Better
September 9th, 2008
My mother is a process person. An artist and a brilliant seamstress, she gets a charge not only out of the finished product, but out of the actual niggling bits and pieces of developing whatever it is she’s working on.
I am not a process person. I’m impatient, easily irritated and frustrated when things don’t go right the first time. This is why there are endless half-finished sweaters, beading kits and evidence of other abandoned hobbies in our office downstairs. I do heartily enjoy many finished products, however. Like furniture! And sweaters! Apples! Scarves! Babies!
Oh yes, babies!
I’m not enjoying pregnancy, save for a few moments of pleasure when I think about the baby and remember the excitement of the last ultrasound. I know no one likes to hear this, and I know how lucky I am, and that many would give their right arm to be in my position. Believe me, I feel plenty guilty about it. But then I think, shit, I’m not sure how or why I could enjoy this, frankly, given that I still, at nearly 15 weeks, have not stopped throwing up and/or feeling nauseated more than 90 percent of the time. I’ve had moments — one whole week, in fact — when I wasn’t sick, when I thought I’d turned a corner, only to be dragged back into the vomit-fest that is my pregnancy experience. The fact is, however, that during that week, I was on the brink of puking nearly every minute, and woke up almost every night swimming with nausea. I mistook not throwing up with actually feeling better.
I’m not really getting any work done, save for the bare minimum. I’m not spending any quality time with Adam, and I feel … I feel downright awful about it. About all of it.
When I’m not nauseated, which is rare, I’m gripped by mood swings that make being around me almost impossible, and I’m including myself in that category. I’d like to leave myself behind some days, and go spend time with the person I used to be. She was nice, and on occasion she could even be fun, and I never — not once! — saw the contents of her stomach! I miss her, and I’m pretty sure Adam and Sunny do, too. They deserve better. They really do.
I cry sometimes, because I just want to feel better for FIVE MINUTES. FIVE MINUTES. I want to enjoy this, and have fun with my husband and take my dog on a walk that lasts more than a hurried poop and pee while I desperately holler, “GO POTTY! GO POTTY!” because someone is barbecuing and I can’t handle the smell of the chicken they’ve got on that thing (OMG RAW CHICKEN).
I normally have a relatively high tolerance for advice, but I … well, I’ve tried everything, so please don’t name it, for the mere suggestion of many solutions make me throw up. Ginger, saltines, pretzels, cookies, Preggo Pops … pretty much anything but pie, apples and the occasional glass of milk sends me retching. And I know that the baby needs nutrients beyond sugar, fat and calcium, but unfortunately, s/he gets it via Flintstones with the blessing of my OB/GYN, for I’ve thrown up every brand of prenatal vitamin I’ve had the pleasure of attempting. I haven’t landed in the ER yet, but I’ve come close — once because I couldn’t keep water down for a scary amount of time, and another time because I truly thought I’d torn my esophagus right off from throwing up so hard. My chest burned so badly that even Tums were like flames licking my insides like an ice cream cone, and I’d irritated it to the point that it was bleeding.
I’m on drugs. What started as an occasional habit at the suggestion of a few people (including my doctors), has quickly turned into a necessity, and I take jury-rigged Diclectin, a mixture of Unisom and B6, and it does help, but hot damn, it makes me sleepy (HA HA, it’s UNISOM). I’m not thrilled about taking pills, as I can’t imagine anyone else would be, but risks vs. benefits, yada yada yada. Without it, I’m not sure I’d be eating at all. My insurance won’t cover most of the heavy-hitters (Zofran! Reglan! Zuma! Nesta! Rock!), even in small amounts, and I’m not up for a $500/month pill habit at a time when I’d rather be saving than spending, and the makeshift Diclectin works well enough. I bought out my drugstore’s Unisom supply today — five boxes — after discovering that one was out of the tabs and only had the melts/gels (which is a different, non-helpful medicine). I’m pretty sure they’ve contacted the police, assuming I’m on a suicide mission. (Near impossible — Unisom tabs are a mild, very safe antihistamine, just FYI. I’d be like OD’ing on Benadryl.)
