And So …
August 17th, 2008
I was idly flipping through the channels this afternoon when I discovered, via TiVo’s guide, that there is a show called Hurl! — just like that, exclamation point and all. Fittingly, the description says that this week’s episode is about broccoli and cheese, as well as some sort of octopus carnival. I feel, somehow, that this show was made specifically with me in mind, but given that I don’t receive the channel, I may never know for sure.
I promise, one day very soon, we WILL move on from the all-pregnancy-all-the-time channel, it’s just that … well, I’ve been holding it in, and it’s almost as though I can’t move on until it’s out. I’m sorry.
And besides, I’m happy to report that things are mildly looking up, after what I can only hope was one of the lowest points in my first trimester, of which there is less than one week, thank God. Around noon on Friday, my downstairs neighbors — who come home for lunch every day — made a batch of onion rings in their FryDaddy, which caused a rather volcanic reaction, if I may be so indelicate. From the moment the smell of boiling oil reached my bedroom (yes, my bedroom), I kept nothing down. The smell, like an unwanted houseguest, lingered for many, many hours, each whiff stronger and more debilitating than the last.
It finally dissipated around dinnertime, at which point I felt safe to eat something, but not five minutes later, SURPRISE! LET US FRY AGAIN. Chicken, this time. In the fucking FryDaddy. Who the hell has a FryDaddy? WHO?
This, my friends, is how I found myself on the floor of the bathroom, curled up on my rubber-backed bathmat crying like someone DIED. I sobbed and sobbed and wheezed and sobbed like I haven’t sobbed in DECADES while Adam hovered nervously outside the door, because his wife, quite frankly, had come entirely undone. Over ONION RINGS.
Saturday, I tearfully asked them to lay off the deep frying for another few weeks, and they agreed, horrified they’d upset me so, while simultaneously thinking I was insane. Also? Tonight, they made pesto, the smell of which has made me retch three times so far. I don’t suppose it’s too much to demand they eat Bechamel sauce and white rice every night?
This brings me to the fact that I am truly mystified that no one has figured out a way to capitalize on the supersonic smelling abilities of pregnant women. I can’t help but feel like this is USEFUL in some way, and if there were a less dangerous sniffing occupation other than bomb sniffing, pregnant women should be all over it. Well, provided there are barf buckets nearby, and that the position is highly paid to justify all the occupational puking.
While relaxing in the park on Lake Champlain on Saturday, I perked up like a prairie dog, my delicate senses sullied by the whiff of a meat product.
“Oh my God, Adam, there’s a HOT DOG STAND somewhere.” I sniffed the air suspiciously.
“I don’t smell anything.” He inhaled deeply. “Seriously, Jonna. I smell the lake. There’s NOTHING.”
I sniffed again. “It’s not just hot dogs. It’s SAUSAGE. THEY HAVE SAUSAGE TOO. GROSS.”
Meanwhile, there wasn’t a stand in sight. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t get up to go to the bathroom — more than a half-mile away — and find a hot dog stand. With sausage. And peppers. And creemees, which you would think would be soft serve ice cream, if you saw one, but you would be wrong — it’s a Vermont thing, I think.
They are much … creamier, which is why they should be called creamies instead of creemees, which looks like something made of very sharp steel, perhaps designed for filing down bits of cartilage while it makes a loud screaming noise. But really, they have a higher milkfat content, or so I’m told. This could be Vermonter bullshit talking, but I believe it wholeheartedly, and even covered my nose long enough to wait in line to get one — chocolate and vanilla twist, and it was delicious. I’m thinking of investing in a creemee machine for my house.
I’m off to see how I can make that happen. I hope you have a great Monday!
*Andrew Bird
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
43 Comments Add your own
1. mar | August 17th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
i do have a frydaddy. but i only made the purchase to make rosettes last year for christmas. then i found i could make a monte cristo sandwich. i haven’t used it in months, though.
i hope the thought doesn’t upset your delicate sensibilities. as much as i love foodstuffs of all sorts, i bet if/when i’m ever pregnant that i lose weight from all the foods that make me woozy.
