Super-Connected
January 18th, 2009
We made a pilgrimage to Target this weekend — a full hour and 45-minute drive across state lines — and for those of you who live near a Target, I hate you, but it is merely an ENVIOUS hatred, not a true one. It’s just that I’ve been away from any kind of consumerist lifestyle for almost a year now, and I had completely forgotten that so much totally convenient STUFF resided in one store! One! Store! And normally, I don’t need that much stuff, but I’m having a baby and hotdamn, I need STUFF and Target has A LOT OF BABY STUFF.
There is no Target in the entire state of Vermont. True story! The only other state that shares this illustrious distinction is Alaska. You know what else we have in common with Alaska? Loose gun laws, moose, frigid temperatures, and the complete lack of iPhone availability, because neither of us get AT&T service. Sarah Palin and I are, in fact, soul sisters. Moose chili for everyone!
At any rate, the diaper jury is still out on what we’re going to do, but in the meantime, I DO know that when this kid first comes home, I’m having plenty of Swaddlers on hand to prevent myself from having the pressure of a new baby AND extra laundry, given that I had to recycle socks once this week after being super-busy. And I will also tell you that I unloaded a bunch of those diapers into a basket for the living room and damn near fainted, because they are SO DAMN TINY and I cannot believe that my baby’s bum is going to be that TINY, and … seriously, it’s very small. A VERY SMALL BABY’S BUM WILL BE IN MY HOUSE AND IS ALREADY IN MY BELLY.
I think that’s what’s most disturbing. There’s another bum AND a second vagina inside of me, to say nothing of eyeballs and hair.
Moving on, to pop culture anyway, I’m TiVo-ing Big Love and won’t get to watch it until later, so no spoilers please, but can I just say that I am BESIDE MYSELF that the winter golden age of television is upon us? Big Love! Lost! Top Chef rages on! And then there is MTV’s The Real World, which continues to air AND receive applications, year after year, despite the fact that surly adolescents should know better than to have their every weakness and selfish moment on tape for posterity, dear God.
This season, however, they have a transgendered female castmate, who made quite a big deal about coming out to only some of her roommates as transgendered, when forgive me, it was PAINFULLY OBVIOUS ALREADY, and oh dear Katelynn honey, THE REST OF THEM ALSO KNOW, and no, no one had to tell them. It’s okay.
Speaking of painful adolescent experiences, has anyone seen American Teen? I loved it, despite the fact that it was among the most brutal cinematic experiences in recent years, and I cried like a baby knowing that my poor, poor daughter is going to be going through adolescence under the painful torture of the pretty mean girls who aren’t really that pretty or worse, she’s going to BE one of those pretty mean girls and inflict pain on others, and I won’t see it, as I’ll be BLINDED BY LOVE, and I’ll be there DEFENDING my mean daughter as she puts others through hell, and oh lord, it’s all too much to think about, seriously.
But American Teen was excellent. Really. And, if you’re anything like me, the most infuriating character for you will be one of the teen’s parents who refuses to encourage his son to go to college because they can’t afford it, totally ignoring things like financial aid and student loans and OH MY GOD, I wanted to knock the dude out, and if I’m ever in Warsaw, Indiana, I might.
Happy Monday! I hope you are off for the holiday, and if you are, remember why you’re off. Hats off to Martin Luther King, Jr.!
*Belly. Oh, I kill myself.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
39 Comments Add your own
1. Carla Hinkle | January 18th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
If you end up going with disposables, please, please check out http://www.diapers.com. Great prices and they deliver diapers, wipes and a host of other products to your door with 2 day shipping.
If you live 2 hours from Target, you do not want to be at the mercy of Small Vermont Town for diapers…
2. jonniker | January 18th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Oh dude, I am ALL ABOUT diapers.com. Sadly, when you live in the hills of nowhere, you become VERY AWARE of every little online source. It’s convenient, but wandering the aisles of Target made me so nostalgic for real-world shopping. Something about all those PRODUCTS in neat little ORDER. MISS.
