69 Comments Add your own

• 1. Kristi  |  July 20th, 2008 at 7:53 pm

  I am sooooo with you on this one. I wanted casual and unique, and instead got trad. and cookie cutter (I blame the husband for wanting it in a church). We made up for it with the reception – a beautiful, moonlit river cruise aboard a yacht. AND YET, for some reason I still want to do it again and have it be more ME – ya know? I wonder if everyone feels that way even if it was perfect the first time?

  We were just talking about how we wish we could do it again so it would have more meaning (my husband actually said this!) so I jumped ALL OVER THAT and suggested that we renew our vows for our 10th somewhere tropical, perhaps, say…the Caribbean??!?!?

  Wow, I can really go on and on.

• 2. Jamie  |  July 20th, 2008 at 8:49 pm

  Oh man, I am bound to piss some perfectly lovely, wonderful people off right now, but I hate hate HATE strapless wedding dresses with a BURNING PASSION. Everyone is wearing them! When did wanting to wear a normal bra become passe? ARGH! I would rather wear something lime green in color, or that is made out of my mother’s old ivory curtains or something. Anything with a strap of any kind. That’s all I ask. If I see one more bride go down the aisle with undiagnosed squishy armpit vagina caused by YET ANOTHER strapless dress, I will throw myself into the aisle and eat up all the rose petals until I die by poisoning. You know, like a romance overdose. Or something.

  (crickets)

  I could say more, but I think I’ve contributed enough opinion for one evening. Ahem.

• 3. Elizabeth  |  July 20th, 2008 at 8:51 pm

  Oh, I LOVE talking about weddings. Funny.
  We got married on the prairie and the reception was in a barn (albeit a fancy ass barn). We had bbq chicken that they grilled right there and NO CHAFING DISHES (that was my weird obsession for some reason). It was pretty much exactly what I wanted – but if I had to do it over again, I would wear a cheapish cute tea length dress from J Crew or something with some really really really expensive shoes. And I would have stuck to my guns and had it on the 4th of July so there would have been fireworks at the end of the day.

• 4. vague  |  July 20th, 2008 at 9:05 pm

  I’m still a singleton, so I’ve never been through this process, but I’ve always thought I’d like the kind of wedding you described as the one you wanted — casual but nice, friendly and informal, with comfortable and flattering clothes for all involved. I can’t imagine myself in a poufy white dress, and I’d hate to foist *any* kind of dress on my girlfriends. I mean, what I think would be nice and flattering might not be for them, right?

  For the food, I can only imagine the horror of facing many of my friends and family with unapproachable, unpronounceable foods. I can’t believe the clambake you wanted was so expensive! I was always thinking that such a thing would be the economical way to go! I mean, “clam bake” is not even French, and must therefore be cheaper!

  Maybe I’ll just have a party at my house, all come-as-you-are and BYOB. I will make everyone watch Harold and Maude and dance to Stevie Wonder on my stereo. (“I Believe When I Fall in Love with You it Will Be Forever” is totally my wedding song for my completely imaginary wedding with my completely imaginary husband I haven’t even met yet.)

  Wow, ridiculously long comment! Oops!

• 5. Amy K  |  July 20th, 2008 at 9:23 pm

  We had a very small wedding on a boat in Seattle (in November, so it was freezing). It was fewer than 30 people and planned at the last minute. My mother was so furious about not being allowed to make all the decisions concerning flowers, dinner menu, etc. that neither of my parents spoke to me for well over a year afterward. (Can you say family issues?) My husband and I were happy with how things went, but if we had to do it all over again, we’d definitely elope and use the money saved to take an extended honeymoon. Two things I loved about our wedding: having a mariachi band instead of traditional music, and not having my father “give me away” like a piece of property. I gave myself away.

• 6. Blythe  |  July 20th, 2008 at 10:57 pm

  I had your basic white dress/chafing dish/obnoxious DJ wedding. I’m OK with that because it was ten years ago and I was young(ish – 27!) and just wanted my day in the poufy white dress like everyone else.

  I wish there existed an established tradition where you got to do another wedding-like thing (public renewals of vows sort of make me gag so not that, I know, picky picky) ten or twenty years later. Now that I have better taste, more confidence, and cooler friends (actually many of the same friends but we’re all cooler as we age, I think), I would throw a much better party with a more flattering dress and just a great time overall.

  I realize I could throw a big party now, but people wouldn’t travel from everywhere like they do for a wedding, and I’d never get all the people from the corners of my life together. The moment has passed. But it’s still a dream of mine.

• 7. Jennifer  |  July 21st, 2008 at 12:20 am

  We went to Hawaii/Kauai (and co-ordinated our wedding date with the Ironman, because our best man and matron of honor were already out there for that). We lined up a photographer, flowers, a minister, and a restaurant for after the ceremony. We arrived on Kauai on a Friday and got the license. Then we spent the weekend hunting around for “a good spot” and found a rock outcropping sticking out over the ocean. We got word to everyone of where the location was, and everyone met up on Monday evening. I wore a white T-shirt dress that I sewed, as well as Birkenstock sandals; the Hubs wore nondescript pants and white polo shirt (and matching Birks – you should see the photos). Short ceremony, followed by champagne, then we all went off to the restaurant.

  Later (back home) we put on a breakfast reception for 50 people up in the mountains at a lodge. Everyone wore jeans to the reception (the lodge was totally non-fancy, breakfast consisted of quiche, fruit, and muffins).

  All in all, very low-stress, very happy with how it all turned out!

  I do like attending fancy weddings though; I’m just glad I didn’t have to deal with one of my own.

• 8. Jennifer  |  July 21st, 2008 at 12:27 am

  Gah, I just re-read my comment and maybe it wasn’t apparent but: the only ones at the wedding were the two of us plus the 2 witness (fresh from the Ironman) plus the photographer and minister. I guess that’s what people call “a destination wedding” with a very minimal complement of guests.

