Ordinary World
May 14th, 2008
At the risk of sounding saccharine, man, do I love spring. I don’t know what it is about spring, but every year since the beginning of my reproductive years, I am overcome at the beginning of the season with this overwhelming urge to have somewhere in the range of thirteen children. No shit, it’s happened every single year since I was a kid — even during the brief spell in my life when I didn’t want children at all. The first few years, I was frightened and convinced that yes, this is what I want, thirteen kids. Yes, yes, I WANT to spend my entire life wiping bottoms and I won’t stop until they take my uterus away! You can’t make me!
But as I’ve aged and endured season after season of this bizarre fleeting urge to BREED BREED BREED, I at first slimmed down my springtime desires to four, and eventually realized that yes, this will pass by July, and I will become a normal person who is happy with whatever she decides to have and/or gets by the grace of God, even if that turns out to be nothing more than a houseful of pugs.
But isn’t that creepy? I wonder what sort of eerie pheromones are hurtling through the breeze come springtime that makes thirteen kids not only seem possible, but like a GOOD IDEA. Because for one brief season, I know precisely what Michelle Duggar feels like, and dude, critics of hers should know that it’s NOT HER FAULT. That’s some kind of nefarious biological programming there, that much I know.
It could be, however, that spring brings everything in massive abundance, and it seems a waste to create just one of anything. What’s the point of a singleton, when you have lilac trees bursting with blossoms, their branches so heavy with flowers that they bend under their weight and fill the air with their lush fragrance? Why have ONE baby, when our yard looks like a too-yellow ode to dandelions, the cheery flowers in alternating rows with their fluffy-headed descendants? I know dandelions are a pest, but between you and me, I love them.
I’ll tell you something else, and again, this may be spring talking (Quick! Hide the uterus! Oh — wait! It needs to be fixed, nevermind), but after living in small town Vermont, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to go back to an urban — or even a too-crowded suburban — area again. In recent trips to Boston, I was a little repelled by my old neighborhood; how close together the houses were, the fact that there was nowhere for kids to, um, commune with nature. (No, I can’t believe I said that, either.) Vermont has been full of lessons, from how not to choose a hairdresser to what kind of life I want, wherever we land next, if there even is a next. This may be it. You never know, I’ve learned.
And here’s something I never thought I’d say: I wouldn’t trade this semi-nomadic life I’ve had for the past several years for anything. My time in Florida was one of the most depressing, lonely and outright hilariously bizarre experiences of my entire life, and yet if I had the chance to do it over again, exactly as it happened, I would. I learned a lot — how to be patient, how to tell a good story, and how to maintain a sense of humor and perspective when it seems that there is no hope, no hope at all.
Life is just plain weird. Gloriously, graciously weird.
Anyway, before I leave you thinking that I’ve gone soft, I feel oddly compelled to add a speck of curmudgeon to this otherwise perfect spring reverie. The whole mommyblogging brouhaha after the Today Show — after any televised segment about personal bloggers, really — grated my cheese, but not for the reason it bothered everyone else. Yes, yes, fine, Kathie Lee is a vapid helium balloon, but what irks me about these segments is that viewers are only presented with the most extreme examples. And Dooce, likable and relevant as she is, is an extreme example that they latch onto like rabid dogs, assuming that we’re all rich! And blogging from home for millions! It’s not her fault; it’s just what they DO.
I mean, the way they chopped it up, anyone watching that segment would be led to believe that blogging is a quick and easy way to make money. Put up a Web site and watch the money roll in! Better than stuffing envelopes even! When obviously, for the overwhelming majority of bloggers, this isn’t a job, nor do we want it to be, not even a little. Even those of us with ads do it because eh, why not? Not because we’re planning to quit our day jobs and blog for fun and profit, although I don’t blame anyone who does. Besides, even if we wanted to, the level of income for most bloggers who DO attempt to monetize their experience isn’t what those segments lead you to believe. There is a difference between earning some money and earning a LIVING. And the kind of fame and notoriety some bloggers have achieved isn’t remotely something many of us ASPIRE to, that much I can tell you.
