Sunday Bloody Sunday
December 16th, 2008
A random list of things that have nothing to do with one another, really, but I have to get them off my chest. If I knew how to do bullets (which I don’t, as I am a dolt), I would. Instead, you get wee dashes! Hurrah!
- When I told my mother about the terrorists-in-Vermont incident the other night, she was completely unfazed and replied that she would have had a similar reaction. Which leads me to entirely understand PRECISELY why I am like this. My sister, however, simply announced that I was merely going all “bloody beef” on everyone again.
This brings me to …
- A few Christmases ago, I had severe PMS, and when my sister and dad got the Christmas roast out of the oven, I immediately declared it too rare for human consumption and started screeching, “It’s raw! It’s BLOODY! It’s raw! IT IS TOO BLOODY!” and almost threw my body in front of the roast, lest anyone eat it and die of toxoplasmosis or salmonella or whatever. I was almost in TEARS, such was my protective nature of our precious digestive systems from this standing rib roast.
It has hence been known as the Bloody Beef Incident, and is now a euphemism for anytime I completely lose my shit without real cause. Whenever I get upset about anything, my family will not hesitate to calmly ask, “Is this something real, or are you going Bloody Beef?” More than once, I’ve sheepishly admitted Bloody Beef.
I think it’s safe to say I went Bloody Beef the other night.
- I believe I have my second glucose tolerance test tomorrow, but the thing is, I’m not sure. The date is smudged on the card, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to drink that vomitous Glucola without cause, which means I have to rise at the ass-crack of dawn to check. I am, however, slightly hopeful that this test will be better than the last GTT, when I was in my first trimester, and required deep breathing exercises and a Herculean effort not to puke it right back up on the nurse. Then again, AIR made me puke around that time, so I am bullish.
HOWEVER, this next test involves me having to chug it WHILE DRIVING, as they have me drink it BEFORE I arrive, and the damn doctor is an hour away. I don’t think this is wise, and I’m afraid I’m going to get into an accident and die while puking on myself. I have already puked on myself while driving to and from this particular office, so I suppose it’s nothing new. But this time, it will be SNOWING.
Then again, this may be a Bloody Beef fear.
- So far, the only lotion recommendation I’ve tried is Blogless Kathryn’s suggestion of Neutrogena’s light sesame oil which, if you can believe it, is awesome for some body parts (bellies), not so awesome for others (arms, particularly if they’re hairy). Also, it suggests putting a few drops in the bath and I can’t help but think that this would be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS as it is OIL and therefore SLIPPERY.
- This weekend, Adam and I cleared out some boxes that we’re putting into storage, and inside my sorority scrapbook, he discovered letters from my most vomitous ex-boyfriend, wherein the boyfriend actually wrote that he can’t wait to (please hold me, but not too tightly) SPOON with me. SPOON. I’m sorry, but … GROSS. GROSS. GROSS. Since, Adam’s been teasing me repeatedly with the question, “Hey, do you want to spoon tonight?” And then I throw up on his shoes and run away.
I so married the right person, and thank God. No disrespect to those who feel differently, but I couldn’t be married to a person who wrote me LETTERS saying without irony how he couldn’t wait to spoon with me. HORK.
Happy Wednesday!
*U2!
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
24 Comments Add your own
1. -R- | December 16th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I have been suffering extreme dry skin issues lately too. I have been using cocoa butter lotion for about a week, and it sems to be working so far.
I love the bloody beef story.
Good luck with the glucola test!
2. mar | December 16th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
how about you go to the doctor an hour early (wretched, i know) and drink it right when you get there so you don’t have to worry about vomiting whilst driving?
bloody beef! i love it!
also, oil on arms (& i’m not particularly hairy) is slightly gack! sesame oil has me intrigued, though.
i have the bestest story on spooning with my bf. it is such a running gag now. a year ago, i was hospitalized (twice! in 10 days!) and during one of my stays (the 1st, i think) we were in the mini-kitchen by the nurses station so i could get a pudding cup & we were searching for spoons when one of the nurses came upon us. we asked for a spoon & she told us to take it back to my hospital room! of course, i wouldn’t want to read about a need to spoon in letters. i mean, the phrase ‘make love’ activates my gag reflex.
hopefully i didn’t overdo it on the parentheticals.
3. jonniker | December 16th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Mar: I thought about that, but it depends on the weather. If it’s snowing, I don’t want to be out there in rush hour (HAHA, whatever that means), where it will take me two hours anyway. Oy. I think the potential for a wee little snow (three inches) has me all worried about it.
4. Anyabeth | December 16th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
I used to love that Sesame Oil and had really forgotten all about it. If you need to use it on hairy bits (sorry, dirty) it helps for the skin to be a little damp (like after a shower). If you can’t shower every time you need to apply a little spritz of water out of a bottle helps.
Oh and it is FAB in the bath but yes. Slippery. When I used it while preggo my husband would have to come and help crane me out. Of course I needed that anyway–deep tub and rather tub-like proportions. Your roundness may vary.
5. Rachael | December 16th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I don’t know if it was already recommended, but I love Palmer’s Cocoa Butter. It comes in regular lotion, super-concentrated lanolin-like strength, and even a cute little roll-on container to keep in your purse. It is the only thing that everyone in the house can use – my pregnant, itchy self; my youngest son with sensitive skin; my husband whose hands and arms are exposed to the elements all the time while at work; and my two other kids who (thankfully!) have normal skin (whatever THAT is).