• 9. Erica  |  July 21st, 2008 at 3:54 am

  Amen sister.
  I wish that we knew each other when I got married because you TOTALLY would have been there and would know first-hand how loosey goosey it was. We got married by a JP in Salem at this place called Hamilton Hall. Very cool, just big open space basically. I had a plain white dress and wore black platform flip flops underneath and J had a sweet 50′s style tux w/cool cufflinks and wingtip shoes. I had 4 bridesmaids and had them all wear black so that just MAYBE they could wear the dresses again. J had just 1 best man – his brother. We had the place booked from 2-6 on a Saturday so as not to ruin anyone’s Saturday night plans. The wedding part was over in 7 minutes because everyone knows how goddamn boring it is to stand there and watch people exchange vows. Who gives a shit to hear all that crap? Anyway, right after the wedding the drinking started w/a cocktail party (open bar of course) and then the “reception” was just a bunch of music (hand-picked by me and J, NO requests, and NO “Old Time Rock and Roll” or whatever that horrible friggin song is), and dancing and hors d’oeuvres (bascially veggies and dip, I think maybe some cheese and crackers) and a three-tier plate thingie filled with black and white cupcakes because neither of us wanted a cake. Open bar the whole time. It was fun and relaxing and EXACTLY what we wanted and I think everyone had a good time and that’s all we really cared about.
  Thanks for asking; I’m all smiley now remembering the day.

• 10. Swistle  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:14 am

  Ug, I think weddings are such a PROFIT INDUSTRY. It makes me a little queasy. And I don’t understand when it costs $60/plate for something no one would EVER pay $60 for at a restaurant. And then it’s totally unmemorable, no one even cares what they’re eating. I would pay CASH MONEY to attend a wedding where they put a paper tablecloth on a folding table and got a pile of 30 pizzas delivered, and had a huge ice tube full of beer, and another table with big boxes of wine. CASH MONEY.

• 11. Swistle  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:14 am

  Huge ice TUB. Huge ice TUB filled with beer. And beer BOTTLES is what I was thinking. Proofread much?

• 12. Swistle  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:16 am

  Also, I didn’t say what kind of wedding I had. Paul and I bought clothes of the sort we’d wear to other people’s weddings (khakis and white button-down and tie for him, green floral dress for me), and we had a Justice of the Peace come to our apartment with his elderly wife and elderly sister as our witnesses ($10 extra!). Afterward we decorated our own car and drove up and down the highway getting waved at and honked at. Then we went out to dinner at The Outback Steakhouse. It was a great wedding. I loved it.

• 13. Sadie  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:22 am

  You know how some women say things like “…the wedding I’ve been dreaming about since I was a little girl?” Yeah, not one of those women, and I try not to hang out with any either. My wedding was lovely and fairly traditional but if I had my way (and didn’t have to compromise with a spouse and two sets of families), I would have gone to Vegas. If I get married again (ha!)that is totally what I’m doing.

  My wedding was small (90 guests); church ceremony and reception at an 1820s inn with a wraparound porch. The food was good but standard wedding fare: some sort of roasted chicken, filet mignon, or swordfish. I did put my foot down about NO fruit cup, though.

• 14. April  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:26 am

  I am from southern indiana, so I have been to PLENTY casual weddings which are always fun… esp when you get drunk and you are talking the ear off of the poor old Shriner that is running the bar… good times.

  Our wedding – the main thing I wanted was for it to be a big party of all the people we cared about. And a that is precisely what it was – everyone was out on the dance floor jumping up and down to all kinds of music from Neil Diamond to Ludacris and we had a fantastic time. I kind of yelled at the DJ a little more than I should have, but dudes, he was a MORON.

  We ended up getting married at my dad’s country club, which was actually really reasonable food-and-alcohol-wise. Surprising. Plus all the people working the wedding for the club love my Dad, so they were all SUPER nice and friendly.

  I don’t know that I would change anything….. maybe the weather if I could have? It was 110 degrees (NOT exaggerating) outside.

• 15. Jess  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:36 am

  I AGREE with you that all wedding dresses look alike, and yet I still feel (IRRATIONALLY, I am SURE) that MY DRESS IS DIFFERENT. That’s why I picked it. But I see almost every other bride and I’m like, Meh. Her dress = Whatever.

  I do have to take issue with your argument that the wedding dress isn’t the most flattering thing. I am not kidding when I say that my wedding dress is quite possibly the most flattering article of clothing that I have ever owned. In fact, I am going to send you a photo of me in the dress now, just to PROVE MY POINT. Yes, I am that cool.

  In terms of the wedding style, you probably really know about this already since you read my blog and I talk about it a lot. I want a wedding that is neither formal nor casual. I want it to be fun, and full of personality, and comfortable. I want everyone to have a good time. So yes, there’s going to be beer and bratwurst and a purple polka dotted wedding cake. In short, it’s going to be AWESOME. I hope.

• 16. Jennifer  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:38 am

  LOL – We actually did have barbecue. But it was really good, rather famous barbecue and everyone loved it. I wanted people to eat. I wanted people to laugh. I wanted it real. It was. It wasn’t exactly casual, but it was US.

• 17. gwyneth  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:54 am

  i am a wedding photographer…therefore i attend weddings for a living…and am forced to consider what i like/dislike ON A WEEKLY BASIS.

  this does not help me to keep feet firmly planted on the ground whilst in early stages of relationship with soldier in the sandbox for SIXTEEN MONTHS. gah.

  anyway…i, too, love the idea of a barn. but really…any sort of private property where i can pitch a tent and there are no venue rules about catering will do. then i can hire one of those companies that sells bbq chickens for fundraisers…to come and serve a lot of chickens to my guests. and i can get a couple military guy friends to serve a lot of booze (that we bought ourselves) to guests…and i can get a friend to play songs on an ipod…and have my sister who dropped out of culinary school make 112 different kinds of delectable desserts.

  oh, and the dress…shall be custom made…out of white cotton. hopefully white on white polka-dot cotton, if i can find it. i think i DO want the white dress…and the father-daughter dance…but i also want a slip and slide set up for the children to play on when they’re done with the mini suits and froofy dresses. (i shot a wedding that had this…they also had a giant trampoline. and kegs. but those weren’t for the children.)

  i’d also like to have previously eloped so that really…ALREADY MARRIED…it can be my mantra when i start down the road to crazytown. i also want to write a letter to all the important people in life beforehand.