It’s like holding up Maureen Dowd and saying this, THIS is a typical newspaper columnist! Behold! A newspaper columnist’s LIFE! Meanwhile, Bob Enright at the Cape Coral Daily Breeze is thinking right, um, no. I spend my afternoons dreaming up soccer coach controversies for fourteen bucks an hour. And I’m cool with that. No thanks, Maureen.
This isn’t a particularly well thought-out point, but I guess I’m saying that deconstructing this whole thing is getting a little tiring for me (INSERT WHITE HOT IRONY HERE). Sometimes — for most of us, I imagine — a blog is just a blog. It’s a great way to get your shit out there, hone your off-the-cuff writing skills, meet some great people and read some truly hilarious commentary (I’m looking pointedly at all of you.) Sometimes I wish we could just let things be, although I know that’s not realistic. And now I’m going to take my own advice! No more! I won’t talk about it again!
Anyway. To atone for that little ranty rail, let me ask you something: Do you read Elizabeth Berg? Because you really should if you don’t. I was talking to Lawyerish about her earlier today, and I really do believe she’s one of the most underrated authors of our time. She’s incredibly popular and viewed in some circles as mass-market airport-y fiction, but my God, she deserves better than that. Her writing is exquisite. Frankly, I don’t care if any of her books even have a plot — I would gleefully endure pages and pages of her describing wood cabinets. Truly.
Have a great Thursday!
*Duran Duran
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
31 Comments Add your own
1. mar | May 14th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
sh#t! am i the first comment? i don’t wanna claim firsties like on wwttd.com & not have anything to say.
i really appreciate your thoughts & i put you up there with dooce on a pedestal (almost write pinnacle). in fact, i think i check you more often than the other ‘big name’ bloggers. (yes, you are one)
i am off to the library tomorrow to check out your reading recommendations.
2. -R- | May 14th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I do love Elizabeth Berg! However, I can only read one of her books every few months because I feel like they are all similar. I need to take breaks from her. Great. Now she is going to read this since famous authors read your blog and stuff, and she is going to hate me. But I do love her writing!
3. Jamie | May 14th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Jamie is to Elizabeth Berg as Jonna is to Suzanne Finnamore. It’s possible that I own every Elizabeth Berg book that has ever been published.
As for Maureen Dowd…oh man, don’t get me started.
4. Carol | May 14th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I agree with you that the media needs to look deeper into the blogging culture. I can tell you that dooce supports that as much as you do.
5. jonniker | May 14th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Carol, I believe that, and really, this has nothing to do with Dooce herself or what SHE did during any of those segments. At all. I don’t hold her personally responsible for representing all of us — in fact, I would argue that she shouldn’t be seen as representative of all of us, for her experience is so distinct and separate, based on the very strange unpredictable phenomenon that is her — though I suppose I understand why she would feel like she should. That’s a tough burden to bear.
Edited to add, which is only somewhat related and not at all directed at you: One of the things that bothers me about having these conversations is that talking about this issue critically where Dooce is even tangentially involved is … it’s hard. Anything that could be interpreted as less than supportive (even if it’s TOTALLY NEUTRAL and not really that related at all) is a huge risk and, as a fellow blogger put it, you risk being “voted off the island.” Which isn’t right, especially when sometimes, you’re not even TALKING about her or any of her contemporaries specifically — you’re just talking about blogging in general.
6. CrystalMK | May 14th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Blogs are great…I just don’t feel the desire to have my own. I love to read everyone else’s. They make me think and feel everyday, and in a way that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t checked my google reader. This means that I get to grow and learn things about myself and others without being limited intellectually or geographically to those who surround me, and P.S. I am a sahm, so….talk about limited intellectually! ha (that sounds wrong? Not saying we sahms aren’t intellectual…but I don’t have many opportunities for stimulation…oh whatever, you get it, right?)