I have better days than this. I really do. And I’m not depressed or anxious or any of the other things that it might appear to be — I’ve been there, know the signs and this isn’t it. It’s just that I throw up all the damn time and it’s CRAZYMAKING. I feel lousy and a little like a failure, because MAN, if ever a person failed at pregnancy, it was me. I can’t even feed the kid properly when he’s in my own body, and how hard can that be?
(Side note: I casually mentioned that I felt a little better during that week of non-vomiting, and how have my neighbors celebrated? With fried chicken. In the FryDaddy – this time with added burning and smoke alarms! They did this even though I’d already told them the FryDaddy made me sick. Tonight, it was deep-fried jalapeno poppers, plus smoke alarms. I filled the house with inoffensive candles — THREE! — and yet the odor persisted. I cried and puked, cried and puked. I don’t mean to sound callous, but perhaps one of them can get a cholesterol test and be ordered on a low-fat diet? Is that too much to ask?)
Anyway! That’s where I am. I’m hopeful, as I am every day, that tomorrow will be better. Sometimes I’m even right! And of course, things could be so much worse. I could be sick from something horrible instead of something wonderful — don’t think I don’t know this, believe me, I’m grateful for it, and sometimes the guilt of being bothered by it brings me to sobby hysterics, because THINGS COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE. STOP CRYING OVER SPILLED BILE, YOU FOOL. (Hi! I’m defensive today! And crazy! I AM SORRY.)
By the way I got busted with my third pie in four days — a peach one. I’d hid it behind the microwave so as to avoid getting any shit, but alas, my peachy secret has been discovered and partially devoured, much like the apple one I picked up over the weekend. I’d just like to make it clear that I OWN ANY AND ALL PIE THAT ENTERS THIS HOUSE.
At any rate, I hope y’all have a happy Wednesday. I plan to give it a good whirl myself. They can’t make fried food EVERY day, can they?
Don’t answer that.
*Regina Spektor
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
63 Comments Add your own
1. Elizabeth | September 9th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Oh, I am so so sorry. I truly do feel your pain.
I was so so so so sick the entire time I was pregnant. I HATED being pregnant. Hated it. I spent most of it lying on the couch moaning “I wish I was dead” while tears leaked out of my eyes because I was so so so so so miserable. And EVERYONE gave me all the same suggestions and told me it would get better after some weird set amount of time and NOTHING helped.
Dude, it sucked.
The good news is that you are ALLOWED to hate pregnancy. Pregnancy is not parenthood.
And the other good news is that I understand, I have been there, and I swear to god, you might not ever forget the way that certain things smelled (I may never return to France) but you will come out the other side, and with a baby.
Also, my assvice, such as it is, is that the only thing that even slightly helped was to force myself to eat protein at every meal. It sucked, but it did help a little bit. I am honestly surprised I didn’t give birth to a hot pocket, I ate one every morning.
And the unisom, the unisom was my bestest friend.
2. Timi | September 9th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I’m really sorry you’re feeling so awful. You don’t have to defend yourself for hating it, hardcore nausea and throwing up really does suck and like you said, it’s mentally tortuous. Hang in there, and you’re right, there’s not much you can do about it. My nausea let up around 17 weeks, so it won’t neccesarily stick around the whole time. Feel better. And I’m sure the baby is getting all the nutrients it needs with or without a prenatal.
3. Kristi | September 9th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
That is just the worst! With my first I was really sick until right before 20 weeks – then it magically went away! Just like that! Eat whatever you can get down – pie has nutrition baby! I did the Unisom thing too and it helped marginally. There might be a few weeks there, sometime during the 20s, that you’ll feel pretty damn good. You’ll get to the other side, you really will.
Sending you all kinds of non-nauseated vibes from this side of the country.
4. beyond | September 9th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
sorry you feel so bad. when i was pregnant i had to stop using my almost scentless moisturiser, it made me feel so nauseous. keep eating those apples! can you trick your body by taking the prenatal and eating an apple right after? (this is not advice, i know you don t want any more advice!) you will get through this…
5. Anyabeth | September 9th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Oh my god I am so sorry. I think so many of us have been there. When I was finally pregnant with my daughter, after a period of infertility and a miscarriage, I just hated it. But the guilt about hating it was ten times worse.