  “dear all of you,

  this is my pledge. i care about x, y, z. i WILL have my way on those things. groom cares about a, b, c. we don’t care about the rest, and if we start acting like we care…bitchslap us.

  snuggles,
  me.”

• 18. Christine  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:54 am

  I am totally with you on this. Tony is gung ho on having our wedding and reception on a boat (In early October ’09, so hopefully chilly but not cold). And our biggest problem is our most likely candidate a giant three tiered old fashioned type ferry has their own caterer. And we really would like to have a more casual affair with better food for the price. I don’t want to pay $125 for substandard poultry and steak when we could have a five hour long cocktail reception with a great DJ or cover band. (For the record, I plan on writing Adam Sandler and asking him to be our wedding singer, because that’s the kind of jerks we are.)

  Also re dress, I want to wear red. But holy hell would it never go over well with anyone. So, an ivory plain gown it will be. Since it is October, I’m guessing a brown dress for the bridesmaids and maybe a red satin shawl for me. Because I like having my way. Also Tony plans on wearing just a white button down shirt and khakis or the like. I’m all for the casual.

  The wedding I want in my head should cost no more than $15,000.00 on paper I’d be willing to be it costs more along the lines of $40,000. *weeps*

• 19. Amy  |  July 21st, 2008 at 6:08 am

  We kind of had the wedding you wanted although I wore an ivory dress. Still, my maid of honor was more uptight about stuff than I was. I didn’t insist on matching jewelery or shoes for my maids. She was appalled! In fact, if I could have, I would have asked them all to find a dress they liked in the color I chose but my color was sage and the variants of that color are so vast…I just had them order the same dress out of a catalog.

  Our reception was picnic food (sandwiches, salads, chips, fruit, etc) and it was held under the covered pavilion in a nearby park. We wanted to do it this way so people who brought kids could let them play while adults talked. We had an accordion player for some fun music that people even began dancing to.

  Still, if I could do it over, I would pick different people to be in our wedding, do my dress completely over (even though I’m in love with the dress I have) and would probably have different bridesmaid dresses altogether. We will have been married 7 years this September.

• 20. Danielle  |  July 21st, 2008 at 6:21 am

  I had a semi-fancy wedding and kind of regret it- The wedding, not the person I married.
  HOWEVER.
  I was in a wedding about a month ago that was hands down the best wedding I’ve ever been to. The actual ceremony was on the beach with fifty people standing around the bride and groom, and they had a dance on the beach with everyone blowing bubbles. We took all of the pictures on the beach, it was gorgeous. The bride had no veil, and a red flower in her hair.
  The reception was a clambake, and instead of wedding cake, they had a MAKE YOUR OWN ICE CREAM SUNDAE STATION.
  No dancing, super casual, and booze and seafood. Good times.

• 21. Jen E  |  July 21st, 2008 at 6:23 am

  I fought tooth and nail for a simple, casual wedding – and even though I mostly got that, I still sort of failed. I kind of went over board and ended up compromising on things just for the sake of having my way – namely the dress – I bought it for $100 at DEB Shops from their prom dresses – now maybe I wouldn’t have been happy with any dress given I had just given birth 4 months prior and still had post baby belly, but I didn’t love it, even with tailoring. I should have gone with a real dress I think or else a dress that wasn’t trying to so hard to come close to the real thing if that makes any sense.

  If I could do it again (and I hope to via renewing our vows someday) I’d get the dress of my dreams and just pay more attention to the details – even if it’s a casual wedding, the details are important you know? I’d hire a professional photographer, which I didn’t do, and now regret, having not nearly the kind of wedding pictures I’d like to have.

• 22. Caitlin  |  July 21st, 2008 at 6:27 am

  Jonna! (Did you notice how I took great care to pronounce it correctly??)
  I completely hear you on the wedding thing. It’s one of my secret fears for if-slash-when I ever have one.

  And, talk about timing/small-worldness, I went to a wedding at Smith Barn over Memorial Day Weekend, and it was so fantastic that I am considering having my own there.
  Outdoor weddings are indeed hard in August — though a few years ago a close friend got married and had the reception outside in Portsmouth, NH at Strawberry Banke…in August… and she had a 70 degree absolutely perfect day.
  Sigh. Why can’t you just ORDER that kind of weather??

• 23. Mandee  |  July 21st, 2008 at 6:28 am

  I grew up in a small southern town–not quite as small as the ones where people have an announcement in the paper that everyone is invited to the wedding, but still small enough that I’ve attended my fair share of weddings. Half the fun growing up was taking notes while sitting in my church of things I liked and didn’t like (although, this was usually precipitated by my mother).

  The only thing that still really appeals to me about that type of wedding is the music. If I could figure out how to get our incredible organ to a beach somewhere, I’d definitely go that route.

  Of course, some would argue I should be concentrating on a groom.

  My best friend got married two years ago and she and her husband paid for everything themselves. Her priorities were food, booze and flowers at the reception. In that order. So, she resisted the designer wedding gown, there were no flowers in the church, another bridesmaid and I drove them to the reception in a Tahoe, and we had the best food and the best party ever. It was great.

• 24. rosarita  |  July 21st, 2008 at 6:33 am

  I didn’t have a wedding. I always thought they were the most stressful events possible and I didn’t want one. We went to the justice of the peace (I wore a white cotton skirt and peach linen blouse, btw) and the judge asked if we wanted the long version or the short version. Intrigued, we said the short version. Without missing a beat, he said “I now pronounce you husband and wife” by the power invested blah blah. We then met up with friends in a beautiful nearby park and drank lots of champagne. Twenty five years later, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

• 25. claire  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:01 am

  I’m not even engaged, but I dread all things wedding-planning related. I’m one of those super self-conscious people who is nervous about the idea of having a day where i’m the star. I don’t even like to think about having 150 of my closest friends and family’s eyes all ON ME. Obviously, i need therapy, but it freaks me out a little.

