Live and Let Die
December 11th, 2008
I’m not sure if it’s winter or pregnancy, but I am suddenly plagued by incredibly dry skin that manifests itself in a super-attractive urge to scratch my entire body off in an apelike fashion. Every time I take ANYTHING off, even if it’s just to pee, I start scratching like an orangutan, sometimes hard enough to leave big ugly welted skin in my wake. I’m sure Adam thinks it’s particularly fetching when I scratch long and hard from my armpits down the sides of my torso, pausing only to have a satisfying go at the inside of my legs.
AY GOD, I am so itchy, and yet I am pitifully devoid of a decent body lotion, despite owning no fewer than 40. They either leave me too dry or lubed up like a wet seal, and you know what else? I AM STILL ITCHY. Cetaphil! Aquaphor! Nivea! Pricey department store stuff! Bath & Body Works! Body Shop! Knock-offs of both! My body rejects them all, and I am doomed to a life of sticky, red-striped, welty thighs and monkey scratching.
I meant to add the other day that my mother-in-law got a new dog — a Mi-Ki, which I’m pretty sure is one of those breeds that isn’t really a breed and is merely a … well, I won’t even go into it, but suffice it to say I’m not a huge fan of designer dogs, much less designer TOY dogs, and while I realize this kind of dog does it for her, I am MYSTIFIED and more than a little fascinated. Dude, it weighs a POUND AND A HALF. It’s cute, yes, but it’s essentially a ferret, right? I mean, she can HIDE IT IN HER PURSE, not unlike a tampon. But worse, perhaps, is that it snarls at you from her perch in her special fleece-lined doggie pouch, and if there were ever better a demonstration of impotent fury, I’ve yet to see it.
In other, hypochondriachal news, I unexpectedly spent this afternoon AND part of yesterday afternoon at various area dentists’ offices as Adam is referred to specialist after specialist for some extractions and a root canal, and we play the game of “Will he or won’t he get an extraction on the spot, rendering him too out of it to drive?” So off I go at the last minute (he’s in some pain, ergo the short notice/willingness to run out), and AGAIN today, I neglected to bring my own reading material, leaving me to read Health. Have you ever read Health magazine? It is, essentially, a series of articles that outline, in very clear, explicit detail, How You Will Die Because of Some Unknown Illness/Misdiagnosis/Doctor’s Office Clerical Error/Failure to Eat The Right Superfood.
No kidding, by the time Adam came out, still sans extraction, I was a MESS. I not only had breast cancer because ultrasound technology can be unreliable and I HAVE A LUMP OMG AND MY DOCTOR MISDIAGNOSED IT, but I also have a dry patch of skin behind my ear! Which could be malignant! And did you know that high blood pressure is the silent killer and most people don’t even know they have it, and MOST NURSES DO NOT NOTICE SLIGHTLY ELEVATED PRESSURE? AND THAT THIS MEANS YOU COULD DIE? DIE? DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE.
I’m not kidding, there was an ENTIRE ARTICLE titled, “Dry skin? Or cancer? What you don’t know could kill you.” And they had a three-part series on doctors’ errors! And an entire pull-out section on prescription drugs and how most people are the victim of wrong prescriptions at least once in their life! AND THIS MEANS THAT MANY PEOPLE DIE.
I’m sorry to use such harsh language, but seriously, I’d be really happy if the entire staff of Health magazine would go fuck themselves, because that magazine is an instrument of misery-inducing PARANOIA. It took me the rest of the afternoon to get over the trauma, but not before running out to the grocery store for blueberries, honey and carrots, because those are the three foods I apparently “can’t afford NOT to eat!” Or, you know, I WILL DIE.
I’m definitely bringing my own damn reading material when he finally goes in for general anesthesia on the 29th. My God.
Hey, happy Friday!
*Paul McCartney. And uh, Wings.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
53 Comments Add your own
1. Swistle | December 11th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Vaseline Intensive Rescue Moisture Locking Lotion?
Jergens Ultra Healing?
Anything with OATS in it (Aveeno or generic)?
That’s all I’ve got.
2. Allison | December 11th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Bath and Body Works sugar scrub? Then Eucerin? That’s my pick.
Also, there is nothing better than scratching your ribs at the end of the day, particularly after removal of a binding bra garment. It always makes me think of some book I read where the corset wearing main character couldn’t wait to take said corset off at the end of the day so she could scratch to her heart’s content.
3. anne | December 11th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
You made me itchy and as you know there is no such thing as dry skin in Florida.
Tried Kiehls? My other always go-to is Curel, but I think that is pretty well known at this point and again I have no basis to even discuss dry skin.
