A Hard Day’s Night
November 3rd, 2008
So, if you’ll allow me to reach across the aisle for a moment in one final election-related comment, let me just say that I could never run for president. Dodgy college experiences and, you know, BLOG aside (oh my God, could you imagine? “Do you want a president who farts and has long, freakish hairs growing out of her arms? And have you seen her views on the dairy industry?”), I cannot imagine what it must be like to campaign for two straight years. I can’t. I don’t have the energy, I don’t have the drive and I most definitely don’t have the patience to be ‘on’ that much. This is unfortunate, as I have the perfect working-class Scranton-area upbringing to springboard off of. Such a waste of an authentic blue-collar background!
It would take me precisely three hours of shaking hands before I snapped at someone and was all, “DUDE, I SEE YOU. I CAN ONLY MOVE SO FAST. I’M COMING! UNKNOT YOUR PANTIES, ASSHOLE.” And that would be it for my campaign. You think Hillary couldn’t get away with crying? Dude, I’d make Sarah Palin look like the most patient, prepared woman on the planet. My downfall would be grand and very, very swift. Within the first week, I’d be scowling on national television, snapping at overzealous supporters and rolling my eyes at the fiftieth baby placed in my arms because my God, yes, your baby is the cutest baby ever, although frankly at this point, THEY ARE ALL STARTING TO LOOK THE SAME, CAN I GET SOME PERSONAL SPACE UP IN HERE AND NOT HOLD A SCREAMING KID FOR TWO WHOLE MINUTES?
You see, it would bring out the worst in me. I’m not usually like that, obviously. I love meeting people and I love babies, but my God, I hate crowds. And not getting a chance to be alone, much less five minutes to sleep, would make me positively insane. Seriously, a candidate’s sleep schedule makes that of a new parent look utterly luxurious, and I plan to bear that in mind when I’m up at 3 a.m. feeding my daughter, because at least there won’t be strategists hovering around my couch on the campaign bus to leap on me the moment my eyes open. I might have to feed, change and rock her, but I won’t have to engage in any sort of deep discussion on economic policy.
My point is that although I am voting for Obama, I have tremendous respect for both candidates, because I refuse to believe that putting yourself through all that torture is all about ego, driven by some kind of self-involved machinations. Whatever it is they’re selling, they really believe they’re doing the right thing, and neither one is all good or all bad. And say what you will about McCain’s age, but at 72, he’s enduring a tremendous physical challenge that would make most men (and women!) half his age fall to their knees and cry uncle. I don’t see a sad grandpa up there. I see a man who deserves a little respect, as does his opponent.
So, you know, get out and vote. Your civil right and civic duty aside, it’s the least you can do for these two dudes who nearly killed themselves — for, I believe, the right reasons — to serve you. And in the words of the CEO of Schooner Tuna, remember: We’re all in this together.
Happy election day!
*The Beatles, obvs.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
30 Comments Add your own
1. Danell | November 3rd, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I’m sorry, but every single time you mention farting it makes me laugh like a six year old. Because fart=funny.
2. Danell | November 3rd, 2008 at 6:06 pm
And baby farts? Oh man, just wait.
3. Jennifer | November 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 pm
This post sums up why I started reading you. You are opinionated but not hateful. That is just very refreshing. I noticed your intelligent, fair comments on other sites before I found your blog. You were the one person who always seemed very kind to me.
4. the new girl | November 3rd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Oh, man.
I’m all PSYCHED UP to vote now.
5. Janssen | November 3rd, 2008 at 7:44 pm
I feel the same way – how could anyone do that for TWO YEARS? I went to Vegas this weekend to visit my parents and came home EXHAUSTED. And that was three days of sleeping in, hanging out, and having meals made for me. I would die.
6. Kristi | November 3rd, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I’ve often thought that politics looks very unappealing indeed! The meeting and the ass-kissing alone would kill me.
Also, you get 50 points for the Schooner Tuna reference!!!! Clean up on aisle 3!
7. Sadie | November 3rd, 2008 at 8:58 pm
You know, I was *just* thinking about the candidates’ grueling schedules, when they both appeared (via satellite, pre-taped) on Monday Night Football earlier tonight. I mean, godDAMN, John McCain visited something like 7 states today. I think of how cranky I get after a connecting flight on MY WAY TO VACATION and this poor old bastard got on and off a plane like six times TODAY alone.
I’m with you, Jonna – I get snappish far too easily with crowds of zealous strangers, and/or if I am overtired, and/or from excessive travel. Therefore I would make the world’s worst presidential candidate. So thank goodness for these two guys, because wow.
8. Sadie | November 3rd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
oh, and to echo the new girl, I am also really excited to vote tomorrow, even though I am being told to prepare for arduous waits, massive turnout, general mayhem at all polling places. That seems fun and exciting to me, considering my past voting experiences usually involve desolate school gymnasiums and walrusy old women with markers, crabbily crossing my name off the rolls.
9. Jamie | November 3rd, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I live three blocks away from the site of tonight’s Obama rally. I don’t even like waiting for a meal in a crowded restaurant vestibule! Needless to say, I won’t be joining the rally-goers.