3. Amanda | January 18th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
I live less than a mile from Target. Yes, you can hate me, but it DID affect my decision-making-process for the house a leeeetle bit. The bad thing is that I have to pass it twice a day to get to/from my kid’s preschool and that’s dangerous.
I have a friend who was COMPLETELY HEEBED OUT the entire second have of her pregnancy after she found out there was a wee twig and berries floating around inside her. Like it gave her nightmares and stuff. She was fun to tease!
We should plan a trip to Warsaw together so I can sucker-punch that loser in the nuts before you knock him out. And I’ve never even seen that movie!
4. Angella | January 18th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Reasons I should have been an American:
1. Target
2. My birthday is January 20th (MLK Jr. Day! Inauguration!)
3. Um, that’s it.
I still cannot believe there is a baby in there. (Well, I can, but every baby makes me giddy.)
5. slynnro | January 19th, 2009 at 12:20 am
I can throw a rock at my nearest Target. I live ON TOP of Brooks Brothers. I can see Banana Republic, Ann Taylor and the Gap from my window. My deepest sympathies.
6. page | January 19th, 2009 at 12:47 am
Target, oh, Target. How I love thee. You are instant retail therapy. You are bliss.
I used to do a 2.5 hour trek to hit up IKEA on a regular basis- I would double that drive for Target, if need be.
Tiny baby butt! YAY!!!!!!! ***dances around***
7. Kirsten | January 19th, 2009 at 3:59 am
Darlin, I hate to break it to you, but Alaska has AT&T. Target no, AT&T and iphones, yes. Although I cannot afford one, because if they do the deposit check on me, I will owe them money til I am past dead.
8. Julie | January 19th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Actually as of last October Alaska now has 2 Target stpres. Vermont will be the only hold out state when the new Hawaii stores open this March. I feel for you.
Also, I had my own tiny baby bum last Nov. and it is the best thing ever!
9. Hillary | January 19th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Those tiny little baby bums get big so fast. The swaddlers seem to last for like two days …
10. Julienne | January 19th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Delurking (I think) to comment on the diaper issue! You might want to check out gDiapers (I just heard about them over the weekend) because they are flushable and look like they might be a good alternative to traditional cloth diapers (if you were thinking about going that way anyway). Yay for babies though! Congratulations
(Oh, also? I use too many brackets)!
11. TwoBusy | January 19th, 2009 at 8:39 am
My favorite Belly song!
(sorry. that’s all I’ve got.)
12. Lawyerish | January 19th, 2009 at 9:48 am
We just watched American Teen on Friday night! It was so good, but so unsettling in terms of the future. Eeek. Also? I will come with you and smack that father down. We were YELLING at the TV, all, DUDE, there are STUDENT LOANS and WORK STUDY and MANY OTHER OPTIONS. WTF?
13. Lawyerish | January 19th, 2009 at 9:53 am
ALSO, this weekend I caught a bit of the current “Real World” season, and I saw that same segment, where the transsexual teen came out to some of the roommates, and OMG, YES, there was NO NEED to come out, honey. Oy.
I am way, WAY too old for that show. It’s unbearably stupid, and listening to the painfully naive and/or dim cast members engage in what they think is meaningful, deep conversation makes me want to throw my TV out the window.
14. jonniker | January 19th, 2009 at 9:53 am
I am HEARTBROKEN to learn of Alaska’s Target and AT&T. HEARTBROKEN. We are the LAST RURAL HOLDOUT OF … RURALNESS.
This whole time, I was holding out, feeling kinship with Alaskans in isolation, when it turns out WE REALLY ARE ALONE.
(Although re: the AT&T issue, we are supposed to get Unicels converted to them, and then we, too, can get the iPhone. But apparently that hasn’t happened yet. ANY DAY NOW, I’M TOLD.)
Oh Alaskans. We’ll always have moose. And guns.
Also, Julienne, I do know about gDiapers and they’re on our list. One thing I have heard from friends who use them is that they most definitely don’t work on very very tiny babies, as they’re not small enough (they’re 8 lbs and up, mostly, I think). So no matter what, for the sake of my sanity those early weeks, Swaddlers it is.
