Clean
May 27th, 2008
I returned “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” today. I knew it was time when I thought about going to the library to get four! new! books! and got disproportionately excited while simultaneously glaring at Michael Pollan’s masterpiece with the fisheye. It is the first book I’ve given up on in YEARS. YEARS. IF EVER. It’s been abandoned in favor of a glorious selection including Margaret Atwood, Jane Hamilton, Marian Keyes and Curtis Sittenfeld. It’s taking everything I have in me right now not to run upstairs and gobble them all up like ice cream, because I’ve missed reading, and it goes to show what a colossal, gigantic dork I am that I don’t feel WHOLE if I’m not actively reading something. It also means that I am great fun at parties and ALSO pity people who aren’t Readers. Which brings me to … is anyone here not a reader? And if not, what do you do instead? AND HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?
Randomly, Lawyerish has the corner on All Things Little House On The Prairie, but it is perhaps lesser known that I, too, had an overwhelming desire to be some sort of pioneer girl after reading Laura Ingalls Wilder’s iconic series, but what is perhaps most important is that I had a crush on Laura’s husband, Almanzo Wilder — who was better known as Farmer Boy from the eponymous novel — and even more importantly, I recently discovered he was hot, which means that my embarrassing habit of cultivating crushes on fictional characters (which Almanzo was, kind of, for me) is not entirely misguided. For reference, crushes I have harbored over the years include: Henry from the “Time Traveler’s Wife” (the only reason I liked the book, really. I LOVE Henry), Lawrence Selden from “The House of Mirth” and — perhaps most notably — Greg, from Scooby Doo. I used to um, kiss my pillow pretending it was Greg (Edited: FRED. FRED. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO WRONG? FREEEEDDDD.). Before I even knew what kissing was.
Speaking of Lawyerish, I booked my ticket for a certain upcoming event involving presents and an impending arrival of a BABY, and I am BESIDE MYSELF. (Hint: THERE WILL BE CUPCAKES.) This is sort of symbolic for a few reasons, not the least of which is that I’m getting on a flight that will be, like, AN HOUR instead of four, and I’m going to see her, one of my very favorite people in the whole world. Ah, Florida. You have rekindled my appreciation for short-distance flights.
In fact, until yesterday, I’d planned to drive, if for no other reason than I COULD, And then — HA HA — I thought about driving through Manhattan and ending up in Teaneck, NJ, which is PRECISELY what happened the last time I attempted to drive to New York City. I ended up lost and disoriented sporting a bladder so full that I actually thought it was going to explode. It wasn’t until YONKERS that I finally found relief, in the form of a double-park in front of a Hilton and the kindness of a bellhop who took pity on my whimpering face. Also, yes, I totally ended up in Yonkers when I was heading for Manhattan. Yes. Hello, Orbitz, thank you for helping me avoid disaster.
Also, before I forget: ha ha HA HA! People think Rachael Ray was wearing some kind of TERRORIST SYMBOL. HA HA HA. IN A DUNKIN DONUTS AD. Dear Extreme Right Wing Nutters: SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP.
And with that, I’m off to scour more toilets. My parents are coming on Thursday, after several days of “Will they or won’t they? And when?” and, like all good children, I go OUT OF MY MIND with the cleaning, like they’re going to be eating sushi off of our toilets with a chaser of sake off of the shower head. This also means that posting may be light this week, although Thursday I will be conducting a guest stint at one of the lovely blogs on my sidebar, but not here.
Have an awesome week.
*Depeche Mode, from Violator, which, I’m sorry, is their best album ever.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
46 Comments Add your own
1. Janssen | May 27th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I totally loved Almanzo too. I need to go back and read those books again – its been ages.
Incidentally, I saw the whole series in a boxed set at a book store recently and was ENRAGED to discover that they had Farmer Boy as the second book in the series, instead of the third. After staring at it with white hot rage for many minutes, I decided maybe I should get some sort of help.
2. Jess | May 27th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
You know, I find it simultaneously reassuring and horrifying to realize that bladders can’t explode. You would lose control and wet your pants before your bladder would explode. Good, right? But also? Not so much.
Also, I HEART Marian Keyes. I am reading her right now!
