Somebody’s Baby
July 6th, 2008
Oh hi! How was your holiday? Did you eat hamburgers? Ribs? Chicken? Corn on the cob? CHECK CHECK CHECK AND CHECK over here, and they were all delicious.
We went to Syracuse — well, Manlius, if you feel like getting VERY SPECIFIC — and spent the weekend with my brother-in-law, his wife and their two wee ones, ages 7 months and two years. And let me tell you, that bit of age difference is something I’m not sure I can handle, and I think my sister-in-law should be awarded some sort of life-size medal of honor made of solid gold ingots or perhaps a lifetime of creme brulee on demand — a fountain of creme brulee, if you will. Because MY GOD. No no. I don’t want two kids that close together, no thank you. And to those of you who do, the next time I see you, I’ll bring you copious amounts of the dessert of your choosing, only because I can’t afford that many gold ingots. My sister-in-law is a trouper, nay A HERO.
(Also, can we talk about how much it bothers me when people use trooper in lieu of trouper? Yes, I realize it doesn’t make sense, and this makes me utterly obnoxious, but it IS trouper, as in a person who is a solid performer under any circumstances. As in, THE SHOW MUST GO ON. Trooper also makes sense in the “brave little soldier” concept, but it’s not really correct in the traditional sense, sadly. I also feel this way about sherbet and sherbert, as I’ve discussed before.) (SHERBET OMG.)
(This is how I’m becoming my mother, the woman who refuses to call a chaise longue anything but. Oh, you thought it was chaise lounge? No no, it’s French for “long chair”. And if you say otherwise, my mother will publicly correct you and engage in a lively discussion about its etymological significance, at which point you will be in equal parts charmed and incredibly annoyed.)
The weekend included snacking on the aforementioned delicious nephews, the older of whom has an utterly charming habit of answering “Mm HMM!” in the affirmative, in addition to shouting, “I LOVE YOU AUNTIE JONNA” on command, while the younger one will shamelessly flirt with anyone who smiles at him. It was the sort of weekend that summer holidays are meant for — a whole lot of nothing except barbecuing out and helping kids in the sandbox. Oh, and there were fireworks. Finally.
And there was Target. OH YES. TARGET. HOW COULD I FORGET. Honestly? It was even sweeter this time. I hate to admit this, lest I sound all consumerist and obnoxious and stuff, because I live in God’s country, and big box stores are frowned upon, I KNOW I KNOW. But something in me changed the second I smelled the store and I became more excited than I’d been in a long time, which makes it that much more disappointing in that a) I only spent $140, which is getting off easy for a Target trip, as any addict will tell you; and b) the majority of that cash was spent on an ungodly amount of Method products, for while I have and use all green products, right down to the laundry soap, NOTHING is as good as Method. Nothing. They have everything, and yes, I know, it sort of defeats the purpose by buying environmentally friendly products that come on giant trucks that burn oil oil OIL, but sometimes a girl has to smell ylang ylang in her clean shower mist, you know?
And finally, I had blood work done last week — one a routine glucose test, the other my thyroid levels — and the ogre-like womanbeast who drew my blood positively BUTCHERED me, I’m sorry, she did. I’m not usually squeamish about needles and blood and whatever, but not only did I almost faint, but I have a bruise extending the length of my upper arm, starting at the tender inside where she conducted her cruel bloodletting. Insult is only added to injury when I learned that while my thyroid levels are blessedly normal, my glucose is a little high and guess who’s been advised to cut down on the sweets during prime creme brulee season? The same person who is now STARVING and off to make herself, I don’t know, a BOWL OF BROCCOLI or something. Pah.
Happy Monday!
*Yo La Tengo
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
35 Comments Add your own
1. She Likes Purple | July 6th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Nothing can make you a tad fear of needles like someone STABBING YOU during routine blood work. This happened to me recently and I left in TEARS from a simple needle prick. I still haven’t forgiven “Dottie,” the stabby lab tech.
2. AndreAnna | July 6th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Where were you 9 months ago with my brulee?
I have a daughter who just turned two and am about to pop out a boy any day now (PleaseDearJeebusLetItBeSoon).
I realize the insanity of our plan and yet the thought of being DONE of being pregnant and birthing babies within a three-year span won out.
Note: People who use “segway” instead of “segue” and “peaked” rather than “piqued” can be added to that list.
3. kirida | July 6th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Oh I loved the sherbert vs. sherbet debate! Now I’m hungry.
4. -R- | July 6th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I always thought it was trooper, like a soldier. Trouper never even occurred to me!