But dude you are puking every day. And it’s not getting better. How on earth are you supposed to be happy about that? It’s like torture. I thank god for the nurse in my OB’s office that cornered my insurance company to get the Zofran (which if you haven’t tried the scary OB nurse insurance tactic I highly recommend it). I hate taking the Zofran and it wasn’t perfect. But I stopped feeling so horrible all of the time. I threw up maybe once a day and immediately felt better afterwards. I could live with it in other words.
SORRY. You didn’t want advice. I think you sound like you are doing amazingly well and just be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. Personally that was my mantra through pregnancy, through early babyhood and even now that she is seven months old. So much of this is hard. Doing Your Best is all you can do.
6. Nothing But Bonfires | September 9th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Aw, you poor thing; I’m thinking of you. I don’t have any advice or anecdotes or ANYTHING, but I will say that your Zuma! Nesta! Rock! joke made me guffaw out loud. Would you like me to send you some ginger chips from Trader Joe’s? I KNOWWWWWW you said people have suggested ginger, and I’m not suggesting it, per se, I’m just saying, hey, if you suddenly DO get a craving for ginger, Trader Joe’s makes some awesome ginger chips and I will send them to you. Along with the mango cream shave you got me addicted to. At least that won’t make you puke.
Zuma! Nesta! Rock!
Holly
7. H | September 9th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
I’m so sorry you’re still feeling sick. I hope you feel better soon. Gestating isn’t easy. Just remember to read this post to your teenager-with-an-attitude when you need to remind him/her how hard it was and thus, you deserve to be treated kindly!
8. amandam | September 9th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
One of the few pregnancy tales I know involved someone who could only keep down apples and some, not much, dairy stuff. She gained about 15 pounds total, I think, and was already very thin. And her son is cute and normal sized and everything. Meanwhile, the Fry Daddy – and its owners – need to spend some time at the bottom of Lake Champlain, sounds like. Can one put cement shoes on a Fry Daddy? Worth a shot.
9. Carla Hinkle | September 9th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
I’m so sorry. The all-day-pukefest of pregnancy is soooo miserable. With my 2 I was sick *constantly* until about 16 weeks, then it slowly let up. I did occasionally throw up in the 3rd trimester, but it was few and far between.
I’m sure you’ve tried this already, but on the off chance … those anti-nausea wrist bands made juuuust enough of a difference that I could scrape through the day.
It’s a crime that insurance won’t cover the good anti-nausea drugs. Clearly the people making those decisions have never been REALLY sick while pregnant.
Hang in there –
10. rosarita | September 10th, 2008 at 12:44 am
My heart is moved so that I really wish I could give you a motherly hug – a real one, not the bundles of parenthesis that internet *hugs* consist of. Please stop beating yourself up for feeling lousy and resenting the process. It’s OK to hate this. Your body has been taken hostage, in a way, and so the fact that you have no control over what you’ve previously had control of for many years is a difficult adjustment, to say the least. A hard pregnancy doesn’t mean a difficult child or any of that drivel, either. You’re not a pregnancy failure. It is what it is. Go and eat pie without guilt. (((J)))
11. the new girl | September 10th, 2008 at 2:54 am
As you know, I had a very, very similar pregnancy. It was very depressing (in a reaction-depression kind of way, not a depression-depression way, if that makes sense).
This post gave me FLASHBACKS. Oh, the grieving (of a nice pregnancy), the guilt (I really WANT this), the fear (I’m starving my poor bebe), all of that. Oh, and the puking and the crying.
Being on this side of it, I just remember how LONG it felt and how BAD it felt. Of course, I had a happy outcome, with one of the biggest surprises being how, well, regular-sized the baby was. lol. I thought for sure that she was going to be small because I SERIOUSLY lived on probably about 800 calories a day, if that (all bananas and ice cream), and I was chronically dehydrated.
They explained to me that for the first 20 weeks, the baby takes everything that s/he needs from you and the demand is not so great that you can’t supply it. After 20 weeks, the demand increases. I was sick throughout and she got everything she needed. That crafty little baby of yours is doing the same thing. Those greedy little buggers.
12. the new girl | September 10th, 2008 at 2:56 am
Oh, and P.S.
The PIE is YOURS. This is an occasion that calls for UNLIMITED PIE.