Anyway, as for authors taken for granted…I haven’t read any Elizabeth Berg, but I will, thanks to your glowing rec! And I feel odd writing this because I JUST this afternoon wrote a heartfelt (and waaaayyy lengthy) rec for this exact author on another blog, but Diana Gabaldon is out of this world with her writing. I fall asleep thinking “in her voice” and it is SO soothing and just wonderful!
So check out her Outlander series and read the reviews on amazon…you can see how everyone picked the book up thinking they were being forced into a romance novel only to realize it was the best story they had ever read! And not a romance novel at all!! (for the most part, that is, there are some who missed the boat altogether).
http://www.amazon.com/Outlander-Diana-Gabaldon/dp/0385319959/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210806157&sr=1-1
7. Blythe | May 14th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
1) Yours was the second Duggar reference I read in the space of ten minutes. I’m not sure what that signifies, maybe that if you have enough children you can take over the internet, one blogger at a time?
2)The Today show/Dooce situation is just another reminder to me that people on TV are usually the most extreme examples of whatever they’re talking about (How’s that for clarity?). Also, that Heather is a class act and that one should not wear a Hawaiian-print dress on television.
3) How much do I love that you’re using a Duran Duran song today? SO VERY VERY MUCH.
8. Mia | May 15th, 2008 at 3:58 am
Elizabeth Berg is great, I’ve read most of what she’s written and just finished Dream When You’re Feeling Blue, but…..that ending! WTF?!?
Anyway, if you like some authors just for the pleasure of reading their prose, please, please, pleeeaaase check out E.F. Benson’s Mapp & Lucia books. They go in and out of print but are absolutely brilliant.
9. Shelly | May 15th, 2008 at 4:33 am
I’ve read nearly EVERYTHING Elizabeth Berg has written. Love her.
10. elise | May 15th, 2008 at 4:49 am
I haven’t ever read Elizabeth Berg, and I am looking for a new author, and I am thrilled to have a suggestion from you. Also! Sometimes you sum things up so well that you end up making me see a situation from what I THINK is a different angle, but ends up being exactly what I thought, but didn’t have the words to express myself.
Ugh, like that sentence, right there? You could re-write it so much better for me. But I think you get what I mean. The whole Kathie Lee Gifford interview saga – you summed it up perfectly.
11. TwoBusy | May 15th, 2008 at 4:59 am
I hate to admit it, but I actually like that song a lot.
12. Sadie | May 15th, 2008 at 5:26 am
Echoing CrystalMK – love reading blogs and participating in the discussions they provoke, but I’m really not interested in having my own. I think the blogosphere is a cool way to make communities out of the vastness that is the internet…but the actual blogging itself can be kind of gross for many reasons (not the least of which is that many people have the misconception that if they slap some words in Typepad every day and attract commenters, they can make a living from it). And I agree with you that all the overwrought analysis is a bit much, and detracts from my enjoyment/comfort level with reading blogs.
Just dance, monkey, dance! uh, ha ha?
Also, re: Vermont and the ‘simple life’ versus urban/suburban living – I think New England is just such a fantastic place to live because it affords opportunities to live a more private, bucolic existence but it’s still small enough that you’re not so far from great cities, shopping, culture…I love to visit other places in the country but I’ve never seen that balance elsewhere & I couldn’t imagine living anywhere but here.
13. Jen | May 15th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Huge EB fan here. One of my favorites is The Year of Pleasures – SO good. I just love her writing.
14. Emily | May 15th, 2008 at 7:10 am
Love Elizabeth Berg. And LOVE the idea of you with 13 children. Now THAT’S a blog I can get behind.
15. Sara | May 15th, 2008 at 7:23 am
When obviously, for the overwhelming majority of bloggers, this isn’t a job, nor do we want it to be, not even a little… Besides, even if we wanted to, the level of income for most bloggers who DO attempt to monetize their experience isn’t what those segments lead you to believe. There is a difference between earning some money and earning a LIVING. And the kind of fame and notoriety some bloggers have achieved isn’t remotely something many of us ASPIRE to, that much I can tell you.
