I’m Not The Man
April 21st, 2008
I’m really hoping, as I’m sure you are, that this is the last thing I say about Eat, Pray, Love, because dude, I KNOW. SHUT UP, ALREADY. But if you can believe it, it reared its ugly head again today as I was thinking about something, and if you can believe EVEN MORE THAN THAT, I’ve gotten no fewer than 126 e-mails and comments COMBINED from INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE who told me they hated the book, too, and they can’t stop thinking about it! They can’t!
Anyway, the one point that continues to stick in my craw like a piece of beef jerky that won’t go down — is that he talks of people who cite children as their greatest accomplishments like they are only saying so because they have no other accomplishments to speak of. You see, they poured all the energy into their kids, when they should have been living their dreams. And though she cites Toni Morrison as one who accomplished both, she’s treated as the exception, not the rule.
Granted, this is my interpretation — I doubt she’d agree that’s what she meant — but I feel the urge to say this BEFORE I have kids, lest someone think I was brainwashed by biology: I think, and have always thought, that having children and raising them to be good people is one of the greatest things a person can do, and you’re successful even if that’s ALL you do — which it isn’t, for anyone because I’m assuming that to raise good kids, you have to be a nice person, and if that’s the case, then SURELY you’ve touched someone else’s life.
(It goes without saying that not having kids also leads to great things, and, in fact, was almost the option I picked, and would have been happy with it. But her words felt so either/or!)
Which brings me to the whole point of how I got thinking about this in the first place, in a roundabout way (success? Lack thereof? I don’t know!): I’ve met surprising number of people — here, more than anywhere else I’ve ever lived, but certainly other places — where a level of education and academic-type knowledge or skill (?) is valued over tangible, real-world success. Perhaps it’s because I live in an academic town that I see this more than other places, but I know an inordinate amount of people who have achieved very little in terms of professional and/or personal accomplishments (by this, I mean a job they like, family, travel, whatever), and cling to prior academic/literary/artistic pursuits, sometimes as far back as HIGH SCHOOL, because that’s the last time they achieved their definition of success (art, writing, literature, whatever).
Apparently, to apply what they love to a real-world job would be selling out and this, of course, is kowtowing to The Man. Ergo, they would rather eschew anything that smacks of sold-out success (read: anything that is remotely traditional, like being an SAHM (D) or working for a corporation-type thing) in favor of … well, I don’t know what. Pride in not selling out to The Man?
I guess I should preface this by saying that The Man and I are really good friends. Actually, I LOVE The Man. The Man has paid my bills for the better part of a decade or more, and lets me tinker with words and semicolons and stuff that I like for the benefit of a paycheck. Yes, I could make more money doing something else, and I have made that choice, and may make it again later in life. I’m cool with that, and don’t hold it against The Man. And though The Man doesn’t do things EXACTLY as I’d like, I never felt like I was in a position to complain, because again, The Man gives me money, sometimes for things like writing bad catalog copy, where as Not The Man does not. The Man sort of rules, even when he’s annoying as shit, is what I’m saying, and since Adam and I have both historically chosen jobs/careers that we’ve (sort of) liked, selling out to him hasn’t been all that painful.
I realize it isn’t this way for everyone, but I’m truly mystified by people who would rather toil away doing something they deplore that makes them miserable and further, doesn’t even pay well (a high paycheck is a totally acceptable standalone reason to sleep with The Man. BTDT, is what I’m saying), for the sake of some kind of INNER SUFFERING rather than “selling out.” And yet I’ve met a surprising number of them! Yes!
And if it were just so that they could work part-time in the salt mines to give them time to pursue whatever it is they truly love then YES, I would be RIGHT BEHIND THEM! Except no! Many of them complain that the mines take up too much time to study Saussure! And having a family is FAR TOO PEDESTRIAN. THEY ARE AN ARTIST. So then I’m left to shrug and think maybe if one’s definition of success is so astonishingly unattainable, then maybe you should redefine it? But I don’t see how knowing 100 ways to refer to Chaucer in conversation helps you, especially if you spend your evenings stuffing envelopes and hating every second of it.
And now that I’ve talked and written myself into a corner that is either incredibly offensive (sorry, if so — I don’t mean to be, I’m just EAGER TO LEARN MORE) or incredibly confusing and banal (that’s where my money’s going), because I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING AT THIS POINT. I ask you: What do you do for a living? (you can be as vague as you want, and yes, SAHM/D is included here). How do you define success? Do you get it from your job or in your family and friends, or both? Something else? Do you sell out to The Man and like it, or do you sell candles (METAPHOR) so that you can do more thinking about Derrida?
(My answer: While I have things I want to accomplish outside of ManWhore-related activities, I am grateful that I’ve gotten paid to do things that I actually enjoy — not always, but sometimes, and that’s enough. And further, I consider myself lucky to have a great marriage with a dude I actually want to have a family with — which I’ve finally seen as a clear accomplishment, thank you maturity — and when I do finally have a family, I like to think that it will be a significant marker for my own success, if only for the enjoyment I derive from seeing kids grow. I would say the same is true for my relationships with my family and friends. Do I always subscribe to this and NEVER engage in self-flagellation? HA! HA! OF COURSE NOT. The Man is not perfect in his wisdom.)
And herein ends the most ill-conceived piece of writing ever. But it’s late, I’m tired and OH YES, I have had wine.
Happy Tuesday!
*10,000 Maniacs
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
61 Comments Add your own
1. Danell | April 21st, 2008 at 7:30 pm
I always felt like loving your job was a GOOD thing…I’m a veterinarian and I feel like my job and hobby are really all rolled into one. I feel successful because of that. On the other hand, my husband (who makes much more than I do) HATES his job and it has nothing to do with anyof his hobbies. While he is successful financially, I have no doubt that he would jump all over the chance to change to a job that combined his hobbies AND paid the bills. Why in the world anyone would CHOOSE to separate their work from their hobbies or “calling” or whatever is beyond me. I mean, I call myself a veterinarian, I don’t say “I do veterinary work.” Getting paid for loving my job makes me want to do a little jig almost every day.
Hmm. Ramble ramble ramble. Not sure if my comment is really addressing your post or not? Heh.
2. Jennifer | April 21st, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Delurking. I’m a stay at home mom and I home school my children. I define success as contentment. I am so happy to spend the days doing exactly what I do. We aren’t rich. I don’t care for status. We don’t live in a magazine home, but I’m really quite satisfied with our lovely little garden, our happy little children, and a loving marriage. Is there anything else to want?