I love it, and it is pretty darn cheap too.
6. Rachael | December 16th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
I found a handy link to their whole line of lotions on drugstore.com’s website: Palmer’s lotions, so you can see them if you haven’t yet.
7. Suebob | December 16th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
I am pretty sure Jimmy is allergic to sesame oil. And to bloody beef.
8. Amy | December 17th, 2008 at 1:57 am
I can’t say enough good things about Udderly Smooth. It’s not much to look at and it was actually made for cow tits but it’s doing wonders for my desiccated, pregnant, dehydrated New Hampshire skin right about now. And this after all the fancy stuff I could procure from New York failed me utterly (hah!).
I kill myself.
9. TwoBusy | December 17th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Jimmy is, however, pro-spooning.
10. margie | December 17th, 2008 at 6:39 am
we have all had bloody beef moments!! not to worry.
11. Sadie | December 17th, 2008 at 6:54 am
mmm, bloody beef. I love a rare standing rib roast.
oh, what were we talking about?
Ha! Spooning, without irony. Yes, you married the right guy. My boyfriend likes to ask me if I want to “spork.”
12. Lara | December 17th, 2008 at 6:56 am
So, hey, how was the bloody beef incident resolved? Did everyone agree to stick the roast back in the oven for a bit? Or were you forced to eat it anyway?
13. Gaby | December 17th, 2008 at 7:29 am
I had a ramen moment. I was in college, shopping at a Save-A-Lot in campus town with my roommates, and I came across a display for ramen soup. I was accustomed to seeing ramen cost something akin to 800001 packages for $1, so when I saw the price associated with this display, I loudly exclaimed, in the middle of the aisle, “FIVE DOLLARS FOR RAMEN?!” My roommates looked at me like I was insane and began laughing at me when it was discovered that the deal was roughly a metric ton of ramen for $5. Ah, yes, got to love the freakouts
14. She Likes Purple | December 17th, 2008 at 7:40 am
I’ve actually broken up with someone because they sent me a mushy, nausea-inducing love note. It was just so … gross. I know, that’s insane of me, but I whole-heartedly feel I made the right choice with Mike, and he’s never mentioned the word spoon to me unless I’m getting him a bowl of cereal.
15. Jess | December 17th, 2008 at 8:48 am
On the lotion, I personally love Product Body, but it sounds to me like you have more specific criteria than I have, so I have no idea if you would love it too. But it’s thick and creamy without being too oily, and they handmake it for you when you order it. It’s lovely.
16. Hollylynne | December 17th, 2008 at 9:44 am
I just got a little barfy at the “spooning” suggestion. It is, indeed, vomitous.
17. Kristabella | December 17th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Oh God, I can’t believe he wrote that he couldn’t wait to SPOON with you. That is awesome! Now I have to go check all my old letters to see if anything similar was written. Although, thankfully I would not be dating any of those people now anyway. Which, WHEW!
The Bloody Beef story is ALL TIME. I love your family.
18. jonniker | December 17th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Lara: The beef was, indeed, put back in the oven for a few, but still not long enough for my taste, so they took my piece and put it back in after it was sliced up. We always have to do this for my mom anyway, as she likes her meat SUPER WELL DONE, whereas I am a medium person. My dad is RARE. RARE. AND BLOODY.
Also, random FYI, my glucose test wasn’t today anyway. Because, as it turns out, today isn’t Thursday, like I thought it was, despite being vaguely aware of its Wednesdayness yesterday.
19. Marin | December 17th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I had a Bloody Beef incident last night, and I can’t even blame it on PMS. It involved someone else having the remote control and not changing the channel while commercials were on from NCIS to the Biggest Loser finale. I went upstairs, where I commenced shrieking from one end of the house to the other that the TV wasn’t working. And then I CRIED. (I have nothing to blame it on, either; woke up this morning and was perfectly even-keeled in the emotions department.)
20. Owl | December 17th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
It cracks me up that you call 3 inches “a wee little snow” and that you’d even consider driving in it. If it snowed 3 inches here (North Carolina) we would be paralyzed by the blizzard that had hit. Everything thing except the hospitals would shut down. There would be wrecks everywhere, and the local news would be on ALL DAY covering everything from said wrecks to how many kids got hit by snowballs. They would have listeners calling in to say they were out of bread and milk and were on the brink of starvation and in danger of freezing to death due to the gigantic storm that had stranded them inside their homes. Not even kidding.
I’m totally with you on the spooning thing. ack!
21. slynnro | December 18th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Love Bloody Beef. Love.
22. Charlotte | December 22nd, 2008 at 9:31 am
I use a lot of Fresh body lotions, bouncing back and forth between the rice, lychee and a bunch of the cremes. They’re pricey but excellent. Kiehl’s Creme de Corps is also great. Bigelow’s lotions, too.
I had a similar freakout when someone in my family told me to take off my sweater when I was cooking. They left a faint implication that they thought that I had body image issues and I. lost. it. Bloody Beef is not alone.
23. Jack&hellip | January 3rd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
nurses shoes in…
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24. :: Plain Jane Mom Blog&hellip | January 7th, 2009 at 11:16 am
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