5. Camels & Chocolate | July 6th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Um, yes, I fear I’m one of these people you (and your mother!) talk about on the phone after I leave from a party, because my immediate inclination would be trooper (but sherbet you’d be glad to know), and I’m talked about my chaise LOUNGE on more than one occasion on my blog. Oops, double oops. And this from the girl who refuses to end a sentence with “from,” “on” and other comparable prepositions. Your blog has now become a learning forum!
6. Jennifer | July 6th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I didn’t know that about trouper vs trooper. Thanks for pointing that out! The one that drives me up a wall is when people use “compliment” but they mean “complement” (complement as in, things that fit together to complete each other, as in “the red wine is complemented by the rich cheese”… compliment means “you’re looking nice today.” But you knew all this right??)
Bummer on getting a bad blood-draw. Those phlebotomy bruises last a LONG TIME too.
7. claire | July 7th, 2008 at 5:33 am
Jonna, your blog is totally educational today. I didn’t know about the trouper/trooper thing nor the chaise longue thing. Thank you for pointing all that out.
However, even with your sherbet/sherbert debate, i still say sherbert. Maybe it’s regional. I cannot be blamed.
8. Sadie | July 7th, 2008 at 5:45 am
YES! TROUPER! There should be some sort of tutorial. You are performing a public service. Next on your agenda: ‘Stationary is Not Paper.’
I am not squeamish about needles either except that I ALWAYS bruise after blood drawings and have learned that I have these neat-o ‘collapsing veins’ that are the culprit, and so I request that the blood taker use a butterfly needle? I think that is what it’s called and voila, no bruising. (Also, ‘Viola is a Musical Instrument and Don’t You Dare Spell Voila Phonetically’ could be part of your tutorial.)
Your holiday weekend sounds delicious. Mine had a lot of mayonnaise-based salads (Potato, cole slaw, pasta, ET CETERA and such and such) and this morning in the car my pants actually HURT.
9. jonniker | July 7th, 2008 at 5:54 am
HA HA
Oh, stationary vs. stationery. Do you know that the stationery STORE near me doesn’t even have it right? It’s a STATIONARY STORE. GRAH.
10. MsPrufrock | July 7th, 2008 at 6:04 am
This is very lowest common denominator, but I come across far too many people who do not know the difference between “lose” and “loose”, “affect” and “effect”, and other very simple concepts I can’t think of at the moment.
As a result of your very obvious Target fixation, I plan on visiting a Target when I’m back in the US next week. My ex-city got a Target not much before I moved to the UK six years ago, and I’ll admit – I wasn’t impressed at the time. You’ve built it up and built it up, so I’m fully expecting a glorious Xanadu. No pressure Target, no pressure!
11. Jess | July 7th, 2008 at 6:19 am
One of the worst parts about my surgery was all the blood being drawn! I had no idea, but apparently my veins are very deep, so every time they drew blood (every six hours), they poked me like four times before they actually got the vein. Plus it took three tries to get the IV in, and that shit burns. GAH. Now I have little bloody marks all over my hands and arms.
12. Kristin H | July 7th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I suspect phlebotomists use these terms (deep veins, collapsing veins) to disguise what is simply poor technique (or sadism).
Also! Maybe the store is being cleverly subtle? Because the store is stationary and yet they sell stationery? Maybe? No? Oh well.
My mom actually says “Walla!” for voila. This hurts me. Also on my hate list (and I realize it’s not quite the same): places that call themselves horrible things like Krazy Kutz. No no no, Krazy Kutz! You will never, ever kut my krazy hair.
Guess what? After six years of infrequent Target shopping because it’s waaay on the other side town, they are putting in a Target less than 3 blocks from my house. I could ride my BIKE there, if I didn’t have to worry about hauling balancing my bags of Target goodies on my head to get home. YAY Target!
13. carolyn | July 7th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Oh my… I am probably using the wrong words all the time and not even knowing it. Which makes me unaware. Which makes me not care that I do it. Ahhh ignorance is bliss. At least I don’t pronounce supposedly as suppsably – I stop people on the street and correct them for that one.
Oh and my spawn – 18 months apart. And you’re right, buy that SIL something with gold ingots because it is indeed the seventh ring of hell.
14. Ang | July 7th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Every time the freaking pres of the USA says noo-que-ler instead of nuclear (noo-klee-er) – I think why why why and how how how did he EVER get into office. Read a book! The L is after the C!
And yes my kids are 18 months apart – which was totally insane for about 3 years – but now as I sit in the yard watching them scootering up and down the driveway, I’m LOOOOVING it. They’re best friends.
