Famous Yet
November 11th, 2008
I wasn’t trying to get all feminist-y label-y discussion-y yesterday, as I’m really not that critical of a thinker on things that don’t matter much, but boy howdy, I love talking about them, apparently. It was really just Momversation that set me off, because, as Sundry put it: HORK.
Momversation. Please say it out loud three times and see if you can prevent the bile from rising in your throat.
At any rate, I watched 27 Dresses the other day, and it flicked across the screen this evening (ah, free HBO — a bonus of a recession) and I was struck, yet again at how RIDICULOUSLY AWFUL IT WAS, oh my stars. I’m wondering, seriously, when the last time anyone was at a public event where someone stood up and declared, completely out of context, “So, Jim/Helen/Bob/Name, I guess what I’m trying to say is … I think I’m in love with you.” Not that 27 Dresses was a particularly stellar piece of filmmaking up to that point, but it moved from being tolerable to utterly groan-worthy at its climax (ew, did I just say that?), and I don’t think I’m ruining it for you when I mention that the public “I love you” moment was indeed there.
At any rate, I would be woefully remiss if I didn’t mention the latest symptom of my pregnancy, which is perhaps the most shocking of all. I … I have an urge to craft. Or sew. Or, I don’t know, hunker down in some sort of pioneer-type land and use a SPINNING WHEEL. I want to spin my own yarn! Weave my own clothes! Find out the many uses for lanolin! GET BACK TO THE SIMPLE LIFE. MILK COWS.
I mean, not really. But my hormones do. And as Lawyerish told me when I mentioned this the other day, my God, someone should just throw me a bunch of popsicle sticks and let me work through this before I do some real damage and buy us a farm even farther out in the country in a horribly realistic rendition of Baby Boom, but without the applesauce and a whole lot of sheep.
I mean, seriously, I asked my mom for one of her (many MANY) sewing machines she keeps saying is for me. (She refurbishes them for fun and profit and has about 25, no kidding.)
And finally, a drama unfolding in real-time: You know how some people have horrible, gut-wrenching memories of high school? And how I really … don’t, because high school was spectacularly awesome and full of fun, if dorky, memories? College was my high school. My horrible Mean Girl experience didn’t come to fruition until my sophomore/junior year of college and wow, it was a doozy the likes of which I’d never previously imagined. There was inadequacy! Full-blown depression! A wretched sorority experience! (Hint: it involved excessive use of the word DELTA) Class warfare! Rich girls driving Mercedes with leather interiors with $5,000 monthly clothing allowances! And I, the work-study kid trying with depression trying to figure out how to navigate it all, resulting in EPIC LEVELS OF FAILURE.
Also, there were the four (4) girls I sat in the hospital with who either a) drank themselves to near-death; b) starved themselves to near-death; c) OD’d on a lethal cocktail of cocaine, alcohol and I don’t even know what else; or c) in one case, HAD A HEART ATTACK AT THE AGE OF 21 from starving herself to near-death through the age-old game of binging and purging.
College was one of the worst times of my entire life, no kidding. The worst. And the really worst part? I have been found out by The Facebook. The Facebook, which has previously been a happy little benign tool to reunite me with long lost sisters and friends has now become A Bane.
I’m being pummeled with e-mails from a rather miserable LA-type crowd packed with self-important messages about how they’re in [insert high-profile city here]! And they LURVE IT THERE OMG! And they have famous friends! And an AMAZING LIFE! And oh, they see I’m in Vermont, and I’m a … writer, they see. And pregnant! How QUAINT! They pat me on the head. How LOVELY for you, they add as they remind me that they’re a high-profile blargity blargh and married to Very Rich Important Man in XX field and oh God, I’m trying not to take a knife to my own forehead just thinking about it.
I do not miss that competitiveness. Imagine, if you will, The Real Housewives of Long Island. That was my college experience, except I was the poor kid who couldn’t keep up and secretly didn’t want to, hence the depression. I was Atlanta Kim’s lame-ass frumpy best friend who knew better than to compete, but couldn’t see a decent way out. Oh GOD.
