I didn’t even THINK about how terrible it would be to have to restrain your… more animated gestures while driving before you inadvertently offend the only OBGYN in town and wind up having to deliver your future baby yourself. What a mess waiting to happen! I could never live in such a situation.
Also, when I left North Carolina to go to college in Massachusetts? I didn’t know that the temperature could actually get below 0. Did not know. Finding out was one of the worst things that ever happened to me.
2. kirida | April 2nd, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Oh the smallness. Do you think that in the summer there will be spontaneous picnics? It seems like the kind of place where that would happen.
3. She Likes Purple | April 2nd, 2008 at 8:57 pm
That’s kind of hilarious because about halfway through I thought to myself, “Well, then she has to look presentable all the time“
4. vague | April 2nd, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Man, on one level I am jealous of your small town and winter (I know people may hate me for complaining about this, but it has been 75 for the past couple of weeks and I still feel like I got cheated out of winter somehow, moving to where I did).
On the other hand, I think I would find it exhausting to live in a place where everyone knew me. I have to (HAVE TO) have my alone time. Also, even in the medium-sized town where I live, I am in constant fear of being spotted by one of my students when I am in the Kroger wearing sweat pants and no make-up buying, like, wine and cookies. I have gotten very good at sneaking around and hiding behind produce displays. I’m sure that doesn’t look weird at all.
5. Swistle | April 3rd, 2008 at 3:28 am
The first time we had to take a child to the ER, the ER nurse turned out to live right around the corner from us (which I am totally keeping in mind in case of an apocalyptic situation). And we were all “*wringing hands and fretful*” and she was all, “Oh, hey, small world, I’ll probably see you around the neighborhood–and back here again, of course!” And then the funny thing was, we saw her twice the next week: once at a yard sale and once at the library.
6. Carol | April 3rd, 2008 at 4:41 am
I completely understand how you’re feeling. I could never live in the town where I work – running into students at the grocery store is HELL. It’s bad enough if they trek down here to the big city – last night I saw a couple at Barnes and Noble. They were staring and whispering – “Is that her? Is that Ms. G? Look at her ! She looks terrible!”
Ok – I couldn’t hear them, but I get what you’re saying. I’m not used to it either – and I’ve been here three years. i run into people everywhere too, and I think there are a million people in Salt Lake!
hang in there…you’ll learn to control yourself – stop the swearing, drinking, heavy partying – HA HA Seriously – they’ll all love you – middle finger and all – as they get to know you even better.
7. TwoBusy | April 3rd, 2008 at 5:01 am
Northern Exposure: The Jonniker Years
8. Sadie | April 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 am
Yes, why DO I always run into people I know in NYC? I mean, I don’t know THAT many people, and aren’t there like 8 million people in New York City? What a strange phenomenon that is, and thank you for confirming it. Because I live in a town of 55,000 and can go months without seeing someone I know at the grocery store. But I go to NYC for one day…
Also, yeah, I could not handle the small town-ness you’ve got going on. No way. That would be cute for like two weeks and then I would be holed up in my house, praying for dark so I could slink out unnoticed somewhere, ANYWHERE.
9. -R- | April 3rd, 2008 at 7:31 am
We visited my sister-in-law who lives in a town of 3000, and I almost had a panic attack just from being there for 12 hours. OMG the smallness. Of course, it was also ugly, desolate, and had one store that was called “GUN STORE” in all caps like that. If I were hanging out with Larry, Darryl, and Darryl, maybe I would be ok with it.
10. cassidy | April 3rd, 2008 at 8:33 am
I feel that way when I am visiting my parents and want to run to the mall. I have to do my hair and put on a full face of make up because I will of course run into someone that I know from high school. I have never gone to that mall and NOT run into someone from high school.
Also, I love, love, love the Decemberists.
11. Heather B. | April 3rd, 2008 at 8:40 am
You are quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers to quote. So thanks! For all the material.
12. Leah | April 3rd, 2008 at 9:23 am
Absolutely everything about this entry is exquisite.
13. Kristin H | April 3rd, 2008 at 9:48 am
I definitely had to tone down my driving when we moved from Denver/Boulder to Indiana. In Denver it was DRIVE or BE DRIVEN OVER, SUCKA. In Fort Wayne, not so much. I found myself driving right up the ass of little old ladies in Indiana (who were GOING WAY TOO SLOW, thank you very much) before I realized that I. Needed. To. Chill. Now when I go back and drive in Denver I’m totally fearful. I have officially lost my edge.
14. Emily | April 3rd, 2008 at 11:01 am
CHEERS! I think I’ll just call you Norm from now on.
15. Desha | April 3rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm
As the (red faced) person who SCREAMED something closely resembling “shmucking shmoron” out the window at someone who tried to kill me with their car/stupidity ….and than realized who it was, I FEEL your pain.
16. Erin | April 3rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
It isn’t too small until you sneeze in the middle of the grocery store and then go home to find the old lady from down the road ready to come in and cook you chicken soup because she heard you were sick.
17. ali | April 3rd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
what i wouldn’t give to have my house to myself. just once. even for 30 minutes. ah, would be bliss!
18. Pages tagged "the decembe&hellip | April 4th, 2008 at 12:31 am
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19. velocibadgergirl | April 5th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I live in a mid-sized city, and usually run into or see at least somebody I know anytime I go out in public. It’s really weird. Not as weird as your small town stalkery thing, though.
Also, shout out to the Decemberists! Woo! <3
20. Mauigirl52 | April 12th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I always start controlling my tendencies to honk at people who take too long to turn right on red, or whatever other unpleasant driving habits I may have, when I get within about a mile of my job. With my luck I’d honk at someone who turns out to be the director of Finance or something, or perhaps someone I work with directly, which would be mortifying. So I know how you feel about having to tamp down your driving instincts!
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