I’ll be holed up in my condo with plenty of beer, glued to the television screen, pausing only to open my windows and hear the roar when Obama (hopefully) makes his acceptance speech.
10. JMH | November 4th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Great post. I think in elections, emotions take over and we forget that the candidates are actual people…with feelings! You may not respect the opposing sides ideas, but we should all repect the people. I love how you can see both sides of an issue with fairness and dignity. It is refreshing to find that in a blog.
BTW, it is 5:30 in the morning. I plan to be at the polls at 6:30 am so I can make it to work on time. Isn’t that crazy!!? Isn’t it GREAT that so many people care so much about our country?!!
11. SpaceCase | November 4th, 2008 at 5:50 am
Great post – made even greater by the Mr. Mom reference. I needed that this morning.
12. A. | November 4th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Totally agree. I said the exact thing to my husband last night about McCain. He was in some 7-8 states in one day. One day. And had to give a freakin’ speech in every city. I can’t even give one speech in one day without losing my cool and becoming entirely exhausted. And he’s got 45 years on me.
Again, I agree. Each candidate deserves respect. Neither are evil, both are very intelligent and each (and their wives!) have a stamina of unimaginable proportions.
Good post. And it’s wonderful to think your daughter is going to grow up in a household that is fair and just and respectful.
13. nonsoccermom | November 4th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Well put! I hadn’t thought about it before, but you are totally right.
14. Lawyerish | November 4th, 2008 at 7:12 am
I think the same thing whenever I see coverage of the candidates on their planes and going to multiple states in a day and everything. When do they SLEEP? I would be such an angry, emotional wrreck after like three days and this has been going on for AGES. After tonight I imagine they must just sort of slide bonelessly to the floor.
15. bessie.viola | November 4th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Right on. Whatever views I agree/disagree with, they’re both doing our country a huge service in a way I never could. They’ve got this country fired up beyond belief – and I think it’s just what we need right now, whatever the outcome.
16. Amanda | November 4th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Jonna, this post wasn’t just a reach across, it was a reach around (if you know what I mean) (and I think you do).
I love you.
17. JudithNYC | November 4th, 2008 at 8:24 am
For once, I must disagree with you. One candidate is all about ego–Sarah.
18. H | November 4th, 2008 at 8:27 am
I’m voting at 2:30, when I hope there are few people in line. I love this post.
However, I just have to say, during those numerous consecutive, middle of the early morning feedings, I sometimes got a little punchy, maybe a little delusional from exhaustion and might have even fallen asleep myself a few times. If you have the same experience, and I’m betting you will, you may very well hallucinate/dream a few thoughtful and in-depth political conversations with your daughter. I think I nodded off once and very briefly dreamt there were country singers in my living room.
19. Rebecca (Bearca) | November 4th, 2008 at 9:25 am
I love you for referencing Schooner Tuna. That is all.
20. Donna | November 4th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Who or what is Schooner Tuna? Is that an east coast thing? I’m only familiar with Starkist’s Charlie Tuna.
“We’re all in this together,” was one of Red Green’s closing remarks. He’s Canadian. Any relevance? Bueller?
21. jonniker | November 4th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Donna: It’s a reference to a storyline in “Mr. Mom” in which a fictional commercial is created in trying economic times. The CEO waves tiny American flags and offers vague platitudes about the future of the country.
22. Kristin H | November 4th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Thank you for explaining Schooner Tuna! I was lost.
I was just saying to my husband last night that I bet they will both be so glad when today is over. And also! It’s a very exciting day to live in Indiana! I have always voted but my vote has always been a small little spec in blue in a sea of red. But this year! This year is different! I am so excited! (Can you tell by the exclamation points?)
23. Donna | November 4th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Were you even born when Mr. Mom was released? It’s a really old movie. How can you remember dialog like that?
Funny, but we were just talking about Michael Keaton, Mr. Mom and Multiplilcity yesterday.
Is the election over yet? Can I come out from under my bed?
24. jonniker | November 4th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Donna: It’s one of my favorite movies! I was eight when it was released — I’m almost 33
I doubt I saw it when it first came out, but I grew up watching it, before I got it entirely.
25. Christine | November 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Jonna this is such a great post! I am so dorkily engrossed in the election this year.
We are all in this together. And man, Mr. Mom. Awesome.
26. KT | November 4th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I have no idea how a person could campaign for two years. How McCain, at 72 years old campaigned for 24 hours is amazing. I certainly didn’t vote for him though!
27. TwoBusy | November 4th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
(11:13pm. Election over. Waving tiny American flags. Hooray!)
28. Mauigirl52 | November 4th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I agree, the two year campaign is grueling and I can’t imagine doing it.
McCain gave a very gracious concession speech.
And Obama – YES WE CAN!!! AND WE DID!!!!
I am still in shock it all went so well.
29. margie | November 5th, 2008 at 6:50 am
i am sorry to inform you that your complete honesty has qualified you to be an up and comer.
30. Sarah | November 6th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
What happens if the President gets a “mood swing?” Oh shit. The Russians just pissed me off. Point the missiles at them…
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