Untold Stories
April 17th, 2008
I liked my new primary care doctor immediately, and oddly, it was because of
Eat, Pray, Love. That book is becoming my new litmus test as to whether I will like a person. That’s not to say that if you liked it, I will NOT like you — I love plenty of people who loved it, surely, and that includes family members — but if you don’t like it, or at least don’t love HER, it’s a marker of sorts that perhaps we could be kindred spirits.
Dr. L walked into the exam room, as I sat there sweating in my open-front cotton robe. She introduced herself, then turned to the book she saw in my purse.
“You love it? Everyone seems to.” She was assessing me coolly, but not unkindly.
“Not really. I think she’s self-absorbed. And I just finished India, which was the worst part.” I had already told the nurse AND the receptionist this, when both asked. It seems I can’t even be polite about Liz Gilbert when strangers ask me this question, and I give a stone-cold answer every time.
“No,” she shook her head grimly. “Indonesia is much, much worse. She thinks she shits GOLD in Indonesia.”
And so began a doctor’s visit wherein I almost threw my arms around my new physician with mad love, but refrained from doing so, not only because I would have pressed my entirely naked body against her (why open in the front? WHYYY?), but because I was inexplicably sweating like I have never sweat before. Yes, it was 70 degrees out today, but that was absolutely no reason for the sweat. It was like a Bikram yoga session — and worse, the more I stressed about it, the more I sweat. I had nearly drenched the see-through robe by the time she arrived, and though she was incredibly disarming and kind, I continued to pump out sweat like it was my job to provide mineral water and skin bacteria to the entire town.
Perhaps more upsetting, however, is the fact that I asked her for a recommendation for a gynecologist and ended up telling her of my experience at Dr. Leans-A-Lot. And something in her reaction made me think that I wasn’t the first to complain about him, for she was quick to say, “No, ah, I think you’re going to have to go to the city for what you need. I’ll make some calls to get you in.”
And FURTHER, the nurse came in and asked about it and — please tell me you’re ready for this, as in YOU MAY WANT TO SIT DOWN — she noted that I’d recently had a pap smear with Dr. Lean-O, and when I told her it was during the uh, active phase of my lunar cycle (yes, THAT lunar cycle: think Moon Cup) at the doctor’s insistence , she let out a heavy sigh and said, “Oh GREAT. Of course,” and then shook her head. And … and then she followed it up with, “Yes, um, that seems to be his thing. And I’m going to stop before I get in trouble. But I trust you’re not going back there?”
HIS THING. EW. ARE YOU DEAD YET? BECAUSE I HAVE DIED.
And that was before I even TOLD HER ABOUT THE LEANING.
And the worst part is that I’m probably not going to do anything more about it than what I’ve already done. After my appointment, I got a survey from the hospital system asking me to evaluate my visit, and I sort of let it rip. It claimed to be anonymous, but I’m pretty sure that like anything, they could trace it to me based on appointment time/identifying information. But seeing as I saw The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, I’m kind of all set with turning in the creepy gynecologist, and I wish I could say I was above being influenced by a fictional film, but I’m not. I don’t want to die, and I don’t want my gardener turned in for child molestation. Honestly, I’m irrationally afraid of getting in trouble for writing this, like I’ve identified him and given you his phone number or something. Because again, I’m TWELVE.
With that, I hope you have a great weekend. Thanks to you all, I’m buying Terro and eradicating the remaining ants (only three today!). I’m also finishing the albatross that is Eat, Pray, Love and going on a hike, as it’s supposed to be beautiful. And Split is here! It’s here! And I cheated and already started it and might finish it by morning, because I’m a greedy shit. Although would you believe there are greedier shits than me who already reviewed it on Amazon? It came out TODAY.
Are you doing anything fun? Tell me about it either way, if you’re so inclined. Spring is here! It’s here!
*Sinead O’Connor
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
39 Comments Add your own
1. Val | April 17th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Did I just read that correctly? Did you just say that in addition to the leaning and general creepiness that he also required you to have your exam and pap smear during your period? Am I even reading that correctly? Did you say that the first time and I just missed it? Because I am shocked. Even more so than after the leaning/creepy tale. In fact, I was under the impression that the cells occurring at that time of the month could come back as an abnormal pap. Wow. Wow. I’m so glad you won’t be going back to that guy. Blech. Blerg. Urghghgh.
2. jonniker | April 17th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Val, uh, yes. Did I not mention that part last time? I tried to beg off the exam, citing my period and he insisted on doing it. It was creepy.
3. Suebob | April 17th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
His thing!!! His thing. Oh, what a world.
4. Maggy | April 17th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Ooh. He is creepy. I second Val’s opinion.
Ick.
I have only been to a male gynecologist once. He was awesome. And not at all creepy, unlike most of the physicians at the Student Health Center.
Fun stuff: hiking in the town’s “Backyard Reserve,” admiring my daffodils, seeing four deer cross my lawn, telling my dogs to pipe down already. And being the All Mama, All the Time show since my husband is out of town. And will be again all next week.
5. Desha | April 17th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Have DIED of disgusted-ness…it sounds like there could EASILY be a suit against him, if enough people have come to her with complaints! Yuck!
But am very happy to hear that you a) have a new personality Litmus test b) it involves E,P,L and the bagging-on thereof.
6. MsPrufrock | April 18th, 2008 at 4:36 am
I just can’t believe that a gyno that is known to be pervy and a habitual line-stepper is still allowed to practice. Is it ok to violate women as part of your job now? Ew. I feel gross just reading this, so I can only guess how you felt actually being in the same room as this freak.
7. Shelly | April 18th, 2008 at 4:44 am
You know, it’s amazing and sort of stalkerish how I seem to ‘bond’ with you internet people……I’m SO glad you said that about your new primary care–because when I ‘connect’ with someone, I so want to be their BFF…….and somehow I don’t get the impression that the sentiment is returned–and then I end up feeling like I’M weird, or creepy or something……so I’m glad it’s not just me that has MOMENTS of wanting to hug people and beg them to have coffee with me….because I’m REALLY nice and SOMETIMES funny……
The sweating? Yeah…..I sweat at the MOST inappropriate times……and then I get more nervous about the sweat and it gets WORSE and hangs in DROPLETS in my hair. Ugh.
Hope the Terro works…….Ants, ticks and fleas are really the only thing that truly gives me the heebie jeebies……..I don’t LOVE other bugs, but I can deal….but the ants….and TICKS? No effing way. Fleas aren’t much of an issue–(she says KNOCKING ON WOOD) but we had an infestation one time……and I’ve never been SO grossed out. So starting about NOW I check my dogs obsessively and use the greasy dog flea stuff that goes down their backs…….SHUDDER. Hate fleas and ticks.
My cat was terribly FACINATED with the Terro, since the ants came in droves to eat it……we had to bump him off the kitchen counter alot for a day or so….but nary an ant have we seen recently…..YEAH!!
8. TwoBusy | April 18th, 2008 at 6:00 am
Stories like this make me very, very happy I’m a guy. (And, projecting my wife into your shoes/johnnie, VERY eager to express my extreme displeasure to your ex-Doc in no uncertain terms.)
9. She Likes Purple | April 18th, 2008 at 6:44 am
This line, “I don’t want to die, and I don’t want my gardener turned in for child molestation” is why I’m so glad I started my dad reading your post. It’s always nice to laugh that hard first thing in the morning, before answering even a single work e-mail.
10. She Likes Purple | April 18th, 2008 at 6:49 am
*DAY, started my DAY
11. H | April 18th, 2008 at 7:46 am
I also sweat like a pig as I wait (fear of doctors) for the doc to come into the exam room. The weird thing is I also get this fight or flight reaction so I’m also very cold. I usually shiver, my feet and hands are freezing and the sweat makes me even colder as it runs down my naked sides.
I’m spending the afternoon at a track meet during which it should be 66 degrees, sunny and calm. You have no idea how excited that makes me after some of the weather I’ve endured. (It is all about me, the spectator, right?!) Also, yard work which, although it is work, is enjoyable because the snow is finally gone.
12. Lawyerish | April 18th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Um. I WANT TO THROW UP NOW. I don’t think you mentioned the cycle issue from the forced pap smear. NO. NO NO NO. That is extremely disturbing. EXTREMELY. My doctor won’t even schedule appointments during That Time. You can’t even ENTER THE OFFICE, basically.
W. T. F.
HIS THING. OH HOW SICK.
13. Jen | April 18th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Re: SLP’s comment – I was all, “Wow, she directed her dad here? I don’t think my dad would be hip enough to find a blog, let alone hip enough to read about a horrendous OB/GYN….”
Because seriously, that guy is a HORRENDOUS OB/GYN. Sick sick sick. How does he still have patients?
14. jonniker | April 18th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Jen: He was the only one in town that I could find that was taking new patients — his OFFICE (not him specifically) had come recommended by someone I know in town. HA HA, now we know why he was the ONLY ONE taking NEW PATIENTS. GRARHGHTKTH.
15. Sadie | April 18th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Yeah, um, my doctor also doesn’t want anything to do with me during That Time, and I assumed that was a General Gynecological Rule. Oh dear god, Jonna, I am just going to straight ditto everything Lawyerish said.
But uh, congrats on finding a kindred spirit doctor. But wait, no, this is no time to attempt to comment blithely on any other topic…YOUR OB/GYN WANTED TO EXAMINE YOU DURING YOUR PERIOD BECAUSE HE HAS A THING I JUST DIED
16. jen | April 18th, 2008 at 9:05 am
The best way to make sure your issues with him are taken seriously (and anonymously) would be to tell your insurance provider. I worked for a huge HMO right out of college and complaints like this were treated as a very big deal… medical directors got involved, senior staff, etc. and they didn’t stop until the issue was resolved.
Every medical provider’s credentials are reviewed by a credentialing board on (what at least used to be a) three year basis by insurance companies. If Dr. Leans-a-Lot has enough dings in his record, the insurance company will drop him from the network. I’m not saying your complaint will get him kicked out, but it will bring some needed scrutiny and that might be all it takes for him to un-creep-ify his practices.
(And yet I would be extra careful if you ever hire a nanny after that…)
17. Swistle | April 18th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I shy away from words like “validating,” but sometimes such words are TOTALLY CALLED FOR, and your experience with your new primary care doctor (and nurse) was awesomely validating. I am both thrilled and appalled. On one hand, it’s so great to know they know, and that your impressions were right. But if they KNOW about him, why haven’t they DONE anything? Why are they allowing him to KEEP DOING THIS?
I ALWAYS sweat profusely during doctor appointments. WHY OH WHY?? It is so embarrassing!
Also: Split came in the mail today! I am all, like, SQUEEEEEEE.
18. Kristin H | April 18th, 2008 at 9:28 am
The gyno thing is SO gross. Like others have mentioned, I thought it was a rule that they didn’t want to see you at that time of the month. That guy is sick.
This weekend we are headed to Michigan to visit my grandparents. The last time we tried this trip the baby threw up all over himself and his carseat 10 mintues after we were on the highway. So we’ll try it again, hopefully with less puke this time. Have a great weekend! I am jealous of your proximity to hiking trails.
19. Andrea | April 18th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Any doctor who says “She thinks she shits GOLD,” in front of a new patient is worth their WEIGHT in gold. I love the candor.
And EW with the Creepy Leaner Doc. My GOD. I really feel like I need to bleach my whole body from just reading that. I can’t imagine how dirty it makes you feel.
I like Jen’s idea about going anonymously to the insurance people and saying something. Doctors can’t practice this day and age without insurance to cover their asses, and no one should be covering this guy’s ass for this behavior. Ugh. Ralph.
20. Leah | April 18th, 2008 at 10:48 am
The gyno story just keeps getting worse and worse. I wouldn’t be suprised to find out he had come to your house in the night and put ants on your walls himself.
This weekend we’re going to a Scottish festival. Kilts, bagpipes, log throwing, and hopefully rolling large rounds of cheese down a hill (am I thinking of the right nationality on that one?).
21. Shelly | April 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I am totally in love with your new doctor. She is fantastic.
And Dr. Leans is way beyond creepy. Follow Jen’s advice to the letter!
22. T | April 18th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
hello there, i popped over from sundry mourning. i just HAD to comment…you should complain about that yukky doctor to the medical board! they do keep track & he can lose his license, which it sounds like to me he shouldn’t have anyway! a friend of mine did that after a dr at a low income clinic screamed at her and told her she was going to burn in hell (or something like that).
23. Daily Tragedies | April 18th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Yeah, I’m with Lawyerish — every doctor I’ve ever had reminds me that we can’t schedule the annual exam during “that time.” I was under the impression that it would interfere with the actual EXAMINATION and certainly would taint the sample collected for the Pap test. And I’ve had more gyno appointments than anyone who isn’t pregnant should ever have.
EW EW EW EW EW
I like the contact-the-insurance-company route.
24. Mammaren | April 18th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
EWWWW EWWW EWWWWWWW!!!
Creepy creepy.. Not only a leaner but a PERV?? GOD, EWW!!
and the sweating OH MY THE SWEATING.. Me too, it’s worse, you know, when you are “cultivating tulips” by the way.. MY GOD the sweating at check-ups.. and pretty much during the entire cultivation process..
Kudos for the Bikram reference. I am a LOYAL Bikram addict and it is the ONLY time in my whole life I actually tolerate and enjoy sweating.
Must try the Terro..
25. Mammaren | April 18th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Jonna, You’re going to love THIS
26. clickmom | April 19th, 2008 at 3:15 am
You have to turn the guy in. What if the next leaning victim is 17 and going to that kind of doctor for the first time? It’s your responsibility as a human to look out for others and turning the guy in is the least you could do.
27. jonniker | April 19th, 2008 at 6:11 am
Clickmom, I’ll turn him in to my insurance company, but that’s where it ends — I did that once before, and was satisfied that I’d done what I could. I won’t go any further than I’ve already gone with the hospital — I would, perhaps, if it were larger, but this is a *very* small town, and an even smaller hospital system.
28. slynnro | April 19th, 2008 at 6:41 am
I absolutely refuse to read that book. This woman sounds awful! Do NOT get the appeal.
29. Leane | April 19th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
EWWW. (his thing)
I read through Eat, Love, Pray and only got past Italy..And never felt obligated to read further! So the book sits behind other books that I’m reading..and eventually I will put it on a shelf and say “goodbye” to it happily.
30. Camels & Chocolate | April 19th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I took a college course from Liz Gilbert, who was a visiting professor at my university, during my senior year in 2004. It was pre-publication of Eat, Pray, Love, but she must have just gotten back from her yearlong journey (I didn’t know about it until the book came out, so she obviously didn’t brag to her class). She was actually very charming and I adored her. All I’d ever read of hers at the time was Lucky Jim, an excellent article that won her an ASME award, and the original magazine story published about Coyote Ugly (most people don’t know, but that was originally an article based on her life). Funny, though, since I’m a travel writer by profession, I felt obligated to read the book. And two years later, I have yet to make it through. Rather, it’s getting dusty on the top shelf of my bookcase, where it has set since a week after I first purchased it (well, borrowed, oops, but never returned!). The whole premise is admirable, sure, but I made it to India and just about fell asleep. Every time I picked it up. So yes, I’m write there with you, and I just don’t understand why (cover and title aside), when there are so many excellent travel memoirs out there, hers is the one that has been #1 for more than a year.
31. Camels & Chocolate | April 19th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Wow, someone needs to spell check her comment posts. RIGHT there with you, not write. JESUS. And I claim to be a writer — lack of sleep, I promise!
32. Sian | April 20th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Are you not tempted to send Adam round to have stern words with the leaning doctor? That’s definitely creepy – smears don’t work if you’re even too close to your period, nevermind in the middle of it. Ick! I knew there was a reason I always asked for my (female) practise nurse.
33. winterwheat | April 20th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Q: What do you call the person who graduates last in his/her medical school class?
A: Doctor.
Sorry Dr. Leans-a-lot is a freaking pervert. Once when I was in college I was taking a walk, and this guy in a Taurus wagon WITH A CHILD SEAT IN THE BACK pulls up and says, “Want to watch me beat off?” Sounds like Dr. Leans-a-lot’s the same type of guy.
And hooray that you found a great PCP!
34. Meagan Francis | April 21st, 2008 at 10:31 am
I knew I liked you before, but now I think I love you.
I’m sure Gilbert is a great person, and she’s not a bad writer, but so help me, this book needed some heavier editing and a healthy dose of perspective. Of course, saying that to many women (especially those in her target audience I suppose) is regarded as some kind of sacrilege.
35. Toni | April 21st, 2008 at 11:02 am
I admit to angsting my way through much of my 30s (ok and 20s and teens) while having three kids. But as having read EPL during what I like to call my “Fuck You 40s,” the angst and whining in that book made my eye twitch.
I was astonished because person after person gushed over it, calling it life-changing and brilliant. Crying on the bathroom floor because you don’t want to part w/your share of the royalties from writing “Coyote Ugly?” Please.
36. Briana | April 21st, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Hate that gyno. Had a bad male one in college. Haven’t gone to a man since except my OB quit half way through my pregnancy and I ended up with a man, but he was a petite, nice Asian man.
Also, I agree with your take on E,P,L. I bought it for my BFF for Christmas and read it while on bed rest, then decided it wasn’t good enough for her. The woman in the book annoyed me! I’m sending that book on the next bag to Goodwill!
37. Mauigirl52 | April 23rd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
I love your new doctor, and am so glad your feelings of grossity about the creepy gyno were vindicated and confirmed by her and her staff.
I couldn’t finish Eat, Pray, Love. I got stuck in India and never made it to Indonesia. Italy was fun but after that I lost interest in her and her quest. I think she annoyed me as well.
38. Tracy | April 25th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Yay! I feel like I’ve found MY people. I live in a fairly “crunchy” area in the Northeast and I swear it seems every woman I talk to LOVES Eat, Pray, Love. I was reading it on the subway one day and a couple women gushed to me about how much they loved it. I found Liz to be spoiled and self absorbed, and I can not understand having enough time/money to go on a year long vacation to find yourself. Eck, I only got past India and it still sits on my nightstand.
39. Willy Blemberg | February 23rd, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Hello Thank u for a very fresh idea. I am wondering why i have never though of this as well. I will definately try to use your blog for getting some more fresh info!
Thanks!
Aaron Smith
my site
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