Dark as the Dungeon
May 22nd, 2008
This afternoon’s digging was a surprisingly creature-free outing, except for worms and the occasional brown pod-like thing that freaked me out, because it could be ALIENS. IN PODS. (Seriously, what are the brown chrysalis-like pods?)
Also? I’m finding a disturbing amount of bones. Not femurs or anything, but … well, I’m finding BONES. Like actual bones, that could be part of a human hand, or even an ARM. And I’m left to wonder: are they from the dog who lived here before us, who buried the apres-dinner bones, or are they signs that I’m about to OPEN THE GROUND AND FIND A BODY? Did I move to Vermont and end up living Funny Farm, but without the successful children’s books? Or, you know, lamb fries, but you never know: lamb testicles could totally appear on the menu any day now at one of our local restaurants.
Also, hey, have you seen the previews for the film The Strangers? I mean, my disdain for horror films is well documented on this site, but it is rare that a film’s PREVIEW can have me rushing through the house, clutching my bowels in unadulterated terror. I mean, that looks … TERRIFYING. Horrible and scary and petrifying beyond belief, and I’ll be honest in telling you that I am very susceptible to nightmares and have had SEVERAL about Javier Bardem and that goddamn pageboy in “No Country For Old Men.” (He’s always trying to murder my family with that FREAKY GUN.)
Hell, I had nightmares for years about The Dark Crystal, and they were PUPPETS — or Muppets, if you want to get technical, though Fozzie or Jan they were not. Although really, come on, were those Garthim not terrifying? (“GAARRRTHIIIIIM!” clickclickclickclickclickclickclick AAAAGHHH) And the SKEKSIS. Ooh ooh and AUGHRA, who was basically the Tom Bombadil of Thra, which was the PLANET where The Dark Crystal took place and I have, officially, outgeeked myself beyond any measure previously conceived. It’s just that dude, it’s a great movie and there are PODLINGS, and when have you seen pod-like people being described in such a positive, uplifting manner? The film does WONDERS to further the agendas of pod people.
HAHA, I look at that paragraph, and I’m actually embarrassed for myself. Don’t you just picture me playing Dungeons & Dragons and World of Warcraft with my friends while wearing a trenchcoat and some kind of mysterious T-shirt with a pentagram on it, talking like that?
And finally, Adam and I were discussing jelly bean and freeze-pop flavors and he maintains that NO ONE likes lime or orange, but I insist that no, no, lime and orange are the BEST flavors, and are my two favorites. Give me lime or orange over the ubiquitous “red” flavor (is it cherry? strawberry?) any day of the week.
I sense many will disagree, but I could be wrong.
Have a wonderful long weekend, yo.
*Johnny Cash
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
45 Comments Add your own
1. whoorl | May 22nd, 2008 at 5:43 pm
You are so right – orange and lime are tops.
2. Swistle | May 22nd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Ha! If you think for ONE MINUTE I’m going to click on that link for a horror movie, you are GRAVELY MISTAKEN.
Jellybeans and freeze-pops are really two entirely different species. For example, the best jellybean flavors are purple, pink, and white (Paul likes the green, orange, and yellow. This is why our marriage works.). But the best freeze-pop flavors are green, orange, and purple. Red is….okay. Pink and blue are blicky.
Also, jellybean and freeze-pop flavors are referred to by COLOR names.
3. Anne L. | May 22nd, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Ewww, those pods are probably cicada shells. My brother used to put them in my HAIR when we were growing up, to freak me out. EWW.
4. Allison | May 22nd, 2008 at 6:31 pm
There are so many comments that I must leave here!
Orange freeze pops are my fave.
“The Strangers”–GAH! That is my worst nightmare. Scary-ass people with bags on their heads coming in my HOUSE.
The SKEKSIS. AHAHAHAHA. I had a book about The Dark Crystal when I was a kid and I was scared to death of the page with the Skeksis on it. You definitely could have hung out with Meredith and me since you had the Dark Crystal love. I even had a LUNCHBOX from the movie.
Javier Bardem. Pageboy. Horribly frightening.
5. jonniker | May 22nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Allison: Also, the Laura Ingalls Wilder series. You have no idea. Did Meredith tell you that we discovered that Almanzo was SMOKIN’ HOT? Yes. Ahem.
Swistle: Swear it’s only a Wikipedia entry. Nothing scary, unless you count a description as scary, but, well, you might. But it’s generally very dry. Also, our marriage works because of chicken wings: I like the drumstick-style wing, whereas he likes the other, grosser kind. I’m not sure I could be married to someone with whom I had to VIE for the best kind of wing.
