Princes of the Universe

September 15th, 2008

Of all the things I’ve learned this weekend, not the least of which is the all-important skill of remembering to charge the camera battery before going anywhere where you actually want to use the camera, the strangest may be that Dennis Quaid has a bit of an age-induced turkey wattle, and that I don’t really care about celebrities in person like, at all. I’m guessing that it’s even harder to get excited about B-list ones (sorry Dennis! You were once very cool, but no more! Maybe Innerspace 2?), although I’ll tell you, Adam and I discussed our lack of excitement over celebrities on the way home, and I realized that there are very few I would care enough to approach, and I’m including Brad Pitt in that category, although there is a SLIGHT chance I might see if Angelina Jolie would go in for a kiss. On me, that is. Screw Brad.

I think my celebrity excitement can be fairly limited to Vince Clarke, Peter Gabriel and Bernard Sumner, and hey, chances are I’d be the only person in the room who would even recognize them, so I could have them all to myself, should I be so lucky.

Well, and I would have been excited if Clancy Brown had been there, but only because he played The Kurgan in the first Highlander film, and had I seen him, I’m not sure I could have stopped myself from crying out “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE” and raising my fist in solidarity. I said as much to my gala-attending comrades, who stared at me blankly. I … I guess they weren’t as big of a dork as I was, and don’t even know about Planet Zeist and whatever, cool kids! Whatever!

(Uh, hello? Anyone out there? Have I out dorked you once and for all? Connor MacLeod? Anyone?)

Anyway! I also learned — confirmed, I should say — that Bob Costas is an actual, real-live douche, and I witnessed him being a douche at least six times over the course of the weekend. He also has very bad skin in person, and I feel okay saying that because I saw him being MEAN to actual, real-life NICE PEOPLE, and I don’t care if he reads this! He was MEAN.

Perhaps the best and worst news of the weekend, beyond the fact that I stayed out (as in, OUT OF THE HOUSE) until 2 a.m. which is something I will never, ever do again, was that I met my pregnancy equal. A friend of ours from college is expecting a baby three days after us, and his wife is in rough shape. Ah, validation in the form of someone else’s suffering. We clung to each other, white as sheets, blanching as tray after tray of high-end hors d’oeuvres were passed in front of our too-sensitive noses.

I’m nauseated at the moment, so that’s really all I can say, except that there was a moment when she looked at me after I came out of the bathroom and said, “Oh my God, are you okay? You look pale!” And really, all I could do was laugh, for if there was a whiter, more sickly looking person in the world, it was her, and I’m not sure a sadder pair has ever been spotted outside of a hospital ward.

And finally, two beauty-related bits of information I feel compelled to share, because they are THAT GOOD. First, Slynnro recommended a bunch of foundations to me, as my usual mineral routine is sucking eggs on my weirdo pregnant skin, and I picked up Maybelline’s Dream Matte Mousse as a starting point before moving on to Lancome to see if I liked the mousse-y texture. And OH MY GOD, YES I DO. Further, I have surprisingly dark skin for a white girl, and finding a foundation shade that matches my skin without being too orange is very hard, and yet their medium range has a few that come close. I’m not declaring it my holy grail of foundations, but I have some kind of hope for the future. And from MAYBELLINE, of all people. Who knew?

Secondly, in addition to dark skin, I have highly pigmented lips. This makes finding a nude lip shade nearly impossible. Nars laughed at me. Laura Mercier mocked me. And yet! I have found the greatest nude gloss of all time: MAC Viva Glam V, paired with Whirl liner. Apparently this is a secret that insiders have known for years, but I am just coming around to it. Blessed be.

I hope y’all have a great Tuesday.

*Queen. Um, from The Highlander soundtrack. Ha ha?

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26 Comments Add your own

  • 1. slynnro  |  September 15th, 2008 at 6:07 pm


    Also, the part about Costas being a douche makes me happy. Because I ALWAYS SUSPECTED….

  • 2. page  |  September 15th, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    “Hi, I’m Candy!” “Of course you are…”

    Geeking out in solidarity… I could not watch Carnivale because I kept shouting “KURGAN!!!” Similar things happened watching brown as Radzsinsky on Lost.

    Glad to hear you found a partner in, er, puke, Poor things. I hope you took a hit out on the person that suggested throwing up was a bad habit. To hell with them.

  • 3. Caitlin  |  September 15th, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    I want to know what Bob Costas did! I want to know what Bob Costas did!

    (Come on, everybody chant it. It will be the Next Big Internet Thing. “Who wants to know what Bob Costas did?” I WANT TO KNOW WHAT BOB COSTAS DID. …..coming to a t-shirt near year you.)