  I flip back and forth on what kind of a day i’d like to have, should i ever get married. I used to want it on the beach and then I thought a botanical garden would be beautiful. (But holy crap is it expensive.)

  I’m not so into ‘traditional’ weddings, but my mother has already told me that if i eloped and told her about it later that she would have a hard time forgiving me, so it seems like that’s not an option. But after listening to some friends and co-workers talk about their wedding planning? Eloping seems like the only option that makes sense. I can’t believe that more people don’t just get on a plane and get married on some island somewhere in the Caribbean with a man named Paco as their witness. It’s just so much less stressful.

• 26. Kim  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:03 am

  I fell in love with a black & cream coctail dress that fit me perfectly that I got talked out of getting, wanted to walk down the aisle to the opening notes of Bittersweet Symphony, which also got squashed. The only way I got my way was having it outdoors on a lake at my father-in-law’s house and the reception at a semi-fancy country club. Still, nine years later I wish I would’ve stuck to my guns on everything. I don’t even remember the food we served. Blah.

• 27. H  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:35 am

  I’m totally with you now (and I agree with Blythe about throwing a party later) but I got married in 1986 when creativity and fun at weddings simply didn’t exist yet. It didn’t occur to me to do anything but the typical stuff and at the time my parents were freshly divorced (well, still smarting from the divorce) and money was scarce and my dad (gag) had recently married a clone of my mom so things were, shall we say, a little TENSE. So we tried to do the traditional thing with not enough money and if I could do it all over again, I would probably not replicate a single thing from the first wedding. My friend’s daughter is planning a wedding and I’m all excited and into the creative and unique, low key stuff. I hope my kids do something fun and informal but, of course, I’ll go along with whatever they choose and I will keep my mouth shut!

• 28. elise  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:42 am

  Oooh! I had to comment on this one. The Better Wedding you’re describing is the SAME kind of Better Wedding ideal I had when I was getting married! Well, except for the wedding dress part. I mean, I didn’t care about spending all the cash on my dress, that’s for sure. But I did want a somewhat traditional dress (at least in color – I did candlelight because YES, you’re right about stark white and its tendency not to flatter). ANYWAY.

  I had my wedding outdoors, at a Southern Plantation-era estate, so it was gorgeous, but not stuffy or formal. We didn’t do tents (I know, testing the universe that way!) and instead of the “traditional” wedding food, we did these AWESOME grilled Cajun fajitas. My mom had been to some huge outdoor rally thing about a year before my wedding, and at the rally they had a man who drove in a trailer with a (no exaggeration) 10′x10′ cast iron skillet in the back. The man then proceeded to grill up THOUSANDS of these Cajun fajitas and the smell, my mom said, would make people come in from miles around. So we called him for my wedding, and it was awesome, and we had beer (in kegs!) and wine and cake and dancing and a band – a Southern kind of band – it was just wonderful. The least stuffy, “normal” wedding I had ever been to, and it was mine!

  Thank goodness for two things: 1) living in Texas (makes it WAY easier to find random Cajun fajita guys with 10′ skillets) and 2) my mom was just as committed to (and understood) my “anti-wedding” wedding stance

• 29. -R-  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:43 am

  I had a really traditional wedding: ceremony at a Catholic church, reception at a country club type place. It was one of the less expensive options, the food was good, and the place was big enough for all of H’s family. H and I are traditional people, so even though it wasn’t unique, it suited us. I think the most important thing is that the bride, groom, and guests have fun, no matter what kind of reception you have.

• 30. Mary  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:49 am

  I just got married last October and I had the big wedding in the church w/ the big ballroom reception. I had a good time, but I would have changed a few things. Like caring about centerpieces. Being picky about the bridesmaid dress. Letting my wedding planner mother-in-law plan/pay for large portions of it, only to later hold it over my head. But I wouldn’t have changed my wedding dress. I paid to much, it was hot and heavy, but I loved it with my whole heart and wish I could wear it everyday!

• 31. Kristin  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:50 am

  We got married in December so everything was Christmassy and snowy, which was lovely. Only somewhat stressful because I was worried that it would snow like hell and no one would show up. But it didn’t, and they did, and it was a lovely wedding. The only thing I would change is try to make more time to talk with everyone because, you know, how often is it that everyone from all facets of your life are in one place? And in the end, at the very end of the night when we were the very last ones to leave, I cried and cried and cried, due to the sheer overwhelmingness of it all. Because OMG! We’re MARRIED! No nooky for us, that night, just me sobbing as a sheer emotional release, and my poor husband wondering what in the hell was wrong with me. But I was happy, I really was. It just didn’t look that way.

• 32. celebrate woo-woo  |  July 21st, 2008 at 8:46 am

  My first wedding was semi-traditional. I had the big fancy dress, which I still love, and sent out over 100 invites. It was an outdoor wedding, taking place in a gazebo that held the wedding party while the guests watched from below on the lawn. It was beautiful, and I don’t regret the choice to have this type of ceremony. The reception was held at an Air Force officer’s club with food served buffet style. It was nice, but I was much less impressed by this part of the day than the ceremony. The whole thing was a whirlwind, though, and I barely remember any of it with all the new introductions to the groom’s family members, of whom he didn’t even have memories.

  The second time around, it was so much more low key, so much so that we didn’t actually bother with guests for the ceremony. We got married on a small pier atop a small lake in a nearby park. In fact, my groom did wear jeans, although he did dress them up with a button-down shirt and nice shoes. I wore a deep-v, long-hem turquoise t-shirt with a white lace cami underneath and a white bohemian-style skirt on bottom. Super casual, but oh so lovely. Because we went the non-traditional route, we had a fairly unique vow exchange, which couldn’t have suited us more if we’d had to write it ourselves. We had two receptions a few months after the ceremony to allow both sides of the family to celebrate without having to travel much.