Oh, well said, Jonna. You put your perfectly phrased finger on the exact thing that has been bothering me about this entire mommyblogging/money/fame brouhaha. I was recently sort of called out for posting two pictures of my son on my site — “WHAT WOULD VIOLENT ACRES SAY?!” — and I found it ludicrous and couldn’t quite say why. You have said it very well, and it can be summer up like this: Dude, I have maybe a hundred readers. It’s not the equivalent of putting up a billboard in New York that says “BUY MY SON! I WILL GIVE HIM TO YOU FOR MONEYZ!” We’re not all Dooce (although there’s nothing wrong with being Dooce), and it’s not about money and fame. I love blogging and I’ve been doing it for almost fifteen years, but it’s not my job and it’s not something I’d want to be recognized on the street for. It’s just something I do, and I resent the recent media woo-hoo — it makes it hard to explain my hobby without sounding like some sort of child-endangering sellout.
I might, of course, also resent that I’ve been doing this for almost fifteen years and only now — ONLY NOW — is it becoming something that the media and the world at large acknowledge in any way. Of course that’s part of it. But mostly? I’m not Doocian, and neither are most of my blogging friends. There’s a whole tar/brush cliché that I’ll spare you, because this comment is far too long as it is. Instead, I’ll leave you with a reiteration: Well said, Jonna. And thanks for saying it.
16. Sara | May 15th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Heh. “Summer up.” YES I AM A BLOGGAH. WITNESS MAH SKILLZ.
(Sorry. Leaving now, really.)
17. moo | May 15th, 2008 at 8:52 am
You know, this bothered me recently, I was surfing people’s blogrolls and stumbled onto a couple of newbie bloggers. I’m talking they had maybe 2 or 3 posts up. And know what else they had? ADS. ON THEIR BRAND NEW WEBSITES.
And it pissed me off and I didn’t bookmark them. Because srsly?
For me, my blog is my journal. If I happen to be funny and people like that, great! If not, too damn bad. It’s for me; it’s about me.
18. jonniker | May 15th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Moo: Ads don’t bother me at all, obviously. If I saw that on a new blog, I wouldn’t even flinch, probably, because why SHOULDN’T they think that’s a realistic expectation after everything we’ve seen out there?
Not that you asked, but for me, I actually initially ran ads as some due diligence for a project unrelated to my own personal blog. But though I’m not particularly interested in attending BlogHer’s conferences, I do really like what they do as an organization and think the network was a brilliant idea. Personally, I’m pissed that I didn’t think of it sooner and start it myself. It’s a brilliant, BRILLIANT business venture, that BlogHer Ad Network.
That being said, I haven’t made any sort of significant payout from them at all that I’m aware of — at least nothing that gets me out of the minimum wage camp. And that’s totally fine, because dude, if we were all doing this for money, we’d be the most underpaid people on the planet. It can’t be about that. That would be stupid. So stupid.
19. Andrea | May 15th, 2008 at 9:40 am
I read Say When awhile back by Elizabeth Berg, and while I finished it and it was not a waste of money, I wasn’t that moved. I did like it enough to buy the next one I came across, which was The Art of Mending, which I have yet to read. I plan to give her another shot. She’s a great writer, so maybe the subject matter of Say When just didn’t move me that much. I’m hoping for better with Mending.
Your rant on the Understanding Blogging phenomenon: yes. Agreed.
20. Swistle | May 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am
OF COURSE I like Elizabeth Berg, although not her last few. The manger story was HUGELY EMBARRASSING, and the war-time one was like every dumb sentimentalized view of war times ever written, and then there was one other where she had a gimmick like that but I forget what it was. But before the ones where she apparently got bored and thought, “I know! Let’s make everyone talk in fake Biblical-times language!” I thought every book was GENIUS.