4. Carla Hinkle | December 11th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Not to add to the alarmist-oh-my-god day you had, but isn’t there some kind of itch-related problem during pregnancy? It is escaping me but…liver related? Kidney? I’m sure you are fine but just to be on the safe side … google it, will you?
5. jonniker | December 11th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
HAHAHA, Carla, how ironic after today’s terrorfest with Health. Yes, there is a condition that’s a liver problem, but no, mercifully, I don’t have it. (It’s REALLY rare, but fear not, I’ve already asked about it. See: hypochondriac.)
My itching is totally dry skin and skin-stretching related, and is in all the usual itchy spots — not EVERYWHERE, as it would be with the liver thing. It’s on my belly, legs and sides — where clothes hit, or where my skin is wicked dry. But I do find it funny that you mentioned it, because of course I already panicked and asked about it. Are you a fellow hypochondriac as well?
6. Susan | December 11th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Ah, the audacity of calling it Health.
7. Robin | December 11th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Okay, I am a long, long term sufferer of extremely dry skin. Extremely dry. Every winter my hips, shoulders, arms and whatever else peel off in disgusting, itchy, sometime bloody flakes because my skin is so dry. I include this information so hopefully you will listen to me when I say: Curel for Sensitive Skin. It’s the regular Curel lotion in the blue bottle without scents or colors or sparkles etc. Whatever you do, DO NOT get the Curel for Extra Dry skin – down that path lies greasiness and body acne. Cover yourself with fistfuls of the Sensitive Skin Curel the second you get out of the shower and towel off – it’s no help at all once your skin’s completely dry.
I have had similarly good results using Aveeno, but I think it’s a little greaser than the Curel for the same results.
8. Robin | December 11th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I just realized that might have been unclear. Don’t apply lotion THEN towel off (yuck), towel off prior to your lotion appliation. I’m sure that’s obvious, but I feel complelled to post again in case someone thinks I was suggesting a magical new lotion-before-towel technique. Which I wasn’t. I, Robin, do not advocate moisturizing before toweling.
9. KT | December 11th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I’m not having kids for a while…but all of your posts make me scared!
10. Anyabeth | December 11th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Seconding the Curel. And I do remember the monkey scratching and . . .ahem, it didn’t go away immediately after I had the baby.
Buzzkill.
11. NGS | December 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Dude, I am all itchy and flaky, too!! And let’s not talk about my DRY, CRACKED, CHAPPED lips. I must drink three gallons of water a day, not to mention huge mugs or green tea and juice in the morning, but my lips are sooooo desiccated. I think I’m going to die. Blistex Intensive Care (in the blue tub) helps relieve AGONY of my lips at night, but during the day, my lips just suck it up and suck it up and there’s nothing to be done.
Lots of Curel. All I can say. Winter sucks.
12. Sadie | December 11th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I itch like a maniac all winter and my skin HURTS…you should see what I do when I take my bra off, it is fetching. And my suggestion is also Curel for sensitive skin, or the Curel in the green bottle that smells like lavender – I have also tried a hillion jillion lotions and that is the best one I’ve found.
I try not to read anything like Health, on the grounds that everything I could read portends certain doom, whether it’s an itchy patch of skin or an imperceptible lump or a rare blood disorder indicated by a craving for citrus…I JUST MADE THAT UP, DON’T WORRY.
13. Kristi | December 11th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
This is really going to sound gross, and I hesitate mentioning it because I sound like some kind of freak, but maybe it will help with the hormone-monkey scratch. After showering (BEFORE TOWELING OFF GAH!) rub oil onto your wet skin. Any kind will do, almond/apricot/olive, etc. and you don’t need much because the water helps it kind of slide around. And then, gasp!, gently towel off the excess so you don’t feel like a giant greasy oil slick. It helps to lock more of the moisture into your skin.
Oh, and take some fish oil caplets and/or Evening Primrose Oil.
14. Lippy | December 11th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Oh the itching. My bra is my enemy. I’m hoping scratching in public will become acceptable.
15. Elizabeth | December 11th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Yes. I was insanely itchy when I was pregnant and you need the Curel. That is the only thing that can fix the pregnant itching. I should have bought stock in it when I was pregnant.