  While I still think my first wedding was well-done, and I don’t know if I would have been happy with it being done another way, I can say now that I prefer my second wedding. The ONLY way it could have been better was if it hadn’t been cold and overcast so that our pictures could have reflected the springtime sunset as I’d planned for them to.

• 33. Julie  |  July 21st, 2008 at 8:52 am

  We had a traditional wedding that was mostly planned by my mother, who ignored pretty much every suggestion I made because she was more interested in a high-profile wedding. Bitter? Um, yeah. If I had to do it over, we would ELOPE.

• 34. ZestyJenny  |  July 21st, 2008 at 9:03 am

  I think I had your perfect wedding. I think it was perfect, anyway. We got married at the summer camp I worked at in college. The ceremony was in the little wooden chapel in the forest, the reception in the dining hall with the lovely view of the mountains. The decorations were farmers market flowers in mason jars, my aunts made salads and fruit plates, and a rented BBQ wagon grilled brugers, brats and salmon my dad caught. There were kegs. My dress was tight and fitted and antique lacy, as has been out of fashion for quite some time, but I loved it. People still tell us 8 years later that it was the funnest wedding they ever went to. I do have one BIG FAT regreat, though. In the interest of thrift, (the whole thing cost $3000) we paid a friend $250 to take the pictures and they are just…fine. We have a dequate group shots, but no moments, and the beauty of the surroundings was not captured at all. That is my big piece of advise for weddings. DON’T SKIMP ON THE PHOTOGRAPHY.

  Also, Jamie, comment #2? I TOTALLY HEAR YOU on the strapless dress thing! Gah! My friend is getting married soon, and the other day, I looked through about 100 pictures from differrnt weddings that were on a venue’s website and they ALL were strapless!

  And Jonna, the thing about the remote (regarding weekend Tweet)? It is statistically the thing in the hotel room with the most fecal matter, and OTHER biological substances. Aren’t you glad I waited until you were out?

• 35. Emily  |  July 21st, 2008 at 9:32 am

  At the risk of pissing off a great number of people, I have to say that I had an awesome wedding. We had the ceremony and the reception at a restored nineteenth-century opera house, so it was kicky and fun but not too full of itself. For food, we found a restaurant we really liked (cajun) that catered for less than it would have cost to feed every one pizza. AM STILL ASTONISHED. We got beer from the brewery next door, which pretty much rocked. Oh, and I bought my dress off the rack at a place that was going out of business, so it was a steal and it was lovely, not to mention comfortable. I loved everything about my wedding, and it remains the coolest wedding I’ve ever been to. The end.

• 36. Jessica  |  July 21st, 2008 at 9:36 am

  I looked for a purple wedding dress, but ended up using a cream colored cocktail dress (for $25 on the clearance rack from Macy’s) which was fine I guess (although it did make me look rounder than usual and I’m sure only intensified the suspicion everyone already had that I was knocked up since our wedding was announced only three weeks in advance.) I wasn’t knocked up, we just needed to hurry because my health insurance from when i was a student was about to expired lol! We had a morning wedding followed by a brunch catered by my mother in law. We found an awesome (and free) venue in the park and spent a total of about $1000 on the whole thing, but it was only like 20 people, so we had that going for us. The only thing I would change about the day would be the ceremony itself. It was very casual and lasted about a minute and included vows like “I vow to let the dogs out in the middle of the night so you can sleep” and “I vow to let you watch your Sunday evening TV shows even though I don’t think they’re funny.”. Our officiant was our friend (actually my husband’s ex girlfriend) who got ordained over the internet. lol! It was so us though. We still would like to have a big party with hundreds of guests… for all those people who missed the actual wedding, which was just about everyone except our immediate families..

• 37. Jessica  |  July 21st, 2008 at 9:52 am

  and I will say that only spending 3 weeks planning a wedding is a great way to bypass the months and months of stress that a lot of ppl seem to go through

• 38. maria  |  July 21st, 2008 at 9:52 am

  City Hall, Vegas, or Atlantic City elopement, thankyou.

  But if I were to do it for real, a low-key barn sounds fantastic. I may steal that.

• 39. Shelly  |  July 21st, 2008 at 10:22 am

  We had a TINY wedding. Family only, in the house we built for my in-laws. My dad (a Methodist minister) performed the ceremony. I wore a green silk dress maternity dress that I loved (three months pregnant), our three year old daughter was sort of flower girl. Afterwards, we grilled chicken and steaks and hung out for a couple hours. My only regret is not having better pictures.

• 40. Cobwebs  |  July 21st, 2008 at 10:39 am

  I got married in black velvet on Halloween. I made all of the guests wear costumes. The reception was just a big Halloween party. It was *definitely* more fun than a traditional wedding.

• 41. houndrat  |  July 21st, 2008 at 10:45 am

  We had a small wedding (about 40 guests) in Maui. The venue was great—we rented a suite with a large private patio and a grassy area over-looking the coean. We had some live music for a short time, then switched to CDs we made and had dancing.

  But I did have the bleh wedding dress—I’m with you on that! Although the groomsmen and hubby got to wear Hawaiin shirts and sandals, and my bridesmaids wore sarong skirts and sandals.

  What am I totally bummed about? I SO would have done that crazy dance routinue thing that’s a reality show now. How great would it have been, to come out for your first dance, then burst into something entirely random involving the running man and Roger Rabbit?

• 42. mar  |  July 21st, 2008 at 10:49 am

  totally for the elopement. i’m thinking niagara. my parents have been joking about it for years. my present is going to be a ladder to climb out the window. his immediate family & mine, plus a couple friends would be fine for me. i’d like to look smokin’ & want great food/drink (not necessarily fancy) & a fantastic photog (shout out to gwyn-best wishes on your ld relationship)
  i’m not really ready for the wedding part yet, though i’m pleased as punch with my man. neither of us wants to get hitched just yet. too young at 29 (& he’s too young at 24).

