High and Dry
January 26th, 2009
Oy. So, when last I left you, I was a reasonably healthy (if not so much mentally) person, yes? I believe shortly thereafter, it all went Horribly Awry, with my fourth, count it, FOURTH head cold-slash-sinus infection this pregnancy, resulting in the Return of the Neverending Barfles and … well, nevermind. I feel much better now, and thank God.
During this Sick Time of Woe, Adam and I opted to separate for sleeping, because there is pregnancy snoring– which is horrendous and loud and rivals a freight train — and then there is sick pregnancy snoring, which is not unlike TWENTY freight trains and six air horns. And between me snoring and waking up Adam, and him poking me to roll over, no one was sleeping more than six seconds at a time and, as everyone likes to remind us, the time for sleeping is now, or forever hold your peace. And I hated it, as I got painfully lonely and strangely sad. I’d rather not get any sleep than be sad.
Onward! It turns out that Honda was perfectly content to give Adam and me a car loan, and that we’re picking up our new! shiny! Silver! Honda! CR-V! tomorrow. Which is amusing, since we’re trading in our old! broken! silver! Honda! CR-V! at the same time. Essentially, we’re driving out with the same car, only it will be a newer model that doesn’t sound like it’s about to croak (likely because it is) and ultimately, it will be cheaper (yes, cheaper) than the one we’re turning in, thanks to the bizarre world of auto economics resulting from a woefully underperforming global economy.
I have to tell you — and everyone who follows me on Twitter who will listen — that I am BESIDE myself with amusement over the downfall of Blagojevich. He’s a victim of a plot to raise taxes! He’s oppressed! He’s just like Gandhi! He even considered nominating OPRAH to the senate, as she can really TOUCH PEOPLE! My friend Anna rightfully, I think, assumes he’s busy building an insanity defense, because honestly, why ELSE would anyone opt to upstage their own impeachment with a media tour of epic proportions? It’s … it’s SO FUNNY. And awful. And, well, you know. Sad. And strangely hairy.
And finally, because I’m trying in vain to go to sleep in my own bed tonight so as not to wake up lonely and mournful for someone angrily poking me in the ribs, I’ll leave you with three things that are thrilling and alternately killing me:
– My baby shower is this weekend in the Boston area, and while I am incredibly excited to see my family and friends, I am wracked with guilt that I’m even HAVING a baby shower. I wish there was a way to have a baby shower/party without feeling like you were forcing people to, uh, shower you, you know?
Two sub-bits of anxiety from this event are: 1) I made the grave error of using my baby registry as a shopping list for myself as well. Ergo, the breast pads and nipple butter, which I can’t imagine anyone picking up without snickering and/or feeling mortified, and that sort of includes myself. And 2) This is the last major milestone before I actually HAVE THE BABY and I’m feeling very sad, nostalgic, hormonal and totally freaked out. Hence, any attendees of this weekend’s event who might be reading this should be adequately prepared for extensive waterworks when I see your face.
– We have reached the freakout stage that is oh-so-familiar to me before major life events and/or things I’m excited about that I’m about to experience for the first time. The first time Adam and I went on vacation together, for example, I became convinced we weren’t going to live long enough to see it, even going so far as to watch with terror as we landed in the Caribbean, certain we were bound for the coral reefs. Before our wedding, I woke up almost every night in a cold sweat, sure that something awful was going to happen and we were, as usual, going to die before the wedding. As a result of my panic and second-hand stress, I think we both ended up hospitalized and/or visiting the doctor more than once.
Now, six weeks before my baby is due, I’ve stayed up late three nights in a row Googling obscure medical conditions related to some vague symptoms Adam and I have been having, most notably — please wait for it — DRY SKIN. As a result, I became CERTAIN that while I might survive, as my symptoms were less severe (BECAUSE I MOISTURIZE), I’m afraid Adam needs an organ transplant, and my baby won’t get to meet her daddy, because he’s going to be in the hospital getting a new liver while she’s being born.
This kind of fatalist thinking is also special with babies, because there are tasks like wills to update and life insurance to add and beneficiaries to change and then mull sadly over after you’ve completed them. It’s all very morbid when you think about it, the steps you take before adding a new life. There’s a bit of irony there, and not the good kind.
– Lastly, and perhaps most frivolously, why didn’t anyone tell me that Jet Dry would solve all the problems I’ve been having with my dishwasher? How did I not KNOW this would be the panacea for cloudy glasses and schmutzy bowls? And further, how did our parents SURVIVE without this? Or has it always been there?
Happy Tuesday!