Before I was a mommyblogger, I was a mommypharmacytechnician and a mommybakeryclerk. Mommyblogging is my lowest-paying mommyposition. I get tired, too, of people blogging about how they think they should get more money for it: blogging is a HOBBY, like GOLF. A few golfers end up making money off their hobby, but most people play it for fun. You don’t go into golfing (or blogging) to make money—or, well, you SHOULDN’T, because you are so likely to be bitterly, bitterly disappointed.
21. Kristin H | May 15th, 2008 at 10:07 am
I’ve thought about having a blog, but I think there are just not enough hours in the day for me. Something would have to give, and I know exactly what would go: time spent playing with my kids. So while playing Go Fish with a three-year old makes me want to sigh heavily and repeatedly while I’m doing it, I know it’s really one of the most important ways I spend my time. I imagine my kids, wanting me to play with them, and me being hunched over my laptop telling them, in just a minute! Just let mommy finish this! And that’s enough to make me not even go there in the first place. Plus, I write way too much about myself in your comments section already! Putting any more out there would be Kristin H overkill for my legions of would-be fans. : )
22. jonniker | May 15th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I’m a little put out, because Sadie and Kristin, you are two of my very favorite commenters, ever, and I always wish you both WOULD have blogs. Because I would LOVE to read them. Love.
23. Allison | May 15th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I really enjoy Elizabeth Berg as well. My favorite book by her was “Open House” which alternately made me want to cry and burst out laughing at the same time.
24. Sadie | May 15th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
aww, Jonna, I am actually grinning. Maybe blushing. Thanks – but I think I am best at pith (though I guess there’s nothing pithy about my soliloquys in your comments section every few days, is there?) Sometimes I worry you read my tangential comments and think, “bitch, get your OWN blog!” And I guess YOU DO THINK THAT, but not for the reasons I fear. Now I feel better.
25. Leane | May 15th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I have every Elizabeth Berg book there is..and her signature on a birthday card/and book!
( I LOVE HER) My sister took the card and book to a signing for me as a gift.
26. Desha | May 16th, 2008 at 9:31 am
I proudly admit that I looove that song, and have possibly been found singing it (badly) on the streets while walking home. Perhaps.
ON to the relevant parts of comments: Spring!! Yes! Is THAT whats happening down there? I seeee……It rather esplains any number of things for me, any rate.
E. Berg: have also been looking for a ‘new’ (to me) author. Thank you, oh wise and powerful Jonna. Your impeccable taste has never led me wrong.
Blaaaawwwwwgggs: I am “on a break” from writing at the moment, partially because of a bunch of hullabaloo in my life and partially becaue all the nonsense about mommy blogs vs… hungarian shephards was making me a wee bit too crazy. I should really buck up and get over it already, huh?
27. Kristin | May 16th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
LOVE LOVE LOVE E. BERG -own all of her books and have never been disappointed by her! I also love that a lot of them are situated in MN -since taht is where I am!
28. BarbarafromCalifornia | May 16th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
J,
It has been awhile, and I’m happy to see that you are doing well.
I’ve been MIA from blogging.
Spring is marvelous, just marvelous!
I do not read Berg, but thank you for the recommendation.
b
29. Shamelessly Sassy | May 17th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I’ll check Berg out. Seeing as how I agree with you about the travesty that is Eat, Pray, Love..I will take your advice. Hope you’re having a good weekend!.
30. Lara | May 21st, 2008 at 10:40 am
My only exposure to Elizabeth Berg was a book-on-tape called The Law of Similars. Except, crap, I just looked it up and it wasn’t even an Elizabeth Berg book, it was a Chris Bohjalian one, and I’ve been holding a fucking grudge against Elizabeth Berg for that book for YEARS now (and reading more Bohjalian in the meantime!). I am a MORON. MO-RON!!!!
31. Danielle | June 4th, 2008 at 5:30 am
What happened to my comment? It left!
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