Baby’s Got Sauce
August 20th, 2008
First, a happy recommendation that I would like to share, thanks to my Flickr pal, the similarly knocked-up MeganJane: FiberOne Raisin Bran is your friend. My world is now a better place, thanks to this miraculous, fibrous cereal.
And now, for a small diatribe that can only be called “Miscarriage, Birth Defects and Other Harrowing Topics: It’s Not Your Fault (Except When It Is, You Selfish Ignorant Pregnant Dumbass)”
I really dislike how pregnant women are treated, and I don’t mean that in an every day “People are so mean to me!” way, but in the sense that we can’t be trusted to make informed decisions about what to eat, where to go and how to take care of ourselves, as though common sense has no place in pregnancy. I realize this is not new territory, and I might as well write a paragraph about Mommy Wars: Stay at Home or Go to Work?, but MY GOD. The insanity.
I’m all for women doing — and avoiding — whatever makes them comfortable, and certainly following their own doctors’ orders, but it’s when they go and PROSELYTIZE to other women about miscarriage, damage and birth defects that may or may not be caused by normally benign things that I feel like taking giant stabby things and applying them to the back of my hand for fun and profit.
(Despite a few potential flaws pointed out kindly by readers, one of the best pregnancy-eating posts I’ve ever read is from about a year ago from MegNut, which I’ve sort of followed, not that you asked. Although not that I’ve eaten any uh, meat or fish, since this whole thing began, because GROSS PUKE EW. But I have eaten eggs benedict. Flog me.)
The truth is, and I realize I’m speaking with a grand total of two months’ active pregnant time, thanks to the one-month gimme before the peestick turns pink, but if these few months are any indication, hot damn, pregnancy is going to be LONG. It’s a long time to not eat and avoid medication and give things up, and most stressfully, WORRY about what you’re giving up and is it right or wrong and oh my God, I ate bacon that wasn’t TOTALLY CRISP and, am I going to die now? How about now? IS MAH BABY OKAY?
And I really don’t think that admitting that it sort of sucks makes you a bad mother. Neither do hot showers, although would you believe there are women screeching all over the Internet that pregnant women should only take LUKEWARM showers, to as to avoid cooking their baby to death? Seriously. I’ve seen it. Some poor woman will ask about a hot bath (a surprisingly controversial issue) and a crazy lady will jump in with “NO! NOT EVEN A HOT SHOWER! I was told to take cold showers during my whole pregnancy! You could kill your baby!”
Fine, you don’t want to take hot showers, FINE. But please don’t tell someone she’s going to kill her baby. And I don’t know about you, but I’m sure as hell not taking a cold or even LUKEWARM shower in December. I think hypothermia may be a greater risk than elevated body temperature after a 15-minute session under the spray.
(This is a mutation of the no-jacuzzi rule, which many doctors are wishy-washy about, because in order to do any real damage, many believe that you’d have to be lying in a hot sauna/jacuzzi for 10 hours or more, when most women become sweaty and faint like, uh, WAY BEFORE THAT. And would likely GET OUT. Also, I came to this conclusion after much Googling and doctor-like discussion and maybe a frantic post-hottish-bath e-mail to Sundry, but whatever. AM ZEN-LIKE NOW, BITCHES.)
(Not that I’m getting in a sauna anytime soon. Or like, ever. Please don’t e-mail me.)
Please note that I haven’t even touched the soft cheese issue, wherein women across America are not cream cheesing their bagels because someone decided they don’t know what “raw milk” or “mold-ripened or “not fresh” means, so they just throw “soft cheese” at them and run away. Because of course, pregnant ladies are ILLITERATE and cannot understand such terms.
It’s also not just on the Internet that such insanity exists. Don’t even get me STARTED on the spa lady who lectured me that my baby was “barely in there” at 11 weeks and if I wasn’t careful, the baby could fall out and I could miscarry. Like on a DIME.
The major thing that grates my (hard, pasteurized milk, non-blue-veined) cheese about this is that it sends the message that if you have you have a miscarriage or, God forbid, have any problems with your infant whatsoever, it’s your fault. When of course, barring extreme, generally obvious circumstances, this just isn’t true, and I hate hate HATE that anyone, for one second, would beat themselves up any more than is necessary for something that was, in all extreme likelihood, entirely unavoidable. There is plenty of tragedy and woe without adding self-hatred and flagellation to the mix.
Blah, blah, blah, I’m not a doctor, do what your doctor says, etc., but for the love of God, try to stop making yourself (and the rest of us) crazy.
(Also, realize by getting knocked up, I signed on for a LIFETIME of worried craziness, but allow me to bitch about one worry at a time, yes?)