2. Go Read It Today&hellip | August 17th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
[...] think we need to take up a collection and get her a creemee machine . Even though that totally sounds like [...]
3. Kristi | August 17th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
One of my college roommates had a FryDaddy (need I mention that he was male?) that grossed me out just looking at it – and I was SO FAR from pg.
You have every right to talk about pregnancy all you want – it doesn’t last forever (uh, at some point it just feels that way.)
4. -R- | August 17th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I can’t imagine anyone owning a personal frying machine either, but mostly because it seems dangerous. I would totally burn myself multiple times, I am sure.
I have a better sense of smell than I had before I was pregnant, but I don’t get sick because of smells. My vomiting is much more random. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
5. K | August 17th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I know EXACTLY where that stand is on Lake Champlain!
I always make fun of my VT friend for calling them creemees. I’ve never had one up there, so I’ve never considered that they would be better than our “soft serve.” I may have to eat my words. Hope you are soon feeling good every day!
6. Swistle | August 17th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Paul made fresh salsa (onions! garlic! jalapenos!) during my first trimester, and I thought it was a good thing our country doesn’t have one of those divorce laws where all you have to do is clap three times or whatever.
7. slynnro | August 18th, 2008 at 4:04 am
My freaking mother bought us a Fry Daddy for Christmas. Every once in a while, my husband recalls this fact. And every once in a while, I think about killing my mother.
8. Kelly | August 18th, 2008 at 4:23 am
That is totally worth sobbing on the floor about. Until you endure the nauseousness-prone thing that is the first trimester, when any smell can send you reeling (even smells you once loved…coffee, hello!).
9. AndreAnna | August 18th, 2008 at 4:27 am
I used to call it my Sense of SuperSmell.
I’d be in the basement office and know when my husband had showered because I could smell the tea tree shampoo.
Or I’d be walking and be like “Someone on this block is making lasagna.”
If only we could harness such a power for good!
Oh, and I read some articles that says morning sickness is human’s defenses against eating something poisonous (Here’s one. Because humans are the only creatures with such a varied diet, we are the only species to have this. It, in effect, has evolved supposedly to protect us from food that can contain bacteria and disease — not unlike a FryDaddy. Gah-ross.
10. Shelly | August 18th, 2008 at 5:30 am
I totally understand the sobbing on the bathroom floor. I would lay down on the floor and rest my head in my husband’s lap. It would make me feel a little better, and he couldn’t really tell I was crying.
11. Zephra | August 18th, 2008 at 5:34 am
I never lost that incredible sense of smell after the last pregnancy. It is both a blessing and a curse. I can tell you who does not wear deodorant or brush his teeth.
12. She Likes Purple | August 18th, 2008 at 6:15 am
Your Fry Daddy is my oatmeal. My coworker eats it every morning.
I don’t know if they’ll help you, but lemons help me. I eat a LOT of lemon wedges these days which isn’t a snack for just anyone, I know, but I also just cut them up and smell them too. It works for me, but I get many a strange look. I went to dinner the other night and ordered a BOWL OF LEMONS to eat because someone else at the table was ordering green beans. Which smell like death. The waiter raised an eyebrow, and I said, “Trust me, you prefer this to me throwing up on your table.”
13. Gaby | August 18th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Ok, so, here’s what really worries me about this post–I have a crazy sense of smell now, and I’m not (and have never been) pregnant. What the hell am I going to do when I get pregnant someday!? Oh god, I shudder to think what I will be capable of smelling, and how such smells will hit me. And also, I pray that by that time I will have a different job and not work with the woman who smells like moth balls! Hang in there, Jonna, and I hope the remainder of the first semester hurries up and ends soon.
14. anne | August 18th, 2008 at 6:37 am
Creemes are totally different. And the maple creemes I am told are wonderful – though this belly which has TONS of its own non-pregnancy problems chooses to stay away from them because it is UGLY when I have lactose. Anyway they are different and so I am told they make everything better.