*Radiohead
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
24 Comments Add your own
1. Anyabeth | January 26th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
GAH! The pre-labor sickness I know it well. I hope you feel less plaguey soon.
2. NGS | January 27th, 2009 at 12:05 am
I have never had a baby, nor am I planning on it, but I totally dreamed about my husband dying for months before our wedding. And that his family was in the front of the church during the funeral (why was the funeral in a church? I don’t know) and I was in the back pew. Because I wasn’t an actual member of the family.
I still have these dreams once in a while, but it’s not the every night thing it was for a bit.
Baby showers are so much fun!! You’ll have fun even when the presents involving your boobs come out!
3. slynnro | January 27th, 2009 at 12:18 am
Has he ever explained that tax theory? Do not get. And the hair! The hair!
4. Kate | January 27th, 2009 at 12:37 am
Enjoy your shower. It really is just because all your friends and family are JUST as excited as you to meet your little one. And when people are happy, they like to buy stuff.
So don’t sweat it.
5. Amy K | January 27th, 2009 at 4:11 am
Glad you’re feeling better! Have a great time at your shower – I’m sure it will be a blast for everyone involved.
6. velocibadgergirl | January 27th, 2009 at 7:35 am
Hooray for new CR-Vs! We got ours in November of 2007, and it’s true love. Also, *hugs* for the rest…I hope you have a wonderful time at your shower, and that no one embarrasses you with nipple cream.
7. TwoBusy | January 27th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Baby shower! Bwahahahahaha…
(I presume Adam will be off somewhere boozing it up with his friends while you’re being showered in nipple butter…)
8. Hillary | January 27th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I totally understand about the shower guilt. My best friend thinks I’m ridiculous, but it always seem so crass to me. I absolutely refused to register for baby gifts, which made me feel slightly better but also meant we got a mountain of baby towels, washcloths and bath stuff.
9. Nicole | January 27th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Wow, you have a lot of exciting stuff happening! Showers- yes, a bit obnoxious, but on the other hand, I’m always happy to do it for my friends, and I bet your friends feel the same way. That said, my own showers freaked me right the hell out. And, new car, yay! But the real reason for this comment- High and Dry- Jamie Cullum also has a song by that name and it is such! a! great! song! Hope you are feeling better.
10. Catie | January 27th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Just wanted to chime in that I too have the fear that I won’t live to see events take place. When big, life changing (or not even so life changing, with as you mentioned, a vacation) events are on the horizon, I just can’t imagine them actually happening, I guess, in part, because I have a hard time imaging my life after them, I just assume they won’t happen. Because I’ll be dead. I did it with my wedding, which of course took place and my life went on normally after, but I STILL have the fear, even when I’m proven wrong.
11. Sadie | January 27th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Blagojevich fascinates me, FASCINATES. He is so unbelievable, and yet so even-keeled and slippery in the face of undeniable doom. I watched him on Nightline last night, and Cynthia McFadden was losing it, reading all his expletive-laced transcripts back to him, trying to pin him down on ANYTHING, and the guy said his was a “Frank Capra story,” that he likened himself to Jimmy Stewart or Gary Cooper. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK?! I would agree with you about the insanity defense except that I think the guy is too dumbly arrogant to consider it.
Enjoy your shower, people love to buy things for babies. Wedding gifts, not so much, but baby gifts? People really like to buy those, so don’t feel guilty. It’s not really for YOU anyway, it’s for your BABY.
12. Jamie | January 27th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I love buying the embarassing stuff at a baby shower (assuming the mom-to-be will “get” my sense of humor) and then wrapping it up in brown craft paper, like porn. Unless it’s a mixed audience at the event, no one will think twice of you receiving things you might deem embarassing or ultra-personal.
As for Blagojevich, I am at a loss. Most people in our state have been aware of his total incompetence and delusions of grandeur for years now – but in past elections, there were very few viable alternatives. Sad, no?
13. H | January 27th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I just finished reading a Blagojevich story before I came over here to read your blog, and I am SO with you on this. He is hilariously, ridiculously, certifiably insane.
You know what bothered me about baby showers? It felt like everyone was coming together to celebrate that I had sex. I know you mentioned that feeling early on in your pregnancy, and the baby shower was just, well, embarrassing in that way.
I also thought something dreadful was going to happen before my wedding and for me it was the bachelor party. I thought for sure my soon-to-be-husband’s friends would do something so stupid and dangerous that he wouldn’t make it to the wedding day.