Anyway! Let us talk about fast food! Despite the fact that it’s vastly popular to eschew and despise fast food (and with good reason), I must say, it has its moments of beauty, and I felt this way before I was pregnant. Though my general preference is for brined vegetables, I do not deny that there were many moments where nothing in the world would do other than a bean burrito with extra hot sauce from Taco Bell, and good LORD am I pissed that I live in a land without Chipotle. And look, no road trip is complete without mournfully gazing at the street signs wondering if any exit will include an Arby’s for her, Taco Bell for him.
And then there are Chicken McNuggets. The (well, this, anyway) pregnant lady’s ambrosia. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that one of the few establishments that always goes down without issue is McDonald’s. And though I’ve never really enjoyed — or even TRIED — Chicken McNuggets in about ten years, it seems I cannot get enough. The only request I have is that will someone please come and feed Adam? I’m afraid he’s going to die before this baby is born from some sort of Morgan Spurlock-like system shutdown, and it will be all my fault.
I think we’ve reached the end of the pregnancy ranty-type line, at least for a little while. I’m sorry to have tortured you so, and I’m sorry if I sounded like a condescending know-it-all ass. I realize that I really know nothing and am mere student in the game of gestation.
Happy Thursday!
*G-Love. And for the love of God, make sure it doesn’t contain cream cheese.
60 Comments Add your own
1. Kristi | August 20th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
You are so right on with how all of that is just ANOTHER measure in the yardstick of guilt that comes with motherhood. Everyone is always trying to pass the buck, and it pretty much always stops at MOM.
In a couple more weeks, give Chicken In A Biskit crackers a try – I couldn’t get enough of those!
2. slynnro | August 20th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
WAIT. That spa lady thing actually happened????!?!?!
3. Elizabeth | August 20th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Dude. Yes. Yes. You rock.
I was so so so so sosooooooooooooo sick when I was pregnant I had no damn choice but to eat whatever I could get down, and it sure felt awesome to be sick as hell AND on the receiving end of oodles of judgment from people about what I was eating. Sushi was one of the only things that sounded good. My husband was like, dude, seventy million women in Japan eat sushi every damn day, go for it.
I think I’m just bitter because I’ve never gotten over my best friend intoning “the baby’s eating preservatives!” when I chose Jif over the organic peanut butter. Grrrr.
Anyway, you eat whatever you damn well want to, as far as I am concerned
4. Angella | August 20th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
With my very first pregnancy, I did everything “by the book”. No feta (Gasp!), no hot tub (Boo!), I kept exercising, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Then I miscarried. My Mother-In-Law wondered (ALOUD) if my running was the reason.
THE HELL?
Anyway.
I have had three successful pregnancies after the fact. I ate Greek salad, exercised under doctor’s consent. and ATE TONS OF FRIES AND GRAVY.
Also, Diet Coke.
My kids are (mostly) fine. So am I.
You and yours will be too.
5. Blythe | August 20th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I’m usually an over-researcher, reading books and websites and message boards oh my. But at about week 10 of pregnancy, I decided to just pick a book I trusted (can’t even remember which one it was now, nice) and stop the madness. Fortunately I was living a country where my midwife told me I should drink some beer, it would help later with lactation! and could insulate myself from the know-it-alls. Even so, I was chided by a normally mellow family member because I mentioned how I had died and gone to heaven after eating a tuna melt, and instead of saying OMG I love those too, she said watch out for the tuna, Mama, it might have mercury in it. And it made me want to enumerate every little parenting blunder I’d ever seen her make with her own children, and then I could not believe I was actually becoming one of these people who does this.
The saddest part of your very legitimate complaints is that the endless judginess/advice only gets worse once the baby arrives. I think people just need so desperately to be doing everything RIGHT that they must point out all the WRONGness around them, all in the name of The Innocent Child. And, as evidenced by my sad little impulse above, it’s sometimes hard to avoid.
However,
The moral of my story is to ignore the advice, drink a beer if you need one every now and then, possibly with a side of McNuggets.
6. Marilyn | August 20th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Yeah, whatever. With my oldest I swear I spent the entire second trimester in the hot tub (it wasn’t super hot, at only 101 degrees but still) and ate my weight in hot dogs. With my middle child, I had to have generic store brand cola by the truckload. With my youngest, I ate cream cheese on bagels like EVERY morning. The kids are all fine. People are stupid.
7. Lippy | August 20th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
With my daughter I (she) was diagnosed with Intra-Uterine Growth Retardation (IUGR). When I got home and looked at my pregnancy books, it recommended I …. stop smoking, drinking booze, and taking illegal drugs, and also eat some veggies. Ummmm ok, thanks for the guilt trip. Obviously I wasn’t doing any of those things, except the veggies. I have to say, I don’t think the stress was really helpful. And she was born 2 weeks early and weighed 7lbs 10 oz. so WHATEVER, she was fine. I was a nervous wreck. As my mom points out all the time, in her day many drank and smoked the whole time and we are all (mostly) ok. Great post!