3. Kathryn | May 27th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Oy! I feel weird, because I constantly comment on your blog to be all, “OMG, me too!” but seriously, OMG, me too! I was bored shitless by The Omnivore’s Dilemma, and I feel like I was the only person in the entire literate world not to be fascinated by it. But really–all the corn sex–it was just too much! I gave up somewhere long before page 73, so you beat me.
4. Kathryn | May 27th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Ooh, and hot damn, but Almanzo WAS a hottie! Who knew??
5. Jen | May 27th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
No! NO! You’re breaking my heart. Please tell me you don’t really love Henry. I can’t even tell you how much I hated him in Time Traveler’s wife. By the time I got halfway through, I kept saying out loud, “Aren’t you supposed to DIE soon?”
6. jonniker | May 27th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Shit, Jen, I thought Henry was dead sexy, as big of a cad as he may be. I found him to be sort of sexy and deplorable in the way that Heathcliff was, I couldn’t help it. I imagined him to be uh, very good in bed. I am so completely embarrassed to admit this and am actually blushing furiously right now.
7. Susan | May 27th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I would rather do shots of high fructose corn syrup than give up Margaret Atwood.
8. She Likes Purple | May 27th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I have to admit, I go huge giant chunks at a time without picking up a book. Well, without picking up a book that I chose on my own. I work at a publishing company; my job sort of revolves around reading (well, I work in marketing so skimming and summarizing). But when I get home some mindless television-watching feels too glorious to pass up for another book.
But I made a promise to myself to read twenty books this year — to some that’s nothing, I know — and so far (almost half-way there) I’ve read three. THREE. Lord, I’m pathetic. But I have faith I can do it because I have EIGHT plane rides planned from now until January, with the possibility of two more.
Which Marian Keyes did you pick up?
9. jonniker | May 27th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Jennie: Your favorite, at your recommendation. “The Other Side of the Story” : )
10. The Maiden Metallurgist | May 27th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I loooove Henry. So much so that I’m terribly jealous of a fictional woman because I covet her fictional husband.
11. whoorl | May 27th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Do you know that I feel a strong desire to comment on virtually all of your posts? So I start writing and writing and WRITING, only to realize that no, no one cares about what I have to say regarding these matters and promptly delete.
However, tonight I WILL tell you about the time I was a national sales manager for a hotel portfolio of properties located on the East Coast. I had to rent a car and drive back and forth between two properties in New Jersey, one in midtown Manhattan and one in Long Island over the course of a week. Somehow, with a painfully full bladder causing tears to stream down my face, I managed to take the wrong bridge and found myself in Jersey City, where I promptly had to step out of the rental vehicle, pull down my Ann Taylor suit pants, and pee in a parking lot. In front of actual people.
It was not my best day.
12. Trina | May 27th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Violator is *totally* their best album! And I thought no one else felt that way!
Also, Almonzo was a fox! I forget which book showed his pic (I think it was one of the ones by Rose) but I remember seeing him when I was a tween and just feeling SO justified in my earlier crush on him. And how awesome was Laura, stealing that babe away from Nellie? And how equally awesome was he for loving Laura instead of that she-demon?
And I soooo feel you on the “being a reader” thing. I have 20+ books in my “to read” stack, as well as a list of books I’m due to re-read. I can’t finish a book and *not* immediately pick up another one; I just cannot fathom being between books.
I don’t know if you ever go to jezebel.com, but on Fridays they have a feature called Fine Lines in which they review Young Adult books from when *we* were growing up. It is the most awesome thing ever. Here’s a link to the review for Little House in the Big Woods:
http://jezebel.com/gossip/fine-lines/little-house-in-the-big-woods-i-play-with-a-pig-bladder-like-its-a-balloon-333839.php
It’s a great reviewcap for a truly sacred book for me. Most of their posts in this topic are equally fantastic.
13. jonniker | May 27th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Whoorl: HA HA HAHA. I laughed out loud, right here in bed next to Adam.
Trina: PIG’S BLADDER. I have played with the pig’s bladder. AM COUNTRY GIRL YOU KNOW.
14. Trina | May 27th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
See? It’s all connected…
15. Jennifer | May 27th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
I don’t get people who aren’t readers. I’m totally down with not having your nose buried in a book all the time. People get busy, people have lives, etc. But people who don’t like to read? OMGWTFF? My husband is one of these people and I just don’t get it. Maybe he had terrible English teachers who made reading boring. Hell, I practically dropped out of college because of “Equiano’s Travels.” I’m a firm believer that there’s something out there for everyone and it’s just a matter of finding a subject you enjoy.
I’d have to say that my all-time book crush is Henry Winter from “The Secret History” by Donna Tartt. If you haven’t read it you MUST put it on your list – it’s one of my all time favorite books! It’s takes place in Vermont and is all dark and moody so it would be perfect to read when autumn rolls around!
16. Carla Hinkle | May 27th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
You know, one of the only really sad thing to me about having kids is that I am no longer a reader. Something about the sleep deprivation and doing everything in 5 minute intervals has shot my attention span all to hell and even when I do open a book, I immediately fall asleep. I am hopeful reading will come back in a few years …
LHOTP. Seriously. What more need be said? Amazing.
17. Margaret | May 28th, 2008 at 4:15 am
I love to read and just don’t understand non-readers. Do you ever ‘save’ books to read because you know you’ll be sad when its finished? I do this with series because I know I’ll have a long wait until the next one comes out.
My guilty pleasure is the YA Twilight series and totally have a crush on Jacob — Edward annoys me. This series is the book equivalent of TV teen shows you were looking for.
And to Dunkin Donuts — don’t they read this?! http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/04/30/97-scarves/
18. Emily | May 28th, 2008 at 4:24 am
Wait, Greg from Scooby Doo? I remember Shaggy and Fred (or “Freddie,” as the girls so lovingly called him), but not Greg. Can I get a Scooby Doo assist?
19. TwoBusy | May 28th, 2008 at 4:49 am
Emily beat me to the punch — I was about to make exactly the same Scooby-point. Can it be you’re thinking of the “passing for straight” Fred, orange ascot and all?
Also: I think you have a typo at the end of your post, as clearly you meant to say that “Black Celebration” is their best album. Please feel free to fix that mistake.
20. jonniker | May 28th, 2008 at 5:25 am
Emily & TB: You know, that’s the SECOND TIME I’ve said Greg when I meant Fred. I do it ALL THE TIME, I think because uh, my high school boyfriend was Greg? I DO NOT KNOW.
Also, TB, no, I mean Violator. Music for the Masses is my second favorite. Black Celebration doesn’t come in quite yet.
And Margaret, I tried to get the first book in the Twilight series, but my library didn’t have it. And with a reading list 1,000 miles long, I figured I could wait, although really, I am DYING to read them.
21. Lawyerish | May 28th, 2008 at 5:54 am
The Fred crush KILLS me, and I am with TwoBusy that Fred was a bit on the fey side. It’s so odd, because I don’t see the blonde Big Man on Campus being your type. I mean, aside from the fact that he’s a cartoon character.
Also, it royally pisses me off that they have a set of the Little House books now with PHOTOGRAPHS on the cover of some tween girl PRETENDING TO BE LAURA INGALLS WILDER. No. NO. The books are to have the Garth Williams illustrations on the cover and THAT IS ALL.
And duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. You’ll be here NEXT WEEK. WOO!
The keffiyeh thing. Oh. My. God. Who ARE these people??
22. Sadie | May 28th, 2008 at 6:49 am
I’m so glad for your edit because I am pretty schooled in Scooby Doo and I was like “who the hell is GREG? Because I always crushed on Fred.”
An aside; because my job involves excessive amounts of driving, I have to frantically pull the car over and pee in dirty McDonalds’ bathrooms, or even on the ground a la Whoorl, at least once a week. Aaaand my brother lives in Yonkers. Holla!
23. Shelly | May 28th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Ok, I do read, although not as much as I used to, but I feel infeorior in my reading…(hangs head…)I don’t read intellectually. I read NOVELS….FICTION…..MURDER……MAYHEM……..SUSPENSE.
I really need some EASY reading literature……..somthing that isn’t full of cumbersome words and hidden meanings that you have to EXTRACT.
I’m soooo very jealous. I want to go to NYC. I want to know Lawyerish (although I’ve posted on her blog that I’m not so sure she’d want to know ME since I talk incessantly on the phone and I have a fridge over-run with leftovers spoiling and condiments). I want to go to a baby shower!!
Alas, I’ll have to be content with voyeristic ‘knowing’ you guys.
Hey, I came up with a word….I’m sure it’s already been used by someone really smart or witty, but I felt clever for a while…..Ahem…I’ll use it in a sentence….
I’m so glad we interMET. hahaha….get it?
Sigh…maybe comedy or new word finding isn’t my forte?
Have fun with visiting parents and travel to NYC!!!
24. cassidy | May 28th, 2008 at 9:18 am
Yes, all my roommates, sisters, friends are IN LOVE with Edward from the Twilight books. You have to read them, Jonna. It will take you like 2 days They are the fastest reads.
Also, I was (still am) in love with Gilbert Blythe from the Anne of Green Gables books. Have you read those? They are my favorite.
25. Andrea | May 28th, 2008 at 9:39 am
With the new baby in the house and the All Demanding All the Time show my four year old puts on, I barely have time to read. I get 45 minutes at lunch during my work day (that I’m debating to take away from myself to go *gulp* work out) and if I’m lucky, twenty minutes at night after the kids go to sleep before my own circadian rhythm knocks my eyelids shut.
It makes me insane. I feel as if ants are itching their way around in my brain and are eating the parts of it that have rational, learned thought. Some days, I can’t string two words together to make a coherent sentence, and I fully believe it’s because my reading has slowed down and I’m just not that sharp anymore.
I’m glad you mentioned returning the Omnivore’s Dilemma, because I was considering it for my next book and I don’t want to waste time on something that’s boring. See above re: my sleepiness. Boring wouldn’t work for me.
Loved The Time Traveler’s Wife so much, partly because of the multi-layered Henry. Partly because I’m a sheeple that likes what I’m told to like by the literary establishment.
26. Andrea | May 28th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Oh, and I read The Other Side of the Story. It was good. Not great, but good. It kept me entertained on an 8 hour car ride in a van full of family members. Squabbling family members. Not the most ringing endorsement, but it was pretty good.
27. Artemisia | May 28th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I just (finally!) got my hands on a copy of the Omnivore’s Dilemma from library. Last night. I hope I can get into it, as I’ve been waiting for three flippin’ months to get a copy. The anticipation is killing me.
I hate parent-visit induced cleaning. The frenzy!
28. Leah | May 28th, 2008 at 11:05 am
He WAS hot! I just swooned.
My dad is not a reader and it blows my mind. I bought him a biography of his favorite musician about ten years ago and he only got about halfway through chapter 1, which was about four pages. I think the book is still in his nightstand drawer, though, so it’s not like the gift went unappreciated. Also, it has pictures.
29. amyjamio | May 28th, 2008 at 11:54 am
i loved henry too!
of course, i was a month away from marrying my hubby with the same name, but it still thought he was hopelessly tragic and very sexy.
30. Shana | May 28th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Am with Lawyerish. Any images other than the original illustrations are sacrilege.
I think at least three of my old set of Little House books are all screwed up from being dropped in the tub. I was unnaturally obsessed with those books, and never hesitated to roll out for a bath with one in hand.
As for being a reader, I was…until I took up knitting. Now I knit and read alternately, always annoyed by the fact that I can’t do both, and wondering why a) there are so many crappy audiobook readers and b) why so many books are ABRIDGED. A MORE HATED WORD, I HAVE NEVER KNOWN. WHYYYY.
I was also all over the Chronicles of Narnia, and am not fond of making movies of these things. The translations to short-format with special effects is often crap, and I firmly believe that kids should READ the books. It’s a million times better, and is a heck of a lot better way to develop readers/literacy/imagination/patience/etc.
That said, I’ve never read Bridge to Terabithia or A Wrinkle in Time, and have felt badly about it for years. Should probably just suck it up and library them already. Leave no Newbery book unturned!
Anybody not into fiction, as they’ve gotten older? I hardly read any fiction anymore.
31. Swistle | May 28th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Oh, I lovvvvvvved Farmer Boy. And it was such a surprise, because I thought I wouldn’t be interested in a story about a BOY, so I ignored it on the shelf for YEARS, reading all the other books again and again. And then Farmer Boy turned out to be my favorite.
32. Melissa | May 28th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
It took me awhile to read through your post because I was busy following the Wikipedia link to Almanzo, then Laura, then Mary and Rose. I was (and am) a huge fan of the Little House books and for some reason the chapter in which Laura decides to cut herself some bangs stays with me to this day. The Betsy, Tacy, and Tib books (Maud someone-or-other?) were the only ones warring for my attention growing up.
Have a great time with Lawyerish!
33. Susan | May 28th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Like TwoBusy, my number one Depeche Mode is Black Celebration, too, but Violator comes in a close second. Maybe you could give it a couple more listens?
I am currently reading The Bright Side of Disaster and really enjoying it. I think you or one of your commenters recommended it, so thanks!
34. claire | May 29th, 2008 at 5:19 am
I feel so left out that i never read a single Little House book when i was a kid. I must be missing out on something HUGE.
35. Marie Green | May 29th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Oh I am a huge reader, preferring it (usually) to television. I’m between books right now, and I don’t have one in my possession that I’m excited about, so I feel really strange. I’m bookless. And it makes me feel lost!
Also, I’m a huge Little House fan, both books and tv show. I grew up just a few hours from DeSmitt, SD and Walnut Grove, both former homes of Laura, so I got to “see” her old digs in person as a kid. Now my girls are into the tv show, and it’s really fun to rewatch it again (on DVD). Some of those episodes are so disturbing! Not at all wholesome/kid-friendly as I remembered. But I wasn’t scarred by watching it (except for that one episode with the Rape of Albert’s girlfriend- GAHHHH.)
So anyway, Hi! I’ve seen you commneting on other blogs I read, so I figured it was WAY PAST time to check out your blog. I like!
36. Kate @ Life As I Life It | May 29th, 2008 at 8:59 am
I’m with you – I don’t GET people who don’t read. I mean, really? You don’t read? At all? Wierd.
A couple years ago I started keeping track of how many books I read, just out of curiosity, and now it’s morphed into a nerdy, complicated spreadsheet that I compulsively update the second I finish a book. I have a stack beside my bed of “To-read” books (5+), an online list with my library of ones I want to read (30+), and an ever-expanding collection of post-it notes with names & authors scribbled on them tacked to my bulletin board (??). Not to mention the ones I want to RE-read. There just isn’t enough time.
Oh, and I SO wanted to be Laura Ingalls. Still do kinda. In fact, we’re getting ready to break ground on a house in the country and I’m gonna do my best to have my own little pioneer life. Maybe without the pig bladder tho.
37. Jen W. | May 29th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Ooh! Margaret Atwood! Which book are you getting? I highly recommend The Blind Assassin if you haven’t read it already. I just started Alias Grace…it’s a little slow, but I have faith.
38. sweetney | May 29th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
agreed about Violator. also: U R TEH FUNNEH.
39. mar | May 30th, 2008 at 10:56 am
so many things i want to comment on (on your comments), but have to say before my lunch break is over: eric bana is playing henry? am i the only person who has heard this? don’t know what to think.
love little house, & whoever hasn’t read bridge to terabithia or wrinkle in time, you must! i’ve been re-reading all the newbery & caldecott books (writing a children’s book will do that to you)
okay, work is dragging me back. grr…
40. Suebob | May 30th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
While I was in a hotel, I indulged in watching my favorite show, Wife Swap. It was sensitive artist family VS. motocross family. Motocross Dad said to Artsy Mom “You think you’re better than me because you have 10 books at home on the wall. Yeah, 10 books!” As if 10 books were the HIGHEST number of books one could possibly consider cluttering one’s house with – 10 WHOLE BOOKS!
41. JDog | June 2nd, 2008 at 10:34 am
uh oh, I loved that book (Omnivore’s), can’ we still be friends?
42. Leaf, probably... | June 4th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
My Mum has a habit of dropping in without notice. Every songle time she does it the house looks like a nasty student hovel, mostly because our flat is made up of three girls, and girls are way messier than boys.
Just once I’d like my Mum to think I live in a clean house…
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