Hand in Glove
October 6th, 2008
Oh y’all. It’s FALL. And do you know what that means? It’s time to embarrass your husband, friends and neighbors by putting the dog in a sweatshirt again!
Why hast thou forsaken me?
Also, what would Sassy Kay say about this ensemble?
Well! Today was an exciting day, and I don’t even want to tell you what happened, except that there’s really no need to start filtering now, is there? So I’m sitting down at my computer today, when there was a … well, I’m sorry, it was a gush, IT WAS, and then there was some MOISTURE down there, and I flipped out, because HELLO, AMNIOTIC FLUID! AM LEAKING AND KILLING MAH BABY.
An entire day of panic about this and all kinds of conversations with the nurse led to the stunning conclusion that I am not leaking amniotic fluid, but am instead (oh God, sort of maybe) MILDLY INCONTINENT THANKS TO LEFTOVER COLD-RELATED COUGHING AND SNEEZING AND A BABY ON MY BLADDER. HOW LOVELY FOR EVERYONE.
Dude, seriously? Pregnancy is a trip, and I sort of mean that in the “very bad acid trip” sense of the word. What the hell, bladder? I DO MY KEGELS. Apparently although I cannot feel this young sweet thing yet, it’s already resting full-tilt on my bladder, having not moved out of the area quickly enough. I mean, come on. I’m not even 33 yet. COME ON.
I’ll tell you one thing, though, which is that I love — nay, ADORE and want to marry — my entire OB/GYN office. I can’t tell you what a remarkable difference it’s made in my miserable pregnancy to have the nicest, most down-to-earth group of doctors, nurses and MAs (all women!) to help me out. I’d read that it is not uncommon to develop inappropriate feelings and/or crushes on your practitioner, and I’m here to tell you that I fit the cliche entirely. I find myself plotting how I can be FRIENDS with my doctors and have coffee and pet their hair, I love them that much.
Also, hey, did I mention I’m giving birth like an hour and a half from here? Oh HA HA, yes I am, thanks to Dr. Gropes-A-Lot, who, I have learned, has a TOWN-WIDE reputation for being a total creeplor with a penchant for simultaneously belittling women and fondling them inappropriately. I mean, I’ve talked to like, TEN PEOPLE, and when I mentioned his name, they all quite literally shuddered, and that includes my EIGHTY YEAR OLD NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR. Which: OMG, how awful. And yet, I’ve been told that he’s wormed his way into the births of every single person I talked to who gave birth here. Every person! Who gave birth! At the local hospital! Which is why, my friends, I am giving birth far, far away from him, even if that far, far away means birthing the baby in the back of my Honda on route 7. The alternative is much more terrifying.
I hope you have a great Tuesday! My day will be filled with such exciting tasks as calling back potential clients, looking at apartments and getting a flu shot! Oh, and periodically panicking about nothing but totally embarrassing things. You know, no big deal.
*The Smiths. I pictured a, uh, hand in a rubber glove, like at the OB’s office? And also because it’s from the same album as This Charming Man, and the post I referenced. It’s all very flimsy, I know.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin',Pregnancy,Sunny The Pug
25 Comments Add your own
1. slynnro | October 6th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
This post equals free birth control!
2. Desha | October 6th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Slynro: STFU!!!
J: I TOTALLY got the reference. I’d, uhhh, go the extra mile if I were you.
3. claire | October 7th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Oh, Sunny! SO CUTE. And yet, so embarrassed looking. It’s for function! Not fashion!
4. Jess | October 7th, 2008 at 5:55 am
I cannot get over the dog and the cuteness. I think part of it has to do with the angle of the photograph and the other part has to do with OMG SUNNY IN A SWEATSHIRT.
5. ali | October 7th, 2008 at 6:15 am
i’m pretty sure kegels are one of those things that’s just a complete crock of shit. i don’t believe they do anything at all. so, i’ve never done one.
6. Jakki | October 7th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Dr Gropes A Lot…wow.
That is scary but I do NOT put it past anyone. I was with my sister in the delivery room when my sister had her son, I rememer giving her doctor the ‘side-eye’ when he said that she looked tight and would be back to normal in no time…wtf??? There HAS to be a better way to say things…
7. Becky | October 7th, 2008 at 6:41 am
Welcome to your post-baby life. I pee a little everytime I sneeze and god forcbid I laugh too much! Kegels make no difference. This is just one more thing you can blame the kid for.