16. She Likes Purple | December 11th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I’m very itchy all of a sudden.
17. Erin | December 11th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Aveeno makes a hydrocortisone cream that won’t make you feel like you rolled around in lard. I’ve also heard that olive oil can work really well to help moisturize skin. My inability to NOT scratch is one of the reasons I took up crochet–not because I felt crafty but because I needed to find something to keep my hands busy. You might also try spending more time around the humidifier
18. Carrie (in MN) | December 12th, 2008 at 6:00 am
PUPPS? Is that the liver-related rash you’re thinking of? Is it really rare – I ask because I had it in my first pregnancy and GAH! There is a lotion called Sarna that has camphor and menthol in it that helps ease the itch – it has no steroids so it is safe during pregancy.
19. Carrie | December 12th, 2008 at 6:05 am
I used Aveeno while pregnant and liked it. Some folks will say Coco butter–as it’s supposed to be good for stretch marks. I do NOT like the smell and consistency, so I steer clear of it.
And yes, I actually know people who DO moisturize BEFORE they towel off–but they don’t towel off the areas they moisturized, see? Due to THAT bit of advice, I no longer have extremely dry skin after I shave. Cuz I put moisturizer on my wet legs–and it locks in the moisture, and no more itchy, flaky legs.
20. jonniker | December 12th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Carrie in MN: I’ve heard of PUPPS, but I was thinking of intraheptic cholestatis. (Please, say that one five times fast.) It’s when bile salts accumulate under your skin and … well, that’s enough. So gross.
21. Jess | December 12th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Health magazine sounds like the What to Expect When You’re Expecting for non-pregnant people. I feel a little smug that I’ve never heard of it because it means their fear-mongering marketing hasn’t worked. Not yet, anyway.
22. Lawyerish | December 12th, 2008 at 6:59 am
I read somewhere that pregnant women are the itchiest people in the general population. And I’m guessing it being winter in Vermont probably doesn’t help.
I am with Allison and Sadie on the post-bra-removal rib-scratching. VERY satisfying. And VERY attractive, I am sure.
23. Jenine | December 12th, 2008 at 7:13 am
@22 “the itchiest people in the general population” Wow. A grouping I had never before considered.
24. Julienne | December 12th, 2008 at 7:15 am
I have wicked dry skin in the winter (gotta love Canada) and NOTHING works for me like Gold Bond lotion. I know it sounds gross and totally old ladyish, and it definitely doesn’t smell beautiful but the shit works.
25. Penny | December 12th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Itchy skin during pregnancy is normal. I’m sure that winter doesn’t make things better.
You can also try switching from soap in the shower to cetaphil or some equivalent, and also taking short showers in water that is not very hot.
Non-scented, hypoallergenic stuff works best – the cetaphil, aquaphor, etc- avoid things with perfumes and dyes. You can also try soaking in tub with oil in it – olive or baby oil, which ever.
Switch your laundry detergent to something without dyes and perfumes as well.
The itching doesn’t go entirely away but you can reduce it. Also, just in case you’re headed for eczema (like I am) I’d recommend the above. Oh – and lanolin for the nips if they’re itching too (put breastpads in your bra to avoid staining).
26. jonniker | December 12th, 2008 at 7:49 am
AIEEEE, no oil, omg. That’s been the problem — I’m either too dry, or waaaay too lubed up and slick. Even Cetaphil is too oily, and Aquaphor is like bathing in Vaseline. I am going to try the Curel later today, as soon as I can leave the house from the PILES AND PILES OF SNOW FALLING OUTSIDE.
27. Danell | December 12th, 2008 at 8:06 am
I went BATSHIT crazy with the itching last time I was pregnant. I mean, I lay in bed weeping because I absolutely could NOT be still because of the itching. I would writhe around imagining how awesome a set of pajamas made of fine sandpaper would feel…
I don’t usually even LIKE baths, but during that time I used many, many packets of the Aveeno oatmeal bath powder to soak in for a little while. Even if it didn’t 100% fix the itch every time, it would at least give me a brief enough period of relief to preserve my sanity.
28. gwen | December 12th, 2008 at 8:36 am
The most magical lotion in the world: Alba Body Cream:
http://www.albabotanica.com/?id=66&pid=148
At first, I thought it might only be magical for me — absorbs instantly, not at all greasy, the kukui nut smells like heaven, perfect in every way — but then everyone else I told about it, including my boyfriend, started using it and loving it too. It’s $12 a tub, but a tub lasts forever and it’s worth every penny.
29. Susan C | December 12th, 2008 at 8:51 am
How about a small humidifier or vaporizer for your bedroom? I’ve found that really helps add some moisture to the air. Also, I like Neutrogena body oil in the shower. I apply it, but still rinse off a bit so it’s not too greasy. I then follow up with lotion (Dove cream oil) after toweling off.
30. Lori | December 12th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Curel Original is the best all-purpose lotion. (For extreme measures, Lay It On Thick is good before bed – it’s kinda greasy, but smells good and saves my gnarly feet!)