3. Desha | April 21st, 2008 at 7:44 pm
I looooove my ‘official” job…but am currently in QUITE a power struggle with my husband because..not to put too fine a point on it, but the man would HAPPILY (and has, for years on end) let me work-work-go crazy-work without lifting so much as a damn finger, not with housework, not with cooking, NOTHING. So as an (extreme) last resort, I am BOYCOTTING..work, even the work that I looove to do, in the hopes that it will FORCE him to get a frickin’ J…O….B..or get serious about what he calls his work.
As for ‘selling out’ to ‘the man’ – I’ve never had any excess cash lying around that afforded me the ability to be precious about my convictions towards the man. Fortunately, I’ve also always had really cool bosses and jobs that I’ve learned a LOT from.
As for that information (about E.G. deploring people with kids): that makes me reeeeallly not want to finish the book. For the first time..ever. What a…I’d say douchebag, but its insulting to douchebags. I’m far from the person to say that ‘being a good parent’ is a ‘career’, but I do think that if, 20 some-odd years out, you can look back and see that you have a good person/people as kid/s, you have made an invaluable contribution to humankind. Especially if you can give them a core value system that includes care for our planet and other people and their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.
(Don’t get me started on what if you’ve made 15 “invaluable contributions to mankind’ who are all right-wing, extremist religion holding, gun-toting, bad/judgemental people. Or if you’ve generated even ONE self-important assbag that writes ‘poor me, I have to NOT have a baby, I have to leave my two houses and travel the world, bla-bla-bla’ books. That is a horse of an entirely different color.)
4. She Likes Purple | April 21st, 2008 at 7:50 pm
I work in publishing which is vague, I know, but I feel like I’ve told you what I do before (e-mail-to-e-mail), right? I love what I do. I don’t make an obscene amount of money. Fine, I don’t make much money at all, but I do love it. And I write on the side, a little bit.
Again, I love my job. I feel LUCKY (especially working in this field in Texas) but I define success as a happy home, a healthy body and a strong circle of support.
I think I feel this way because I saw (firsthand) that good intentions aren’t enough when it comes to family — it takes so much work and effort to have a happy and peaceful home and when you find that (when you live that) you have accomplished something so rare and beautiful.
I am so proud of my (measly BA) diploma because I earned it — and it wasn’t easy. But it’s not a yardstick I measure success against. Instead, my in-laws (who have been happily married for 30 years), my relationship with my best friend of 15 years, my nephews’ happiness, my laughter-filled wedding reception, watching The Office with my husband and laughing together until we both are crying, and the ability to be forgiving, compassionate, and kind are examples of how I measure success.
5. leenie | April 21st, 2008 at 7:51 pm
i work as a managing director in a small (art-related) non-profit, and also work independently as a pre/post natal fitness trainer. both jobs are deeply personal and important to me, and i’m bowled over daily by how fantastic (and lucky!) it is to get paid to do things i love.
i think that’s a part of it– getting paid to have a lifestyle that suits you doing what you love. the other part, the part i’m just now figuring out is to be doing that in the middle of a community of other people who also love what they do. that’s success, and there is nothing better.
6. Suebob | April 21st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I have 2 jobs. One is not fulfilling but pays the bills, the other is very fulfilling but does not.
My not-fulfilling job could scarcely be more for The Man, since it is for a Fortune 50 corporation. But guess what? My perks include them paying for my gym and up to $5k a year for ANY higher education I want to get – I can study art history for all they care, as long as it is at an accredited institution. If I join WW, they pay half the fees. So there are definite payoffs besides the salary.
7. slynnro | April 21st, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I’m a lawyer and (SURPRISE SURPRISE) I hate what I do, consequently success at my job certainly does not define success for me in any form or fashion. Obviously, I prefer not to suck at my job, but I can’t take it much further than that. I wish I had a job I loved, but even then, I can say with great certainty that that job would not entirely define success for me. I’m currently working on being more successful at being a more well-rounded person and not letting the “I’m a busy lawyer” excuse keep from doing other things I love.
8. Kristin | April 21st, 2008 at 10:30 pm
You’re just really damned smart, Jonniker. That’s all I have to say about that.
9. Marin | April 21st, 2008 at 11:47 pm
I wonder what people define as selling out to The Man: is there a money threshold? (I think this is a big part of it…to be fulfilled, to some, you must be “struggling”.) Time spent with The Man? I don’t really get it; people need to make money and eat, obviously, so if you’re employed by a big company but you still engage in your hobbies, are you a sellout?
Oh, me. I’m in college, and I work in doctors’ offices during the summer/winter breaks. I think I’ll probably be defined as a sellout eventually, as the two fields I’m looking into have high societal value for most people. Maybe, though, the fact that they both take a lot of years of academic work will negate my sellout factor? Who knows…luckily, though, I know that I don’t want to do either for the money.
10. Leigh | April 22nd, 2008 at 4:30 am
As a corporate lawyer I may, in fact, BE the man, But I actually love my job and it pays well. I am also a single mom. My son is a teenager and I am seriously questioning your “greatest thing a person can do” premise. I’m kidding, parenthood is very fulfilling. But also, much harder than the job for which they pay me oodles of cash.
11. Kristin H | April 22nd, 2008 at 4:33 am
I own a laboratory with my brother and dad. So, since I am in charge of other people, does that make me The Man? Or wait, maybe I am totally thumbing my nose at The Man for working in my own business. Then again, I practically fell into this business since my dad started it, so maybe I am merely The Man’s lackey.
In any case, I love my job. There is no where else in the world that I could have this particular situation, and I love it. I plan on homeschooling my kids and working part time, and I’m so fortunate that my situation will allow it. My definition of success is the same as Jennifer’s: contentment. I love my kids and husband and my life, and I could not be luckier.
12. H | April 22nd, 2008 at 5:49 am
I work out of my home for a large corporation and while my job suits my skills, it is very stressful and not very fulfilling. I stay with it because I support the family and carry health insurance. The benefit of working at home is huge and the pay is much higher than I’d get paid in any other job in this smallish city. The things I’d love to do (but have nothing to do with the business degree I have) would interfere with our family life and don’t pay well. I hope that I can continue to support the family until the kids are out of college and then I will pursue “fun” things. My husband loves his job but it is not very stable and does not pay well.
I’ve raised (so far) terrific kids — not perfect, but terrific — and I consider that a great accomplishment. While I admire those who are working to cure cancer, I think my contribution to society is two kids who are kind, loving, compassionate people and will contribute to society in their own way.
13. -R- | April 22nd, 2008 at 5:55 am
I am a lawyer who represents The Man. My husband is a lawyer who represents indigent people and fights The Man. I feel like we balance each other out.
To be honest, I think I define success by accomplishments at work. I love my husband and am happy at home, but for whatever reason, I don’t think of that as “success.”
