She
Things quickly went to Defcon 1 around here on Tuesday when I came down from my “I’m having a daughter!” high, because suddenly I realized that no, really, I AM HAVING A CHILD and oh shit, there’s a lot to do between now and then, and that doesn’t include work and daily lives and the economic crisis and OH GOD. BRING ME MY SMELLING SALTS.
I have since calmed down, thank God, but it’s why I’ve been all inside my shell and not really posting or writing anyone back, because Jesus, no one wanted to hear the level of insanity I’d reached. No one. I was two seconds away from calling the Feds myself and screeching, “CLOSE DOWN THE MARKETS. STOP THE BLEEDING. SOME OF US DON’T WANT TO DIE.”
Ahem.
Anyway. Most of our unresolved issues have been resolved, with the exception being that I still haven’t rented my house, although to be fair, it’s only been a week. But we pregnant people, if you haven’t noticed, tend to be IMPATIENT, and OMG A WEEK WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT A WEEK IS A LIFETIME HOW HAVE YOU NOT SIGNED ON THE DOTTED LINE. Except of course, it isn’t, especially when you consider I posted it to Craigslist exactly twice during that time, and my tenant isn’t leaving until January, we think.
Again with the ahems.
I should mention that right after we found out we were having a girl, we went out to dinner to celebrate (pot roast night!) and as we were leaving, spied a young teenager in a miniskirt, fishnets and thigh high boots, and while I didn’t really notice it, Adam was nearly apoplectic, because that could be HIS daughter. And then he’d have to kill anyone who looked at her, and oh my God, our daughter is never leaving the house like that, is she? IS SHE?
No, no she is not, I assure you. I’ll HANDCUFF HER TO THE STAIRS FIRST. I’m also surprised at the reaction on my side of the family, where she will be the first granddaughter, which is the perpetual use of the phrase, “Oh, she’s going to be a princess.” Call me harsh, but I oh-so-sincerely hope not. I’d rather not raise a prissy little prima donna, and I say this because I have acquaintances who have, and they used the term “princess” ALL THE TIME when their girls were wee. If anything, I hope that growing up with boys in the family will teach her to be a little bit tougher and not subscribe so much to the pink gender stereotype, but obviously, I need to stop thinking about this, because PEOPLE, SHE WEIGHS THIRTEEN OUNCES. Let us not start planning her emotional journey as a woman! Also, let us remind ourselves that since I am not girly, she will likely rebel against me by requesting pink patent leather stilettos at the age of four.
Eh, pregnancy is boring and I can’t believe you’ve all endured this much from me and WE ARE ONLY AT THE HALFWAY POINT. And so! A reprieve! With random bullet points!
– The one downside I see to an Obama presidency is the fact that I will have to endure four years of Fred Armisen as Obama. Y’all, Fred Armisen is TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE. Jason Sudeikis as Biden I can get behind, only because I’ve had a crush on him (Sudeikis, not Biden) for years.
– I’m surprised at how much I’m enjoying The Office, despite it’s backsliding into formulaic romance territory, with Jim and Pam becoming the new Ross and Rachel and the ever-appealing Forbidden Love (Michael and Holly). And yet, it continues to kill me, week after week.
– I’ve said before that I think in some ways an economic pinch (MILD PINCH, NOT DEPRESSION MY GOD) will be good for the country, if only to clean up some of the totally obnoxious, pervasive excess running rampant (it seems I’m a closet proponent of the simple life AND a closet hippie, but more on that in a moment). And nowhere is this ridiculous excess still evident than in the fact that companies like Lancome are marketing a VIBRATING MASCARA. VIBRATING MASCARA. Oh my God, honestly? A vibrating mascara? Is this NECESSARY? JUST WIGGLE THE WAND LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. (Not that you asked, but my go-to mascara for more than a decade has been Cover Girl Professional, and I love it. Always have, always will.)
– Speaking of closet hippie, and I can’t believe I’m saying this either, I’m admitting that I am moving on from gDiapers and am now considering (hold me) CLOTH DIAPERING. Am I … am I insane? It all seems so COMPLICATED, what with the different types and inserts and overlays and MADNESS, and that’s before you even get to the toilet-rinsing aspect. But disposables seems so wasteful and gross to me (WHO AM I?). I mean, I reserve the right to change my mind, but I’m thinking about it. Which I think makes me insane. And I just sneaked that baby-related item in there with no warning, didn’t I? Sorry.
Happy Friday! Happy weekend! Ahoy!
*The Sundays
60 comments October 23rd, 2008