15. ali | August 18th, 2008 at 8:32 am
what the hell is a frydaddy?
16. Jen | August 18th, 2008 at 8:46 am
The weekend after I found out I was pregnant, we went to Memphis during Memphis in May. If something wasn’t barbecued, then it was fried, and this is when and where I developed my first trimester aversion to fried foods. The worse was fried catfish. Am horking now at the thought of the smell of Memphis in general.
But so GLAD the neighbors agreed to tone down the FryBaby usage. Hoping this phase passes soon so you can again enjoy most foods.
17. Mauigirl52 | August 18th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I can’t blame you for your emotional reaction to the incessant nausea caused by Frydaddy usage! Just write it off to the hormones.
I hope the moment you get out of your first trimester you immediately lose all of those reactions. I have heard if this happens, second trimester is great. Not having experienced this, I can’t guarantee it though!
18. winterwheat | August 18th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I too hope that things ease up a bit for you during the 2nd trimester, although I have to admit that I was sensitive to scents all the way through, and even while I was breastfeeding. The worst, the absolute WORST, was the smell of garlic or onions on G’s breath. He’d eat them at lunch or dinner, and then his body would expel all of those scented molecules through his lungs or skin, and I’d wake up just from the something-just-died smell of it. No smell should wake you up except the smell of something burning, don’t you think? I kicked him out of the room on a regular basis, just so I could get back to sleep. Tell Adam that he needs to go reeeeeal eeeeeasy on the garlic and onions.
19. Jess | August 18th, 2008 at 9:36 am
I LIKE the all pregnancy all the time thing. Even if now I’m a little scared of being pregnant.
20. Anyabeth | August 18th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Oh my lands I remember that stage. There was much woe and despair and lying sweatily on the bath mat. I am so sorry. I took to carrying a little vial of lemon oil with me everywhere as that smell helped (as did lemon candies) and I could smear it under my nose (sexay) when there was something particularly horrific around. Even with that though those weeks were awful.
If it helps at all, I would gladly do two third trimesters than one first trimester. That stage is particularly head spinning. So it does get better. I hope!
21. Susan | August 18th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I like the pregnancy stories- keep them up!
I was once at an estate sale that had a Fry Daddy for sale in the kitchen. On a piece of masking tape on the lid it said, “$5. Includes grease.” Like frying your food in someone’s used grease was a selling point. Ack!
22. jonniker | August 18th, 2008 at 10:23 am
INCLUDES GREASE. HAAAA. I just about lost my OJ out the nose on that one. Who sells grease? For chrissake, WIPE IT OUT.
23. Shelly | August 18th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Try the ginger tablets…I’m tellin ya!!!!
24. jonniker | August 18th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Shelly, I am the rare person for whom ginger induces vomiting. I like pickled ginger, but that’s … oh dear, that’s where it ends. Even that ginger tea everyone raves about leaves my belly all prickly.
25. Casey | August 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I have a Fry Daddy. I have yet to take it out of the box.
I read another blog froma woman who has sever morning sickness and she is taking Unisom and Vitamin B and it is working miracles. Maybe you should go to her blog and maybe email her? It’s http://www.mezmerotonous.blogspot.com I like reading pregnancy stuff so I think you should still post about it if it is what is on your mind.
26. jonniker | August 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Casey: the Unisom/B6 combo is AWESOME. I started it (doctor-greenlighted) this weekend and OH YES. It helps.
27. H | August 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I could smell something in my spice cabinet that made me gag every time it was open. My husband took everything out and I tried to identify the culprit by smelling each one individually, but to no avail. I decided it was some deadly combination of spices – ugh. It was horrible. I hope you feel better soon – sounds like there’s hope!
28. lizgwiz | August 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
One of my favorite novelists once described a pregnant woman as a “giant nostril attached to a hair-trigger gag reflex.” Seems apt.