15. Nothing But Bonfires | July 7th, 2008 at 8:46 am
I would like to meet your mother. There I was, thinking I was the ONLY one who couldn’t help clench her fists and bare her teeth when people dared to say “chaise lounge” instead of “chaise longue.” I’ve a feeling she and I could have a very spirited conversation about the way people mispronounce “croissant” as well. (PEOPLE: It’s CWA-SON. NOT CRAH-SAAAAAHNT. Oh, now I’m all twitchy just thinking about it. The Croissantwich! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)
16. Leane | July 7th, 2008 at 8:54 am
You were very close by..and i will be in that Manlius Target—(if that’s the one you were in) tomorrow morning to be exact!!!
It was a great weather weekend for July 4th festivities and eating. Lots of eating.
17. winterwheat | July 7th, 2008 at 9:48 am
On one hand, like you, I think two kids that close in age would have driven me crazy. On the other hand, if you want kids and have trouble getting pregnant with the first, it makes sense to start trying for the second as soon as you think your sanity can bear it. Bodies can do funny things over relatively short spans of time, as I have recently learned.
Since we’re sharing linguistic pet peeves, one of the thorns in my side is the use of “I” where “me” is appropriate, e.g., “Just between you and I.” “I” should be used wherever “we” would be appropriate, and “me” should be used wherever “us” would be appropriate. You say “just between us,” not “just between we.” I think a lot of the other errors I see in student papers (e.g., loose instead of lose, casual instead of causal) are the product of laziness and too heavy a reliance on spellcheck. Ultimately, I think the only way to write and speak properly is to READ, a LOT. I can tell which of my students are readers and which are not within the first few weeks of a semester. Since I’m switching hands in this post, though, there are times when I refuse to use proper English in conversation. For instance, I will never say “A bunch of people is going to the mall — let’s go!” — not because I don’t go to the mall, but because I simply refuse to treat the subject in this sentence as a singular noun (bunch), even though that’s the noun to which the verb should correspond. I mean, come on, who says “A bunch of people IS…?” I don’t want to look like an idiot.
18. Shelly | July 7th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I never profess to be a grammar expert (except when I want to be)—–I probably use the term chaise ‘Lounge”. Although I am no expert, I have my own pet peeves—-I probably use the spelling TROOPER, but somehow in reading your post, I KNEW it should be trouper…..I don’t know how I knew, though….but my biggest pet peeve? The use of the word ‘MYSELF”. “Please see Jonniker or Myself for information.”….HELL NO…..”Please see Jonniker or Me for information”….EVERYONE uses “myself” even uber-professional types. It makes me CRAZY…….CCCRRRRAAAAAAZZZYYYYY (she singsongs like Liza Minnelli, or a drag queen). It’s in e-mails, on the FREAKING NATIONAL NEWS and EVERYWHERE. I wish I were (or is it was?) a lawmaker……I’d OUTLAW the word MYSELF. I would, however, make it proper punctuation to use many periods in a row to illustrate a point………..like now……
*deep cleansing breath*
Ok, now I feel better. Sort of.
Hamburgers? Yes
Chicken and ribs? No.
See my blog for fabulous Steak Sandwich recipe…….ate it TWICE last week……….
toodles,
me, MYSELF and i
19. Shelly | July 7th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Oh…sorry for being a comment hog (once again), but I now have gone back and read OTHER comments………
I feel so embarassed….stationary—the only spelling I have ever known and used. I shall be far more careful after this. CWA-SON? I did not know….I’m a craaasssaaannnntttt girl…….I’ll probably still say it, but I’ll giggle when I do……..ruffling the feathers of the girl at Panera taking my order.
Nuclear? and George Dub? Makes me CRAZZYYYY as MYSELF…..I think I’ve heard GW use that too…
One time, as a dismal Latin student, I took our daily spelling test (amazingly, I learned ALOT of spelling in that year) which I often failed (5 words each day), and one day, I was the ONLY one in class that spelled CIAO correctly—–my teacher accused me somehow of cheating (how could I cheat, when nobody else got it right???)………And I agree with your commenters…..READING is the key…….at the time, I’m sure I was reading Danielle Steele (“Ciao, my Darling”), but I GOT IT RIGHTTTTT!!!!! And this girl LIKES to be right.
Ciao, again!!
20. Leah | July 7th, 2008 at 11:08 am
The trooper/trouper thing is news to me! How exciting to learn something new when here I thought I’d known everything about everything for years. (HA.) (Seriously, though, I hope the issue comes up soon so I can show off my new knowledge. Bless you, fellow word nerd.)
21. claire | July 7th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Can i interject with a pet peeve of mine? (All of these comments are great, btw – i’m getting a nice education. Stationery? With an E? I had no idea. I do not deserve to be a technical writer). It’s not grammatical, but i feel the need to share:
Punctuation. I actually work with people who send emails out to REAL PROFESSIONALS without using a single period. Holy christ. This isn’t fucking instant messenger. This is a work place with people who are actually reading your shitty emails with your shitty, shitty punctuation. USE A PERIOD. TRY A COMMA. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???
