Super-Connected

We made a pilgrimage to Target this weekend — a full hour and 45-minute drive across state lines — and for those of you who live near a Target, I hate you, but it is merely an ENVIOUS hatred, not a true one.  It’s just that I’ve been away from any kind of consumerist lifestyle for almost a year now, and I had completely forgotten that so much totally convenient STUFF resided in one store! One! Store! And normally, I don’t need that much stuff, but I’m having a baby and hotdamn, I need STUFF and Target has A LOT OF BABY STUFF.

There is no Target in the entire state of Vermont. True story! The only other state that shares this illustrious distinction is Alaska. You know what else we have in common with Alaska? Loose gun laws, moose, frigid temperatures,  and the complete lack of iPhone availability, because neither of us get AT&T service.  Sarah Palin and I are, in fact, soul sisters.  Moose chili for everyone!

At any rate, the diaper jury is still out on what we’re going to do, but in the meantime, I DO know that when this kid first comes home, I’m having plenty of Swaddlers on hand to prevent myself from having the pressure of a new baby AND extra laundry, given that I had to recycle socks once this week after being super-busy. And I will also tell you that I unloaded a bunch of those diapers into a basket for the living room and damn near fainted, because they are SO DAMN TINY and I cannot believe that my baby’s bum is going to be that TINY, and … seriously, it’s very small. A VERY SMALL BABY’S BUM WILL BE IN MY HOUSE AND IS ALREADY IN MY BELLY.

I think that’s what’s most disturbing.  There’s another bum AND a second vagina inside of me, to say nothing of eyeballs and hair.

Moving on, to pop culture anyway,  I’m TiVo-ing Big Love and won’t get to watch it until later, so no spoilers please, but can I just say that I am BESIDE MYSELF that the winter golden age of television is upon us? Big Love! Lost! Top Chef rages on! And then there is MTV’s The Real World, which continues to air AND receive applications, year after year, despite the fact that surly adolescents should know better than to have their every weakness and selfish moment on tape for posterity, dear God.

This season, however, they have a transgendered female castmate, who made quite a big deal about coming out to only some of her roommates as transgendered, when forgive me, it was PAINFULLY OBVIOUS ALREADY, and oh dear Katelynn honey, THE REST OF THEM ALSO KNOW, and no, no one had to tell them. It’s okay.

Speaking of painful adolescent experiences, has anyone seen American Teen? I loved it, despite the fact that it was among the most brutal cinematic experiences in recent years, and I cried like a baby knowing that my poor, poor daughter is going to be going through adolescence under the painful torture of the pretty mean girls who aren’t really that pretty or worse, she’s going to BE one of those pretty mean girls and inflict pain on others, and I won’t see it, as I’ll be BLINDED BY LOVE, and I’ll be there DEFENDING my mean daughter as she puts others through hell, and oh lord, it’s all too much to think about, seriously.

But American Teen was excellent. Really. And, if you’re anything like me, the most infuriating character for you will be one of the teen’s parents who refuses to encourage his son to go to college because they can’t afford it, totally ignoring things like financial aid and student loans and OH MY GOD, I wanted to knock the dude out, and if I’m ever in Warsaw, Indiana, I might.

Happy Monday! I hope you are off for the holiday, and if you are, remember why you’re off. Hats off to Martin Luther King, Jr.!

*Belly. Oh, I kill myself.

39 comments January 18th, 2009