13. Shannan | September 10th, 2008 at 4:00 am
I was really sick too but it abated at around 14 weeks. I remember after that going out shopping with my husband on Saturday and everything seemed bright all of a sudden. It was such a joy to be out of the house (I had been basically hibernating the whole time because of the tiredness, the nausea, and yes, the smells! home is so much safer!). I felt like I had just come through a long illness but it was just first trimester pregnancy. Hope you feel better soon!
14. Sadie | September 10th, 2008 at 4:11 am
Oh God, your pregnancy sounds just like 15 weeks of the hangover I had on Sunday, and I barely lasted through a day of it. So I am giving you mad props for not bludgeoning your neighbors with their own FryDaddy. I TOTALLY WOULD.
I can’t tell you when you’ll feel better, exactly, but worst case scenario, at least you know it WILL end, and there will be your very own baby at the end as your prize for being such a goddamn trouper.
15. Jennifer | September 10th, 2008 at 4:45 am
I was sick for about seven months with both pregnancies. My insurance paid for about 10 zofran and my dr. gave me another 3. It was heavenly. One pill bought me 2 good days of feeling OK. I’m so sorry. I hated every second of it too.
16. Lawyerish | September 10th, 2008 at 4:58 am
You know how sorry I am about all this. I wish you could feel well and enjoy this pregnancy, I really do. It seems like there should be something to balance out the suckiness (other than there being a baby eventually, since that’s all the way at the END, and even people with easy pregnancies get that). Like a bag of money should appear on your doorstep, or Milo Ventimiglia should have to give you a massage every day.
17. Carrie (in MN) | September 10th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Ditto what the others said – nausea is awful, it’s hard to think about anything other than the fact that one feels sick, so this sucks and you are allowed to not be enjoying it.
And I love this phrase – “I got busted with my third pie in four days..” Don’t sweat it, because you are already doing the hard time, chica.
Do you guys have access to the fusebox for your house? Maybe Adam could accidentally pull out the fuse your neighbors use for their lethal FryDaddy.
18. Shelly | September 10th, 2008 at 5:07 am
You poor thing!! Seriously……do NOT let the naysayers that publicly think your life is theirs say SHIT about you…….of course you are grateful for being pregnant….there’s never been any doubt, but holy HELL…..you are suffering in a HUGE way—-and nobody should EVER chastise you for not enjoying it.
You can be grateful and unhappy at the same time….don’t get down about it…..you can be JOYOUS at the outcome of this, but still feel miserable……
I know, I’m not helping…I just don’t want you to think that there is something wrong with not enjoying this pregnancy. You’ll make an awesome mother, and you will love this child every way from Sunday, so naysayers be damned!
Don’t worry about your pie—your baby will take what it needs from you, so he/she will be fine. Eat pie to your hearts content……taking care of YOURSELF in every way you can is the BEST way to deal with the pressure and illness you are dealing with. If pie is what you can eat, THEN FREAKING EAT PIE……….you’ll feel better, and your mood will improve, and the benefits will grow.
I can hear the desperation in your post, and I wish I could give you a big hug…….
Hang in there, and just know that not all people will judge…we’ll still read you like before, and we’ll think of you often…..hoping you get some respite…
19. claire | September 10th, 2008 at 5:25 am
Oh, God, Jonna. That sounds horrible. I’ve never been pregnant, so i wouldn’t have any advice anyway, but holy crap that sucks. They never tell you about not being able to eat anything for weeks, only that you have those cutesy “ice cream and pickles” cravings. I always thought that if i were going to do the motherhood thing, that I would really enjoy pregnancy, but apparently it has great potential to suck balls. But it will all be over in a few months, though! Just a few months! Like, what, 6? That’s nothing! Um. Right..? Eech. I’m sorry.
20. TwoBusy | September 10th, 2008 at 5:32 am
Don’t hide your pie: embrace the fact that pie is now the greatest source of joy in your life, and make it clear to the other mammals in your house that pie-swiping is a hand-chopping offense. Think of this stage of your life as a fundamentalist pie regime, where your rule is absolute and to defy you – or, heaven forbid, to consume pie that is rightfully yours – is to risk death and/or dismemberment.
You may be crippled by nausea, but this is a time for you to wield absolute power — and while it may corrupt you absolutely, to choose not to apply it (to maintain pie superiority, to snuff out covert deep-fryer activity, or to demand medication and/or anything else that might soothe your suffering) is a crime against nature.
