O New England
December 2nd, 2008
First, a confession apropos of nothing: You know that song “MMMBop?” I … I kind of love it. No, I TOTALLY love it, and I’m always happy when it comes on the radio. And I know all the words. And the Hanson brothers are so delightfully wholesome that I can’t help but feel warm and fuzzy towards them, okay? *I* want squeaky-clean children whose delicate internal systems have seen nothing wilder than the occasional glass of chocolate malt. How do I arrange that?
This weekend, by the way, we’re off to the wilds of Virginia to hang with the in-laws in a belated Thanksgiving celebration that is not likely to involve turkey, which saddens me, despite the fact that I just ate leftovers YESTERDAY. (That’s the last of them in their current form. I know, look, I KNOW I was pushing it, but still. So good.) I can attribute this constant turkey craving to last week’s Top Chef, where we were supposed to believe they were serving Thanksgiving dinner around Thanksgiving, but given that they were wearing short sleeves outside in Rochester, anyone could realize it was probably JULY. I would also like to add that I have never held greater disdain for Padma than I do this season. I just want her to a) stop talking; and b) put her boobs away. And typically, I’m a fan of extra boob. But no, Padma. No. Put them away.
By the way, after no fewer than three lengthy conversations with my general contractor brother, I have determined that the shower is a) likely fixable, hooray! and b) will probably only cost around $2,000. Which: I KNOW. TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS. But look, yesterday we were at around $5-$6K, so while I’m still half-peeing myself over it, I’m mysteriously viewing it as a three thousand-dollar savings. Next up: a luxurious Caribbean vacations with our windfall! HAHAHAHAHA … ha? No?
No.
I ran into two people I know while picking something up downtown today, and both of them remarked on my girth which, once again, oh dear crap, no. No. I’m not particularly vain (though more on that later), but really? Is greeting someone with “Wow, you’ve gotten so BIG! You look UNCOMFORTABLE!” really the best thing to say to someone who’s already so aware of their size that they’re WADDLING? Really? I put on my pajamas last night and folded laundry at the foot of the bed and Adam just announced, “Wow, you are PREGNANT. Like all bumping around and stuff.” I glanced in the mirror and realized I looked precisely like Tweedledee and/or Tweedledum. It’s a very graceful feeling, you see.
I will likely post pictures of my terrifying girth tomorrow, just because, but I have to admit that the reason I haven’t is because last week’s haircut was the worst, and I mean, THE WORST haircut I’ve received in recent memory. It requires at least 20 minutes of careful construction so as not to horrify, and I’ve never, and I mean NEVER, spent more than five minutes on my hair.
It sticks up in parts! And is spiky and butchered and short in some areas, mysteriously long and strange in others. I … I don’t even know what’s going on here, but I’ve already been through two (2) salons in this town of approximately five people, and if I move on again, I’m one false move away from gaining A Reputation, not unlike the one my dentist has with every plumber in town. Dude’s been BLACKLISTED, y’all, and let’s all pray that he never has a toilet stop up, because no one will help him after he haggled a little too harshly with one of the plumbers in town. And what’s even sadder is that I know about it — hell, everyone knows it — and he has no idea, for no one will tell him, and he continues to publicly lament about how he wants to remodel his bathroom but no one is available to do the work. You know, in a recession, when plumbers are flush with extra-large projects.
This is life in a small town, I’m afraid. I could become Dr. Kleinfeldt of hair salons. It’s not that big of a leap, my friends.
And finally, two things of no particular importance:
– David Gregory is rumored to replace Brokaw on Meet the Press. FROM THE BEGINNING, I have said that I would be fine with many options, so long as it wasn’t David Gregory, who a) looks like a Muppet; and b) is a douche. I know he’s a douche. I have no proof that he’s a douche, as we’re not friends, but trust me: if you met David Gregory in person, he would be a douche. I am positive of this. POSITIVE. And is that really the tone we want to set on Meet the Press? A DOUCHEY one? I didn’t think so, and I can’t be sure that Tim Russert, the earthiest of down-to-earth non-douchey dudes, would be behind this. WWRD?
Not this, though he’d be too kind to say so.
I cannot think of a single celebrity who has passed on that I have missed as much as I miss Tim Russert. More than Peter Jennings, even. I miss him daily.