There are headshots being e-mailed to me in some cases. Headshots! Braggy headshots of rail-thin models with five-carat diamonds and frosted hair! Frankly, I’m ignoring the majority of the requests, and only responding to the (very few) good ones, because I am small and also easily annoyed and no no, do not want to relive it, NO THANK YOU.
Jesus, I really did need to be medicated to deal with that shit, yo.
In other words, I’m reacting a bit violently. I had no idea I still had it in me, but apparently it was a rather traumatic time. Huh. PTSD indeed.
College. My college experience was the only reason I was ever afraid to have a girl, because it was when I discovered that girls can be mean. Late bloomer, I know! I can tell you one thing: it is going to be very, very hard for her to ever convince me that she should join a sorority.
Happy Wednesday! Top Chef premieres!
!!!!
*Ryan Star. Oh, Rockstar. I miss you.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
35 Comments Add your own
1. Susan | November 11th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
ooohooooo! you are indeed about to discover the many uses for lanolin.
2. Susanna | November 11th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
LONG LOST SISTERS!!!!!!!!!! Sending you hugs and kisses and the scent of patchouli oil to make all the Bad Things go away. ICK.
I’ve been having similar FB DTs as high school friends friend other high school people who were, shall we say, decidedly NOT friends. Bitches and hos I had totally and completely forgotten about until their blonde cheerleady splendor was suddenly facing me again and all of the horribly mean Heather-ish things they did came flooding back.
To answer your daughter fear, however, I recommend two things: 1) send her to live with Aunt Susanna at ages 9, 14, and 16. Just for the summer; 2) four little words: small. liberal. arts. college.
Preferably in the midwest. Possibly even Quaker! Definitely sans sororities. My college experience was blissfully unencumbered by any of the experiences you endured (although I did meet a particularly douchey guy who haunted me for nearly a decade on and I’m STILL not married, so maybe you just pick your poison?). LOVE YOU!
3. Jen | November 11th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
I’m the same way with baking. MUST BAKE SOMETHING every single weekend, or else I get twitchy. And hungry. Baby doesn’t mind. Neither does the husband.
Also, do you think that Rockstar will ever return? I loved that show.
4. Laura | November 11th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
First of all, your description of your urge to milk cows made me laugh so hard I snorted. Thanks.
Secondly, I’m so sorry you had such an awful college experience and that it’s all coming back now via FB – I really don’t think you should approve those friend requests if it is so upsetting to you! It’s not worth it!
I just wanted to let you know that I think, perhaps, based on what you’ve said about college, that your experience might have more to do with where you chose to attend college than the FACT that you attended college. My horrible experience with being unpopular/not keeping up with the Joneses/being picked on occurred when I was in grade school (about age 10-12), but my college experience at a regular university in Ontario was awesome. I think it’s different for everyone.
5. Melissa | November 11th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I’ve been on Facebook for awhile under an assumed name (only signed up so I could see the pictures a friend posted), but JUST TODAY updated to switch to my real name, because our 20th high school reunion is coming up and a number of high school/college friends asked/harangued me into it. Plus I wanted to. But as soon as I hit Save Changes, I was wracked with high school memories I’d just as soon forget. I know I was normal, but I have a lot of “I was a dork/slut/idiot” memories that I thought I’d gotten over, but apparently just repressed.
Good luck to the both of us.
6. jonniker | November 11th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Laura: Oh it’s definitely it’s where I went to college, not the fact that I went to college at all — I hope it doesn’t seem that I was remotely suggesting otherwise. I mean, of course everyone’s experience at every level was different — like I said, many people had a hard time in high school. I did not.
Really, it has to do with a great confluence of events that I’ve explored previously, including the ill-advised sorority decision that happened as a result of the fact that I was placed in a dorm that didn’t house people who went to the same COLLEGE that I did (long story).
But no, I don’t feel guilty denying their requests. Anyone who sends me a HEADSHOT is immediately dismissed. I mean seriously.
7. margot | November 11th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Wow! I was the same girl you were in college too, but instead my ho-hum misfit college years began with a Kappa and ended with a Gamma. Ohhhh college, never again.