21. anne | September 10th, 2008 at 5:48 am
EAT PIE! You deserve it – especially if it is staying down.
22. Susan | September 10th, 2008 at 6:03 am
Sorry… I hated being pregnant, too, though for all together different, bad pregnancy symptoms (heartburn, carpal tunnel, pre-eclampsia- good times!). I don’t have any advice, which is good since you don’t want it. Just- hang in there. The baby will be fine and take what it needs from your body.
23. Jess | September 10th, 2008 at 6:03 am
She has since changed it, but Swistle’s tagline used to be something about acknowledging her luck without giving up her right to complain about the suck. And I think that exactly says it. Yes, at the end you get a wonderful, gorgeous, amazing little baby–but that doesn’t make this part any easier. I hope it DOES get easier, though, and soon.
24. Mandee | September 10th, 2008 at 6:29 am
I’m so sorry, Jonna. You have every right to complain. And to do something totally passive aggressive to your neighbors (all my suggestions might trigger the puking, so I’m leaving them out). And to eat any and all pie that passes your threshold.
25. Abby | September 10th, 2008 at 6:41 am
I am a first time commenter on your blog, but I just had to say a few things. First I hope things get better for you, as someone who detests even the idea of throwing up, you seem to be handling a level of hell that would have me begging for mercy. And second, your writing is amazing, even when it is a rant about nausea and the need for more pie in the world (which is a totally legitimate issue) you write with clarity and humor. And third, as someone pointed out already this entry and this blog will be a great gift to your future baby. I can’t imagine how awesome it would be to have this kind of record of my own mother’s pregnancy.
26. -R- | September 10th, 2008 at 6:43 am
I agree with everyone else’s comments, especially TwoBusy’s. I’m sorry you are so miserable.
27. MS | September 10th, 2008 at 6:53 am
First-time commenter here too. I’m at 27 weeks and still taking 1/2 a Zofran at night to get through the next day. I have enjoyed very little of this pregnancy thing, and I empathize–nausea is hell (to very badly reference Jean-Paul Sartre). My insurance covers the Zofran (many of them, as I had to take a lot more than 1/2 per day at the beginning), and if it doesn’t seem to weird and stalkerish, I’d be happy to “share.” I hope this doesn’t seems creepy–you can e-mail me. Or, if it does seem creepy, you can just delete this comment. I’m sorry you feel so awful.
28. Shelly | September 10th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Oh sweetie. I have totally been there. I was sick the entire nine months with my first. Yes, I sat on the floor and cried because I just wanted to feel better. I’d had all these grand plans to start eating vegetables and fresh fruit and all sorts of healthy things for the baby, and that plan got shot to hell in the first month. Things were so bad that my husband, who originally wanted ten kids, looked at me and said, “Maybe we will only have one.” (Yeah, the ten kids is off the table, too, but we do have two now, so that means I decided to go through it again.) Finally, I came to terms with just eating whatever would stay down, and the little one would have to get by on that as well. “We’re all making sacrifices, Audrey.” And she came out fine. And is still wonderful and healthy.
And the Zuma! Nesta! Rock! line made me laugh out loud. Oh celebrities, the things you name your kids.
29. Ally | September 10th, 2008 at 7:19 am
I know this might be a stupid suggestion, but much of taste is connected to our sense of smell. Maybe your nausea wouldn’t be triggered as much at home if you wore those nose plugs that swimmers wear? Especially when your neighbors heat up the (gag) FryDaddy. I’m not pregnant, but thinking about jalapeno poppers makes me sick!
Obviously nose plugs aren’t an option for walking around outside…and your nausea will probably happen regardless of what you smell. But maybe it could help a bit at home. Either that, or try to develop some allergies and get a stuffy nose.
30. She Likes Purple | September 10th, 2008 at 7:50 am
You give me a woman who has been as sick as you during pregnancy and enjoyed herself, I’ll give you a woman who is a dirty liar.
31. hilary | September 10th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Does your insurance cover generics? I was on generic Zofran, called Ondansetron…it was the only thing that worked for me. I am 22 weeks pregnant with twins right now…and had a miserable first trimester. hCG hormones should go down between 12-16 weeks so hold onto hope!!