15. Jules | January 19th, 2009 at 10:30 am
So, I watched American Teen with my mom and three sisters over the holidays, and it was so good. The queen bee of the school chick? I’m sorry, but I could not forgive her in light of her sister. She was CRUEL to people. All of my sisters and I were pissed when she got into Notre Dame in the movie, because we wanted her to fail and thus prove the existence of karma.
(If you guess that I wasn’t one of the popular girls in HS, you might be on to something.)
16. Marin | January 19th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Well, if it makes you feel better I have to drive half an hour to get to Target. (Not helping? Sorry.) I went there this weekend and it was heaven, I tell you, heaven. I may have bought things I didn’t need for the sheer fun of it.
Oh, man, you watch real television. Let’s see what I’ve watched this week: Rock of Love Tour Bus, Tool Academy, the Bachelor, and the Biggest Loser. If my love of trashy TV ever gets out, I’ll never to able to run for public office.
17. Misty | January 19th, 2009 at 10:56 am
I can’t watch all those anxiety-ridden shows. Because I somehow transfer myself into the character’s position and therefore become anxiety-ridden in and of my own self. It is uncomfortable. OBVIOUSLY I am one of those people who the line between “Fiction” and “Non-Fiction” is easily blurred. I mean, it is just the next row in the library….
Also, I will. I will remember why I am home today.
18. December | January 19th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I don’t know nuthin ’bout babies. but I remember one of my customers in Alaska absolutely giddy about a new Target superstore opening near her.
19. Jen | January 19th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Your strategy to definitely use disposables the first couple weeks is a good one. We are only now transitioning from newborn-sized Swaddlers to cloth diapers a month in, and you are SO right. You DO NOT need that added stress of extra laundry the first month or so, trust me.
We’re about a week into using cloth exclusively, and lo, it is SO much more work than I imagined, what with the daily rinsing, soaking, pre-treating and washing. But this is because we have not yet purchased enough prefolds and covers to get through more than one day. I did that on purpose, though, because I wanted to be sure we liked the cloth diaper method we chose before making a huge investment. I would recommend trying out a couple different cloth diaper systems before taking the giant leap. It’s definitely a personalized decision between you, your husband, and your baby, who ultimately has to wear the things!
Regarding gDiapers, we got the size small starter kit, but have yet to try the covers with the flushable inserts because you’re right – too big for smaller newborns. However, we have used the covers with snap-in plastic liner as backup to a disposable diaper when going out in public with great success. But if you’re going the cloth/flushable route to save money, gDiapers are not the best option. Have you priced them out? They are about as much as Seventh Generation diapers, which are significantly more expensive than Pampers. While convenient, being able to flush the inserts, it just doesn’t make sense for us in terms of cost, which is our main motivator for using cloth.
I’ll be interested to know what you ultimately decide regarding diapers. Keep me posted.
20. heels | January 19th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
We live an hour away from our nearest Target. It makes me very sad.
21. JenK | January 19th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Having lived with the nearest Target being over an hour away, I totally feel your pain. It is wrong and unfair that anyone should suffer that way. Especially while in the throes of pregnancy.
And I laugh in the face of anyone that tells me a Walmart will suffice.
22. Amy K | January 19th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Not just a second vagina. The eggs that will become your future grandchildren are in there, too. Craziest thought ever.
I haven’t investigated this for myself yet as I’ve never actually set foot inside a Costco, but people at my baby classes were saying that a Costco membership pays for itself if you go with disposable diapers.
23. jonniker | January 19th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Amy: I laughed out loud at the mention of Costco. Because dude, that’s MORE THAN AN HOUR AWAY. HAHAHAHAHAHA
*weeps*
Y’all think I’m kidding, but I’m not. The only convenient (read: less than one hour away) places to shop are the grocery store and TJ Maxx. No, seriously. THAT IS IT.
24. Kristabella | January 19th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Oh lord, I am so glad I’m not the only one watching The Real World when I am so not age appropriate. And yes, EVERYONE knew she was a dude once. How could you not? I’m sorry, she is a very ugly woman.