– I found pumpkin eggnog in the grocery store today. PUMPKIN EGGNOG. MADE WITH PUREED PUMPKIN. It’s like a PUMPKIN PIE IN A GLASS. Is Hood a New England-only brand? Because if it is, and you can’t find it, then I am very, very sorry for you. However, if you’re a New Englander, run, do not walk, to your nearest retailer for the pumpkin eggnog. And then die of happiness.
Happy Wednesday!
*The Decemberists
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
40 Comments Add your own
1. Teej | December 2nd, 2008 at 7:38 pm
We are news twins. I’ll never get over Peter Jennings. Never.
And I don’t know whether David Gregory is a douche, but I do know that he isn’t, in any way, fit to fill Russert’s shoes. I was hoping for Chuck Todd. I think he could have grown into that role beautifully.
2. velocibadgergirl | December 2nd, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I can’t wait to see photos of you looking SLEEK and LOVELY and GLOWING.
I love Top Chef, and am so happy you like it, too. But oh, Padma. Gah.
Decemberists! Woot!
xo
vbg
3. Mandee | December 2nd, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I am so with you on the douchery of David Gregory and the missing of Tim.
And, I’m actually jealous that you are still enjoying leftovers. I didn’t even get to enjoy one turkey sandwich–I keep telling my grandmother to get a bigger turkey!
4. jonniker | December 2nd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Teej: Chuck Todd was totally my pick, too. We ARE news twins! I’m sad for him. I wanted DG to remain in cheesy Today Show purgatory forever.
5. NGS | December 2nd, 2008 at 7:59 pm
My husband uses the phrase “douchebag” so frequently that it haunts my dreams. As I read your paragraph about David Gregory, I considered emailing him the link to this post, but then I realized that sending a newly married man a link about a pregnant woman waddling and looking like Tweedledee might scare him.
So, no emailing the link, but I will tell you that I’m sure you look beautiful and glowy-like!!
6. She Likes Purple | December 2nd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Padma (and Gail, too, come to think of it) is so horribly dressed this season, also. What happened to her?
7. Erika Jurney | December 2nd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I desperately miss Tim Russert too. He would have loved this election, and I would have wet my pants watching him grill Palin. It is such a tragedy.
8. cck | December 2nd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Check on Gregory. It’s the weird haircut, just doesn’t do it for me.
And oh my goodness, have you tried the sugar cookie eggnog? Heaven. Absolute heaven. (And I can get it in Florida!)
9. Blythe | December 2nd, 2008 at 8:23 pm
I really wish it didn’t sound so mean girls to say so, but if I could vote Padma (and her terrible purple knee-high boots) and Gail (and her pursed lips of disdain) off the island, I would do it.
10. Kristi | December 2nd, 2008 at 8:44 pm
I also have a strange love for MMMMBop (is that the right number of mmmm s?) I even have it on my workout playlist and it never fails me!
11. Lippy | December 2nd, 2008 at 9:07 pm
When will people learn that the only appropriate comment to make to a pregnant woman is “you are glowing” comments on weight are NOT appreciated. Yes even from you mom, thanks for the hundred comments on Thanksgiving about how big I am. Off for another chunk of pie.
12. Anyabeth | December 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 pm
God. I hate the weight comments for pregnant ladies. The only thing you should ever say is “you look beautiful!” That’s it–that’s the list.
13. Cari | December 2nd, 2008 at 9:53 pm
A Muppet! that’s it! I have been trying to figure out what/who David Gregory looks like and I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I laughed out loud when I read that.
Also, I love pregnant women (in a totally non-creepy way) and am very excited to see your glowing self in all your pregnant glory.
14. Assertagirl | December 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 am
I saw Candy Cane eggnog at the store the other day and I was tempted to buy it. Maybe closer to Christmas when I can pawn it off on some house guests in case I don’t like it.
Also, we’re going to be redoing our shower and I couldn’t be more excited about a home reno project if I tried. But our cheap-o plan is to do it for about $600. There will be sledgehammers involved.
15. jonniker | December 3rd, 2008 at 5:48 am
Amy: We’re not redoing our shower because we *want* to. We’re doing it because it’s fucked and leaking and will crash through the ceiling if we don’t. Good times!