32. Jamie | September 10th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Oh man, Jonna. I’m so sorry you’re feeling badly. Thinking about you and wishing you health – you know, Vitamin Wishes and Unisom Dreams, and all that jazz.
My suggestion is this: put on some Peter Gabriel, wrap up in a blanket, sit outside where hopefully there is fresh air free from grease fumes, and soak in the sunshine. And then when/if you get nauseous, just head on over to the neighbors and leave a little vomitous treat on their front stoop.
33. michele | September 10th, 2008 at 8:43 am
i think it is a complete abomination that the insurance companies aren’t paying for anti-nausea medicine. in my dream world anything any pregnant woman needs is covered no questions asked. i bet they are paying for f-ing viagra for aome old man. disgusting.
34. derfina | September 10th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Bless your heart! When I was in your shoes I finally had to accept the fact that I was going to barf, and I just came up with the recipe for said barf which was least offensive to me. Personally I found that chicken noodle soup and ginger ale came up pretty much tasting the way they did going down. You’ll find something that works for you. And I think that the baby will probably take what it needs from your body whether you eat “right” or not, so just hang in there and eat what you can. You have bunches of people wishing you well!
35. MS | September 10th, 2008 at 9:02 am
I suppose technically such an offer is illegal, but it seems grossly unfair that one person’s insurance will pay for tons of Zofran while someone else’s won’t pay for any. That just sucks.
36. Megan | September 10th, 2008 at 9:16 am
I agree w/ everyone else–UNLIMITED PIE FOR YOU! And honeycrisp apples. I’m still so jealous you have them already.
I wish there was something I could do to help you! Maybe I can take a quick jaunt up to you, and break into the neighbors’ house when they’re out, and steal the Fry Daddy? I can’t get over the amount of deep-frying they do! Nastiness.
37. jonniker | September 10th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Oh man, you guys. I’m all sniffly over here. Thank you (and thank you even for the illegal offers of drugs! I cannot bring myself to take them from you, but thank you!), and derfina, OH MAN, I know that whole eating things that won’t be bad to puke thing. Oh yes.
The insurance thing is indeed very weird, as I’ve never had an issue with them before, AND they cover Adam’s Lunesta. The argument I got is that there isn’t an corresponding treatment or diagnosis (cancer, chemo) for the drugs, meaning that the use is off-label. Which HA HA, is so lame. But whatever.
But thank you all. I am all sniffly and verklempt, in a good way, for once.
38. Kristin H | September 10th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Wait, you have to hide your pie so no one (coughAdam) gives you shit? When you puke every day and pie and apples are the only things you can eat and you feel like death on a stick? Surely not. That would be evil and deserving of serious karmic repercussions.
And also! I have to agree with Megan that it really is extraordinary, the amount of frying your neighbors do. Don’t get me wrong, it makes for a great story. But not so much a great pregnancy.
I really hated being pregnant with my first child, but I did not puke at all. Terrible heartburn, etc., but clearly I am a pussy. I just hated sharing my body for so long. You really hit the nail on the head a while back when you said it seems that pregnancy is very LONG. Even longer, I’m sure, when you feel so miserable throughout. I’m so sorry!
39. Violet | September 10th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Pie has fruit, crust is, um, bread, right? That’s half your daily requirements right there. And if you’re drinking some milk, you’re all set.
I know how you feel. No one warned me about how much being pregnant can suck. And after a miscarriage, I felt like I was being completely ungrateful to be complaining as much as I was. But I was miserable! That’s actually how I found blogs – looking for like-minded pregnant chicks to commisterate with. And they’re out there, in droves, because being nauseous and huge and moody is really no fun. But babies are great, and SO worth it!
Now go downstairs and take the FryDaddy hostage until your morning sickness is completely over! Bastards!
40. jonniker | September 10th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Kristin: Good-natured shit, but yes, a little shit. Also, and more importantly, I don’t want him to eat it. Mercifully, however, I forgot that peach is not his favorite.
(Don’t get me started, however, at the fact that he got frustrated that I almost puked in the car yesterday. FRUSTRATED. AT MY GAGGING. He paid dearly.)
Also, I cannot fucking believe the frying, either. Who fries that much? WHO? And WHY? I don’t LIKE to fry things, and yet … oh, I don’t know. Was it an anniversary gift? I DO NOT KNOW.