29. Maggy | August 18th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
So, now we know who owns a FryDaddy. Whyever do they use them? I once broke up with a man who came over as I was puking every 30 minutes (no sulfa drugs for me, ever again) with burritos. And onions and peppers make me gag normally. He said, “I didn’t know smells made you nauseous.” Oookay….
30. AndreAnna | August 18th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I came back to tell you something I remembered that helped me:
Lemonheads.
If I’d start to feel nauseous, I’d pop a few of those and be good. I had boxes all over the house on standby.
31. the new girl | August 18th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
lmao about the FryDaddy. My roommate had one in college and it just about made me vomit then. Young and unpregnant. I also cried and cried and criiiiiiied about things like that.
And once? I was in a closed car in the dead of winter and I could smell the McDonald’s that the guy in the next closed car was eating.
(retch)
32. the new girl | August 18th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I meant that I cried and smelled McDonald’s when I was pregnant.
Oi.
33. ms picket to you | August 18th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Andrew Bird? I was his publicist some 1000 years ago and to think I was just coming over here to say YAY JONNIKER YAY.
34. Amy K | August 18th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I’ve never heard of a FryDaddy, but it sounds like an evil device. My husband sauteed onions while I was at work today, and when I walked in our front door tonight, I had to turn around and walk right back out again. Might have to ban onions for the next six months.
35. KT | August 18th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Here’s hoping you stopping puking soon. That sounds awful!
36. Amalah | August 19th, 2008 at 6:24 am
You know, I had a completely different school of morning sickness this pregnancy (the kind where some of the suggestions like lemon candies and constantly snacking on saltines WORKED, kind of), but I had…YOUR KIND the first time, the kind with the smells and the sobbing and the OH MY GOD STOP TALKING ABOUT GINGER, 24 hours a day. And just the memories alone mean I can’t read your comments without getting a little ill. I remember begging — PLEADING — with the Internet to stop with any remedy suggestions that involved anything you put in your mouth, oh God. I threw up those Preggo Pops, for Christ’s sake.
On that note, we once owned a Fry Daddy. For about a week. We each gained 20 pounds and decided to move rather than deal with the layer of grease it left all over our apartment. Evil, nasty thing.
37. Desha | August 19th, 2008 at 7:29 am
I still can’t believe I actually WANT to have a baby- I’m ALREADY one giant nostril attatched to a hair trigger reflex that at least makes me shudder and swallow hard before I choke down the nausea. What’s going to happen?
Again SO HAPPY for you, even with the barfing and the crying and stuff….all this will be SO worth it (as you know).
38. Jakki | August 19th, 2008 at 8:30 am
I’m not jealous of the naseaous but oh sweetie it will pass…and soon it will be the thing of which stories are made of…
39. metalia | August 20th, 2008 at 6:43 am
OMG, the FRIED THINGS. They were the bane of my pregnancy-related existence. A co-worker of mine used to eat Popeye’s chicken and fries at her desk every day for lunch. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE when you can’t stand the smell of fried food. I had a few near-misses where I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom in time to hurl.
40. Kristabella | August 20th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Fried onion ringd AND fried chicken? Do your neighbors weigh 400 pounds each?
I think there should be some sort of game show with pregnant ladies where they have to NAME! THAT! SMELL!
41. Loralee | August 20th, 2008 at 11:29 am
“Who the hell has a FryDaddy? ”
I always used to think that the answer to this was Britney Spears; you know, so she could whip up a big batch of deep fried Oreos for her man.
I bet Kevin Federline aked for it as part of the divorce settlement, though.
42. Danielle-lee | August 22nd, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Oh lord. You poor thing! I could not HANDLE the smell of onions while pregnant. And now, more than 3 years later, I still don’t really like to eat them either. Ick. So odd how these things happen, huh?
43. Recent Faves Tagged With &hellip | August 25th, 2008 at 7:20 am
[...] public links >> gross And So … First saved by garyah | 2 days ago Utterz podcast entry from my cell phone First saved by [...]
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