  • 4. mar  |  September 15th, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    oh please. cannot out-geek me with the highlander (thanks mom, like i wasn’t enough of a nerd, for your contributions)
    also, just saw randy travis in the best buy a couple weeks ago, on a saturday night, apparently everyone in the store was freaking out. i peaked just to see what he looked like in real-life. old. and skinny. the bf didn’t know who he was, but i guess that comes from a background of punk & being 24 years old. am old lady.
    also, my mother is obsessed with the dream matte mousse. i cannot find the perfect in between shade. pale, freckly redhead, but not ivory/porcelain shade. (btw, college roomie’s name was ivory & she actually wore that shade in makeup, almost always too pale though).
    love m.a.c., but cannot bring myself to splurge except on their divine fragances (try mv1 & 2 once your sniffer is not so much on the nauseated switch)
    glad you found a barf buddy, puke pal, vomit virago… i’m done.

  • 5. jonniker  |  September 15th, 2008 at 7:07 pm

    HA. Caitlin, it wasn’t that exciting. He just didn’t really go out of his way to be nice to anyone beyond what it was obvious he felt obligated to do, and even then it felt … begrudging. As in, he left THE VERY SECOND it was semi-acceptable to do so and when people were talking to him, he was looking around the room for either a) a door from which he could flee; or b) someone more important to talk to . And he was, I felt, very rude to the local press, which I have a special sensitivity for, playing that role occasionally myself. And at one point the cameras were rolling and being broadcast to a full theater of people as he rolled his eyes at them and said, “Ugh, fine, THIRTY SECONDS.” Oh ha HAA.

    I’ll say this was in sharp contrast to Dennis Quaid who was very gracious and kind to everyone, including an endless line of autograph-seekers and old ladies in sequins dying for a photograph. OH, and uh, remember plus-size supermodel Emme? She was also there and was darling. I wish I’d said something to her, actually, for she was sitting alone a lot, smiling at everyone. But I never — not once — saw her be anything but lovely to anyone, and I saw her three or four times over the weekend.

  • 6. -R-  |  September 15th, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    It surprises me that Bob Costas wasn’t nicer. I may be the only one, but I’ve always kind of liked him.

    On the few instances I have seen celebrities, I pretend I have no idea who they are and ignore them because I cannot be cool under pressure.

  • 7. Caitlin  |  September 16th, 2008 at 3:07 am

    Oooooh. I have no tolerance for Teh Rude or for being holier-than-thou. I mean, let’s face it, no one wants to be engaged in forced awkward conversation with perfect strangers. But um, WAIT Bob Costas, isn’t that not only why you were there, but also, er, *your profession*?

    Oh Bob Costas, you lil Prima Donna.

    “old ladies in sequins dying for a photograph” lolsies! Oh Dennis Quaid, you just went up several notches! So cute!

    And Emme sounds darling. Maybe you could have started a convo with her about vomiting? I mean, in her profesh, she is probably quite used to being around it.

    Thanks for the recap! I guess I will put t-shirt production on hold. For now.

  • 8. claire  |  September 16th, 2008 at 4:53 am

    Huh, you really are a geek. I didn’t see the Kurgan thing coming, but you’re totally right. That would have been awesome. I’d also like to thank my mother for making me more of a nerd than i had to be in high school.

    Why is there such an extensive Wikipedia entry for a fictional character, btw? I guess some geeks are just geekier than other geeks…

  • 9. claire  |  September 16th, 2008 at 4:55 am

    Wait, HANG ON.
    Clancy Brown is Mr. Krabs in Spongebob?? Holy crap, i think i just blew my own mind.

  • 10. erica  |  September 16th, 2008 at 5:20 am

    Bob Costas sounds vaguely like many of the hipster friends I have had. Always scanning for anyone cooler than me to talk to. Fuckbags.

    THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE – omg. My second favorite line of all time after “SOYLENT GREEN…IS…PEEEEOPLE….!”

  • 11. TwoBusy  |  September 16th, 2008 at 5:32 am

    BIG Clancy Brown fan, although if I met him I think (or at least I hope) I’d be able to restrain myself from shouting out “Highlander” dialogue, a la people who meet Star Trek actors and start talking them in Klingon.

    Also, thanks for sharing the celeb lowdown — always cool to find out who sucks and who doesn’t (even if you severely undervalue Dennis Quaid).

  • 12. Jess  |  September 16th, 2008 at 5:46 am

    I really suck at picking out foundation shades, so finally I sucked it up and went to Bobbi Brown, and the girl did my makeup PERFECTLY and it looked GREAT. And then I looked at the shade, and it was “porcelain.” Second only to alabaster on the whitey scale. There are like three darker shades that are still described as being for fair skin. I was shocked. I had no idea I was so pale.

  • 13. H  |  September 16th, 2008 at 6:20 am

    Wow – it sounds like an odd gathering of celebrities!

    Also, there’s NOTHING like validation and finding someone who knows exactly how you feel. I’m glad you found her.