31. Hollylynne | December 12th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I swear by Boots Botanics Skin Softening Body Butter (at CVS or Target: http://www.cvs.com/CVSApp/catalog/shop_product_detail.jsp?filterBy=&skuId=338968&productId=338968&navAction=jump&navCount=3) but it could be too oily for you, it takes its sweet time sinking in.
You know whats really moisturizing but not greasy? Neutrogena hand cream. I wonder if you could use that on your whole body?
32. Cobwebs | December 12th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Whenever you take a bath, tie a half-cup of oatmeal (the “old fashioned” quick-cooking kind) and a chamomile teabag into the toe of an old pair of pantyhose and toss it into the bathwater. (It’s probably best to cut the toe off the pantyhose, but if you want to toss the whole thing in feel free.)
They both help with dry, itchy skin. Works on sunburns, too.
33. Jamie | December 12th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Don’t hate me for the assvice, but have you tried Gold Bond? It might be geriatric but DAMN does it work.
34. Kristin H | December 12th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Do pregnant women itch because the skin is stretching? I didn’t have a lot of itching when I was pregnant (at least, not that I remember, and it seems like something you’d remember). Hiccups, yes, itching, not so much. I am thankful for this.
I don’t have any advice on lotions as it appears that area has been covered, though I will add in that getting a humidifier attached to our furnace was totally worth it. I can really feel the difference in the air, in my skin, and my hair. Is that a possibility for you?
35. Ang | December 12th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I was totally itchy during pregnancy too – I would have my husband scratch up and down my back right before bed – aaaahhhhh.
Curel is good – unscented is best, put it on when your skin is still wet from the shower. We also like Nature’s Gate Colloidal Oatmeal Moisturizing Lotion – Curel actually burns my daughter’s skin when she is really dry and the Nature’s Gate doesn’t. I think all the antibacterial soap at school drys out their hands, hate that soap.
It’s 16 degrees here near Chicago, so we’re familiar with dry skin! We were getting all dried out here and I realized we never turned the house humidifier on for the winter – it’s much better now that it’s on.
36. jonniker | December 12th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Wow, seriously you guys, thank you. I love these, and I hadn’t tried Gold Bond OR Curel.
We do have a humidifier in our bedroom at night, because man, otherwise our faces would fall off from the forced air heating system.
37. slynnro | December 12th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I have an extraction in my future as well. Worst.
38. slynnro | December 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am
I have an extraction in my immediate future too. Worst.
39. mar | December 12th, 2008 at 11:27 am
a couple weeks ago, maybe almost a month, the winter-dry skin was causing me to have stripes on my thighs where i scratched so hard & it didn’t get better. i finally picked up some of the new jergens naturals (i think that’s what they’re called) & mixed a drop of my bio oil in with every few pumps of lotion. i know, the oil, i can’t stand greasiness, but it alleviated the psychotic itching enough to cope & my skin is mostly back to normal now.
or maybe ahava. i remember that being not particularly oily when i picked some up in israel a decade ago.
40. H | December 12th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I was too embarrassed to mention Gold Bond, because I am only 46 (yes ONLY 46!) but that stuff is great. I also live in a far northern, dry and very cold part of the U.S. (Hello Canada! I can almost see you from here!) and I suffer from dry skin every winter. My knuckles crack and bleed without a nightly dose of Gold Bond. Yes, it is for feet (or so the label says) but I would use it anywhere (almost.)
41. Donna | December 12th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Okay, I live in Alaska where I think we have negative humidity and I know exactly what you’re going through. I haven’t read all the comments because Commenter #1 mentioned the Vaseline Intensive Rescue Moisture Locking Lotion. I’ve had excellent luck with it, plus its unscented which I think is less irritating. Our local Costco carries it in bulk packages.
42. TwoBusy | December 12th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: your in-laws are endlessly fascinating. In the way that train wrecks and National Geographic videos of animals tearing each other apart are fascinating.
43. Anonymous New York | December 12th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I use Gold Bond (Ultimate Healing w/ or w/o Aloe), too. It’s the only thing that works for me and I have tried everything. I literally flake my skin is so dry. Talk about attractive. I still have not found anything that works for my lips, though. Aquaphor, Blistex, Burts Bees, Chapstick, Neosporin… even combinations. Winter certainly does suck.
44. Kristabella | December 12th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I am reading all these comments because I too have the annoying itchy winter skin. WTF? It seems worse for me this year. I think it is about time I invest in a humidifier.
I think I’m going to try Gold Bond too.