14. Jen | April 22nd, 2008 at 5:56 am
My husband and I have a conversation along these lines all the time. To us, we always come back to feeling like it’s ridiculous that we spend more time with our coworkers than we do with each other. For us, our time together and someday with our kids is more valuable than our jobs. We both like our jobs (I’m a corporate communications writer for a healthcare company) but define our success as more than just success at work. It’s so many things – having a nice, comfortable home, being able to go on the occasional vacation, being able to pay the bills, being able to spend time with our friends and family, and so much more than just our jobs. Maybe if we felt our jobs were having a huge impact on the world (say, finding the cure for cancer) we’d feel differently, but the truth is that we’re helping rich companies get even richer, so we value our lives outside of our jobs more.
Sorry for the blathering response. But thanks for the thought-provoking questions. I’m enjoying reading the responses from your readers.
15. askew adventures | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:01 am
This is interesting timing of your question. I’m currently trying to get out of the job I have (Regulatory Administrator in the mutual fund industry, it’s honestly as boring and awful as it sounds) and try to get into something more fulfilling, or at least something I would enjoy as a career. I’d prefer to be an executive assistant or personal assistant or something like that. Basically, a few months ago I realized that my perfect job is getting paid to be a SAHM until I can actually find a husband and have kids and be a SAHM.
As others have said, I measure success by my general contentment. I don’t feel successful yet, but I’ll get there. I’d like to have a family and either a job that I enjoy for the most part or be a SAHM. For now I’m happy with the direction I’m trying to go, so I’m heading for success.
16. Lawyerish | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:05 am
I think I could have picked a career to which I am better-suited on the whole, like something in the helping professions, but in the end, working for The Man (or, as Leigh suggested, perhaps BEING the Man) is really not so bad. I enjoy many aspects of my job, especially being around very smart people, getting to hone my writing skills, playing a leadership role in my workplace, and, well, getting a nice salary with good benefits. But what I do does not define me as a person, nor does it define my sense of success.
Incidentally, I’ve tried six ways to Sunday to live a less conventional life and do something artsy or academic, but it didn’t work for me, for a variety of reasons but chiefly because I couldn’t handle the instability. While I think wistfully about what might have been sometimes, I know that I’m where I am because the straight-and-narrow path was the easiest and most comfortable way for me to go, and that’s fine.
Even though I’m in a high-powered career, my personal definition of success comes from my life as a whole. I think part of it derives from people’s perception of me and my sense of fulfillment in all parts of my life — whether it’s among friends and family or at my church or in my childhood hometown, I think I will be a success in life if I am perceived as an honest and loving person, and if I am able to devote time and energy to things that are important to me personally and that contribute to the greater good (i.e., I can do some things that make just me happy, like running or reading or spending time with friends, and I also devote time to things that in some way contribute to others, like pro bono work).
I think those same standards apply to motherhood as well; I think that giving a lot of time and love to my child(ren) (when I have them) and devoting energy to them while also keeping parts of my own self and life will add to my overall sense of wholeness.
(Could I ramble a little more? Jeez.)
17. Janssen | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:20 am
I work as a personal assistant to the COO of a company I’ve been with for a while (part time sine I’m also in grad school). It’s a great job and I enjoy the people I work with and never feel that dread of going into work.
My main sources of satisfaction come from doing my job well, success in school, having good friends and great relationships with my husband and family.
And I’m looking forward to having kids eventually and homeschooling them and having them be a big part of why I feel like my life is a success.
18. Joni | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:21 am
I recently left my easy, well paying job at a law firm to become a high school history teacher. While I miss the cushy salary and the ability to leave work behind the minute I left the office, I love my choice. Every day I am surrounded by the potential and possibility of our future and have the opportunity to make a difference. Although it’s tough work, I don’t think I could ever do anything else.
19. Sadie | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:26 am
I work for The Man, totally, and it doesn’t bother me at all. I work in media sales, and I am overpaid commensurate to the amount of actual work I do, and though my job is sometimes soul-sucking and I don’t really care for it, it is a way for me to afford the things I DO care for, like a cute little house and vacations and stuff. It just seems like too much work to fight The Man.
20. Jess | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:44 am
I was so with you on this post, every bit of it, right into that corner with you but it didn’t feel like a corner to me. Maybe it’s hypocritical to say this but it frustrates me so much that people are so judgmental about choices that other people make. How difficult is it to realize that the choice that was right for you isn’t the choice that is right for everybody else? And the things that make you feel happy and successful aren’t the things that make everyone else feel the same way? Feminism is all about choice and then women run around judging other women for not making the “right” choice. GAH.
21. Shelly | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:47 am
I have a job outside the home, which I like and am very good at. I do derive some of my definition of success from it. I hope to be promoted very soon. I also have a happy marriage and two healthy, happy little kids. I derive a lot of my definition of success from that. My biggest goal for my life has always been to be happy. I’m finding that feeling like a competent professional in my workplace, with the respect of my coworkers, and feeling loved at home makes me very happy. I’m also pursuing my hobby of photography, as time and opportunities allow. So I guess my answer would be that I’m trying to do it all!
22. claire | April 22nd, 2008 at 7:03 am
At this very moment, i’m defining “success” as being able to get past my corporate internet blockers and finally (FINALLY) being able to leave a comment on your blog. Hooray for sketchy internet blockers.
I think that “selling out to The Man” has a lot to do with the actual company you work for. If you don’t agree with the ethics of your company, but you make a lot of money doing what you do and therefore keep your job simply because you’re rolling in it though maybe hate yourself a little for it? Then i think you’re “selling out to The Man”.
I definitely DO NOT make a lot of money working as a Technical Writer for an engineering group, but i also don’t like what my company stands for…necessarily. Am i selling out? Eh, maybe. I work for a large pharmaceuticals company, so you can draw your own conclusions there.
I do, however, love my job and love the people that i work with. That makes me feel like i’m successful at work, though I don’t feel like i’ll truly be successful until i finish up my degree…
Maybe i should think about all this a little harder. It’s all very complicated.
23. Meagan Francis | April 22nd, 2008 at 7:27 am
I sell out to the Man by writing articles for magazines that sell advertising for baby formula and off-gassing plastic toys and other products that crunchy progressive moms are supposed to hate. I do it because the cash allowed me to stay home with my kids when they were babies (and by extension I was able to breastfeed them without too much hassle) and even afford a few wooden toys here and there. Hm, maybe I should feel guilty about that? Strangely, I don’t. The magazines will exist whether or not I write for them, but at least I can try to bring balance to my stories and do a service to the readers.