  • 14. nonsoccermom  |  September 16th, 2008 at 6:49 am

    Highlander! Woo!

    That sounds like quite the party. I’m a little disappointed in Bob Costas, but I suppose it isn’t too surprising. Hmm.

  • 15. askewadventures  |  September 16th, 2008 at 6:51 am

    Darn you Jonna! I am now going to have that song stuck in my head all day! :)

    My parents totally made me watch Highlander as a kid, not that I didn’t love it. Although, I think it was a bit violent for how young I was.

    It’s terrible that you had to feel so awful at a big party like that, and that you’ve felt awful all this time. I really hope that pregnancy gets smoother for you soon!

  • 16. Sadie  |  September 16th, 2008 at 6:59 am

    I have always thought Bob Costas was a weasel. A tiny little weasel. Your observation is not surprising to me in the least.

    I could (mostly) give a shit about meeting celebrities, and in fact make it a point to wholly ignore those I see, because I assume that the masses of others who fawn over marginally famous people will take care of their attention needs. So it is refreshing to hear of nice, down-to-earth celebrities. Even if their last good movie *was* 20 years ago.

  • 17. Toni  |  September 16th, 2008 at 8:46 am

    I have an absolute mad crush on Clancy Brown and count Highlander among one of many guilty pleasures. Did you ever see Carnivale? He’s fantastic in it–awesomely creepy.

    And I used to love Bob Kostas, ages ago when he had a late night talk show. So sad to hear of his douchiness.

    Finally, just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a rough pregnancy. I know you know the ride is worth it, but still . . . a break in the barfing would seem like the decent thing for a girl’s hormones to do.

  • 18. Toni  |  September 16th, 2008 at 8:47 am

    Also: I used to know how to spell Bob Costas’ name. My my, how times change.

  • 19. Leah  |  September 16th, 2008 at 9:17 am

    1. Simon would totally fight you for Peter Gabriel.

    2. I hate Bob Costas. HATE. Did you see what a complete ass he was during the entire coverage of the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake? Unbelievably rude and dismissive and just plain awful for two straight weeks. Bob Costas is so mean to everyone, all the time, even on camera, that the generous part of me wonders if he even knows he’s doing it. I mean, maybe he doesn’t know? Or he can’t help it? But then I go back to my old, ungenerous self and let fly the hate because, man, that guy just sucks.

  • 20. Mauigirl52  |  September 16th, 2008 at 10:46 am

    I outdo you in geekiness – I am a Star Trek fan. I think I saw the movie “Highlander” but they made into a series too, right? I didn’t see the series. Liked the movie!

    Hope you feel better eventually!

  • 21. Lara  |  September 16th, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    Ohhhh Highlander. Get out of my head (again). I was just thinking of it TODAY because “Who Wants to Live Forever” came on my ipod. One of those songs that I love because it makes me cry. Poor Connor.

  • 22. Cjo  |  September 17th, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Delurking for the first time ever to say that I met Clancy Brown at a wedding. He’s very nice and he’s very, very big. If he saw Bob Costas being mean he could squish him with minimal effort.

  • 23. Kristabella  |  September 17th, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    I am not surprised at all about Bob Costas, which is weird because I actually like him.

    Pat O’Brien is also an ass, which I learned well before his X-rated voice mails. We saw him at a Super Bowl party like 6 years ago being an all-around ass and douche.

    I also love Dennis Quaid.

  • 24. Jennifer  |  September 17th, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    I cannot resist jumping in here to add my own geek-love for Highlander. I watched that weekly series for YEARS and have also many times seen the movies. Right now we have the TIVo set up to catch “Highlander-Endgame” the next time it happens to come up (that’s the one where Duncan whacks Connor’s head off, probably because for an ageless immortal, Connor was looking a bit long in the tooth so they had to off him).

    Remember Clancy Brown in “Shawshank Redemption?” He played an excellent corrupt prison guard.

    “Princes of the Universe” is from the Queen album “A Kind of Magic” – is that the Highlander soundtrack?

    Um… I can’t even remember what else your post was about anymore.

  • 25. Sourire11  |  September 19th, 2008 at 9:14 am

    I thought I was the only person in the world who thought Bob Costas was a douche!!! I’m glad to hear I’m not. And that my judgement based on his only Olympic coverage was accurate…

    btw I found your blog through a friend of mine who sent me the link because I’m at the same point in my pregnancy as you are. I’m due March 15 and have had alot of the puking… oh the puking…

  • 26. velocibadgergirl  |  September 22nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    OMG I loved Highlander and Connor MacLeod. So much so that I watched a bunch of Christopher Lambert’s other movies, too. I wouldn’t recommend it…some are so very, very bad. I used to roller skate in my parents’ basement while blaring that Queen song. Wow. I can’t believe I just admitted that on the internet.

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