16. Jess | December 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 am
I trust your judgment on David Gregory, because you KNOW things. Baby genders, which photo is Swistle… you just have a SENSE of this stuff.
17. Jules | December 3rd, 2008 at 6:50 am
Here’s my reasoning why Gregory is a douche. I’ve seen him in White House press conferences where, in comparison, he makes Bush seem like he ISN’T a douche. And THAT, my friends, is a feat.
18. Shelly | December 3rd, 2008 at 7:05 am
It has long been my campaign to get people to quit calling pregnant women “big”! Pregnant women are NOT “big” – they are PREGNANT! There is a HUGE difference, people. I scolded one of my co-workers when I asked after his pregnant wife and he responded, “Big”. She is not “big”, I told him, no woman ever wants to be called “big”, she is “pregnant” and it is glorious and you better recognize, son!
*ahem*, sorry, that’s a bit of a soap box, huh? Anywho, I’m sure you look gorgeous.
19. Sadie | December 3rd, 2008 at 7:12 am
I always push it with the Thanksgiving leftovers too, and this year I… kind of paid for it. So my new rule is that all Thanksgiving leftovers need to be consumed or thrown out by Sunday night – except turkey soup, which I can freeze.
I bought Hood “golden” egg nog this weekend and made EGG NOG MUFFINS with nutmeg streusel, which sound better than they taste. Pumpkin pie egg nog might improve the recipe, actually.
Can’t wait to see a picture of you and your growing bebe, even if your hair *is* fucked. Maybe while you live in small-town, bad-salon Vermont you should just…grow it out…or something.
20. Corinne | December 3rd, 2008 at 7:52 am
I miss Tim Russert every Sunday morning. I, too, was hoping for Chuck Todd because he’s my new smart boyfriend, although no one can ever replace Tim.
Sigh. David Gregory isn’t even nice to look at.
21. Carolyn | December 3rd, 2008 at 7:53 am
I miss Tim Russert too. And DG is no replacement for him. David Gregory happens to park in my building when he’s in DC, and I have on good authority from several co-workers that he always cuts in line at Starbucks.
22. ali | December 3rd, 2008 at 7:59 am
i’ve never had egg nog…have never even been interested…but somehow pumpkin egg nog…has SERIOUSLY piqued my interest. and egg nog muffins??? my god. i must have one!
23. H | December 3rd, 2008 at 8:09 am
MMMBop is a toe-tapping, happy song. That’s why I love it. I did get a little sick of it back in the day, but I enjoy it now.
I miss Tim Russert and trust your judgment on David Gregory – you seem to have a good douchebag-meter. I don’t. I’m like a dumb puppy – I assume people are not douchebags and then am hurt and shocked when they are. Oh, how I miss Peter Jennings. He was a daily staple for me.
I feel badly for you about the stylist shopping. There’s nothing worse than having to hop from salon to salon to get a decent cut. I wish you luck!
24. Carrie | December 3rd, 2008 at 9:57 am
I am sad that I didn’t even realize Top Chef was in my hood this summer (er, Thanksgiving…er, WHEN?). But City Newspaper did have an amusing article about it:
http://www.rochestercitynewspaper.com/entertainment/blog/2008/11/Top-Chef-Hey-look-Top-Chef-is/
25. Kristin H | December 3rd, 2008 at 10:20 am
I have a confession to make. I don’t watch Meet the Press. (hangs head) Or any television news programs. (head drops lower) And I…I don’t know how MMMBop goes.
I feel so alone.
26. nonsoccermom | December 3rd, 2008 at 10:37 am
I am so glad I’m not the only one who secretly loves MMMBop. I really do.
27. KG | December 3rd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Muppet, ha! You nailed it. Further evidence that he is a douche:
http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/archives/nbcs_david_gregory_drunk_on_imus_in_the_morning/
28. Kristabella | December 3rd, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I was at a party on Saturday and MMM Bop came on and my friend was all “This was Mark’s (her hubby) favorite song in college.” It was pretty funny.
Also, as much as I would like to think I wouldn’t say something like that to a pregnant woman, I probably would. Because huge = CUTE to me.
