Dark as the Dungeon

This afternoon’s digging was a surprisingly creature-free outing, except for worms and the occasional brown pod-like thing that freaked me out, because it could be ALIENS. IN PODS. (Seriously, what are the brown chrysalis-like pods?)

Also? I’m finding a disturbing amount of bones. Not femurs or anything, but … well, I’m finding BONES. Like actual bones, that could be part of a human hand, or even an ARM. And I’m left to wonder: are they from the dog who lived here before us, who buried the apres-dinner bones, or are they signs that I’m about to OPEN THE GROUND AND FIND A BODY? Did I move to Vermont and end up living Funny Farm, but without the successful children’s books? Or, you know, lamb fries, but you never know: lamb testicles could totally appear on the menu any day now at one of our local restaurants.

Also, hey, have you seen the previews for the film The Strangers? I mean, my disdain for horror films is well documented on this site, but it is rare that a film’s PREVIEW can have me rushing through the house, clutching my bowels in unadulterated terror. I mean, that looks … TERRIFYING. Horrible and scary and petrifying beyond belief, and I’ll be honest in telling you that I am very susceptible to nightmares and have had SEVERAL about Javier Bardem and that goddamn pageboy in “No Country For Old Men.” (He’s always trying to murder my family with that FREAKY GUN.)

Hell, I had nightmares for years about The Dark Crystal, and they were PUPPETS — or Muppets, if you want to get technical, though Fozzie or Jan they were not. Although really, come on, were those Garthim not terrifying? (“GAARRRTHIIIIIM!” clickclickclickclickclickclickclick AAAAGHHH) And the SKEKSIS. Ooh ooh and AUGHRA, who was basically the Tom Bombadil of Thra, which was the PLANET where The Dark Crystal took place and I have, officially, outgeeked myself beyond any measure previously conceived. It’s just that dude, it’s a great movie and there are PODLINGS, and when have you seen pod-like people being described in such a positive, uplifting manner? The film does WONDERS to further the agendas of pod people.

HAHA, I look at that paragraph, and I’m actually embarrassed for myself. Don’t you just picture me playing Dungeons & Dragons and World of Warcraft with my friends while wearing a trenchcoat and some kind of mysterious T-shirt with a pentagram on it, talking like that?

And finally, Adam and I were discussing jelly bean and freeze-pop flavors and he maintains that NO ONE likes lime or orange, but I insist that no, no, lime and orange are the BEST flavors, and are my two favorites. Give me lime or orange over the ubiquitous “red” flavor (is it cherry? strawberry?) any day of the week.

I sense many will disagree, but I could be wrong.

Have a wonderful long weekend, yo.

*Johnny Cash

45 comments May 22nd, 2008