41. Kristin H | September 10th, 2008 at 9:58 am
One more thing. Since you’re not looking for advice, maybe it will be (a little) helpful if people can tell you the things that you’ll be able to look forward to later in pregnancy, even if you’re still puking. Here, I’ll start:
Personally, I really enjoyed being HUGE at the end, and the feeling of righteousness that came with it. I seriously walked around glaring at people every single day, waiting for them to move out of my enormous path, shooting thoughts at them like GET OUT OF MY WAY, FUCKWIT! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M PREGNANT?
It was a little disheartening after I had the baby and no longer had the automatic right of way in all aspects of life.
42. ZestyJenny | September 10th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Oh, Jonna. I’m so sorry. Mine lasted for 14 weeks and I thought I would die. I hated it so much and couldn’t complain because I had wanted it so badly for so long. My best friend has been trying for a year and it was the hardest thing to want to communicate honestly with her, but not be an asshole.
And Dude, I would take those drug offers.
GAH. I’M SO SORRY. I don’t even like to think about that time. I have some sort of trauma response whenever I do.
43. Artemisia | September 10th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Oh, honey. It must be so rough – feeling really really bad and just wanting a little break and then feeling guilty for feeling this way on top of it!
Give yourself a little break. This is HARD. You have not failed, you are going to get through this with a baby in the end!
44. Leah | September 10th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Oh man. I don’t even know what to say except that I hope it gets better and soon. As in RIGHT NOW.
45. metalia | September 10th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Oh, honey. I have been there. IT SUCKS. Do you have angry, violent urges towards everyone who suggest that you eat saltines? No? Uh, I didn’t either. My savior was ice pops, as well as all things lemon-centric. Including–yes, you guessed it!–lemon meringue pie. Mmmm.
46. Carrie (in MN) | September 10th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
You know, just a thought on this insurance thing. I ended up with a prescription after I ended up in the ER, dehydrated because I couldn’t stop puking. I wonder if you went to the ER the next time you needed to, if they might not change their minds (drugs being cheaper than ERs).
47. JudithNYC | September 10th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I am so sorry that you can’t stop throwing up! I am telling you my story so you don’t add more to your already overtaxed state and know that you can have a healthy, normal-weight baby even if you are puking all the time. I started throwing up even before I knew I was pregnant and did not stop until after the babies were born. I ended in the ER several times. I ate whatever I could stomach and even then I would throw up. Despite all this I gave birth to healthy 7 pounds each boy twins. I don’t know how it was possible but I think that getting whatever calories I could helped (plus the prenatal vitamins).
I hope you feel better real soon, kid.
48. Laura | September 10th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Ugh, I am so so sorry. I was full-on sick for the first 16 weeks, and the last month was the worst because I totally believed that it would only last for the first trimester and that I would spring out of bed on the first day of week 13 and be cured.
And you are so totally allowed to be miserable and upset- people who imply that you can’t complain about awful things because someone out there has it worse should go to hell.
I mean, yes it sucks that someone out there is a political prisoner or whatever but it also sucks to throw up for 2 hours because you smelled some boiling water. Or to get chewed out by your boss for showing up to work seven (seven!!!) minutes late when you were throwing up so hard you had to change clothes three times on your way out the door. No one wins at the Suck Olympics, you know?
I really, really hope it gets better soon.
49. Kate @ Life As I Life It | September 10th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Please don’t feel guilty for not enjoying this pregnancy. Just because you hate being pregnant (so far) doesn’t mean you hate your baby. They are two totally separate things, so please be kind to yourself.
Heck, after two days of feeling crappy, I start to cry at the misery and desperation. I can’t imagine weeks of it. You’re a strong girl and you’ll get thru this. I promise.
50. Christine | September 10th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Man, I am sorry. But you don’t need to feel guilty for hating being pregnant. The point of pregnancy is to end up with a baby, loving the process is not required.
Sending happy thoughts your way,and if that doesn’t work, there’s always pie.
51. Rebecca (Bearca) | September 10th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Oh man. That sounds ROUGH. I am so sorry you are going through that!
Now, although I wasn’t sick as a dog like you are, I confess to not really enjoying pregnancy either. I too was much more interested in the end result without all the pesky waiting.
