There’s a Doctor

One of the bassinet sheets I ordered arrived today and came with a set of Kotex samples, which, in addition to being rather odd, reminded me that OH RIGHT, I haven’t gotten my period since LAST JUNE.  But ah, thanks for the heads up, Kotex! And GAWD, could you imagine if, among the myriad of injustices that make up the pregnancy experience, you got your PERIOD, TOO?  I totally think that’s grounds for demanding your money back, or at least standing in a rainstorm and expecting diamonds to fall into your pockets, because that’s what you deserve.

Thank God it’s generally a biological impossibility.

It also reminded me that I have NO IDEA where my, uh … supplies … are, for when that day inevitably happens.  Although really, rest assured I’m all stocked up on maxi pads, thanks in part to Adam, who learned alllll about the reasons why in birthing class and is getting quite the gleeful kick out of reminding me that yes, yes, HA HA, maxi pads will be a necessity post-partum. (GAAAK)

Moving on! We had our penultimate birthing class last night, and I’m pleased to report it was our most painful yet. It involved a visit from a local pediatrician, and wow, I did not like her, whereas Adam DESPISED her and ranted for an entire hour after the class ended about how desperately he wanted to tell her to stuff it. The problems were several-fold:

- She’s very pro-vaccine, which, while fine and even educational and admirable, was presented in a way that was actually offensive to those who even QUESTIONED the validity of her position, as a woman in our class did, and HOO BOY did she pay for it. Basically the doctor announced that her children were going to die of meningitis, and if that’s what they wanted for their unborn son, then by all means, go right ahead, just don’t say she didn’t warn them. Oh, and when her kid has a fever, she might as well PANIC and get her ass to the EMERGENCY ROOM. Her point was that these awful diseases are coming back, but I …

I think there could have been a more …  gentle way to say that, but you know, I could be wrong.

- And yet … she’s pro-attachment parenting AND pro-co-sleeping, which again is fine, except that that’s the only way she sees it working, because that’s what SHE does with her kids. I mean, she nearly started spitting nails when she referenced the bouncy seat (“worst invention ever”) and I was waiting for her to tell us that Ergo now makes waterproof baby carriers designed so that you can shower with your baby, no kidding, because oh my God, you CANNOT PUT YOUR BABY DOWN. EVER.

And she still sleeps with her seven- and nine-year-old and she loves it! And further, she says, if you start it AT ALL, you’d better be prepared to FINISH IT. FOR LIFE!

In other words, if you sleep with your child until she’s 18 months, you’d better be prepared to sleep with her until she’s 18 YEARS.  Why yes! She said that! Did you know that your teenage boy will still want to sleep with you when he’s fifteen? Ditto your daughter who’s a junior in high school. She won’t even want her own room! And if you don’t want that, you’d better never let your child into your bed. Ever.  OH MY GOD I’M SO SURE.

- I … oh God, I could go on, but you’d be asleep. And again, it’s not that I don’t appreciate her opinion on some things, it’s the WAY she presented it. She did not see us as unique snowflakes! We are merely PAPER CUTOUTS OF FAKE SNOWFLAKES MADE WITH GENERIC PATTERNS FROM COSTCO.

I really dislike people who only see one way of doing things to the point where they belittle others’ viewpoints (see also: politics). I think the least we can do is hear each other out and treat each other with respect, even while saying hey, I get where you’re coming from, but in my professional opinion, you might want to reevaluate (such as the couple with vaccination concerns).  And I’m sure the last thing a concerned, hormonal woman wants to hear is that she’s doing it ALL WRONG. My God.

I only hope that the one (yes, ONE) other pediatrician’s office in town is less militant (we’re going there next week), otherwise ho ho HO, baby girl, we’re driving up up and away for your well-baby visits! STRAP IN.

One more birthing class. Four more weeks of pregnancy. A lifetime of parenting assvice. Thrilling!

Happy Thursday!

*The Who

34 comments February 4th, 2009