6. Sadie | May 22nd, 2008 at 7:01 pm
ORANGE is my favorite freeze-pop flavor. Lime freeze-pops give me a weird tickle in my throat. Orange yes, lime no.
The Strangers NONONONONONONO and I think the preview tried to tell me it’s based on a TRUE STORY? NONONONONONONO
“Because you were home.” SAYS THE GIRL WITH A PAPER BAG ON HER HEAD to Liv Tyler and then I DIE. Movies like that have me dramatically flinging back the shower curtain every time I pee for like, months. Months!
7. Sadie | May 22nd, 2008 at 7:05 pm
And OMG, just read your last comment and my boyfriend and I are ALSO complementary chicken wing eaters, but *I* like the “other, grosser kind” and he is all drumsticks, all the time.
8. H | May 22nd, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Orange: YES
Lime: no (as far as I’m concerned, lime is only good for margaritas)
9. Mandee | May 22nd, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Not a big fan of jelly beans, but love the orange and lemon Starburst. Things worked out well growing up because my best friend liked the other ones. Sounds like you and Adam have that same balance.
10. tutugirl1345 | May 22nd, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who’s freaked out by scary movies. And that add freaks me out so much that I may have nightmares just because it was mentioned here. I maintain a rule with my BF that we will only watch scary movies if I can spend the next 5 nights at his house, because I will wake up screaming in terror every night. Funny enough, we’ve only watched one scary movie together.
11. Suebob | May 22nd, 2008 at 8:23 pm
When I worked in the Joliet Junior College cafeteria, one of the rules was that if you had yellow, orange or green jello in the parfaits, you HAD to have a layer of red, too. Because everyone liked red and if it was all yellow, green and/or orange, no one would buy it. I think you probably could have gotten away with orange, but yellow and green definitely needed to be dressed up.
12. Blythe | May 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 pm
When I was younger, I preferred the red flavors. As my palate matured, I was drawn to citrus. Now, I pick all of the yellow and orange gummi bears out of the bag and leave the gross clear ones for whoever likes that kind of thing. (Are they supposed to be pineapple? Yuck.)
13. Raven | May 23rd, 2008 at 4:27 am
Skeksis scared the crap out of me as a kid; so when I took the sprog to see it as a boy, I thought for sure he was going to be scared of them too. He laughed and made fun of me for being afraid of them. Desensitized by violence in the media and video games obviously!
I love the lime flavor and HATE the orange. I hate anything orange flavored but love oranges.
14. Jen | May 23rd, 2008 at 4:39 am
Oh My God The Dark Crystal GAAAAA. We watched it at a sleepover party when I was about 10 years old and twenty years later I am STILL haunted by the memory of when they JUICED that podling. Do you remember? Horrifying. Suffice it to say that I am hell to the no with any horror movies now. I once was driving and a commercial for that scary movie about ventriloquist dummies came on and seriously had to pull over to make sure there was no demented puppet in the back seat about to kill me.
15. Joni | May 23rd, 2008 at 4:40 am
Love the orange and blue freeze pops as well as the banana popsicles. as for jellybeans, the only way to go is buttered popcorn. My marriage works as my husband agrees with the majority of the above (sans the banana popsicles) while the rest of the world is completely grossed out by these preferences and may think I am deranged.
16. Amity | May 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 am
I’m all about citrus flavored anything. Maybe it’s a girl thing…
Also very scared by The Dark Crystal. In fact, I’ve been thinking that I need to watch that movie, ’cause it’s been YEARS and I’m wondering if it’s really as scary as I remember it to be.
Speaking of Muppets, so excited to see that they’re bringing back Fraggle Rock (movie?)!!
17. Jen | May 23rd, 2008 at 4:50 am
You tossed out a whole bunch of words in that Dark Crystal paragraph that I have never heard before in my life.
Re: The Strangers – I always have to wonder about the people who actually DO go see these movies. Who actually wants to go and see people get tortured for two hours on a Saturday?? No thanks. However, I have to admit that I am a little bit interested in The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan’s new movie. But that’s mostly because of Marky Mark.
18. claire | May 23rd, 2008 at 5:00 am
Dude. The Dark Crystal scared the ever-loving crap out of me when i was.. i don’t know, maybe 8 or 9 years old? And i never saw it again. I do wonder how scary it actually is as an adult, but when i was little? HORRIFYING I had nightmares for weeks about it. And now, the only thing i can remember that creeped me out was a scene where one of the characters kind of disintegrates. I think that’s what happened, anyway. The puppet just turned to dust or something. GAHHH. I saw it in my DREAMS. Maybe i should try that one again, just to see, even though i HATE scary movies and i have to change the channel whenever the creepy people with the bags over their head come on the screen.