• 43. Corinne  |  July 21st, 2008 at 11:05 am

  My wedding dress is in a garbage bag in the attic. For all I know the roof rats are living in it.

  I really thought it would’ve been fun to have the Vegas wedding with Elvis carrying me down the aisle on a surf board, but my husband vetoed that early on in the planning. Looking back after almost eight years, I’m glad we decided on the church wedding. We did get married by the minister who appears on the Young and the Restless, so I have that.

  We had 35 people at our wedding, and an afternoon outdoor reception at McCormick and Schmick’s with a cupcake wedding cake. It was casual and fun the best part is that I have a picture of me in my wedding gown chasing my nephew who was 2 at the time.

  But I will never do it again. If, GOD FORBID, there’s a next time? I’m going to the JP in my pajamas.

• 44. Gabriella  |  July 21st, 2008 at 11:11 am

  My husband and I had exactly the kind of wedding we wanted to have…because I am a jerk and insisted that we only invite friends and immediate family. His mom wasn’t pleased at first but she decided to have a “family reception” a few weeks after the actual wedding. It really worked out well for everyone. Husband and I got to have the casual backyard tiki-pool-party wedding of our dreams, and mother-in-law got to invite every single one of her family members to a big fancy party celebrating our wedding. Win-Win!

• 45. liz  |  July 21st, 2008 at 11:42 am

  I plan events for a living, so when my turn comes to be the bride, I will go far, far away and have just my family and close friends for a simple ceremony and dinner. I have no idea what my dress will look like… I can tell you I have never dreamed about my wedding, I can tell you what I don’t want, and that is 200+ people there!

  I was the MOH for a friend this past weekend and there were 315 people at the reception. The stress level was insane and the weekend was not enjoyable at all!

• 46. Pickles & Dimes  |  July 21st, 2008 at 12:31 pm

  We got married in an indoor park – beautiful setting, no extra decorating or flowers required. We also paid $6.50/plate for fried chicken and ham. Most places wanted to charge us $25/head – insane! The whole time I kept thinking, “IT’S ONE DAY, MY GOD.” That said, I’m so glad we went the laid-back route and did away with all the little extras that matter to no one.

• 47. Carrie  |  July 21st, 2008 at 1:27 pm

  J of P, baby! The judge was an absolute doll. And I wore my favorite pretty COMFORTABLE dress. WITH SANDALS. And no family (they were all 8 or more hours away–which is why we chose the “simple” ceremony, anyway). And we stopped at Wendy’s on the way home–and then my husband had to run back to work (how’s THAT for redneck?).

  One reason I wish we had at least held the wedding in our home state: the wedding gifts. No registration. No fun frollick around a grand department store picking out matching plates and champagne glasses. At the time we didn’t think it was a big deal since we’d lived together for so long and owned most everything for a two-bedroom household. As we moved into bigger places and then finally bought a house, we realized that we could have USED some of that stuff–with someone ELSE paying for it.

  And then there was the simple fact that it would have been nice to have family/friends around for a big ol’ party with music and dancing.

  But I definitely did NOT miss the dress. Or the family DRAMA that most certainly would have come up.

• 48. aly  |  July 21st, 2008 at 2:48 pm

  i hated hated HATED the wedding process. seriously, it just brings out the worst in people (if you’re family isn’t trying to impress everyone with hotel food then they’re trying to invite some distant relative, aunt matilda WHO I NEVER MET) and i just didnt care. i wanted elvis and my husband and that’s it. i blame my husband for it– although, i couldnt be too mad since his reasoning involved his 91 year old grandmother.

  i couldn’t take all the staring– i dont have good emotional reactions, people. i stare blankly until inappropriate times when i randomly start crying and gushing. not conducive to being on a spotlight all day, i’ll tell you that much.

  i spent a good portion of the day drunk– to get through all that freaking small talk and to avoid my mother “go TALK TO PEOPLE! you’re being RUDE!”

  that said, i liked my wedding dress. it was pretty standard (lace! strapless! pearl-ish things that hurt to kneel on!) but it was non-poof so i could hug my husband and make out with my champagne glass.

  i’d rather go through high school again than that process. my advice?? ELOPE.

• 49. Briana  |  July 21st, 2008 at 3:34 pm

  I have to comment!! I will email you a photo of my perfect wedding gown. Ivory, velvet. Imagine a greek goddess type draping. I’m skinny, was nicknamed Stick Woman in Jr. High, so it worked for me.
  Our wedding was a destination event in Sedona, AZ. It was at a resort, in the courtyard overlooking red rocks. I don’t remember what we ate, my only disappointment was the cake. Since we only had 45 guests, the cake was miniature. This after the cake lady goes on about how she made a cake for Tom Cruise’s 40th b-day, and it’s the best around blah blah. It tasted fine, just didn’t give that nice cake photo that you would expect.
  Destination weddings are the way to go. You send invites to all the people you HAVE to invite, but only those truly invested will show up-it’s perfect!

• 50. She Likes Purple  |  July 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm

  First, how I know I’m pregnant (other than the fat): the mere thought of a fois gras chaser made me heave right here in the airport.

  Oh, I loved our wedding. LOVED IT. We got married at a lodge-type hotel that was on the Truckee River in North Lake Tahoe. We got married and had the reception outside. I did wear a traditional dress that I still love to do this day even though it lives in a garbage bag in my garage because our “first bite of (cup)cake” ended up a very messy affair and if you think that’s kind of tacky, please know I STARTED IT.

  We had a buffet that was actually quite good although what we ate I cannot honestly remember. But there was champagne! I remember that!

• 51. slynnro  |  July 21st, 2008 at 4:46 pm

  We had about 130 at our wedding. And wedding chicken, of course. But I think it was really good wedding chicken for whatever that’s worth.

  And we had chicken fried steak on a stick. That redeems everything really. Factor in the candy buffet, and my wedding was all around awesome.