Thank you, i feel better now.
22. Kristin H | July 7th, 2008 at 11:15 am
You know what I love? When you get the word people all stirred up. We’re like a hive of persnickety hornets. Love it!
23. ali | July 7th, 2008 at 11:54 am
target excites me too!
24. mar | July 7th, 2008 at 11:59 am
ha! as i was reading ‘trouper’ i was thinking to myself ‘is that really how it is? jonna would not lead me astray” & then you explained. i must admit that i say ‘lounge’ only for fear of getting crazed looks & having to explain myself with ‘longue’
i had a bowl of green beans & white rice for lunch. (then i went upstairs to the hospital cafeteria & grabbed a bosco stick & a coke. healthy!)
i also have a coupla nice phleb bruises from a delightful 7 hour infusion last wednesday. i look like a heroin junkie with all the holes in my arm. they’re not even supposed to leave those big ones in your arm that long because you can’t bend it for the whole time. yeesh! but that’s what i get for being a redhead & not having enough big veins for them to poke & stab.
25. jonniker | July 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Note: Was watching Tori & Dean reality show while working (SHUT UP) and the SHOW’S EDITORS SPELLED IT TROOPER.
GRAH.
26. Jakki | July 7th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Of course…they were wrong…
Had to let you know, broccoli is not so bad…just pour a nice amount of ranch dressing on top of it… that’s how I’ve gotten by.. I’m sure its not any better but it makes me feel better and all healthy.
27. slynnro | July 7th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
The word word sherbet makes me INSANE. INSANE. I don’t care it it’s wrong. It’s ugly.
And what of the Method hard wood cleaner? Worth it?
28. Angella | July 7th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Graham and Nathan are twenty months apart. Emily came twenty-five months later.
I am requesting a chocolate and peanut butter cheesecake as my reward.
Oh, how I long for the day that Canada gets a Target…
29. jonniker | July 7th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Slynnro: I like the wood floor cleaner. It smells almondy and delicious! I first used it at Lawyerish’s house, and I stocked up.
My favorite Method products are the toilet bowl cleaner and tub/tile cleaner. They work great and smell AWESOME. Mentholy and fresh and not spearminty, the way most toilet bowl cleaners do.
30. Heather B. | July 8th, 2008 at 3:05 am
Dude, their (Method) hardwood floor cleaner is amazing. It smells all nice and almond like and makes the floors gleam.
Also, where is Manlius?? It’s like that time I went to Watertown and then was all “I had no idea this all existed” because there is obviously nothing northwest of Albany. We New Yorkers are a special breed. We all live in our own little bubbles. We like it that way.
31. Nancy | July 8th, 2008 at 5:45 am
Delurking to say I’m from Manlius, and I’m kinda jealous you were there for the Fourth. I hope you got to watch some Little League games and taste some salt potatoes and listen to the band behind the fire station!
32. Carolyn J. | July 8th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I’m with your mother on the chaise longue thing. If you’re going to say it, you may as well get it right.
My brother and I are 15 months apart, yet my mother somehow has a full head of hair. I’m not sure how that happened.
33. Style Bard | July 8th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
…I read that as “barbequing kids in the sandbox.” Anyone else? Just me? Sigh.
On lounge/longue… I haven’t made up my mind on the prescriptive/descriptive thing just yet, primarily because I like to be able to be whichever I want when it suits my argument (heh) but I’m pretty sure this falls into the latter category and will forever remain. It is not longue. As a professional writer who uses ‘chaise lounge’ fairly frequently (don’t ask), I can confirm this. I would be told I was wrong, even if I explained it to my editors, because that’s just…no longer correct. I don’t know how I -feel- about that kind of linguistic transition, but I do feel as though it has officially happened, and a chaise lounge is now what a chaise longue used to be. I think this kind of thing is different than not -knowing- proper grammar. Sherbet, however, is still a la mode (no pun intended).
34. Leane | July 8th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
ok not Manlius–i was at the Fayetteville Target which is minutes from Manlius..
Also..just finished reading “Swallow the Ocean” by Laura Flynn (who uses the word TROOPER..incorrectly) but it was a great book. And i bought SHERBET yesterday..
35. Erin | July 8th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
LOVE method wood for good. Makes my coffee table shine and smells so lovely!
My skin crawls to new-kya-lur as opposed to new-klee-ur. Also detest “whole ‘nother” – people need to make up their minds. Is it a whole other, or another? You can’t have both!!!
The Sherbet/sherbert issue makes me uncomfortable. I’ve always said sherbert, but neither feels right. Much like the possible pronunciations of caramel and pecan.
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