8. Christine | November 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Oh man, just step slowly away from Facebook and deny all obnoxious requests. Also, tell Lawyerish I send my best wishes (Or really if reading, hey L. miss the blog).
College was spectacularly fun for me. Your college experience sounds oh so much like my highschool one, only the kids were less rich and there was less coke (at least in my circles) more binge eating and drinking. Gah, would not go back.
As for crafts, maybe knitting?
9. slynnro | November 11th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Where the fuck did you go to college? Hell?
10. Allison | November 12th, 2008 at 4:23 am
I’d have to agree with Susanna–send her to a small liberal arts college. A WOMEN’S college. That’s what I did and it ruled on so many levels.
11. Aprylsantics | November 12th, 2008 at 5:20 am
I’ve had the reverse experience with Facebook. But, I look a lot better now than I did in HS and now all of the guys who ignored me then are writing on my “wall” now. I’m married and I have no interest in them, of course, but it’s fun to get the attention.
Not one college person has found me, though, and that’s fine. The ones I want to hear from are my dearest friends. I stopped caring about my sorority after the first year and supported them the remaining three by paying an inordinate amount of fines.
12. TwoBusy | November 12th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Heart attack at 21? Jeeeeezus. That’s a special kind of fucked up.
13. Jen | November 12th, 2008 at 5:54 am
The best feature on Facebook is the “Ignore” option. Just pretend you never got their request and ignore away. I felt badly about it at first, but I got over it quickly.
Also, Lawyerish! I so miss reading her blog. I know you are friends, so please wish her the best.
Have you crafted anything yet with this newfound pioneer spirit of yours? Haven’t quite gotten to that level of nesting yet…so far all I want to do is actually hang up my clothes when I get home from work instead of throwing them on the bed. Not quite as impressive as wanting to create something magical with popsicle sticks, I’m afraid.
14. Sadie | November 12th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Ugh, yes, I “ignore” double the number of Facebook friend requests that I accept, because I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE. And also because your college experience? Was my 2nd-11th grade experience. It really explains why I , you know, don’t like people. Anyway, it is nice to catch up with a few people from the past, but yeah, I don’t need Facebook as a measuring stick for how successful or impressive I am related to my assface peers.
I really want you to start sewing, and churning your own butter, though. It will be an even more authentic detail to include when you update Facebook friends on your ‘quaint’ life.
15. Shelly | November 12th, 2008 at 6:37 am
Ugh, Facebook is totally a double-edged sword. On one hand, I’ve reconnected with some college friends that I hadn’t been in contact with in 10 years. On the other hand, I have an ex-boyfriend from college emailing me, which is not exactly welcome. Something about opening yourself up to identification and contact is kinda weird, isn’t it?
16. Toni | November 12th, 2008 at 6:56 am
It wasn’t until motherhood that I had my first real “mean girls” experience during a really difficult time in my life (where depression was also involved, among other things). I guess it can strike at any time, but the one great thing about stuff like that is once it’s done to you, you (hopefully) learn not only what you DO want in a friend, but what you will never tolerate again. Love that “ignore” feature on Facebook.
17. Marin | November 12th, 2008 at 7:02 am
Ugh. Your college experience was my sophomore year of high school, complete with rampant bitchery, evil lies, and much crying. Mostly on my part, because the other person was n-a-s-t-y. (It’s been years and the thought of just her name makes me shudder. BTW, were you thinking of “Megan” for the baby?)
The whole spinning wheel idea made me laugh so hard I also snorted. Also, what happened to Lawyerish? Clearly she lives, from your anecdote, but, um…the blog?
18. Marin | November 12th, 2008 at 7:03 am
Oh! That first sentence does not make sense. I mean mostly crying on my part, because she was busy doing the other things. I’d like to think I was quite mature about the whole thing, really.
19. Stefanie | November 12th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Perhaps you have already discovered this, but if you hover your mouse over the little blue deal to the right of someone’s name on your Facebook news feed page, you get a little menu, from which you can choose “Less from [name of annoying person you don't want to read any more updates from].” That doesn’t thwart the emails sent to you directly, but it does help limit some of the random published goings-on of people you regret clicking that “Accept friend request” button on.