52. derfina | September 10th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
I think Kate just said something important, too…She said not to feel guilty for not enjoying THIS pregnancy so far…Every pregnancy is different, so just because this one is pukey doesn’t mean another one would be!
53. Carmen | September 10th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
One more person to say that you have a free pass to unlimited pie. And that I feel your pain. When I was pregnant with my son, I threw up 4-5 times a day from week 6 until week 37. I had one month without puking. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Hang in there – it might ease up soon. And really, there’s no need to love being pregnant. It’s just a road you have to travel to get the sweet baby at the end.
54. Swistle | September 11th, 2008 at 1:36 am
I know that THEORETICALLY things could be worse, but BEEZUS you’re surely in the upper tiers yourself. Months of what is basically the worst kind of stomach flu? INTOLERABLE. And I wish it on anyone who shrugs about it or dares to suggest you feel lucky that it isn’t worse.
55. Swistle | September 11th, 2008 at 1:42 am
Also, I think you should rent a p.o. box with some of the money you’re saving on those astonishingly expensive nausea medicines, and then give out the address and allow the masses to send you presents and care packages. Fun stuff in the mail would do BEE CRAP to improve the nausea, but it might improve the bearability of life.
And do you like how you said “no advice,” and I said “[advice!]“?
56. Maggy | September 11th, 2008 at 3:20 am
My favorite was people saying, “Oh, you should be feeling better by now.” Really? I’ll get right on that.
And now I am going to take a nap.
57. ZestyJenny | September 11th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Yes! What Swistle said. I was trying to think yesterday how I could send you something nice and all the internetty options I could think of seemed crappy.
58. nonsoccermom | September 11th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Oh, ick. I’m so sorry. That’s totally miserable. I can’t even imagine how unpleasant that must be. Even ordinary run-of-the-mill pregnancy nausea (like I had) was horrible enough. I hope you feel better soon, I really do.
59. Shelly | September 11th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Oh! And to the point about all pregnancies being different – YES, they are. I barfed the whole time with my first, and very rarely with my second. With my second, I even had a really glorious second trimester in which I was absolutely delighted to be pregnant!
60. Kristabella | September 11th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
God, I feel so bad for you. I think everything you are feeling is normal. No one should be that sick, for any reason. It breaks my heart. You are a strong, strong person because I couldn’t do it.
I’m crossing my fingers that the vomit stops NOW.
61. Pork with Bones | September 11th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
You poor dear. Please don’t feel guilty for hating the way pregnancy makes you feel. No matter how much someone else (or you, before it happened) wishes to be pregnant, that doesn’t mean you don’t feel what you feel now, and the constant vomiting is something worth feeling awful about.
The only suggestion I can make is what my doctor told me when I was having the same problem: eat anything that sounds vaguely good. Eat whatever you think you might be able to keep down, and don’t worry about the nutrients — baby gets first dibs on those, before your own body does. There was a three-week period in which I ate Fruity Pebbles at least twice a day. (I eventually also developed a hierarchy of foods, ranked by which ones hurt the least when I inevitably threw them up.)
62. Shutter Bitch | September 12th, 2008 at 9:14 am
What gets me is that you have to qualify your explanation with what a shitty time of it you’re having with declarations of how lucky you know you are. We who’ve read a long time know that you want this baby, and that just because you don’t like being pregnant based off your experience with it so far doesn’t mean you aren’t excited and thrilled about the baby at the end of it. I hope you haven’t been trolled about it, because that’s just not right, and it seems the trolls are quickly gaining in influence just like the terrorists. The trolls are winning, too, it would seem (speaking of Sweetney’s latest trolls and the ones that sniped at Amalah the other day).
Anyway, I hope you feel better soonish and that you enjoy all that pie. Because if you’re not able to keep much of anything else down? I’d say that’s your justification right there for all the pie eating you’re doing. You’re allowed to eat, even if it is only one kind of food until you stop meeting your meals a second time.
P.S. did you get my email a few days ago?
63. Kristin | September 15th, 2008 at 8:21 am
I didn’t barf much but I still hated almost every minute of my pregnancy. It’s OK to loathe, OK to eat peach pie, and OK to leave a bag of flaming vomit at your neighbour’s front door the next time they dare try to fry anything.
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