Seriously, though, the writerly world (as I’m sure you know) is full, FULL, of people who angst over writing for pay and selling out, and then a lot of those people realize that they actually have to, like, earn money, but they won’t sully their words by accepting money for them, so they end up in some job they hate to pay the bills, become depressed and too often, eventually….stop writing. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I may not have a mad love affair with everything I write, but I’m still writing, and every now and then a project excites me enough to make it all worthwhile.
24. Regina | April 22nd, 2008 at 8:13 am
To me the definition of selling out is doing something you hate and/or that you do not believe in (morally, ethically, whatevery) just for more money. That being said sometimes circumstances make “selling out” a necessity so that other areas of your life can succeed. Basically what i am saying is it must be nice to have mommy’s and daddy’s visa card so you can be a terminal student and never “sell out”! ( was that too harsh/bitter?)
As for what i do i am a graphic designer, i love being a designer but i work in a very small firm where i hardly ever get to be a graphic designer, in fact they have me now doing accounting (after being hired for designer!) Do i feel successful, to be honest not really, me and my fiance make ok money, but we never have time to do the things we enjoy. I feel like we are just spinning our wheels so to speak. I can only hope that what we are doing down will lead to the happiness and freedom we seek a little while down the road.
Sorry you caught me on a down day, I’ll try and be more successful tomorrow
25. brandy | April 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 am
I am currently a critical care nurse. Some days I love my job, some days I hate it. I see that as normal. I originally wanted to be a doctor, but I made the choice for nursing based on my long-term goals. Nursing will allow me to make decent money, while keeping a flexible schedule so I can spend more time with the child I hope to have some day. Do I regret not going to med school and not making more money? No. I still get to help people, and nursing fits better with my priorities.
26. Andrea | April 22nd, 2008 at 9:26 am
My personal definition of success is attaining anything that gives one a sense of accomplishment/makes one feel good about one’s self.
Had a great orgasm? That’s successful sex.
Eaten a great meal? That’s successful cooking.
Whatever floats the old feelin’ good boat.
Personally, I find that I’ve painted myself into a corner, career wise. I chose my major at a time in my life when I had very little confidence in myself and my ability to see my dreams into reality and make an actual living as a writer. So I went with something that I thought would be a good stable 8-5 job that would leave me time when I could write. I find myself without as much spare time as I’d hoped, and while my drive to use my creative juices is there, I find myself locked in a cycle of excuses. I fully take the blame for that, and while yes, I think of my job as a paycheck and I’m not all that enamored with it, as far as jobs go, it’s a really good job. So, I am successful because I have successfully paid my bills for 7 years with the paychecks from this job, and maybe when the kids get a little older and less needy for their very survival, then I’ll have a little time to eek out in a day to write and try to fulfill my personal dreams. I too love The Man.
But I also think of myself as a success in the parenting arena. I have kids, I’m trying to raise them to be good kids. Sometimes I fail in teaching them the way I would like, and the way I was taught by my parents. But I’m learning as I go, and there are times when the warm fuzzies are so strong I nearly cry with gratitude at the opportunity to not only know these kids but to have actually CREATED them. If that’s not success, I don’t know what is. I’m proud of the kids, and they aren’t even rocket scientists yet. One sings the ABCs with a few letters missing and the other is a champion farter, and I couldn’t be prouder.
Success? Not real sure by anyone else’s definition, but by mine, I’m not doing so bad. I get frustrated, sometimes feel like I’m shorting myself, but those are moments I just try to use to increase my resolve to keep some of my creativity on the surface and use it well so it doesn’t atrophy. Maybe at some point I can take it out and wield it again.
27. mar | April 22nd, 2008 at 9:58 am
have to go back when i have time read the comments (almost love reading the comments as much as your posts! the commenters are so witty/great!)
anyway, my occupation, which drives me nutso is as a scheduling clerk in a busy gi clinic. i have no idea what i want to be when i grow up (as 30 looms ever closer), but it’s definitely not this. yet, i can’t think of anything that would pay as well for such drudgery (& the benefits are fantastic when you’ve got a chronic condition like i do).
my social worker friend keeps forgetting to send me one of those career test websites that’s supposed to tell you what to do when you’re an adult. (and i should just mention that when i was in hs my score said i should be a mortician-six feet under, anyone?)
28. amandam | April 22nd, 2008 at 10:25 am
Your self-knowledge on this matter is admirable, I have a very screwed up relationship with “commerce” (my catch-all subsitute term for The Man) and some very real personal conflicts regarding “commerce” versus ART. Pure ART gives me very few problems – that much I do know. Lately I’ve been working, really working, on trying to sort a lot of it out. Just last week, in fact, I was so crisis-struck that I dashed out an impromptu essay on it, just an exploratory thing, while in the office, supposedly at “work.” I learned more. The work continues. The end.
29. Swistle | April 22nd, 2008 at 10:34 am
Oh oh oh!! I TOTALLY agree with you! My throat is closing up a little, I am so in agreement with you! Or at least, I am in agreement with what I THINK you are saying: I got so worked up reading it, I’m not sure I was processing accurately anymore!
This is one of MANY reasons I hate the whole “If you believe it, you can be it!,” “Follow your dreams!,” “You can be anything you want to be!” CRAP people dish out in heaping helpings to children. It’s not TRUE! We can’t ALL be (1) famous ballerinas, (2) famous actors, (3) famous artists, (4) President, (5) famous novelists, or (6) famous singers. But I think people get raised on this “prima ballerina or NOTHING!” swill, and then they get to be grown-ups and can’t accept that SOME people are going to have jobs that don’t Fulfill Their Biggest Dreams, you know? And so they keep going to school, year after year, hoping to be The Most Amazing Thing They Can Think Of, instead of looking for something reasonably satisfying and reasonably wage-earning to do with their lives. I keep hearing this whole “When you find the work you were Meant To Do, it won’t feel like work!,” and that just seems WRONG to me. Like, a few of us WILL have jobs that are So Amazing we’ll be surprised to be getting paid for it. But MOST of us are going to do a fair amount of clock-watching and Friday-watching, and I think that’s okay. I doubt the people working in [insert professions widely considered unpleasant here] are Living Their Dreams, and I also doubt most of them would have the CHOICE, you know?
*pant pant*
Right now I’m an at-home mom and a blogger. Later I plan to find a reasonably satisfying job at the school, so my schedule will fit my kids’ schedule. Later still I’ll find something that appeals. I have no plans as of yet to be a ballerina. I do enjoy my BA degree, even though it has turned out to be virtually unused.
