Bottle It Up

I always feel crappy after railing on something I didn’t like — I mean, certainly I meant what I said, but wow, harsh much, Jonna? Because, of course, I whine and bitch on this here website about things that, when compared with things like mass genocide and missing children, are a bit on the petty side. But meh, I didn’t like it and yes, I did want to slap her, albeit very gently. I did! And I’m sure plenty of people have wanted to slap me and I’m okay with that.

And after that tirade, it’s with great irony that I tell you that the book I am most looking forward to this year is almost out and I AM BESIDE MYSELF. And HA, guess what? It’s a memoir! ABOUT DIVORCE.

IT BURNS LIKE THE SUN.

Incidentally, I will finish “Eat, Pray, Love,” because I have this odd compulsion to finish every book I start. This actually came up in therapy once, several years ago, and my therapist was determined to make a THING of it, like it had some sort of DEEPER MEANING. I didn’t like that therapist much, because she was looking for meaning everywhere, and after a while, it was just plain exhausting. Sometimes you just want to finish a book you started so that you can say you finished the book and whatever time you put into it wouldn’t be entirely wasted. You see? Sometimes a bad mood is just a bad mood and sometimes finishing a book is just a compulsion.

Ahem. At any rate, the whole point is to recommend Suzanne Finnamore, who has another book coming out on Thursday, and it might be the first book I pick up the VERY SECOND it’s available. In fact, I pre-ordered it from my local bookstore, which is something I’ve done precisely zero times before, not even at the height of Harry Potter panic.

(Please don’t make me defend my Harry Potter habits again. I … I read them all. Gleefully.)

If you haven’t read her before, “The Zygote Chronicles” is one of the best pregnancy memoir-type books (fictionalized memoir, I’m betting), and “Otherwise Engaged,” (also a fictionalized memoir, if you ask me) is equally good, and I have a battered, dog-eared copy that I’ve had for years. Both are fantastic and razor-sharp, and I am incredibly disappointed that the family I sort of watched the formation of has obviously crumbled. She’s not everyone’s cup of tea — some find her elitist and a little out of touch with the common (wo)man — but I can’t help but adore her. Also, if it’s not obvious, what I’m recommending here is not highbrow literature or even mid-brow literature, so come back another day if that’s what you want — this is pure, puffy chick-lit, albeit in a slightly more intelligent form.

Aand I know what I’ll be doing this weekend, which means I’d better pump through “Eat, Pray, Love” before then, which is painful, as India is SO PAINFUL. So uh, woo hoo.

So! Onward! I called the dentist for a cleaning today and when I asked if the doctor was taking new patients, the secretary actually replied with, “Well, yes, the doctor is taking new patients, but you might want to have your mom and dad call and schedule for you! A grown-up needs to make those appointments, sweetie.”

A GROWN UP.

This also reminds me of a vague logistical question: say you’re trying to uh, plant a tulip, and are tentatively planning one last vacation for your fifth (FIFTH!) wedding anniversary before the tulip blooms, realizing that because of the tulip gestational period, a tulip cannot bloom before, say, August, when your anniversary is. Is there any reason why one shouldn’t go ahead and book this? I mean, aside from the sort of maybe puking and exhaustion during said vacation. And if you were wondering, this would be to a beachy type place where lying next to a puke bucket is totally acceptable, though it may be out of the country.

And further, there is no guarantee that the bulbs will even be planted, so why NOT, is kind of what I’m saying, because if I don’t, then come August, it would be very disappointing and foolish to not go on a vacation that was not scheduled because of an event that didn’t happen.

But maybe I’m wrong.

Happy Wednesday!

*Sara Bareilles

35 comments April 15th, 2008