Suddenly I am glad that the only person who’s prompted me to choose that “less from” option prompted it only because I am apparently a heathen and was tired of reading about The Creator in my Facebook feed every day and not because she is living a FABULOUS lifestyle of the rich and famous.
(As a sidenote, it’s entirely possible I’m spending a bit too much time on Facebook. I knew I never should have signed up.)
20. Lawyerish | November 12th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Uh, I feel like a comment hijacker here and also don’t want to attract any more nutjobs than I already have, but since I know some of y’all as longtime readers, I wanted to say (1) thanks to all those who asked after me, and (2) feel free to email me at Lawyerish at G Mail should you feel the urge to acquire any more info…
21. She Likes Purple | November 12th, 2008 at 10:13 am
My heart kind of breaks for the 21-year-old who suffered a heart attack, not just for the very obvious reasons, but that very well could have been me. No matter how awful the experience was for you, I appreciate (in her place) that you were there for her.
22. abbersnail | November 12th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I hear you, lady. My high school was full of awesome, outstanding, smart and funny people. I still keep in touch with most of my high school friends. I only maintain contact with two people from college. I was the serious/driven girl at my party school, which made me feel exceptionally uncool most of the time. And you’re right, Facebook manages to remind me of that on a regular basis. Most of the time, though, I realize that I’m happier in my own skin than those folks will ever be. I mean, sending you headshots? That smacks of fishing.
23. Shelly | November 12th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Oh, I know I always am preachy about not sharing horror stories, but I’m gonna anyway…..just because………
The mean girl thing? It DOESN’T STOP.. It translates into motherhood. “their’ wee one is proficient at algebra at age 4, and won the local elementary spelling bee in KINDERGARTEN. Oh, and they won such and such beauty title, and OH….they NEVER let PRESSHHHOUS put her widdle eyes on the SEARING screen of a TV, let alone BARNEY…..just the THOUGHT makes them shudder.
Oh, then little Johnny is the High School Starting QUARTERBACK, even if he IS only in 7th grade, and wow, your son certainly has QUITE the facial hair for one so young, doesn’t he? Oh, and how are his GRADES? oH….average? harrumph…..Little Susie is top of her class, and OF COURSE she’s not anorexic and craves perfection…………
Wow, I see you come to the football games in either shorts/tshirts or sweats (depending on the weather)……I wear mini skirts and cute sling-backs!! I cheer for EVERYONE…..even the cheerleaders!! My husband is the president of the Football Boosters, and was the quarterback when HE was in school…..I was the head cheerleader……
Oh, you tried Latin club? Wow…….that must have been, challenging!!
It never ends, and they are brutal, and UGLY.
It makes my insecurity rear it’s ugly head……..Despite the fact I’ve been married TO THE SAME GUY for 21 years, (no disrespect for you that are divorced, yet still nice to others), and have two incredibly handsome (if I do say so myself) boys that despite their average grades are pretty good guys. And that I am sort of bummed over my weight sometimes, but generally I’m HAPPY WITH MY LIFE……..my husband adores me….and I him…..
So why do the mean girls still exist? Because they are discraceful and insecure……..
Ok….enough of my rant. and sharing horrible stories………that you haven’t dealt with yet. I sort of go on about that sometimes, so I’m sorry for breaking my own rule.
sorry to have a whole blog in your comments (again). OH, I’ve missed commenting, too……..but tightning up a the job a bit……..I broke the rules AGAIN……shame on me.
24. Alyce | November 12th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Your mom want to sell (inexpensively) me one of her sewing machines? I’m trying to teach myself with stolen minutes at a friend’s house.
25. H | November 12th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I had a tough time in grade school and high school (but also had a great group of close friends who never fought.) College was great for me. Not that there weren’t mean girls, but I felt less trapped. Maybe it was because I wasn’t in a small town anymore. And while I agree with Shelly, for some reason I feel FREE now. The mean and petty women are out there but for the most part, I can shrug them off. I wonder why and wish I’d had this ability when I was younger.
26. JMH | November 13th, 2008 at 2:51 am
You all just re-confirmed my opinion that Facebook is not worth my time. Mean girls/women will always exist, so I will choose not to invite them back into my life again. So, Thanks!
