A Red Letter Day

This weekend is the second weekend in a string of three consecutive Active Weekends, which are something I am not accustomed to, but enjoy greatly nonetheless. Next week, I’m headed to New Hampshire to hang with my friend Erica, and tomorrow, I head to NYC for a baby shower of epic unplanned proportions and ha HA, I AM THE PSEUDO-PLANNER. I am slowly having a heart attack as I realize that yes, I’m hosting a baby shower in a place where I AM NOT, and it’s killing me. KILLING ME. But I will be there tomorrow, and it will be OKAY.

*rocks back and forth*

(Fear not, the subject of this shower already knows my fears. SHE KNOWS.)

(Also, I am in desperate need of a run to Ann Taylor or something before the airport, as I have neither jack nor shit to wear, since everything I own makes me look the size of the Titanic. Who knew five pounds could be so damaging to what is apparently a very fragile wardrobe? I actually got so angry at my girth that I threw a pair of pants across the room and yelled, “FUCK YOU, PANTS! I HATE YOU!” Nope. Not making that up. I actually did that. My pants are understandably hurt and trying to understand how this is THEIR fault, when in fact, it is the lemon bars’, and we all know it. Oh, also there was that white chocolate lemon thing that I ate on Sunday night and I’m just not sure it was WORTH it, you know?)

(I don’t crave chocolatey desserts much. Give me lemon or vanilla or GIVE ME DEATH. Or, you know, fat pants. Whichever comes first.)

Anyway. I never knew so many people had such strong opinions on Sarah Jessica Parker OR cilantro. And I’m truly sad for you non-cilantro lovers out there, because done properly, it’s TRANSCENDENT. I would eat cilantro as salad greens if I could, and I am happy to see that there are others like me. And maybe I’ll send you my cilantro if it won’t wilt.

Since my parents left, I’ve been a state of utter malaise, where I lay in bed all day working and watching Charmed. Until today, no lie, I hadn’t showered since SUNDAY and was reluctant to do so, because eh? Who needs showers when you can work from bed with a warm puppy in your pajamas? This is understandably a very unhealthy habit, and Adam pointed out that I was starting to smell like “stinky person” but I said GODDAMN, I was so very tired, and moving my fingers to work was the best I could do.

Also, season one of Charmed is down, although I barely paid attention to it, and we are into season two — I CRIED when Andy died, because HE AND PRUE WERE SOULMATES I KNOW IT. And can I just TELL you that I am upset that Shannen Doherty leaves, because I LIKE her, off-center eyes and all? And that suddenly, I have decided that after Charmed, I am moving on to Buffy, because I want more campy fantasy. Then I’m doing Veronica Mars, if only because Jennie is forcing me at virtual gunpoint by threatening to send piles of DVDs unannounced.

We do, at some point, have to talk about the strange phenomenon in the late ’90s to wear high-waisted pants with a cropped shirt. Oh my hell, that’s bad. Like, you end up with this eerie little sliver of stomach that looks like a Buddha belly because the pants you’re wearing give you a gunt and come up to your armpits. And Shannen Doherty DOESN’T have a gunt, and yet it appears that she does, and don’t you then wonder what the rest of us who DID have one, actually looked like? Oh dear crap, it couldn’t have been good.

Have a great weekend, y’all. I know I will. You know, if my plane gets there in one piece (GAH GAH GAH)

*Pet Shop Boys

23 comments June 4th, 2008