• 52. Amy K  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:17 pm

  She Likes Purple – “First, how I know I’m pregnant (other than the fat): the mere thought of a fois gras chaser made me heave right here in the airport.”

  HAHA, I’m pregnant too, and I think I threw up a little in my mouth at the thought of foie gras. Glad it’s not just me. (Although, in all honesty, the thought of scrambled eggs is making me just as ill these days.)

• 53. Tessa  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:33 pm

  I’ve had two weddings.
  The first, with my now deceased high school sweetheart, was a big church wedding with a buffet (of stuff that I loved, including sushi – maybe not a great idea in North Dakota), a DJ, and the fucking chicken dance. It took 30 months to plan, partly because it was a big deal, and partly because we had to work around his two bouts of cancer.

  The second was a small one at a hotel chapel in Las Vegas. My immediate family, my first husband’s immediate family, his immediate family, and a couple of close friends all met us there. It was stress free, less than 3 months after our engagement, and took one phone call, one fax, and one email to plan. I had a traditional dress, but not so poofy, and I found it accidentally at Macy’s when I went to buy something else. (Undies?) Afterward, we went out for a buffet dinner (a good one, though) with whoever wanted to join us. It was so awesome. I had the best time…I never would have believed it without having the big shindig the first time around, but it is WAY more fun to have fun at your own wedding instead of worrying that the centerpieces match the bridesmaid’s dresses…

• 54. winterwheat  |  July 21st, 2008 at 5:50 pm

  I wanted something small and stress-free, which would have required NO FAMILY, so of course we went with 180 people plus another 120 a week later in a different state (because my mother was upset that the main shindig was taking place outside her realm of influence — did I mention that FAMILY was STRESSFUL for me?). Years later, when one of my friends would tell me about how she and her fiancé rented a house on the ocean in South Carolina and invited their siblings and best friends, no parents, for a long weekend and drank and ate on the beach and had their closest friend lead the ceremony, I was absolutely consumed with envy, and mad that I didn’t put my foot down.

  Anyway.

  I did get my way with the flowers and whatnot. I love sunflowers and found a florist who was willing to get small ones and bind them up in green ribbon. The chicks wore simple brown crèpe dresses, spaghetti straps, and carried the sunflowers, and I wore my white spaghetti-strap dress, carried a small bouquet of daisies, and sported a mantilla because I happened to see it and happened to like it. The men wore dark grey suits with light grey vests and brown ties. Greg’s tie was gold. We got married in a very humble, architecturally significant church (Unitarian meeting house designed by Frank Lloyd Wright), and I liked that. The reception was in another FLW structure, which was cool. The cake had chocolate frosting, and this was before it was smugly hip to rebel with non-white frosting. I don’t remember the food at all, but I think the salad had strawberries in it. I do remember that Greg’s aunt sent in her RSVP card with about 8 lines of instructions about what she could and couldn’t eat due to allergies, and I remember thinking, “You asshole, why can’t you just bring a granola bar?”

  We’re celebrating the 10th in September. It’s amazing which details stick with you, and which are mercifully blurred by alcohol.

• 55. Carolyn J.  |  July 21st, 2008 at 6:00 pm

  I got married at the law courts, wearing pants and a shirt. No dress, no cake, no chafing dishes (!). I don’t regret not having what I feel is a massive waste of money and time. Every wedding I’ve been to has been boring and stressful. I am still happily married thirteen years later, so I can tell you it ain’t about love.

• 56. velocibadgergirl  |  July 21st, 2008 at 7:02 pm

  OH, my sister!

  I wanted a casual, fun, outdoor wedding. My mom subtly guilted me into a church wedding, and the tipping factor was the AC, since we also got married in August.

  That said, however, I decided that I didn’t care what people would think and we served fried chicken at our reception. I didn’t hear any complaints!

  Also, I’m proud to say that my dress was silver and truly one of a kind, since my mom made it for me. <3

• 57. Style Bard  |  July 21st, 2008 at 9:17 pm

  Caitlin: Thanks so much for if-slash-when. You don’t hear that enough these days in regards to weddings. It’s become a kinda pet peeve of mine. =)

• 58. Blythe  |  July 21st, 2008 at 10:55 pm

  I forgot to mention that I just attended a (crazy fancy lovely) wedding in France, and my favorite part was the day after. The French typically have a casual shindig the next day, and this couple rented a crepe truck (sausages wrapped in savory crepes and sweet crepes with sugar/butter). We all hung out on the lawn, gorging ourselves and drinking leftover champagne. Again, when I have my ‘second-wedding-to-the-same-husband’ party, I’m going to do that for sure.

• 59. Nic  |  July 22nd, 2008 at 6:35 am

  I planned weddings for two years. I agree that the industry is ridiculous and that weddings are very cookie cutter. I’m not married but I do know a lot about what I don’t want at my wedding. Will it be traditional? Probably. Will it be expensive? It could be.

  As someone who still plans events I do get annoyed by some weddings that are nontraditional. After you’ve seen nearly 200 weddings there are some things that just don’t work. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a conversation about escort cards because people don’t want assigned seating at their weddings. They want it to be casual and people can just sit where ever. Seriously, it is the WORST IDEA EVER. It creates a huge traffic jam and people get stressed out trying to find a place to sit, couples trying to find a place to sit together, etc.

• 60. jonniker  |  July 22nd, 2008 at 6:40 am

  Nic: I AGREE re: assigned seating. I’ve attended weddings where they didn’t have assigned seating and it’s AWFUL. AWFUL. You end up feeling like you’re wandering around lost and disoriented, desperately seeking a table where two consecutive seats exist.

• 61. Judie Ashford  |  July 22nd, 2008 at 8:53 am

  First wedding was on a Tuesday (7/3/62) in a Catholic chapel in a shopping center near my house. Few guests; traditional, but knee-length, gown, made by my mother. Reception at my parents’ house.

  Second wedding (2/20/88) was at South Lake Tahoe, out on the ski trail, with my husband’s brother and (now) wife as witnesses. “Reception” back at the rented condo with a catered carrot cake, fruit, and sandwiches.