27. claire | November 13th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I’m having just the opposite experience on facebook – all of the girls that i hated in HS (VERY mean girls) aren’t giving me the time of day on facebook, which is FINE, really. But going through the classmates search is bringing back all of the “holy crap, i hated everyone in high school” thoughts.
Don’t get me wrong, i loved high school – i just wasn’t friends with anyone in MY class. They were all awful people, save a select few. And all those awful people? Still ALL FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. Like they’re all in each other’s pictures. Yuck.
28. natalie | November 13th, 2008 at 8:15 am
This is why I am STEADFASTLY holding out and refusing to join Facebook. I still talk to the friends I want to talk to… and I don’t necessarily want or need to reconnect with people who I natuarally just fell out of touch with. Does that make me a cave person? Living in the dark ages? Then so be it!! I will remain in blissful ignorance of where that girl from 7th grade who pantsed me during gym class now resides.
29. Kristin | November 13th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I’ll tell you what brings out the ferocious part of me (and probably any mother) is seeing the mean girl thing happen to your own child.
Today I watched (from outside the window) a girl push my daughter and then scoot over so my daughter couldn’t sit next to her. I wanted to slap the ever-lovin’ SNOT right out of her head. And it’s a fine line to walk, not knowing how much to get involved, when my daughter seems somewhat oblivious. I don’t want to make a huge deal out of it if she’s not concerned. Then again BACK THE FUCK OFF MY GIRL OR I WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, CHILD. You AND your snotty mother over there.
ahem. Sorry about that.
30. La Petite Chic | November 13th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Wow, I think you just described my experience with sororities! I was totally the girl in the expensive private college on scholarship (athletic, no less!) trying to keep up with the rich girls.
31. Blythe | November 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Headshots? You have got to be kidding me. Maybe I should start handing out those photos I take with my camera phone and post to the Working Closet Flickr pool. You want one?
I went out and bought a sewing machine in about month seven of pregnancy, and I whipped up some adorable little jewelry cases for my friends, and then I had a baby and put the machine back in its box where it lived until I sold it. The end. Now I’m trying to work up some energy to sew a pillow cover and am thinking maybe I should try to get pregnant again just for the nesting instincts. (good god, please stop me)
32. Nora Bee | November 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
No kidding–we are long lost sisters, and could have helped each other through college, it seems. I mostly hated mine, too–sent me into a haze of haziness missing-the-boat one-step-behind instinct-doubting that it took until about age 30 to emerge from. And I think all your college FB “friends” were at the Bellevue Square mall letting their bratty four year olds be mean to my precious Hugo who just wanted to play with them. Hard to find my happy place with all that crap.
33. Kristabella | November 13th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
My college experience could have been like yours. But I decided NOT to join a sorority and instead was so lucky to meet a bunch of cool Midwesterners stuck in Arizona. If I hadn’t met them the first week, I probably would have had your same experience.
Girls can be such bitches.
34. Jennifer | November 13th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
OMFG your sorority experience was SO, SO much different from mine. And the whole being found thing? Is the exact reason why I refuse to join Facebook. A friend of mine recently had her mind blown when people who were complete assholes to her during highschool were now clamoring to be her “friend”. Fuck that noise.
I was in a large “Southern” sorority at a big Texas school in the early 90s and went into it knowing nothing of the petty politics or which sororities were considered the “best” or whether or not I would be judged on various ridiculous criteria.
Looking back over the years there have definitely been a handful of “a ha!” moments when I realized that I was being judged like mad. Boy, if knew then what I know now about the whole process of Rush, I don’t know if I would have made it through to be perfectly honest.
My experience was nothing like the movies. I had a wonderful time and made some great friends. I wasn’t hazed, I wasn’t promiscuous and I sure as shit wasn’t spoiled. If someone had OD’d or been gang raped by the Sigma Chi pledge class I probably would have fainted dead away from the shock of it.
35. jonniker | November 13th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Oh dude, I was TOTALLY HAZED. I forgot about that, and would you believe it wasn’t even the worst part? HAHAHAHAHA, oh God.
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed