Shower the People

Aloha! This weekend was, as anticipated, my Boston baby shower and while I am no more comfortable with the idea of a baby shower than I was before, it was wonderful, and I am so grateful to my family and friends who were there.  I am also feeling painfully guilty, because even though I deliberately kept it very tiny, I still felt like it was too big and I got quality time with no one.  I never get to see them one on one, and I wanted to take them all out individually for hours through some kind of hole in the space-time continuum, and also in a universe where gifts were unnecessary.

Incidentally, as a result of said shower, I regret to inform you that *I* will have the best-dressed baby in the universe, and no one will be able to compete. It can’t fit in her closet, such is the extent of her first-year wardrobe of clothes, which is far nicer than the one in her mother’s closet.  Once again, I am reminded that I am painfully ill-equipped to deal with a girl, and that everyone else is much better suited to manage this than I am. If it were up to me, she’d be in jeans and a T-shirt for her entire life, although my friend Erica did get our daughter her first pair of jeans and I’ve been gazing at them for hours on end. Because I’m sorry, baby jeans are the most awesome thing ever, especially if they have RUFFLES.

I’m SURE I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m a small-group person, and really only invited people who are super-important to me and/or were instrumental in getting me through this damn pregnancy. I know that seems weird, but don’t you think baby showers are kind of … painful? And inherently rude-seeming? Or is it just me? A few times during the shower, I wondered who these crazy-ass women are who have baby showers in rented halls full of every coworker they ever had, along with a gaggle of their mother’s friends, because I have to tell you I WOULD HAVE DIED. I was overwhelmed enough as it is. Mostly in a good way.

PS:  I have no pictures because I haven’t downloaded them yet and/or my mother, photographer extraordinaire, hasn’t sent hers yet.

PPS: I love my family and friends, if it isn’t clear. May you all be so lucky to have people like that in your life, too.

Moving on! Our drive to Mass was quite harrowing, and involved no fewer than seven snowsqualls, and if you know what a snowsquall is, you’re feeling very, very sorry for me right now. White out conditions! Softball-sized snowflakes! BLINDING PILES OF SNOW AND NOTHINGNESS that made it impossible to see where the road even WAS, and I’m not kidding. Dude, I was SHITTING MYSELF for half the drive, and just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, it stopped. And then just when I thought we were free and clear from the misery, it started again. For the ENTIRE DURATION OF THE STATE OF VERMONT AND PART OF NEW HAMPSHIRE. When we pulled over during a moment of peace at a Burger King in Lebanon, NH, I was waiting for our onion rings to be served by a man in a hood with a sickle, because death was coming for us, one way or the other.

A three-and-a-half hour drive took … seven hours. Hold me.

And in further proof that Adam and I are rapidly turning old fuddy-duddies with no tolerance for anything, on the way home yesterday we noticed some college kids in separate cars driving recklessly in tandem and screwing around and … and … oh, there is no easy way to say this, we called 9-11.  And … and tattled on them to the state highway patrol! And … AND WE GOT THEM BOTH PULLED OVER AND MAYBE GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE because these kids were the type to TOTALLY have an ounce or two of weed in the car, not that I even CARE about that, but … oh God. You KNOW there was a car search involved and … we’re old. I called NINE ONE ONE, for crying out loud.

But they were endangering others, and I’m PREGNANT and there are BABIES IN VEHICLES ALL OVER. For God’s sake, people.

Lastly, two things:

1) I apologize for my birthing comment outburst yesterday, but let us all remember that we ARE all unique and special birthing snowflakes! I have a lot to learn when it comes to dealing with parenting judginess, even though I’ve seen it coming at my friends for years! AM NAIVE! And also, ill-equipped to be all duck-feather-rolly about it. Will start that today.

2) We have reached the stage in pregnancy where breathing is a really colossal effort. I’d heard about this before, but … huh. Breathing is a CHALLENGE.

Happy Tuesday! We have to go to birthing class early to make up for the one I missed when I was sick. I’m told there will be videos. Oh God.

*James Taylor

26 comments February 2nd, 2009