I think Sadie said it best: “and then I DIE”.
I like citrus flavored things, too. If there’s a lemon flavor, that’s my first choice, orange is second.
19. Shelly | May 23rd, 2008 at 5:22 am
I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who shuns the ‘red’ flavor of fruity items. I do like strawberry flavored things…but Cherry? blech. or Berry? Again, blech. I like lime, orange and occasionaly even the yellow–lemon-ish flavored things…….I really like purple….or grapey…..but red? Not so much.
Happy long weekend to you, too!
20. Hope | May 23rd, 2008 at 5:26 am
Dude, The Strangers! Eep! I saw the preview and thought, “oh, Liv Tyler’s making movies again, and I love me some Scott Speedman (ah, Felicity),” and then as the preview went on I said no, I am not going to be seeing that. The preview is f-ing scary! I feel my throat closing up when the people with the masks show up.
and my fiance and I are the SAME WAY with the chicken wings! The first time I met his parents we were having pizza and wings and his father said that we would last because of our chicken wing preferences as he and his mother were the same way and have been married for 30 years.
21. Jess | May 23rd, 2008 at 5:57 am
I like the red flavors best. I’m sorry!
Also, that preview for that movie (I refuse to type the title) has the exact same effect on me. GAH.
22. moo | May 23rd, 2008 at 5:57 am
No lime for me, but after the purple grape ones are gone, I prefer the orange ones best.
All the blue ones, on the other hand, MUST be eaten by my husband and child. NO EXCEPTIONS.
23. moo | May 23rd, 2008 at 5:58 am
Also? I feel I must admit that I skipped over the paragraph that mentions the scary movie. Because I am a wuss and cannot even READ about scary movies, much less watch the commercials, MUCH LESS WATCH THE MOVIE without having nightmares for weeks.
Am wuss. Did I already mention that?
24. -R- | May 23rd, 2008 at 6:46 am
Lime is the best flavor, but orange is pretty good too.
I have had nightmares about the fricking preview of that Liv Tyler/Ben from Felicity movie. I suppose the movie people think if I am old enough to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall then I am old enough to handle a preview for a horror movie, but those movie people are WRONG.
25. Morrigan | May 23rd, 2008 at 6:50 am
I’m with Swistle: jelly beans and freezer-pops are totally different issues. Red, orange and yellow jelly beans. Orange, yellow and green freezer-pops. I don’t like (and don’t understand) blue.
Now, please excuse me while I go goolge this Fraggle Rock movie . . .
26. Lawyerish | May 23rd, 2008 at 6:57 am
So! Much! To say!
As Allison said, we were WAY into the Dark Crystal, but dude, I NEVER would have come up with the names of all that stuff. SKEKSIS. Scary! That movie was very weird, now that I look back on it. Very DARK.
Also, The Strangers looks IMPOSSIBLY frightening. I stupidly watched When a Stranger Calls (the crappy remake from a couple of years ago) on HBO one night and almost had a nervous breakdown in the middle of it. A big scary house in the middle of NOWHERE, with a girl all by herself and lots of GIANT windows everywhere? AAAAH. NO. And I almost hid under the couch during No Country for Old Men. The scene at the gas station where he flips the coin? PANIC ATTACK. Jesus.
I loathe jelly beans, but for popsicles, I usually go for orange first, then maybe grape, then red, then…whatever else there is. You know what I HATE? Creamsicles. YUCK. They used to have those at school sometimes when we were kids and I felt so cheated that the rare occasions they had something special, I didn’t like it.
27. Andrea | May 23rd, 2008 at 7:00 am
I thought I had reached the threshold of my girl crush on you but I think, with the mention of The Dark Crystal and the Skeksis and all the trappings of that movie, that I have passed from girl crush into all out love.
Also, lime is my favorite flavor. I save the lime ones for last. Though I’m going to say it, I like cherry flavor ALMOST as well. Not “red” because I’m not always a fan of strawberry, but I do savor the cherries as well.
And that movie looks TERRIFYING. I’m going to add it to my list of movies I will be impatiently waiting to come out on DVD, because, yeah, like my ass is ever going to get to see a theater movie again. I love to scare the pee out of myself. I do. I don’t know why. Now I’m off to google the true events that inspired The Strangers.
28. Jamie | May 23rd, 2008 at 8:10 am
They played the trailer for The Strangers prior to a showing of Baby Mama at the theatre downtown (side note: wtf? odd pairing) and I was so freaked out, I almost crawled under Sean’s shirt. I literally could not get further away – I was *this close* to just running out of the theatre.
After it was over, he looked ashen and gravely turned to me and said, “It was a good thing you didn’t see any of that.” Because he would have had to deal with any resulting nightmares for, oh THE REST OF MY LIFE.