30. willikat | April 22nd, 2008 at 10:40 am
Great post. I’m thinking about these things right now as i was laid off by the Man (a magazine, where I was a writer and editor) a month ago. I am loving the work-at-home freelance thing, as it definitely does not feel like I’m working for the Man, and some options have come my way that might be related to very much the Man and Selling Out, and it has become a weird notion for me to even be considering it. . . and I’m not sure what to think at this point about that or anything else, but I DO have the pay the bills, and the Man certainly can help with that if He hasn’t already laid you off…
31. Jennifer | April 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
We’ve emailed about this before — I’ve worked for THE MAN for nearly 30 years, and have managed to stress myself out of my mind. My original job (computer programming) was fun and creative. But then I got older, got an MBA, started focusing on my extroverted talent (dealing with people, products, sales) and joined the real sleazy, selling-out, trade-show’d, “put a positive spin on something that sucks,” “it’s not a bug, it’s a feature” stuff. I was very good at it, but it was life-draining, time-consuming, always a conflict, never good enough.
I finally worked out logistics and insurance and timing, and I resigned as of March 17 2008, YAY.
Now in retrospect (while not under the oppressive mantle of 20-hour days, working all-nighters, and the lose-lose scenario of having management tell me I suck no matter how hard I work), I am starting to look back on my corporate years with a little perspective. I made lifelong friends (other extroverts who traveled and suffered with me side-by-side), saw the world from a business-travel perspective, learned a LOT about myself and my decisions, and made a boatload of money which I saved. That nest egg is now allowing me to take some ME TIME and create a non-TheMan existence. I’m thinking about focusing on my long-lost music (I used to be a very good pianist as well as an oboe player), doing more sports, volunteering with the foreign exchange students here… the sky’s the limit it seems. But first I’m going to chill out and enjoy the summer with no obligations… finally a rest after 30 years of a gun to my head.
32. Lawyerish | April 22nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
OMG, what Swistle said! WHAT SWISTLE SAID!!
I think a HUGE problem with kids/young people today is that they are stuck on those goofy princess/sports star/whatever dreams that are, for most people, WILDLY unrealistic, and they have little appreciation for practical skills or know-how. And then they get stuck basically doing nothing because they feel somehow entitled to pursue some unrealistic ideal.
I mean, while it’s great and certainly a goal to love what you do for work, there is a reason it’s called WORK and there’s a reason you get PAID for it — because it’s not playtime or floofy cloud-riding dream time. Not that we all have to suffer just to pay the bills, but we have to accept (and teach our kids) that work has its own value and one can derive happiness from lots of things outside of one’s career.
33. Leah | April 22nd, 2008 at 11:20 am
Working as an editor is a dream come true. I can say with full conviction that if I won the lottery, I would continue to work as an editor. (Maybe not as much, but I would still do it regularly.) That said, I don’t think most people will be lucky enough for their passions meet up with their careers–at least not in a meaningful and fulfilling way (which includes making enough money to live on). I don’t think this is pessimistic but realistic, and realism is eventually something adults have to come to grips with. (Adults also need to come to grips with the fact that their high school accomplishments don’t really mean jack now.)
Whenever certain “artistic” friends of mine have groaned about having to work for The Man when what they really want to do is paint/dance/write, I say, “Great! Go for it! But know that you’re making a choice and all that comes with that choice.” What this means is that when they finally quit the money job to paint/dance/write, I usually then get an earful about how they’re sooooo poor and how they neeeeeed structure. Waaaaah. I smile and nod and try to be sympathetic, but I really want to say, “But you chose this! This is the life that most painters/dancers/writers lead!”
So often we’re told to figure out what our passion(s) is/are and then find a way to make that into a career. I think a lot of people would be better served to find jobs that allow them to pursue their passions separately in their down-time. Sometimes passions should remain hobbies rather than become vocations. That’s what I think.
34. Sonya | April 22nd, 2008 at 11:40 am
I studied English Lit. in college only to turn around and work as a stock broker. So I guess you could say that I fellate the Man? Be that as it may, I don’t feel like a sellout because I don’t rate my success based solely on my job. Of course, certain job-related qualifiers enter into my success-o-meter, such as how hard I work and if I’m treated fairly. But I don’t rate my own success based on what other people’s perceptions of me may or may not be.
After I had my college degree in hand, I thought I had achieved “success”. Then I realized it was a piece of paper. Such is the way of success. It’s much like the pursuit of happiness, in that it’s ellusive and often ill-applied.
I try to think of it more on a daily scale, and the overall qualifier is balance for me. I feel successful at the end of a day if I know I’ve been productive at work, taken the time to walk outside and hear the birds chirping, cooked a good meal for my husband, really listened to people when they spoke to me, etc. Success is having a life that I enjoy and for me that means being fully aware and intrenched in whatever is at hand. Some days are more successful than others of course, but it’s a good model for me to work towards.
35. Jennifer | April 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
What Leah said (and Swistle too). I have always been an “amateur musician” and have done a lot of freelance work, while in parallel working for THE MAN. I have met a lot of professional, schooled musicians who really have trouble making ends meet. They have told me, every one of them: “make music your advocation, not your vocation.” I have enjoyed and valued my music very much, because it is such a treat when I have the time to do it, and because I can afford to do it (it’s not paying the bills – it’s a muse, but still a serious one that I devote much effort to).
36. Blythe | April 22nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
An abrupt life change – quitting my career of 10 years, moving overseas, and becoming a hausfrau/full-time mom in the space of 18 months – made a lot of this stuff clearer for me. While I wasn’t exactly working for The Man (I was in Higher Ed), I was very committed to my job and it defined me probably more than it should have.
I’ve mellowed out on the job-as-success-indicator, but I’ve realized that I still require a bit of external, measurable validation. I know all the degrees/promotions/high salaries won’t mean much unless my family is happy, but if I can have a bit of both, then I’ll feel like an incredibly lucky person. And while I hope to raise a happy, healthy, contributing member of society, somehow I see that as my son’s eventual accomplishment more than my own.
(Perhaps I feel this way because I spent my day trying and failing to teach a toddler not to pound himself in the head with his fist when he’s happy, thereby causing pain, thereby commencing the shrieking. An Employee of the Month badge would feel damn good right now.)
37. Shelly | April 22nd, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I work for State Government–Iso my employer is totally THE MAN…..t’s a terribly low paying job, BUT I’m really good at it, and I like it and I have HUGE flexibility—I’ve been able to be a full time employee and a 2/3 mom to my kids…..I got off early enough each afternoon to be home w/ my kids when they were little…and I am SO proud of that….I could NEVER be a stay home mom…….I don’t have the patience, but this afforded (and still affords) me the opportunity to help w/ homework, cart around for sports, and ATTEND sports, and doctors, and ALL the things kids need………..whew. I feel like a success in my job—even though I barely make enough to call it a job……and I feel like I’ve been a successful parent to my boys.
