Archive for September 1st, 2008

American Pie

Well, I’m sunburned. How about you? We spent the weekend at the lake, basically, for what could potentially be the last time this season, and though I’m mildly saddened by that, oh my hell, I am so ready for fall. I spent the last three years in eternal summer, and for the love of God, I’m ready to experience a season that involves long sleeves and maybe something other than ballet flats and flip flops. Yes, I KNOW I will regret this discussion come winter, but I don’t care. Like a bad, brief romance with a vapid waiter who’s all style and no substance, I am supremely over summer. This could very well be because my default temperature before pregnancy was generally set to “rather warm” but since becoming pregnant, has been dialed up to “OMFG IS IT HOT IN HERE OR IS IT ME? HUH HUH HUH? ARE YOU HOT? I AM SO HOT! IS THERE ANY AC IN THIS PLACE? JESUS, I AM SO HOT.”

Also? Summer smells. The manure! The Flower Odor of Mystery! MAKE IT STOP.

I’d also like to say that I am sunburned on only half of my face, because of the direction I was facing and also despite the liberal application of sunscreen. This also resulted in some frantic Googling of the “mask of pregnancy” as I desperately wondered if by some hormonal glitch, this half-face sunburn could be a permanent affliction, giving truth to the old wives’ tale that your face really will freeze that way, you stupid dumbass, you should have worn a FULL BODY SHIELD.

Anyway! Our house — as in, the one that we live in, not the one that we own, unfortunately — has been sold, to a family who wants tenants until at least the spring, but that doesn’t really provide any comfort to the pregnant lady who’s all OMFG WE WILL BE HOMELESS. Ergo, I’ll be spending the next several weeks seeking a new home, preferably one that doesn’t have neighbors who enjoy making things like BACON, which is what they had for dinner tonight, and although bacon has been on the white list for some time, the smell can be remarkably disruptive and puke-inducing. Let me also add that there is nothing more annoying than renting at this stage of life, but because we don’t plan on spending the rest of our lives in Vermont, along with that little thing called a mortgage in Florida (I am SO not owning two houses I can’t sell), rent we must do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t hate it, as searching for housing makes me feel like a broke college student and also, I’m a brat who wants to be able to paint her own kid’s goddamn nursery.

However! There are things making me happy, which include, but are not limited to: pie. Oh pie. Where have you been all my life, pie? My mom sent me home with several varieties — not whole pies, mind you, but slices — and I am now obsessed with buying and making pie. Tomorrow, I’m tackling pie crust and Wednesday? I’m making PIE. OH MY GOD PIE. PIE PIE PIE. Apple! Peach! STRAWBERRY. I’m aware that there are — how shall I put this? — PIE DENIERS out there. That is, people who prefer cake and eschew desserts fraught with pie’s fruity goodness, but to those people, I simply say, fine! Eat your chocolate cake and peanut butter cookies! MORE PIE FOR ME, THEN.

See also: apples, which have the remarkable effect of making me feel better almost instantly. Feeling nauseated? Have an apple! Headache? Oh, an apple will fix that! I never liked apples before, but for the last month, they have taken on a mystical quality that is the stuff of pregnancy legend. The Windex of pregnancy, if you will.

Also thrilling is the fact that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams appear to be back together. Like many of the relationships on Swistle’s list (RIP, Michael and Nicolette), I was always a little too emotionally invested in their courtship, and I’ll cop to a squeal of delight after a smoochy pic appeared in this week’s People magazine, of which I am an ardent subscriber.

And finally, though I am not in favor of any personal attacks against Sarah Palin, including those against her daughter (dude, my mother isn’t to blame for my teenage shit and like many, I could have been Bristol, but wasn’t, and not for lack of stupidity), I AM insulted that Representative Michele Bachman (R, Minnesota) sat with Larry King and actually told us that any questions about Palin’s experience — that is, ANY AT ALL, including those that are warranted — is a direct insult to women and implies that her experience as a mother isn’t relevant to the vice presidency.

I … oh dear, I can’t believe we’re playing that card. Lay off her hair, lay off her family, lay off her appearance, yes, PLEASE. But relevant issues — including her record — are fair game, and if you want to be treated as an equal, then stand up and take it without asking for special treatment because you’re a woman. It works both ways, I’m sorry. By standing up for her on the personal issues, we aren’t negating the right to challenge her on the ones that are entirely relevant, and I’m embarrassed that Bachman would be that pandering in a blatant attempt to make anyone who asks QUESTIONS about Palin’s agenda on any level appear misogynistic.

I’m sorry. That was boring. But my God, did I want to punch that woman square in the face until she fell out of her chair and begged for mercy. Does this mean I hate women? No. It means boy howdy do I dislike Michele Bachman. And Palin wouldn’t ever get my vote, but it doesn’t matter, as McCain never had my vote no matter who he picked.

Anyway! To carry on with a topic of discussion that will be explored further in the first Blogstle conference, what say you? Pie: Yummy or Yucky?

Hope you had a great long weekend!

*Do I even have to? Don McLean.

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