25. Kerri Anne | January 19th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Two states wherein Target simply does not EXIST? These really are The End Times.
(Love! Big Love, and Top Chef, and also: Heroes! starts again Feb. 2nd. Triple threat of Awesome.)
26. Carla Hinkle | January 19th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Costco is a good source of cheap diapers, but they only carry Huggies. No Pampers. I hear Huggies are OK for boys but my experience is that they suck for girls. But YMMV. I love Costco for many things, just not diapers.
Costco does have kick ass wipes, though (Kirkland brand). But you can get them on Diapers.com! Awesomeness. Though not sure if you’re contemplating cloth wipes too? That is a whole ‘nother level.
27. Zandor | January 19th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
I don’t have anything to say about the daughter highschool diaper thing but I don’t think I could live far from a Target. The place I go to college at has a Target and I go there kind of a lot. My friend goes to another college and told me that they don’t have a Target, but they have two Walmarts. I told him that I am really glad I didn’t go to that school because I wouldn’t know where to shop. I don’t really like shopping at Walmart at all so… I am very glad there is a Target near where I go to college and where I live at home.
28. the new girl | January 19th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
eyeballs, hair, vagina, bum and FINGERNAILS! TOENAILS! It’s UNREAL, isn’t it? Like some kind of sci-fi movie, for REALZ.
Those little bums are just so wicked cute.
29. beyond | January 19th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
but aren’t you kind of glad that there is a tiny baby with a tiny bum in there? because it’s going to have to come out. and little fingers and little toes oh and chubby cheeks. be still, my ovaries, be still…
living in manhattan many great stores are only a few blocks away, but no target. living near one would be dangerous, so i am not complaining.
30. Kristin H | January 20th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
The thought of the tiny little bum in you IS weird. Nothing, though, beats a tiny little bum running through the house after it (and its owner!) just got out of a bath. I STILL like to pinch those bums, and my kids are 2 and 4.
31. Reagan | January 20th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
An Atlanta radio station was daring people to go shopping at Target and ONLY purchase what they went in the store for. The verdict? IMPOSSIBLE!!! I <3 Target so much and I am so happy for your pilgrimage.
32. metalia | January 20th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
While my love for Top Chef will never die, I want to take a cast-iron skillet, and pop New Douchey Moby-Looking Judge in the face with it. THERE, I SAID IT.
33. Ky Eliza | January 21st, 2009 at 9:29 am
Hee! I was on the phone with my mum, who lives in VT, the other day and she asked what I was doing. “I’m going to Target so I can buy some Bratz dolls, sand their heinous faces off and repaint them. New art project.” And instead of being all curious about my art project, she sighed and went, “Oh, Target.”
You know, someone brought this up to me the other day, and I was reminded of it by the “tiny bum inside me” thing: since girls are born with all of their eggs, when you are pregnant with a daughter, you are also pregnant with half of the genetic material that will be your future grandchildren. (If said daughter chooses to/ is able to have children, of course) Wild, right?
34. Camels & Chocolate | January 23rd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I have to say that of all the great things my SF to NYC move brought about a year ago, being within TWO miles of THREE Targets is up there in the top tier. Not to brag or anything…
But living in Manhattan, I totally remember how “a day trip to Target” was an exciting weekend “getaway.”
35. Jonniker. » Super-Connec&hellip | February 6th, 2009 at 6:16 am
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36. What’s Buzzing? &ra&hellip | February 8th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
[...] Moving on, to pop culture anyway, I’m TiVo-ing Big Love and won’t get to watch it until later, so no spoilers please, but can I just say that I am BESIDE MYSELF that the winter golden age of television is upon us? Big Love! Lost! …Continue Reading [...]
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39. Target stpres | Bestselle&hellip | October 31st, 2011 at 11:29 pm
[...] Super-Connected | Jonniker.Jan 18, 2009 … Actually as of last October Alaska now has 2 Target stpres. Vermont will be the only hold out state when the new Hawaii stores open this March. … [...]
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