8. susan | August 20th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
people suck.
This is just practice for the hellish birth stories you’ll most likely get when you’re 8 months pregnant. Baby born upside down and backwards, after 7 and a half years of labor. That kind of stuff. It’s dreamy.
9. Heather B. | August 21st, 2008 at 2:08 am
“…your baby ain’t sweet like mine”
For some odd reason I loved this possibly because I hate being treated like I’m stupid and I couldn’t imagine having the entire free world suddenly know what’s best for me because they read a book or because they heard something freaky from their sister’s, cousin’s, best friend’s aunt.
People are so damn judgmental especially women. I’m not saying that because I’ve never been judgmental but I will never and have never understood why when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing that everyone automatically knows what is best for you and your kid. Uh, no.
Holy shit, I’m starting to get annoyed off FOR you.
10. jonniker | August 21st, 2008 at 4:50 am
Slynnro: The spa lady thing really happened. I was, uh, trying to have a massage at 11 weeks from a prenatal masseuse (PRE.NATAL) and I didn’t know that it’s frowned upon in the trimester by, uh, masseuses, which has then caused many in the general public to think it’s bad, when it’s for litigious reasons. I never heard of massage as a no no and in fact, had gotten the green light from my doctor already. (I ASKED, for God’s sake.)
I later learned it’s a no no ONLY because masseuses are afraid that they’re going to get blamed if the woman miscarries, which is more common in the first tri, obviously. But that didn’t stop this woman from telling me she could induce labor and shoot the baby right out of me. She waited until I was already IN MY SPA ROBE to humiliate me so, bringing the SPA MANAGER to back her up and basically kick me out after refusing to treat me. It was awesome.
11. Tessie | August 21st, 2008 at 5:03 am
Okay!
a)this is one of my favorite topics EVAR and
b)these comments are making me want to TEAR MY HAIR OUT at the jackass things that have been said to all of these fine people!
I remember picking up What To Eat When You’re Expecting when I first found out I was pregnant (where were ya on THAT ONE, self-awareness?), and after just a few pages I LITERALLY threw it across the room.
The “soft cheese” thing has ALWAYS irked, because, as you said, it assumes we are too dumb/lazy to understand the underlying science and therefore need a not-particularly-descriptive-in-fact-borderline-WRONG generalization.
BAH.
PS-I took a (HOT! Totally, totally HOT!) bath each and every night of my pregnancy, and that is no lie.
Also, I partook of something from the Totinos Pizza Family, like, DAILY. (Sorry if that’s still off of the list of Things We Can Talk About Without Barfing).
ALSO also, PPS, etc. I love Chicken McNuggets and also Arbys and also Taco Bell.
In conclusion: I am truly sorry about that Chipotle thing.
(OMG SHUT UP TESSIE)
12. birdgal | August 21st, 2008 at 5:20 am
Bojangles (and after living in Florida, you should know of which I speak). I couldn’t get enough of the Bojangles earlier in my pregnancy (chicken fillet biscuit….ummmmmm) and now I’m all about the spicy chicken sandwich at Wendy’s (w/a frosty of course!). This is my second pregnancy and w/the first I avoided reading alot of books for the very reasons you enumerated–I didn’t know ‘soft cheese’ was bad until I was going to take a bite out of a brie smeared cracker at a party and someone said ‘You’re know you’re not supposed to eat that, right?’. And then of course I acted like, oh sure I know, I’m just being a pregnant REBEL. It’s not like I was eating buckets of raw milk cheese everyday or anything.
People are definitely weird about pregnancy, that’s for sure (they just can’t wait to JUDGE you). And that spa lady? All sorts of fucked up man–why did she feel the need to make YOU feel bad when she was worried about being slapped w/a malpractice suit?! Oy.
13. Shelly | August 21st, 2008 at 5:21 am
You poor thing…….and I feel like I’m one of the ones telling you ‘what to do’………There is nothing worse than the comparisons of ‘the other moms’ and you. It will last until your children are adults (Oh, your son works for the trash company? How nice…….My Donald is a DOCTOR). Seriously……the world of competition has now officially changed for you….no more is it for your professional life, or your home or WHATEVER the yuppie pepole of the world (not you…….in general) blather on about….it’s now about the PERFECT pregnancy, the PERFECT mothering techniques and of course the PERFECT child.
I so admire those mothers that are relaxed and seem to be carefree….”oh well..Susies animal cookie WITH PRESERVATIVES just hit the floor and the dog licked it….the dog licks her too, I doubt it will hurt her….”
That is so much more refreshing than worrying about EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENS……..what preservatives exist, what cleaners may harm the ‘preshous ‘baby……or whatever. It’s an UGLY, UGLY world out there, and my boys are TEENAGERS and it drives me crazy…….:Johnny completed advanced physics in 5th grade……oh…..so YOUR son is just in Earth Science……well, he’ll catch up”
I know my diatriabe is no better than the other ones you hear, and I’m sorry for that, but DON’T LET THE CRAZY ASS people freak you out. Use your best judgement, use your best abilities and you will be a fine pregnant person and a wonderful mother.