I am desperately TRYING to teach my son, who suffers from ENTITLEMENT syndrome that a JOB is the way to go. He’s worked at a grocery store for a year and a half now—been promoted and he’s worked in MY office as a temp during the summer. He’s accusing me now of ‘forcing’ him to work in an ‘adult’ job (by coming back to my department and work again this summer–filing and scanning). I’m trying to teach him that in a Capitol city, that the contacts and good job accolades he gets as a TEEN will crossover into his adult life and he’ll be glad he schmoozed with the ‘grown ups’ someday—when he needs a job, or a reccomendation or SOMETHING. My department LOVED this boy and are anxious to have him back….that says something for the kid in my opinon….and he feels oppressed. Sheesh.
Oh, and as a totally off topic sidenote, my local library does not have Susan Finnamore’s “The Zygote Chronicles” and “Split” is still on order. BACKWOODS LIVING sucks sometimes. I’m going after work to check out “Otherwise Engaged” today.
38. Gentry | April 22nd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I’m switching to the “kids as an accomplishment” theme. The thought makes me roll my eyes and then barf.
Getting my pug to sit on command. That’s an accomplishment
39. jonniker | April 22nd, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Gentry, I’m not sure what you mean; are you saying that kids AREN’T an accomplishment, or that the idea that you can’t accomplish anything else if you have them is bullshit?
Because I think the latter, if that’s not obvious. I mean, dude, people have children and lives go on ALL THE TIME. But I also think that if you cite kids as an accomplishment that you’re proud of, that’s okay, too. Very few of us accomplish major life-changing things in our lifetime — we can’t all cure cancer. Some of us live smaller, quieter lives, and that’s no less valid. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. There’s no point in not living just because you’re waiting for your big break.
40. Shana | April 22nd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I feel like you do, about kids. But I’ve always known they were in the cards — I’m the oldest of four, so I figured out long ago that I wanted sprites of my own. Maybe just one or two, though.
As for work: didn’t get to do traditional college thing due to some really nasty family problems, so I worked at $8-11/hr. jobs in retail, hospital billing, and advertising. Got married young, etc. At 28, I’ve finally worked it out so that I can go back to school, planning to go into nursing, then NP/PA/nurse anesthesia. Wanted to be a doctor all the way through school, but am no longer up for such a huge commitment, and my grandmother was a nurse, so I feel a pull that way. I figure it’s a job that will never go away, it pays decently, there’s the dealing-with-the-body and helping-people things that appeal to me, and grad nurses make 2-3x as much as floor nurses, so I should eventually be in a pretty good financial place, to make up for some of the inevitable nurse burnout. In addition, the hours are flexible, and working 3-4 long days a week is common, so some family flexibility.
However, the way hospitals are these days, it kind of is selling out to The Man, but indirectly. Pffft. Everything’s a freakin’ corporation if you drill down far enough, it seems.
This thing you say, about smaller, quieter lives, and not all being able to cure cancer is something that’s always bothered/scared me, but that I’ve never really expressed to anyone. Dammit! A little “light reading” (break from studying for tomorrow’s physiology exam) reminds me of one of my biggest discomforts. Heh.
See, you totally make the peeps think.
41. Shana | April 22nd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Ooh! Jennifer! Comment #35 — my husband is a musician at heart, but is professionally a video/audio producer/editor. He does the TV and radio commercials for . He took the job because he has a chronic (well, terminal, if you want to call a spade a spade — cystic fibrosis) illness, and, after ten years of owning his own small company, was seeing huge health ins. hikes every six months, working constantly, and not making enough money to live AND pay self-employment tax on.
So his doc said “go work for a big company.” He did. He likes it, likes the job most days, the pay’s pretty good, and the benefits are decent.
Back at the beginning of his career, he did audio editing, and original music, jingles, etc. He said it sucked the fun out of music, and made it all work. He really has found that he prefers to separate most-favoritest-hobby and work.
So there’s something to be said for separating your work and your passion, but I wish his hand hadn’t been forced by his health. I’m sure there are loads and loads of people out there who only wish they had the luxury of a choice.
42. Moose | April 22nd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I am in the midst of trying to figure out my stance on this very question. (I’m also trying to find a job.) (Go figure.)
I spent most of my 20s working for a small nonprofit theater magazine and loved it. But I had to get very creative with my food budget. I found that the closer I got to my 30s the harder it was to make [insert small number here] without feeling like a bit of a failure. (Living in San Francisco amongst wealthy internet types has skewed my perception a bit, I grant you.)
Success to me seems to mean finding a way to do what you love – be it paint, raise potty-trained weasels, or bicycle across small European countries – while also living a comfortable life. That seems to mean having a job that pays you decently while still allowing enough time to do whatever it is you enjoy. Balance can be tricky, but when is it not?
Now all I have to do is figure out how to apply this admittedly vague concept to my own life.
43. Shelly | April 22nd, 2008 at 3:12 pm
“Very few of us accomplish major life-changing things in our lifetime”
Ahh, Jonniker, living our LIVES is a life-changing thing…..every choice you make, and every thing you accomplish or fail at is a milestone of sorts, so I must disagree about the life changing things…..
For some of us, the act of checking out a recommended book from the library and beginning to read it is HUGE, and for others if they weren’t busy doing ‘SOMETHING’ every moment, they feel as if they are wasting their lives.
It’s a matter of perspective and balance. My children are the best thing in the world, but also the most stressful……..but would I go back and not be stressed and not have kids? NO WAY. To quote Dr. Phil (roll your eyes if you want to), there is no REALITY only PERSPECTIVE………or something like that…..
I hang out with my friends, and totally enjoy my husband….I stress over money and teenagers, but for the most part, I am really happy–without a corporate career or high paying salary….I like the midwest (although, I will see New York one day), and I like being a lazy, everyday, person.
44. Mandee | April 22nd, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I decided to serve the man by going to law school. I really wanted to star on Broadway, but decided acting in a courtroom would be the next best thing. Having just survived my first jury trial, I can now tell you what I’ve suspected for years–boy was I wrong.
After really serving the man (working at a big firm in a big city) for a summer, I decided to take a much less Man-serving route by working at a small firm in a smaller town in the Metro area. I find myself quite often defining my success (or lack thereof depending on who you ask) based on my job status. I chose not to go the big firm route even though I had that opportunity, and that is simply unheard of in the legal world. Now that I’m looking to make a move, it’s hard not to let other people’s definitions of success infiltrate my own definitions. Luckily, I have great friends who remind me of all the other things I’ve been able to accomplish as a result of my job (most significantly, helping my sister–a single mom-raise my nephew).