45. serror | December 12th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I SO FEEL YOU! I ITCH TOO!
I have had sucess with Curel for Dry skin (no body acne) and Gold Bond lotion. But those usually work in Summer/Spring/Fall
BUT for the really really dry winter months, I rely on AmLactin
http://www.amlactin.com/ A dermatoligist recomended it for my dry itchy skin.
It really really works. For me. They even have an “Anti-Itch” version that has an extra ingrdient to prevent itching,
I kinda dislike the slight smell it has, but it is worth it to stop the itching. It isn’t scented or anything, just the smell it has…
46. Kathryn | December 12th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Okay, I know you said no oil, and I totally get where you’re coming from because I loathe the sticky, greasy feeling as well. It’s why I so frequently neglect to use any moisturizer. That said, however, you should give Neutrogena’s Sesame Oil a try. After you hop out of the shower, towel off lightly, but leave your skin a little damp. Rub a teaspoon or so of the oil all over yourself, and then towel off again. You will feel so much less itchy and miserable, and you won’t feel sticky or oily. Promise.
You can also take a (not hot) bath and use a bit of the oil in the water, but that can lead to hazardously slippery bathtub conditions.
47. Allison | December 12th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Huh. Skin stretching=itching. I never thought of that. Of course, I am not pregnant but there has been some definite skin stretching as of late.
48. Mauigirl | December 12th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
ROTFL about the dog she “HIDES IN HER PURSE, not unlike a tampon”!!! I love it. I tend to agree about little toy designer dogs. We have one next door – it’s a poodle/maltese mix. Probably called a Malt-a-Poo or some such thing. A yappy little white dog. Never shuts up.
Sorry to hear about the itching – hope you find a cure!
49. Amy K | December 13th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Vanicream skin cream is fabulous. I haven’t had a single belly itch yet, and it looks like there’s a watermelon hiding under my shirt. My diabetic MIL introduced me to the stuff (I guess diabetics are known for dry skin, too). It’s a little thicker than I usually like, but not nearly as oily as Aquaphor. You can find it on drugstore.com or sometimes in the diabetic section of pharmacies.
50. Maggy | December 13th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Nothing but sympathy here. I’m only thirteen weeks along, but the North Coast winters are drying. Also, I work as a nurse and so wash my hands approximately 8000 times a day. At least that’s what it feels like.
I am taking notes on all these suggestions. On the rare occasions I have nails (Yes, I’m 33, and I still bite my nails.), I forget the nails are there and will scratch much harder than I think. And it is so attractive.
51. margie | December 14th, 2008 at 7:05 am
get a cold air vapouriser and put it in the bedroom. you will need one for the baby eventually, because as HEALTH says, it’s only a matter of time till the baby gets croup, g*d forbid. the vapouriser should help the dry skin and i should know, i live in a freezing cold dry city.
52. Jessica | December 14th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Oh man, I’m going to toss another vote in the (massive) pool for Gold Bond lotion, and you know you can trust me because I too am experiencing the rarely talked about pregnancy symptom ITCHY SKIN OF DEATH. I mean, they tell you your belly will itch as it stretches, but why oh why does everywhere else itch?
Gold Bond Ultimate — there are different varieties of the “Ultimate” line; some with Aloe which is lovely, and the Shea Butter version works well too. They also have lotion in this green bottle, I can’t remember what it’s called but it’s the only green bottle, it leaves your skin feeling cool and pepperminty after, almost cold. Which is sort of weird, but it totally alleviates any itch, razor burn, or even just the raw ouch from scratching the stupid itches too hard. They totally market this stuff to the 60 years and up set, but holy crap it works.
A tip: It’s really thick lotion, so buy the biggest bottles with the pump on top. You can’t ever get the last little bits out of the tube/squeeze style lotion thingies. In fact, you’ll have to turn the big bottles upside down and pound the remainder out, but at least you can get it out. Also, you can’t pump a bunch of times repeatedly, you pump once and then you have to let the pump thing slowly recover before you’ll get anymore out. Slightly odd and annoying, but you won’t care because it works.
The other thing I’m using is a tub of Burt’s Bees Mama Bee Belly Butter. I slather that creamy stuff on first – all over my belly, boobs, hips, and butt… I already have stretch marks from previous pregnancies, so I’m not to worried about getting more, I just want to STOP THE ITCH. And it works quite nicely.
Then the Gold Bond goes on everywhere else.
53. sensitive skin moisturize&hellip | January 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
sensitive skin moisturizer…
I am not sure I totally agree with dkMommy Spot ” “The Green Beauty Guide” Giveaway…
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