Think about it. People addicted to DRUGS have babies all the time and sometimes seemingly HEALTHY babies….so not that I condone that, but you get what I’m saying. A cup of coffee or a chicken nugget will not hurt you or the baby………I admire women who are passionate about things, but you know what? Later in the pregnancy….even a small glass of wine will not hurt you (hear the gasps? hear them??)
Just follow your heart, your beliefs and trust yourself and your husband and all will be good. And don’t google. Google is NOT our friend where medical issues are being looked at. Google book reviews or something……….
Again, I’m sorry for my soapbox, but people should trust their instincts and the others around need to MIND THEIR OWN EFFING BUSINESS. Including me…..so I’ll shut up (yeah, I know, too late now).
Bye………good luck……and trust yourself.
14. anne | August 21st, 2008 at 5:56 am
THANK YOU because jesus I am not even pregnant and several years away from considering such endeavors and already I am bothered by these things. We had these exact 2 conversations over the past week 1) it is not my fault if anything is wrong with the baby and 2) the cheese thing – because seriously Tom was like “WHAT? Stop the car – people really freak out about cheese” and I was like “yes, yes they do” and I will have you know that I am ignoring that AND having some caffeine. CRAZY talk, I know.
15. Swistle | August 21st, 2008 at 6:13 am
OH YES. During my first pregnancy, I lived on the WEST COAST. It was all people saying in confident, “of course you know this already, but I’m just saying” tones that I shouldn’t put in or on my body A, B, C, D, E, F, or G, with A being “all food” and B being “all medications” and C being “all liquids” and D being “all lotions and soaps” and E-G being “all other substances.”
16. Claire | August 21st, 2008 at 6:20 am
Ah yes, I was berated by so, so many people during my pregnancy. I avoided MOST things on that “forbidden” list but not cream cheese. And I had a cup of coffee every other day. And I took baths and showers that were warm/semi-hot without even giving it a thought because you’re right: who the hell can sit in a scalding hot tub for more than – oh – 15 minutes? I avoided raw fish but I certainly didn’t freak about all these little things. If you do? You’ll go crazy! And becoming a parent is crazy enough.
17. Jess | August 21st, 2008 at 6:23 am
If somebody tells me not to take a bath while I’m pregnant in case I BOIL MY BABY, I will kill them. That’s on par with saying that swallowing a watermelon seed will make an ACTUAL WATERMELON grow in your stomach.
18. Christine | August 21st, 2008 at 6:37 am
Gah, I dread dietary restrictions. I can understand saying, hey, maybe you should not gorge yourself on five cans of tuna daily, but come now. To tell me that women in Japan have stopped eating sushi over the hundreds of years of pregnancies is just ridiculous. Ditto soft cheeses and raw cheeses in Europe.
It feels like so much of the blame game.
(Also I love, love G-Love, always reminds me of my good friend Amy. Thanks!)
19. Keri | August 21st, 2008 at 6:38 am
I think it also depends on your doctor. My doctor told me to eat whatever I wanted while a friend of mine was handed a list from her doctor on foods to avoid. I think if you follow all of the “don’t eat…” then all you would be able to eat is grass.
20. Raven | August 21st, 2008 at 6:43 am
Dude, I didn’t even go to the doctor until I was 12 weeks along, 12 weeks! (we didn’t have insurance yet and had to wait until it kicked in) So you can imagine the shit I got from people for that. I cut out all caffeine (on my own) but if I got a craving for it, I ATE IT. I was sick as a dog and if the baby wanted it, I usually could keep it down so screw the “rules” not losing weight was more important than anything else (they didn’t give out Zofran back then).
I even went to clubs while pregnant to hear my brother’s band play. Second hand smoke! Loud music! Drunks! The sprog is healthy and happy.
People are obnoxious and judgey. I’m sure when women were having babies in fields they were real careful to cook everything to proper temperature and never eat anything with mold on it. Whatever.
21. Gaby | August 21st, 2008 at 6:48 am
Jonna, I totally, TOTALLY agree with you that our society has decided that pregnant women are too stupid to understand which foods to avoid, so in order to protect the delicate flowers they have just put out general, vague, craptastic warnings. Psh. Also, I too have thought frequently about how women in other countries have managed to reproduce while eating numerous “forbidden” foods. We live in such a touchy, entitled time that people have lost some of the right to *gasp* think for themselves. Bah.
Oh, and Jess? Swallowing watermelon seeds don’t cause you to grow a watermelon in your belly–swallowing the seeds is what makes you have a baby! Didn’t you know that?!