So, I do my best not to let my job define my success. It’s certainly not the biggest source of pride in my life. My relationships with my family and friends hold that spot.
45. Sara | April 22nd, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I’m a stay-at-home mom, but I have no problem with working for The Man. I’d love to. Really. I mean, not for the money, but for the joy of helping out a faceless corporate entity. Srsly.
Oh, who am I kidding? I AM SO POOR. It’s great to be able to say that you work for contentment and all that — and I love being home with my son — but hello! Money! I miss it, a lot! If you are reading this, Oppressive Patriarchal Power Wielder, give me a call! I will definitely work for you!
So, yeah. I don’t know how I’m doing on that whole “success” thing. On the one hand, I have a tidy — if old and ugly — home, an adorable kid, and lots of fat cats to pet. On the other hand, I have holes in my pants and the adults in the house often eat ramen for a week or two between my husband’s paydays. Also, I never see grownups, rarely ever leave the house, and feel insanely lonely on some days. I’d feel so much better socially, mentally, self-esteem… ally, and of course FINANCIALLY if I did something other than mommying. Still, I’d call myself a 50% Win. Life doesn’t suck, it’s just taking a long time to rock.
46. Shannan | April 22nd, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I am just all about personal happiness rather than perceived ‘accomplishments’. I have a good job with the Man but besides the paycheck and the work, it is more important to me that I like the people, the office and the location (water views, Sydney Harbour). I also have a one year old so my three day work week is perfect for my family, so happiness again. And my job takes away a lot of financial stress, so again with the happiness.
47. LCA | April 22nd, 2008 at 5:33 pm
So, OK, I liked (loved) Eat, Pray, Love, and I actually majored in English and read capital-L Literature, and all that. But I’ll grant you that it’s very much of a book that I love because of my experiences with depression and feeling utterly lost and searching for something and fucked up relationships, and all that jazz. It isn’t for everyone.
But anyway, I don’t want kids. Ever. My mom was one of those people born to parent and she’s fucking amazing and she should and does count that as her greatest accomplishment. I’ve gone from aiming to be all corporate and high-powered and that would be my devotion and my fulfillment and success by popular definition would be my main thing in life. I tried that out and hate, hate, hated it. I worked at a corporate defense law firm doing grunt work, and then I worked as a magazine editor. I abhorred spending 8+ hours of my day in a cubicle and really, feeling like I was of no value what so ever.
And at the ripe old age of 25, I feel like I’ve found my calling working at an extremely low-paying non-profit women’s clinic. Clients tell me on a regular basis that I’ve changed their lives, I’m genuinely excited to goto work every morning, my coworkers are like family, and I’ve learned more about leadership and organization management than I ever thought I would. Not everyone is impressed with the job, and it doesn’t require amazing skill, but I’v never IN MY LIFE been happier. I want to devote my life to helping others, and my jb is the #1 most fulfilling thing I’ve done in my life.
48. Swistle | April 22nd, 2008 at 5:45 pm
You really do have great commenters. I mean, each comment is like a great blog post. I read through them and THERE GOES THE EVENING. And without even reducing the numbers in my RSS reader!
49. Allison | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I’m a 7th grade language arts teacher to the general masses. I don’t teach the super smarts, I don’t teach the strugglers, just the middle bunch, who I generally prefer. I guess I could say that I define success when “I see the light bulb go off” or something equally cheesy, but I think I define success in my personal classroom when my kids and I are able to laugh with one another and they feel comfortable enough with me to question my opinions and thoughts but feel equally comfortable with me questioning them in the same manner. I don’t really know if I’m selling out to The Man. I like my job and I enjoy what I do, even if the pay isn’t great, so if that’s selling out, then yes, I do, and I’m proud!
I think I am a much happier person, overall, when I’m working. Maternity leave was nice and all but I was quite ready to return to the trenches when it was over.
And let’s not even go there with the entitled youth thing. Ugh. I see that on a daily basis and face it, we are not all going to be pro football nor pro basketball players.
50. jonniker | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
I agree, Swistle. I … I love everyone, and I’ve loved reading this, and am leaving it up another day JUST IN CASE.
51. Susan | April 22nd, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I work in the music and entertainment business. Though I love the industry, the hours are long and the pay just so-so. I’m a single mom and I am more proud every day of my kids’ small accomplishments than I am of my own achievements at work. Of course a pat on teh back is a pretty rare occurrence at my workplace. Although SAHM-hood is not in the cards for me, I’d like to be able to find a better balance between work and home, because my job is nowhere near 8 to 5, Monday to Friday. I feel like I’m selling out to The Man for a paycheck, but there are many days when I wish it was a different Man.
I guess success for me is just keeping a roof over our heads, food on the table and happy and healthy children. I’ll do whatever The Man wants to ensure that type of continued success.
52. jonniker | April 22nd, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Also, Shelly, I totally know what you mean. I am all about the small things in life that add up to a big impact on someone else’s , if that makes sense.
I guess I meant that we all can’t do something extraordinary in the traditional sense, like write the next great American novel, challenge Baudelaire in our daily poetry readings and cure cancer. You know? But the nurse, the one who helps a patient get through his/her day better? She’s making a big difference. The catalog copy I write for that little perfume house determined to make it? Well, it makes a difference to the family who owns the store, that’s for sure.
That’s what I meant. So yeah, I totally agree with you.
53. Morrigan | April 23rd, 2008 at 6:12 am
This is something I have thought a lot about over the past few years. My first career was with a regulatory body where it was my job to help protect the public interest. It was fascinating work for a cause I believed in, and I was content to work long hours for no overtime pay and even less appreciation. Then there was a change in regime and I was fired and learned that it didn’t matter how well I did my job, how dedicated I was or how passionately I believed in what I was doing — the organisation I worked for didn’t think twice about taking away my livelihood and a job that defined me more than I would like to admit.
My new career is decidedly more Man Oriented. I am an executive assistant in a large financial institution and may actually work for The Man Himself. But I love it! I believe in the values and leadership principles of the organisation, have a wonderful boss and amazing colleagues, stimulating work that suits my skills and interests, better work-life balance than I ever though possible AND I get paid for it.
My job allows me the financial security and external validation I crave (yes, I like being good at what I do and having the respect of my colleagues) and allows me to focus on the other things that make me feel successful in life: my relationships with my husband, friends, family and my cat, my hobbies and interests, and creating a home when people feel welcomed and comfortable.
54. Alyce | April 23rd, 2008 at 7:49 am
My brain is whirling. I want to tackle every topic, every comment, but I think I wouldn’t do justice to all of the awesome things that others have said.