  Two simple events; can’t imagine going formal on such an occasion. Just too much work and money.

  Virtual hugs,

  Judie

• 62. ie  |  July 22nd, 2008 at 10:16 am

  It’s funny, I was just looking back at wedding pics last weekend, and didn’t even recognize my own cake!

  We wanted it to be in front of the JP, no one other than us and witnesses. That was all well and fine until it was decided FOR US by our good-willed friends that there WILL be a reception. And invitations to the reception. And flowers for the reception. GAH!

  It all worked out ok, but it was all last-minutey and my parents were disappointed that I didn’t give them enough lead time to get there, and I kept telling them it was no big deal. I really think if we had just kept it to our original plan it would have been close to an elopement and feelings would have been spared.

  My wedding dress was a cute one I picked out of my work attire. It was blue and cream and I wore pearls with it. It was lovely.

• 63. Morrigan  |  July 22nd, 2008 at 10:50 am

  My husband and I toyed with the idea of a Vegas wedding, but ultimately decided to stay home and have a more traditional Wedding (I call these “Capital W Weddings”). We discussed our priorities and what we had hated about every other wedding we had been to, and then used those things as a guide.

  As a result, we had a Friday night wedding in our downtown neighbourhood. Our photos were taken prior to the ceremony so that the guests didn’t have to wait around with nothing to do. We were married by a military Padre (my husband is a Reservist) at the Anglican chapel of our former university, just a few hundred meters from where we met. The ceremony and reception venues were less than ten minutes apart on foot and easily accessible by public transit. We had a cocktail reception for ninety with incredible food, and I insisted on retro apps like pigs in a blanket and mini-sliders (as well as more upscale stuff like risotto in a cheese wheel, and roast beef on mini Yorkshire puddings, and squash soup in shot glasses, and much more). There was an open bar. We didn’t want the drama of trying to seat our dysfunctional families happily, so there was no assigned seating but more available seats than guests. My matron of honour wore what she wanted to. I wore something that was obviously a wedding dress by virtue of it being ivory, but it had wide straps and no poof or beading, and I loved it. There were six speeches that took less than 15 minutes cumulatively. There was no bouquet or garter toss. Oh! And no cake, but a killer dessert buffet with more things than I could count, including a family cookie in honour of my deceased great aunt. We had a fabulous time.

  A lot of people didn’t think it would work or that it wouldn’t feel like a wedding, but it managed to be both elegant and relaxed. Most importantly, it totally reflected who we are and gave us both an opportunity to spend time with everyone there and let them know how much that meant to us.

  My only regret was that I didn’t get to eat more (too busy talking to everyone), but a close friend just asked if she could “copy” my wedding so it looks like I’ll get my chance!

• 64. Leah  |  July 22nd, 2008 at 1:28 pm

  I AM STEALING YOUR PIZZA IDEA. That is all.

• 65. banana  |  July 22nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm

  My wedding was a mix of tradition and personal touches (read, budget touches) that made it feel like our party instead of just a wedding. I had mac and cheese, penne with meat sauce, karoke (I never know how to spell that!) and bouquet and flower arrangements made my myself and my family. It was great. Best day of my life hands down.

• 66. Fiona Picklebottom  |  July 31st, 2008 at 2:46 pm

  I’m reading this late (obviously) because I was out of town and then had about 13 million posts to go through in my reader (OK, SLIGHT exaggeration, but I’m still not done and I’ve been home for six days), but I have to go ahead and comment because I DID have a redneck barbeque wedding, and tomorrow will be our tenth anniversary.

  My husband’s family used to have an annual pig roast on a large property in central PA. So we just made that our reception and had the ceremony outside beside the creek before the pig roast started. All our guests just wore their pig roast attire and only the wedding party dressed up AT ALL and it wasn’t much. The music was my brother-in-law and his fiance singing and playing guitar. It was relaxing and fun and really inexpensive, since the only thing we really spent money on was a nice cake.

• 67. Jhianna  |  August 7th, 2008 at 10:29 am

  I put off marrying my guy for 5 years because the idea of all the stress planning a wedding freaked me right the $%^& out. We did the JP thing one summer when I realized that all the important people were in the same state (one week to a wedding, awesome). Took the immediate family and friends who came to the JP thing out to dinner for a relaxing and fun dinner we paid for and then let my sister throw us a family bbq/reception a week later.

  The judge turned out (purely by dumb luck) to ride a Harley and have a pony tail. I loved every bit of it.

• 68. Tina  |  August 15th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

  While I did have a store bought dress, it wasn’t the typical white on white, or even cream. It was white with burgundy trim (it was strapless, and made my arms look awful, I fell in love with the rest of it) around top, and all the way around the bottom. With burgundy beadwork all the way down and all the way down the train. Yes it had a decent sized train, but I went to a seamstress and had the train bustled so I would move later on. The beadwork was done on a transparent overlay that was part of the dress. I refused to even think about dieting the months leading up to the wedding, I had enough to worry about. Thus I had gained some weight. In order to fit into the dress I had that same seamstress sew in a lace up back to replace the zipper that had been there. The ribbon for the lace up was also in burgundy, through white loops on a white background. Even I looked great. I had to have color on my dress, specifically close to my face because in every picture we took of me trying on dresses my face completely disappeared, they washed me out so bad.
  As for the wedding, we had that outside, at a park about 5 miles out of town. The park had a small stage, and even though things were still a little soggy at the park we managed to have a good time. I made my husband wear a rented suit, but not a tux. My bridesmaids got to pick out their own dresses. The weather was not very cooperative, and was chilly and windy.
  I talked my dad into bringing up his cannon and we got permission to light it off a couple of times. Our version of a shotgun wedding.
  I never did dream about my wedding when I was growing up, mostly because I figured I would never find anyone to love me.

• 69. wedding dresses sale  |  June 3rd, 2010 at 9:37 pm

  i have checked it’s really great

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