22. -R- | August 21st, 2008 at 6:54 am
I am feeling very lucky that I haven’t received any commentary on how to be pregnant. And I avoid most things on the internet related to pregnancy because I do not care for advice from anyone other than my doctors. The only thing I have experienced was my father-in-law saying that he thinks pregnant women are too cautious these days. I just said that I think every woman has to do what she thinks is right for her, and he agreed. Not a big deal.
I am sorry that you are feeling judged! Seriously, pregnancy is hard enough. Feel free to share all your pregnancy rants!
23. Desha | August 21st, 2008 at 7:23 am
Ugh…this is SO the reason that I have few female friends- the judging and the mommy wars begin way before the baby is even born! I’m sure you, a smart woman, can (with the information you choose to use and your doctors’ assistance) figure it all out sans any annoying comments like that. Of course that would be unfair, so the commngs will continue to fly thick and fast I’m sure. (Grrrrrr) My mom didnteven know she was preggo with me for 4 months or so and did smoke drink and, it being the end of the 70′s, had a few recreational drugs- and I was perfectly fine, other then being “too smart for my own good.”
As far as the time goes: my sister (who is 22 and was completely unprepared, which means that at 37 weeks or so she is adorable, smallish/all belly, glowing with health, etc, hasn’t had more then a moment of sickness, etc…) is pregnant and it seems just got knocked up and my little niece arrives early next month- as in, I keep telling her to cross her legs and wait till I get there. I can’t wait to meet my niece! Yeah babies!
24. JenK | August 21st, 2008 at 9:03 am
Thank god you’re a sensible pregnant woman. I hate when people get all freaky while pregnant.
Here’s a confession that will probably get a call to CPS: Occasionally I drank FULLY CAFFINATED coffee while pregnant. I also had a glass of wine on two seperate occasions. Gasp! Actually one of those glasses was per doctor’s orders after my Amnio. Does that still count?
Also? My children didn’t sprout two heads in mah womb because of either of those things.
25. nonsoccermom | August 21st, 2008 at 9:06 am
You are one smart pregnant lady. Good call on ALL OF THE ABOVE. I totally agree. Pregnancy is hard enough without us all making it harder on each other!
26. nicolle | August 21st, 2008 at 9:19 am
I actually had a woman lecture me in a restaurant for eating a med-rare steak with a half glass of red at 39 weeks, BUT, she took issue with the undercooked steak and not the wine! It was so bizarre.
27. Erin | August 21st, 2008 at 9:28 am
I am kind of afraid of becoming pregnant simply because I do not “suck it up and move on” well and if somebody told me I was going to boil my baby or that I was being a bad mother because I decided to drink a soda, it would be on like Donkey Kong. Because, well, I don’t know about where you live, but where I live, the judgemental parents are often the parents with the kids who are MONSTERS and I wouldn’t be able to resist saying “well obviously avoiding soda worked out so well for your kid. How many other children has he smashed in the head with a chair so far today?”
28. moo | August 21st, 2008 at 10:02 am
Women FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS birthed babies without the benefits of modern medicine, modern cooking techniques, or sanitary conditions. There were no prenatal vitamins then and I’m SURE there were plenty of healthy babies born.
Women are neurotic and we’re built with this GUILT COMPLEX that makes it difficult for us to be relaxed, carefree, blah blah blah.
I sometimes skip my prenatals. I eat bologna and salami UNCOOKED. I eat soft cheese, sushi, green tea, soda, caffiene, and the occasional glass of red wine. I DON’T drink a gallon of alcohol and I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I take HOT baths, nearly every night. I carry heavy things. I sleep on my back.
I am a rebel. A pregnancy rebel. Times two.
29. Megan | August 21st, 2008 at 10:22 am
Aw, man, you’re just the coolest. Thanks for mah shout-out (is that the term the kids are using these days?).
Now. I think I love you more after this post. Not that you weren’t awesome before, but it’s comforting to see we’re on the same wavelength.
Hot dogs? Check (and a couple times a week check at that! What else would I put in my Kraft Spirals??)
Tuna? Check
Cheese? Check
Caffeine? When I want it, you best believe I’m going to have it. I may have been able to give up mah beer, but I am NOT giving up raspberry iced tea.
Long live the cream cheese! (And McNuggets. And soft tacos with extra hot sauce. Damn, now I’m hungry again.)
30. claire | August 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am
A friend of mine who is pregnant has been avoiding ALL DAIRY the entire time she’s been pregnant. Now, i don’t know very much (like at all) about pregnancy, but i have a feeling that she’s become paranoid by the internets. That just seems a little extreme to me, but she’s afraid of the cheese thing and the raw milk thing(?) and whatever else is going around.