29. Val | May 23rd, 2008 at 8:31 am
The part in the preview where Liv Tyler puts her ear to the front door and the person on the other side whispers “You’re going to die.” That alone made me queasy. I couldn’t take a whole movie of that kind of terror.
30. ali | May 23rd, 2008 at 8:35 am
i love horror movies and the preview for that f*&cker scares the crap out of me!!
31. Kristin H | May 23rd, 2008 at 9:45 am
All these people who don’t like red flavoring (is it cherry? strawberry? who cares?) can send those candies my way. Love. Orange flavored anything, though, grosses me right out the door. My husband and I find harmony in this.
I would not have thought to mention my undying hatred for Creamsicles had Lawyerish not brought it up, but I’m 100% on board with her there. Also: blue sweet-tarts. Devil candies in an otherwise heavenly roll of sugar.
32. Violet | May 23rd, 2008 at 10:16 am
I hadn’t had a creamsicle in years, but now that I’m pregnant, it’s downright scary how many I’ve gone through. And the orange is the best – the lime I give to my daughter, and the cherry are ok. And did you know they have rootbeer flavored ones now? SO good. The ice cream counts as calcium, right?
And I hate horror movies, too. I couldn’t even watch Supernatural on tv – I watched one episode, thought it was great, and couldn’t sleep that night. Just too creepy and scary for me.
33. jonniker | May 23rd, 2008 at 10:19 am
BLAAARGHTHTKET ROOT BEEEEER.
Also: CREAMSICLE. NOOOOO.
I had no idea that I had such strong aversions to certain things, but now that they’re coming up? BLECH.
34. Pickles & Dimes | May 23rd, 2008 at 10:23 am
God, the trailer for “The Strangers” FREAKS ME OUT. Gah! People wearing masks! People whispering death threats! People preying on others just because they can! Eeeeeee.
I told my husband I won’t see it because people in masks is one of my rules for never watching horror movies. And then he said, “But you watched ‘Point Break’.” Touché.
35. metalia | May 23rd, 2008 at 10:43 am
I always, ALWAYS pick orange-flavored ANYTHING first. Popsicles, lollipops, etc. In my opinion, red and purple are the worst flavors.
And ohmahgahhhh, I too, am PETRIFIED of the preview for The Strangers.
36. lettuce hater | May 23rd, 2008 at 12:53 pm
oooooooooh, now i have a serious hankering for a lime ice pop
it’s lime lime lime for me
same goes for jelly
can’t stick strawberry but lime? oh yeeeeeeeeah
37. Jennifer | May 23rd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I would let Javier Bardem muder me ANYTIME, crazy hair or no.
Are we talking popsicles or those liquid-a-bag things that come in cases of 1000 and you freeze? (http://www.otterpops.com/)
While I am hopelessly devoted to cherry popsicles, lime and orange will do in a pinch. No flavor of Otter Pop is good. Ever.
38. jonniker | May 23rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Dude, liquid in a bag pops! FREEZE POPS!
Love them. They are the preferred popsicle-type thing. LOVE the Freeze Pops/OtterPops.
39. coco | May 23rd, 2008 at 6:54 pm
orange
40. celebrae woo-woo | May 24th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Oh, otter pops! I miss those that had the characters on them. My favorite is the pink/strawberry. Then, green, orange, blue. Red and purple are my least favorites.
41. TwoBusy | May 26th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Red is the color of love, passion, rage, the best-tasting meat, the best-colored Sox, the blood pumping through your veins, and the only popsicles that matter.
42. lizgwiz | May 27th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Apropos of nothing, the author of the book “Funny Farm,” on which the movie was based, is a friend of mine. I know–you’re impressed. Hee.
43. Artemisia | May 28th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
The Dark Crystal!! I was terrified – still am –of that movie. I still think the weird bird things were waiting for the Weird Bird Thing Leader to die so they could EAT HIM.
Gah!
44. Bethiclaus | May 31st, 2008 at 6:41 pm
So many comments for this post, but let me keep it to a minimum by saying that: 1) I, too, have been freaked out by the commercials for the strangers. And it said “Inspired by a true story,” so then I scoured the Internet, apparently trying to freak myself out more? Why would I do that? and 2)I can’t say that I love orange, but lime is, by far, my favorite flavor of just about anything. And how you feel about red is how I feel about purple. I am firmly of the opinion that things flavored purple ought not to be allowed to tarnish the good name of grapes.
45. Yesenia21Moss | May 15th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
I opine that to receive the loan from banks you should have a great reason. But, once I have got a bank loan, because I wanted to buy a bike.
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