14. Kristin H | January 27th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
The showering really is just because everyone is excited and happy for you to feel the joy of a new baby. If you were giving birth to a two-year-old, people would probably not be all that excited for you. Uh, not that I don’t love my own personal two-year old.
15. Mauigirl | January 27th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
I understand about shower guilt too. For my wedding I only had one attendant, my best friend, and she and I talked about it and she asked if I want a shower and I told her no, not in the least, DH and I had been living together and he has all this stuff already anyway, blah blah. So I didn’t have a wedding shower. I was pretty OK with it, actually, but looking back sometimes I think I totally should’ve said yes indeedy I want a shower! (P.S., years later my friend got married at age 44 and I had to help plan HER shower, LOL!)
Your medical fears are so similar to the way I think all the time – my husband had a kind of rash on his chest one time and I was convinced it was a rare type of cancer because a friend’s mother-in-law had gotten it. Turned out to be a minor fungal infection.
16. Amanda | January 27th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I always give the boob stuff at the baby shower (and I also always add a pair of Swedish nipple cups because they are LIFE SAVING). It’s called agenda-driven gifting! (I also always give my cell number and a free pass to use it during the first two weeks DAY OR NIGHT for breastfeeding commiseration). (It’s totally yours if you want it BTW).
I had terrible nightmares of my husband falling asleep at the wheel and dying in a fiery car crash my WHOLE first pregnancy. It was what ultimately led to his sleep apnea diagnosis and treatment. That and I figured I couldn’t keep wearing earplugs to bed after the baby was born.
Not that it needs to be said, but you’re going to make it! You’ll be fine!
17. Ang | January 27th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
He is a total idiot, isn’t he? And totally corrupt. My husband’s boss met his barber somewhere and the guy actually seemed proud of the fact that he did Blago’s hair! I’d pay to see him with a nice prison haircut. Or maybe a reverse mohawk?
18. Carolyn J. | January 27th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Like Jamie and Amanda, I would buy you the most embarrassing gifts in Costco-size portions for a laff.
I am also certain we will die horribly whenever we travel. I was planning a trip to Iceland until I heard about the Fleece Revolution currently taking place there, which is probably the nicest way to overthrow a government, since Icelandic people tend to be pretty laid-back. Now I am certain my husband and I will be caught in the fleece crossfire.
19. Suebob | January 27th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Oh, gosh, I hope the baby isn’t allergic to the car seat material in the new CRV. Or to polyester in general. Oh, wait, that was Jimmy, your other baby. This baby will be fine.
20. Kristabella | January 28th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
The funniest thing about Blogo is that you’re all witnessing this now. Now, admittedly, he’s a bit crazier now than he has been, but he’s always been a nutjob. Now the world gets to see it. You know it is bad when the Mayor of Chicago calls him “cuckoo” in a press conference.
The thing that sucks is he is killing our hopes for the Olympics with his antics.
21. mar | January 28th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
holy sh#t! you used the word panacea. how redonkulous. i just did a research study wherein i had to take an iq test (for comparison of how preteen brains respond to reward stimuli compared to adults) and the last word she asked me to define was “panache” i faltered, but came up with flair or style or whatever. when the research lady looked it up, she said, hmmm, this says it’s a cure-all. i nearly flipped my wig, but thought okay, this is one of those words people must misuse all the time. that night i realized how close “panacea” was & ended up e-mailing the research team to ask if i had misheard in some way. nope, she says, you were right & raised my score and a couple other people who’d done the exact same thing. apparently, the previous person had penciled in the pronunciation of “panache” next to the word “panacea”.
how weird that you’d use that word just now.
(wandering off to actually read the rest of your delightful commenters now…)
22. TB | January 29th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
I’m not much for the showers either but the baby shower is by far the best of all showery type events. Enjoy it!
Also and you know how I feel about assvice, but I have to say it. The next six weeks may simultaneously feel like the longest and shortest period of time to you right now. Savor every moment. Enjoy the fact that it’s just you and Adam for the last time in your lives and also try to enjoy every minute of being pregnant because I promise you, you’ll miss it someday, especially if this is a one shot deal.
I’m so happy for you.
23. Jonniker. » High and Dry&hellip | February 9th, 2009 at 12:33 am
[...] My best friend thinks I’m ridiculous, but it always seem so crass to me. I absolutely refused to register for baby gifts , which made me feel slightly better but also meant we got a mountain of baby towels, washcloths and bath stuff. …Next Page [...]
24. GOODWIN30Autumn | June 19th, 2010 at 5:23 am
All people deserve good life and loan or just short term loan would make it much better. Because freedom bases on money state.
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