All i know is that my mother smoked and drank coffee while she was pregnant with me and my brother. Granted, my brother and I are both smokers and coffee drinkers but other than that, we weren’t born with any problems. At least none that i see. : )
31. Leah | August 21st, 2008 at 10:34 am
In my experience, the anxious eating (and anxious bathing and anxious exercising (OMG, WILL IT FALL OUT?) also gets better at about the twenty-week mark. I’m all about indulging in what I need to, be it McDonald’s, sushi, carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, lunchmeat, peanut butter, and YES, even a few swallows of wine, just to get a taste(!), and anyone who wants to take issue with that can suck my hairy pregnant toe.
And a shower that is not hot is a shower not worth having. Thank you and good night!
32. Alyce | August 21st, 2008 at 11:19 am
I’m not now pregnant, nor have I ever been.
I sent the megnut post to like a dozen people (apparently pregnancy is contagious), because it spoke to the logical part of me that just doesn’t get the booga booga booga nature of prenatal assvice. And I wanted my friends to know that I, for one, am not going to give them shit for eating sushi.
So enjoy your bean burritos and McNuggets. You and baby will be just as you’re meant to be.
Keep calm and carry on.
p.s. Anyone remember that marathoner Paula Radcliffe? She ran almost throughout (I think an unrelated injury sidelined her briefly) her pregnancies and never had a problem. For all those who’ve been told that their exercise or diet *caused* a miscarriage. Don’t believe it. You are awesome.
33. She Likes Purple | August 21st, 2008 at 11:29 am
I had someone tell me to put down my SNICKERS the other day, not because of all the calories but because of all the caffeine in it.
I also had someone tell me my prescription (doctor prescribed, just to be REALLY CLEAR) Zofran was “over medicating my fetus.”
And, this is my favorite so far (aside from the comment, “Oh, I wasn’t going to ask if you were pregnant because sometimes fat’s just fat.”), the woman who told me I had to stay home, it shouldn’t be an option. They have welfare for a reason. SHE TOLD ME I SHOULD PREFER WELFARE TO WORKING?!
I’m linking to this post. You said it so much better than I ever, ever could.
34. Debbie in the UK | August 21st, 2008 at 11:31 am
Hiya!
Just come back from holidays and read that you are pregnant!! I just wanted to add my congratulations to everyone else’s and say how delighted I am for you both!
Lots of love
Debbie
35. She Likes Purple | August 21st, 2008 at 11:31 am
And, Megan, SOFT TACOS WITH HOT SAUCE. They are going to define my pregnancy, I think.
36. ali | August 21st, 2008 at 11:49 am
my dad is an OB. he laughs at women everywhere for being so insane. including me. but he sure was helpful to have him around to tell me exactly how much caffeine i could have and to teach me about cheese.
37. Jeanne | August 21st, 2008 at 11:53 am
My first pregnancy that stuck, I was a by the book “What to Expect” follower. I didn’t eat lunch meat or let a drop of caffeine pass my lips. We found out at around the half way point that the baby had a freak tumor. My second pregnancy I used my own judgement (bring on the Dr. Pepper!) and baby was super healthy. She’s 6 now and has never had so much as an ear infection. I think that women are given extreme cautions because there are those out there that don’t understand “moderation,” but with any degree of intelligence you know what is/isn’t going to work for you. Sometimes a little wine could ensure that your baby will still have a living father when it comes into the world! I just don’t see where people get the balls to preach to others (strangers even!) about what they should/shouldn’t be doing.
38. Mauigirl52 | August 21st, 2008 at 12:43 pm
My mother was not a recipient of any of the paranoid advice that is so prevalent now when she was pregnant with me back in 1953. In fact, her doctor’s suggestion about her smoking was, “Just cut back a little.” She smoked throughout her pregnancy, and also, I believe, continued to have her daily cocktail before dinner. A friend of mine tells me a similar tale about her mom, who used to balance her ashtray on her largely pregnant belly.
Not saying these are good ideas to do. But it just goes to show you that the prevailing attitude now of zero risk just isn’t all that necessary.
I like the post by MegNut who basically said, if it will deform the baby, don’t do it; if it just makes you sick personally, go for it. I think that sounds logical to me. Glad you’re seeing it that way too.
39. Shana | August 21st, 2008 at 1:01 pm
So you’re not eating meat, but you ARE eating Chicken McNuggets? This vegetarian’s eye is twitching.
You know what I craved? How’s this for Bad Momma Award: bologna sandwiches with mustard and potato chips (inside the sandwich), washed down with Mountain Dew.
Yes. The crazy always manifests differently, but it reads to me as an excellent sign that things are progressing just as they should.
And yes, infantilizing women. I try to keep the feminism in check, which is why I’m moving along now…. Grah.
40. Loralee | August 21st, 2008 at 2:16 pm
At least there are now good maternity clothes options.
For years it was if designers thought that the moment you became pregnant you suddenly developed an affinity for sequined teddy bear appliqués and mu mus with denim bows all the hell over them.
