Suckling the Mender

Well! Based on your comments, it seems that maternity wear sucks no matter what your size or situation. This is strangely comforting, although I am perhaps more consoled by the fact that at least designers are making a half-assed attempt to make us look like normal people, rather than 1950′s farmer’s wives with a penchant for big bows and smocks. I will admit, however, that the tie in the back is a bit of a throwback to those days, and the only time people ever acknowledge that I’m pregnant is when I’m wearing a tie-back shirt. It’s the universal symbol of knockeduppedness, apparently, so if you wish to avoid the Pregnant or Just Fat? conundrum, just slap a tie around your back.

They should make stick-on versions for women who just want a little extra sympathy that day. Have some extra fiber, get yourself a little bloated and stick on a bow. No one will know you’re not four months along!

I had an extraordinarily ordinary day today — I did very little other than work and a few small errands, but it was one of the most amazing days I’ve had in ages, because THERE WAS NO PUKING. I ate! I had a delicious breakfast from Dunkin’ Donuts (TWO powdered jelly and a chai latte! TWO DONUTS) and I … I FUNCTIONED. Well, except for that hour mid-morning nap I took, thanks to the meds, but I’m not sure I can count that, because frankly, the Unisom/B6 combo is the only thing that enabled me to make it through the day, so who CARES about a measly nap, I say? WHO CARES? NAPS ARE FOR THE PREGNANT WHO WORK FROM HOME.

(Let me state for the record that that there statement makes me feel like a spoiled, spoiled ass. I KNOW I am lucky to work from home and be able to nap, believe me. It was, however, still only my third total. True story.)

This came as a most welcome respite after yesterday, which was quite possibly the worst day I’ve had this pregnancy so far. There was puking, there was what may be the end of the apple affair and there was an infinite amount of migraines, misery and woe. The sad truth is that I have to take the Faux Diclectin three times a day (the highest dose) in order to achieve Maximum Functionality and Minimum Crashing. By the way, my insurance did cave and will now approve Zofran, but at a 10-pill per month maximum, when you’re supposed to take it two to three times A DAY. A DAY. And I *think* the Diclectin’s working, so I’m saying thanks, but no thanks to that medicine to nowhere.

To continue this line of joy, it’s fall! It’s FALL out there, and the time for long sleeves is upon us. I spent some time this afternoon helping my neighbor cover her grapevines because tonight, we’re getting what I’m told will be a KILLING FROST. Do you know what that means? There is an end in sight of the stinky, smelly plants of summer and the endless wafting of cow manure. Come tomorrow, the world will be a little less horrifying. Soon there will be bonfires and crunchy leaves and then WINTER, when the WORLD WILL FREEZE AND STINK NO MORE.

Hyperosmia aside, I’m looking forward to fall and winter this year more than any other, perhaps because it will be the first full change of seasons since we left the land of eternal summer. I will also admit that my pregnancy automatically gives me a free pass on some of winter’s less than savory tasks, such as, like, for example, the shoveling and the scraping.

Also exciting? The new fall TV season, but most exciting of all is True Blood, which has already been re-upped for a second season. Oh, True Blood. I love you. I hate to admit this, but ever since I was wee, I have been a sucker for anything involving the words “vampire drama.” Anne Rice, apparently, had quite an impact on me and I read Interview with the Vampire in eighth grade, and yes, it scared the everloving shit out of me, and I do not recommend it for most 14 year olds. Next came an unhealthy obsession with Elizabeth Bathory and a bit of a crush on Gary Oldman as young Dracula (so creepy! so sexy!) and I’m kind of creeping myself out writing this, because do I sound like a weird kid or what? Highlander! Vampire obsessions! Oboe playing! Secret dabbling in paganism! I was one heartbeat away from a lifetime of excessive kohl eyeliner and spending every Wednesday at Vampire Night at Man-Ray in Central Square, Cambridge. Thank God for dodged, um, stakes and silver bullets.

Aand, on that embarrassing note, I’m off. I hope you have a great weekend.

*Cocteau Twins

28 comments September 18th, 2008