29. Jamie | December 3rd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Horrendous haircut or not, at least it was penis (and Squiggy) free! Hope it grows out soon…I am so feeling your pain.
Bring on the bump pictures!
30. Danell | December 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Ohhh…”big”….yeah. This morning I walked by my bedroom mirror and STIFLED A SCREAM. I mean, this is my second time around, you would think I would be at least a little familiar with THE GIRTH…but no, it is still slightly SHOCKING. Granted, the giant pink fleece bathrobe was not exactly slimming. It really is just wildly disconcerting to realize you might actually be wider from front to back than side to side! Which is not the greatest thing in the world considering my rear end is not even remotely narrow.
31. Danell | December 3rd, 2008 at 6:48 pm
And pumpkin eggnog is not going to help the rear end situation either…
32. Camels & Chocolate | December 3rd, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Dating myself here, but MmmBop was totally my generation (I was in middle school! Same age at the middle kid, Taylor, I believe?). Anyway, I met them two years ago! I interviewed them at ABC’s big upfront event, when the fall TV lineup was announced, and I wanted to be all, “MmmWhere have you guys been for the last decade+??” They were really nice, but dude, they all have kids and wives and stuff now. They’re not old enough for all of that!
33. Nora Bee | December 3rd, 2008 at 10:36 pm
I miss Tim Russert too. Maybe not daily, but I miss him.
34. kyslp | December 4th, 2008 at 4:01 am
Sometimes you say things that I have secretly been thinking for years! I love me some MmmmBop and now it will be going round in a loop in my head all day! I always thought David Gregory was strange looking but you nailed it with muppet! Something about his weird, wide, flapping mouth…, I teared up watching the election results thinking about how I miss Russert and how awesome he would have been covering it.
35. Jennifer | December 4th, 2008 at 9:43 am
I’ll pile on to the simpatico bandwagon about (a) missing Tim Russert and fantasizing about all the great election news we would have had, (b) David Gregory, UGH. He subbed for Brian Williams on NBC-NN on Thanksgiving and I was grinding my teeth the whole time, (c) I idolized Peter Jennings too.
Chuck Todd might work, how about Savannah Guthrie? She seems pretty tough. She has a legal background, would that translate/grow into current affairs savvy?
And I have sympathy for the pregnancy well-wishers who say dumb things. I’m sure I’ve been one of those. Having never been PG, I always feel so sympathetic for the soon-to-be-moms and I want to say something nice and I guess I just shoot off my mouth. They’re intrested and they mean well – don’t take it to heart. I think they would feel terrible if they thought their comments were making you feel bad.
36. Jen | December 4th, 2008 at 9:56 am
So far my least favorite comment about my pregnancy has been what might SEEM like a relatively nice one, but it is driving me crazy – every day (and I mean EVERY DAY) one of my coworkers who has an insanely nasal voice, comes over and asks me, “Oh dear, how arrrrrrrrrrrrre you???” It seems harmless, but her tone indicates that she feels that I am a pathetic pregnant woman and she clearly feels sorry for me for some reason. I make it a point to always answer with a cheery, “I’m great! How are you?” but it is getting OLD.
I tend to think of Andrea Mitchell as more Muppet-y than Andrew Gregory. She reminds me of Janice.
37. Suebob | December 4th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
The Hanson boys were on a local radio show and they were pretty much the most charming guests ever. They really, really just LOVE to play music and they were so happy and cute and serious about playing.
I am sick at the thought of David Gregory and I don’t even have a TV. THAT’s how bad it is.
38. Sarah | December 7th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
OK..The song “MmmmmBop?” Plays EVERY time I am in the grocery store. Every time. And I sing along. Could it be that I grocery shop at the SAME TIME every week because I am forced to because of my little monsters and their freaking little schedules. Respect the schedules, lest one be tortured to the point of blind hysterics. Oh the power of a one year old who screams like a pterodactyl and a two year old that can fling chicken fingers like Kevin Youkalis.
39. Jack&hellip | December 19th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
hair salons…
This enables authors to keep track of who is linking to, or referring to their articles. One notable blogging tool that does not support…
40. douche&hellip | December 25th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
douche…
Great job on Mystery ” Culinary Couture…
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