I’m Not The Man

I’m really hoping, as I’m sure you are, that this is the last thing I say about Eat, Pray, Love, because dude, I KNOW. SHUT UP, ALREADY. But if you can believe it, it reared its ugly head again today as I was thinking about something, and if you can believe EVEN MORE THAN THAT, I’ve gotten no fewer than 126 e-mails and comments COMBINED from INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE who told me they hated the book, too, and they can’t stop thinking about it! They can’t!

Anyway, the one point that continues to stick in my craw like a piece of beef jerky that won’t go down — is that he talks of people who cite children as their greatest accomplishments like they are only saying so because they have no other accomplishments to speak of. You see, they poured all the energy into their kids, when they should have been living their dreams. And though she cites Toni Morrison as one who accomplished both, she’s treated as the exception, not the rule.

Granted, this is my interpretation — I doubt she’d agree that’s what she meant — but I feel the urge to say this BEFORE I have kids, lest someone think I was brainwashed by biology: I think, and have always thought, that having children and raising them to be good people is one of the greatest things a person can do, and you’re successful even if that’s ALL you do — which it isn’t, for anyone because I’m assuming that to raise good kids, you have to be a nice person, and if that’s the case, then SURELY you’ve touched someone else’s life.

(It goes without saying that not having kids also leads to great things, and, in fact, was almost the option I picked, and would have been happy with it. But her words felt so either/or!)

Which brings me to the whole point of how I got thinking about this in the first place, in a roundabout way (success? Lack thereof? I don’t know!): I’ve met surprising number of people — here, more than anywhere else I’ve ever lived, but certainly other places — where a level of education and academic-type knowledge or skill (?) is valued over tangible, real-world success. Perhaps it’s because I live in an academic town that I see this more than other places, but I know an inordinate amount of people who have achieved very little in terms of professional and/or personal accomplishments (by this, I mean a job they like, family, travel, whatever), and cling to prior academic/literary/artistic pursuits, sometimes as far back as HIGH SCHOOL, because that’s the last time they achieved their definition of success (art, writing, literature, whatever).

Apparently, to apply what they love to a real-world job would be selling out and this, of course, is kowtowing to The Man. Ergo, they would rather eschew anything that smacks of sold-out success (read: anything that is remotely traditional, like being an SAHM (D) or working for a corporation-type thing) in favor of … well, I don’t know what. Pride in not selling out to The Man?

I guess I should preface this by saying that The Man and I are really good friends. Actually, I LOVE The Man. The Man has paid my bills for the better part of a decade or more, and lets me tinker with words and semicolons and stuff that I like for the benefit of a paycheck. Yes, I could make more money doing something else, and I have made that choice, and may make it again later in life. I’m cool with that, and don’t hold it against The Man. And though The Man doesn’t do things EXACTLY as I’d like, I never felt like I was in a position to complain, because again, The Man gives me money, sometimes for things like writing bad catalog copy, where as Not The Man does not. The Man sort of rules, even when he’s annoying as shit, is what I’m saying, and since Adam and I have both historically chosen jobs/careers that we’ve (sort of) liked, selling out to him hasn’t been all that painful.

I realize it isn’t this way for everyone, but I’m truly mystified by people who would rather toil away doing something they deplore that makes them miserable and further, doesn’t even pay well (a high paycheck is a totally acceptable standalone reason to sleep with The Man. BTDT, is what I’m saying), for the sake of some kind of INNER SUFFERING rather than “selling out.” And yet I’ve met a surprising number of them! Yes!

And if it were just so that they could work part-time in the salt mines to give them time to pursue whatever it is they truly love then YES, I would be RIGHT BEHIND THEM! Except no! Many of them complain that the mines take up too much time to study Saussure! And having a family is FAR TOO PEDESTRIAN. THEY ARE AN ARTIST. So then I’m left to shrug and think maybe if one’s definition of success is so astonishingly unattainable, then maybe you should redefine it? But I don’t see how knowing 100 ways to refer to Chaucer in conversation helps you, especially if you spend your evenings stuffing envelopes and hating every second of it.

And now that I’ve talked and written myself into a corner that is either incredibly offensive (sorry, if so — I don’t mean to be, I’m just EAGER TO LEARN MORE) or incredibly confusing and banal (that’s where my money’s going), because I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING AT THIS POINT. I ask you: What do you do for a living? (you can be as vague as you want, and yes, SAHM/D is included here). How do you define success? Do you get it from your job or in your family and friends, or both? Something else? Do you sell out to The Man and like it, or do you sell candles (METAPHOR) so that you can do more thinking about Derrida?

(My answer: While I have things I want to accomplish outside of ManWhore-related activities, I am grateful that I’ve gotten paid to do things that I actually enjoy — not always, but sometimes, and that’s enough. And further, I consider myself lucky to have a great marriage with a dude I actually want to have a family with — which I’ve finally seen as a clear accomplishment, thank you maturity — and when I do finally have a family, I like to think that it will be a significant marker for my own success, if only for the enjoyment I derive from seeing kids grow. I would say the same is true for my relationships with my family and friends. Do I always subscribe to this and NEVER engage in self-flagellation? HA! HA! OF COURSE NOT. The Man is not perfect in his wisdom.)

And herein ends the most ill-conceived piece of writing ever. But it’s late, I’m tired and OH YES, I have had wine.

Happy Tuesday!

*10,000 Maniacs

61 comments April 21st, 2008