Shudder…
41. Kristabella | August 21st, 2008 at 2:20 pm
OK, so I’ve never been pregnant, but have been around a few in my adult years. And the thing is that every few months they find something else you aren’t supposed to eat. For instance, my SIL could eat lunchmeat with her first kid and then with the second one, 3 years later, lunchmeat was BAD. I’m sure Jared would disagree.
And come on! Back in the day when our parents were pregnant they did all sorts of crazy things like drink and smoke.
Being cautious is good. Being a damn neurotic jackass is not.
Good for you for ranting about it!
42. Jessica | August 21st, 2008 at 2:49 pm
This comment by Jeanne made me spit out my popcorn and CAFFEINATED drink! “Sometimes a little wine could ensure that your baby will still have a living father when it comes into the world!”
Hahahhahahhhahhahaa
43. Aprylsantics | August 21st, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I’m not going to wag any fingers over here. Eat and eat again. Even have a glass of wine during the holidays. Holy gasp! I did and my kids SEEM normal…for now.
Anyway. The one time I experienced the “sickness” during my second pregnancy was after some leftover Taco Bell. My brother informed me that there is no such thing as “leftover” Taco Bell. I agree. It’s definitely a one use meal.
44. Mrs. CPA | August 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
The fiber one chocolate and oat bars are also awesome. And 35% of your daily fiber requirement.
Also I love the people who say you can take a warm shower but only if you turn your back to the spray. DON’T LET YOUR STOMACH GET THE DIRECT SPRAY. Dear God, are they taking a shower with a boiling pressure washer? I don’t think the water is going to heat up just that one part of your body so much that you cook any babies.
45. ms picket to you | August 21st, 2008 at 3:31 pm
skipped all the nutrition parts of every book once i realized that my newfound love for EGG MCMUFFINS was going nowhere and couldn’t bare the thought of being told they were off limits.
oddly, that baby? she HATES McDonalds. big times.
46. Nothing But Bonfires | August 21st, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I could FedEx you some Chipotle. Seriously, there’s, like, three of them within walking distance from my office.
47. Blythe | August 21st, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Returning to say I am appalled at your masseuse’s behavior. SHOCKED, I say. Aren’t these people trained to be soothing?
48. TwoBusy | August 22nd, 2008 at 5:12 am
I don’t think my wife ever got hit with pregnancy food guilt/lectures/etc. until we got to the stage where we started discussing breastfeeding — at which point the gloves came off and people suddenly felt free to let their insanity flow.
You’re gonna loooooove that part.
49. Anne L. | August 22nd, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Sheesh, I hear ya on the rabid assvice. When I was pregnant last year, I was frantic over everything. My doc was very good, very laid back and very amused with me. I eventually calmed down enough to enjoy coffee in limited amounts every day (GASP), Taco Bell at least twice a week, and enough long hot showers to drain an ocean the last month. And my girlie is beautiful and healthy. So, THERE, assvicers!
50. Danielle-lee | August 22nd, 2008 at 8:13 pm
“Your baby’s not sweet like mine….”
Love me some G Love & Special sauce!!
Yeah, whatever. I’m over everyone pointing fingers at pregnant women and what they do and don’t do!
Did the spa thing really happen?
51. samantha jo campen | August 23rd, 2008 at 10:36 am
I had no idea about the hot shower thing. Amazing that Theo turned out okay.
52. Kimberly C | August 24th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Things I was told whilst preggers:
1. Stretching my arms over my head would cause the baby’s cord to wrap around her neck, and she would die.(I just said okay- what I was really thinking was… prenatal yoga, anyone?)
2. I was too small.
3. I was too big, having twins.(2 and 3 happened on the same day…)
4. Drinking coffee was going to cause labor. (how the hell else are you supposed to poop while on the prenatal vitamins AND iron?)
5. I was told not to swim, that the baby would drown. (yes, seriously- I told them to go to the library and find a biology book)
6. I was also asked whether I was going to breastfeed (I did) how long I was going to ( I really screwed everyone up in this southern town and was honest- as long as I want to, preferably 2 years- they FREAKED out- haha) Had my personal space invaded daily and was smirked at by older men- I guess they could tell that I had sex at some point- the old men were STRANGE.
For the record, I ate what I wanted to, had the occasional sip of my husband’s beer, refused to take prenatals or the iron supplement after 7 months or so, took my customary scalding bath everyday, lifted my arms over my head often and ate ice cream every night once I could keep anything down- and also a candy bar at lunch because I wanted it. My kid is smart and healthy, everything worked out fine. People cannot mind their own business.
53. Miguelina | August 24th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Hello. I could kiss you on the lips right now, that is how much I agree with you.
54. winterwheat | August 24th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
No kidding. Just wait until your’e showing: then the comments and advice will come fast and thick.