I work for an IT firm. My title is Consultant Coordinator. I talk to clients, manage projects, handle supply chain issues, tell the consultants where they should be and what they should do, and handle the payables and receivables. Basically, I’m the boss, but without the salary that should come with that (bitter? who me?).
I am excellent at what I do, although it is nowhere near my dream job. I taught for a number of years, and while that was fulfilling it was also heartbreaking and demoralizing; I worked at an underfunded Catholic school in Harlem. Administrative work was my out.
I hope to go back to school as soon as family issues permit. While I wish that I had something about which I was passionate, I don’t. Work is work. If I’m going to have to work for The Man, or be The Man, at least I should get paid well for it so I’m aiming for an MBA.
55. melospiza | April 23rd, 2008 at 9:08 am
Delurking because I must comment. Such an interesting topic! So many good posts! Also, I can so see–I can so FEEL–both sides, or two large sides, of this polygonal issue.
1. I have a job. It is a good job: it has benefits, a decent salary, is very flexible; I can bring my kids to work if necessary. I have an office to myself. I write and edit, I give advice, I manage things–all enjoyable activities, for me. I also have two kids, a husband, a dog, and a nice house.
And yet I would not call myself successful, at least not without caveats. I think this is mostly due to the lingering effects of what Swistle talked about: I am not a famous violinst, therefore I have not “fulfilled my potential” (WTF?). I am not a critically-acclaimed and commercially successful novelist. I am not Bill Gates. Therefore, part of me thinks I am not successful: another part of me thinks that this is poisonous thinking. Life is about being happy, about making other people happy, about raising kids who are comfortable with themselves, about making time for things I love. If I was “successful” as defined above I would have none of this (other people might be able to balance it, BTW. Just not me).
2. I also feel like I have sold out to the Man, only I wouldn’t phrase it this way. I’d say: “I don’t have the life I want.” I’m not homesteading in Alaska. I’m not raising my kids on a dude ranch in the Rocky Mountains. I’m not living the rich outdoor life of an itinerant field biologist. The fact that Iam not these things make me sad: I had always pictured myself raising kids in a sort of rural paradise. However, to be quite honest with myself, these dreams are a little ridiculous. No health insurance, for one. No stability, for another. Some people can probably raise kids this way and do a good job and be happy: I’m pretty sure I couldn’t. I’d be a nervous raging bitch, freaking about about every little detail. It would be awful. And yet: the sad.
56. Cassidy | April 23rd, 2008 at 9:37 am
I am a legal secretary by day and a massage therapist by night. I like both of my jobs, but I don’t love them. I make money, more than I need, which is nice and really the only reason I work so much. My success and happiness comes from my relationships outside my work. I have never even had the hope of making money doing something I love, because I still don’t know what that would be. My greatest desire, dream? To be a mom. To stay at home with my kids and love them and raise them to have strong morals and values. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I hope it happens someday.
57. Leah | April 23rd, 2008 at 10:21 am
You have the best comments section on the whole web. First the diva cup, now this, not to mention everything in between.
58. Gwen | April 23rd, 2008 at 6:36 pm
This is a topic that I spend a LOT of time thinking about. I worked for five years in television as a freelancer before deciding to go to law school, which I’m rapidly learning is in many ways jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.
Anyway, I think the real issue is that in America, we all work too much. And honestly, for no good reason that I’ve been able to come up with. If we all worked 35 hours a week and had two or three months of vacation per year, I think it wouldn’t matter nearly so much that we find our One True Calling at work, because work wouldn’t be our entire lives. The commenter above who talked about seeing her coworkers more than her husband really hits home for me — I firmly believe our lives don’t HAVE to be that way, especially not when so many European countries get by just fine with their populations working many fewer hours per year.
I worked a little bit with a union while I was still in TV, and one thing I learned that I still think about all the time is that the reason overtime pay exists is because people didn’t want to work more than eight hours a day. OT pay was designed to be punitive that employers would be forced to keep working hours reasonable. And now instead overtime is completely normal, and the way many companies avoid paying for it is by forcing employees to work off the clock. I don’t know what changed, but I wish it would change back.
I know this is totally rambling, but if anyone’s interested in learning a little more about what I’m trying to say, there’s a great documentary called Who Needs Sleep? that’s not a bad place to start.
59. Mauigirl52 | April 23rd, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Am late to the party here but wanted to put in my two cents. I work in a Big Corporation (the very definition of The Man). Said Big Corporation has been very good to me for lo these almost 30 years (yes, same corporation, although taken over by other companies several times). I’m in market research. For the most part I’ve liked it – and certainly like the money that The Man has provided has given me lots of pleasure in life – travel, ability to help my aging parents and relatives out when need be, ability to pay for my pets’ exorbitantly expensive (but so worth it) vet bills, etc. I agree with your perspective – if these people were actually doing something they loved that paid zilch, then I’d be all for it. But not if they’re basically being ne’er do-wells and not working at all (remind me to tell you about the guy in Hawaii sometime) and living on the kindness of strangers, or even if they are doing something but hate it, I don’t see the point of Not Selling Out to The Man.
60. Kate | April 25th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I wanted to be alot of different things when I was growing up. Everything from a truck driver to an aeronautical engineer. But one thing that always remained constant as a goal was being a mom.
Now, I am that mom. To two adorable little crazy offspring that make me alternately pull my hair out and weep with pride and gratitude. In addition to full-time child-wrangling, I also work part time at a hospital as a Unit Coordinator, which required little education and a lot of experience. I am very good at my job, and have earned the respect and appreciation of my co-workers.
I think success varies from person to person based on what their specific goals are. My goals? To be happy & content. To raise responsible, contributing members of society who value family and are happy & content. To have a long & happy marriage with my husband. To infect people with my zest for life and penchant for positive-thinking. To make sure that the people I love KNOW that they are loved. To laugh often. To be a good friend. To treat others the way I want to be treated.
Have I achieved success? I feel like it’s a work in progress but I’m definitely in the black.
61. Camels & Chocolate | April 27th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I’m late to the party — as always! Sans Internet access really, home for a marathon, and you recently witnessed that sensation so you know how it goes.
I’m a travel writer and entertainment reporter by profession. I’ve never really thought about how I measure success…maybe if my contractors (i.e. magazines) actually pay me within a reasonable time frame? =) e.g. I did a piece for Real Simple in Decemeber, and finally received HALF of the paycheck LAST WEEK. The last few months have been spent trying to get the idiot assistant to put my invoice through. UGH. And as vain as it may seem, I still get excited every time I see my name in print, even though I’ve held journalism jobs for 10 years now.
That aside, I’m a big family gal, so if I please the family, I’m generally happy myself!
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