8. She Likes Purple | October 7th, 2008 at 7:42 am
You reminded me that I need to start shopping for Molly’s holiday sweater. (She gets a new one every year.)
9. -R- | October 7th, 2008 at 8:32 am
WHY IS THAT DOCTOR STILL ALLOWED TO PRACTICE?!
Also, I am sure this is TMI, but sneezing caused some… issues for me when I was in my second trimester, but I have had no such issues since then! So maybe there is hope for you that your problem will just be temporary.
10. H | October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 am
When I was overdue with my son, I thought my water broke (I was leaking, not gushing) so we went to the hospital where they did a litmus test. It was urine. How embarrassing is that?!
Sunny is so cute in her sweatshirt. I love her wrinkly forehead.
11. the planet of janet | October 7th, 2008 at 10:12 am
oh, my dear …
welcome to the first day of the REST OF YOUR FREAKIN’ LIFE!!!
oh. sorry. was i yelling? i get a little testy when it comes to discussions of pelvic floors and bladders and … um … mild incontinence.
kids. can’t live with em, can’t eat em.
12. Amy K | October 7th, 2008 at 10:14 am
The only thing cuter than a picture of Sunny in a sweatshirt will be next year’s picture of Sunny and the baby together in matching sweatshirts. You promise to provide us with this picture, right?
I found out at last week’s ultrasound that my stowaway is a baby girl. A stubborn baby girl. The technician and doctor both tried for about 10 minutes to get her to show her face (“Move, baby!”…poke poke with the ultrasound wand…”Baby, turn over!”…poke poke) so they could take measurements, but she just scooted farther into a corner and flipped us all the bird. We got some nice flailing foot shots and Alfred Hitchcock profiles, though.
So I figure since we’re due at the same time and I’m already having a girl, you’ll probably have the boy you want. Cosmic balance and all that jazz.
13. Lara | October 7th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Oh, Sunny in a sweatshirt! Adorableness Overload!!!
That is insane about the local doctor. EW.
14. Angella | October 7th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I have had three children. I can no longer do jumping jacks without dribbling a bit.
TMI?
I said so already on Flickr, but I LOVE that sweater!
15. sweetney | October 7th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
OH SNAP. wait until you see the post i have cookin’ for tomorrow. dog in sweater? YOU SHALL BE CRUSHED.
16. slynnro | October 7th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
SASSY KAY RULZ THE INTERNETS!
17. Julienne | October 8th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Delurking to say – good for you! Good that you will stand up for yourself and not be subjected to Dr. Gropes-a-Lot. Also – if you only have to drive half an hour that’s not bad. I live in a rural area where the local hospital doesn’t even deliver babies unless there’s an emergency and the closest alternative is an hour and a half away and I have never heard of anyone giving birth in the back of a car yet!
18. Hollylynne | October 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Just wanted to say I’ve been having a blast reading your blog since I stumbled upon it a few weeks ago. My fiance and I want to start a family sometime next year and I can only hope I’ll be able to keep my sense of humour through barfing and incontinence and all that fun the way you have!
Also, probably the cutest pug I’ve EVER seen
19. Loralee | October 8th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I had the same OBGYN for all three of my babies. I LOVE that man. I consider him a dear friend. He even came to my son’s funeral. He moved last year and I am beside myself at having to find a new doctor. Just thinking about it makes me weep (like THAT is unusual lately.)
P.S. Your pug seriously needs to hook up with Sweetney’s Truman. The adorableness would be too much for human eyes to witness.
20. Cordy @ mysuperhopelessromance | October 8th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I’ve had a crush on my pediatrician for the last eight years. I’m 24 now, so I really should find a new doctor, but then that will be the END OF OUR VERY GREAT LOVE.
Poo.
21. Legallyblondemel | October 9th, 2008 at 6:46 am
Weird – I just did a very similar post about my Pug, but I swear I didn’t find your blog until today! Promise!
22. Gina | October 13th, 2008 at 11:17 am
http://ttapp.com/articles/flatstomach/
I don’t know about doing this exercise while preggo… but I used to have the leaky problem in water aerobics. This has helped a great deal.
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