I ate plenty of soft cheeses but made sure they were made from pasteurized milk. I figured that having to reduce my carbs due to gestational diabetes from 8 weeks on was challenge enough. Of course I avoided alcohol, not because I thought a glass of wine here and there would hurt, but because if I have one glass of wine I always want a second, and I wasn’t so sure that THAT wouldn’t hurt.
I remember once sitting before a huge, icing-drenched cinnamon bun at Ann Sathers in Chicago, and having to deal with the unwelcome nagging of DH’s friend, who found out that I had gestational diabetes and was forbidding me to eat that stupid pastry. I wanted to kill him. I could tell that he thought he was doing some kind of social service by beating his breast over the whole thing. I ate the damn thing anyway, just to spite him (and because it was mindnumbingly deilcious).
As long as you’re taking your prenatal vites and avoiding funky herbal supplements (because some herbs really do induce miscarriage), there’s not much you can do to harm the bun.
I remember reading once that your body is designed to give everything good to the fetus, so YOU are the one who will suffer from a lack of nutrients if you’re not eating properly. (If we’re talking about genuine malnutrition, so will the baby, of course, but you’re not living in the 3rd world.) So it helps to think about eating to maximize your own wellbeing and health. Eat what makes you feel good and satisfies your cravings, and just try to get a variety of nutrients in there with as many veggies and fruits as you can stomach.
And think about those poor women with hyperemesis gravidarum, who survive on prenatals and saltines for the whole 9 months! Their kids turn out fine.
(((((((Jonna)))))))
55. manager mom | August 25th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I always hated how later in my pregnancies, people just kind of randomly start touching your stomach, whether or not they even know you. Your body no longer is your own – it belongs to the world, to poke and prod and criticize.
56. Jen | August 25th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Yes, yes! The baby is going to do what it takes to sustain itself, even if it has to take calcium from your bones to do it (Thanks BBC Human Body show).
Also, the Fiber One Oats and Chocolate Bars got me through my entire pregnancy. That and the Quaker weight-loss oatmeal, which is really high in fiber and protein and is good even when you aren’t looking to lose weight. I shudder to think of how much fiber I used to put down.
57. Nikki | August 27th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Oh, man… I so feel you on the chicken mcnuggets. For the first three or four months of my pregnancy, I lived on McDonald’s McNuggets. With honey. And if there was no honey? I’d cry. Real, sad, ridiculous tears. Other nuggets wouldn’t cut it– any other fast-food nuggets would make me vomit. Isn’t it crazy? And now, my two year old daughter won’t eat meat. So strange.
58. Jennifer | August 27th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Awww Jonna… so sad you have to put up with all this, but like you say this is probably only the tip of the iceberg as far as judgment and worry (gah!) Time to grow that thick skin while also growing the baybee.
Having never been preggo nor raised kids, reading all the mommyBlogs is very educational (and funny – your commenters have me in stitches). You Go, all you guys!
BTW my mother drank martinis when she was pregs with me (bleccch… maybe that’s why I hate hard liquor now!)
59. ZestyJenny | August 27th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Hi friend! Just got back from a week off the internets and am catching up. Girl, I NEEDED this post and all these wonderful comments!!!
Now I must vent. So, as you know, am knocked up, had 24 week appointment today and ALL is well. My weight, blood pressure, urine, and blood were all praised as being fantastic.
Did you know I am also training to walk a marathon? WALK, to be clear. I have said all along, that I will stop training when I feel like I should, and have no qualms about not finishing on the actual day. If I only make it 10 miles or whatever, I will call my husband to pick me up, and go eat a pizza, no problem. For now though, I have managed a 16 mile training walk just fine, and will attempt an 18 miler this weekend.
BUT OH MY GOD, JONNA, the CONCERN! THE CONCERN! Everyone is so concerned! I am so unbelievable fucking insulted and I am about to go apeshit on the next person who expresses their “concern”. What are they saying? That I am stupid? That I would endanger myself or my baby? That they know better about my fitness level and abilities than I do?
I am so pissed. One of the women I am doing the marathon with is actually the most “concerned”. Of course I am hearing this second hand and for the sake of peace and harmony, I have to avoid tearing her face off. You see, SHE has had 2 kids, so she knows better.
Honestly, I think the real issue is that she got zero exercise while she was pregnant and her “concern” for me is some sort of self reflection hang up issue anout the marathon she DIDN’T walk.
Grrr. Thank you for the venting oppourtunity. My point is, you are so right. Please let me think for myself. Um, I worry about enough stuff. Any “concerns” anyone may have, believe me, I’ve thought of them.
60. Websites tagged "megnut" &hellip | October 18th, 2008 at 1:02 am
[...] – Baby’s Got Sauce saved by Lavendergaia2008-09-14 – As long as we’re reading Audio editing mac software Megnut [...]
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