I’ll Be Here
March 5th, 2009
My friend Kathleen killed me the other day when she likened checking my blog every morning to Ben Affleck’s character in Good Will Hunting — while she’s happy to see me, every morning she hopes I won’t be here because it’ll mean I’ve had the baby. Or you know, gone to California to follow my dream to be a successful hipster mathematician and a life with Minnie Driver, but whatever! Baby, Minnie — it’s all the same. You know, she’s Ben and I’m Matt and … of course you get it.
I’m still here, obviously. Sorry, Kath. And it’s largely why I’m writing, because though I have little to say, if I don’t say something, I get 5,000 phone calls of, “ZOMG SHE’S HERE AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME.”
No, dudes. I would TOTALLY tell you. I promise. And if not, you can check my husband’s Twitter feed or, better yet, Tehbaby‘s, because though I have no plans to live-ANYTHING the birth and will not be bringing my laptop with me to the hospital so you can be updated hourly on the status of my girly bits and the girl who’s coming out of them.
And because I am somewhat bored with all this WAITING, and look, I know I’m supposed to enjoy it, but really, daytime TV gets old, the house is organized and hey, do you guys want to eat off of my floor? Because I’m about to STEAM CLEAN IT out of desperation. And yet I’m afraid to GO ANYWHERE because I have to pee every .009 seconds and … well, whatever. You know. Alas, I can’t even concentrate long enough on a book, so there goes that. Sad.
So! A random list of bulleted whatevers!
- Is there a more compelling tune out there than the McDonald’s Filet O Fish song? No.
- My brother called my cell phone yesterday and after a series of questions and apologies for catching me while I was driving, I had to confess that actually, I wasn’t driving but was sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store stuffing a brownie in my mouth because I couldn’t wait the FIVE MINUTES it would take to drive home. So uh, sure, now is a good time to talk as any. Have brownie, will relax.
- Speaking of phone calls, there are few things worse than calling my friends and family and hearing their voices rise in near-hysterical excitement, only to hear them fall desperately when I explain that no, um, I’m SO SORRY, but do you know, uh, how much sugar I need for the pizzelle recipe? My mother is the worst with this. I swear, every single phone call is answered in a near-breathless voice, “HHHEEELOOO!?” I love her, but have officially begun avoiding speaking with her, because I just continually DISAPPOINT her. It’s like my teenage years all over again.
- I’ve been watching a bit too much A Baby Story, which is not doing any good at all, and in fact, is doing nothing but alternately scaring me and pissing me off beyond all reason. The fear is deliberate, as half the commercial breaks end dramatically as they intone, “Will Celine and her baby survive her C-section?” As if TLC would let us all unwittingly watch a DEATH, and yet … I find myself wondering and waiting all breathless for the damn conclusion and inevitably healthy baby.
But the fury. OH, THE FURY. For example, there are people’s MOTHERS and SISTERS who actually try to convince the birthing mother that she shouldn’t get an epidural because it’s dangerous and awful and bad for the baby and how dare she! Then they try to make her feel GUILTY. And I’m all, LADIES. THIS IS NOT YOUR BABY. And also? SHUT UP. PUSH YOUR OWN BABY OUT YOUR VAGINA THE WAY YOU WANT TO, BUT THIS IS HER VAGINA.
- After the consumption of a gigantor burrito, I ended up with an upset stomach, which resulted in a bit of excitement and hysteria on the part of my husband, leaving me to convince him that NO, SERIOUSLY DUDE. JUST GAS. He had a similar reaction this afternoon when I IM’d him some good news from our insurance agent and HOO BOY, the man is On Edge. So the drive to the hospital should be Teh Awesome.
Further evidence: Adam just yelled, pretty much out of nowhere: “CAN’T YOU AT LEAST HAVE A BRAXTON-HICKS OR SOMETHING?”
We win at Patience.
Happy Friday! And weekend! And due date! HA HA.
*Reindeer Section
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
54 Comments Add your own
1. Kate @ Life As I Life It | March 6th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Hang in there Jonna! That baby girl will be here before you know it. But yah, the waiting is damn hard.
2. Eeek | March 6th, 2009 at 12:57 am
I’ve been reading your site for a while and never actually comment, but I’m due for induction on the 26th if my baby, also my first, hasn’t made an appearance. Things ‘down below’ are moving along v..e..r..y.. slowly and I have so many contractions and painful kicks/stretching that my husband doesn’t even pay attention anymore. He complained to me he can’t tell the difference in my ‘ouch sounds’ so he has decided to ignore them. So charming!
I completely and totally understand the addiction to A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby; those shows really are pregnant girl crack.
Hopefully your day (actually and mine too) will be soon!
3. Mama Bub | March 6th, 2009 at 1:36 am
I can remember being in your shoes VIVIDLY. I have a very strong memory of warning my doctor on my due date that if he were to tell me, once again, that there was NO CHANGE and no baby was imminent that I couldn’t be held accountable for the hysteria that my ensue. So, he lied to me.
4. Leah | March 6th, 2009 at 2:05 am
Wait. There’s a filet o’ fish theme song?!
Happy due date! I’ll be thinking of you (and, hell, checking your site and Twitters obsessively) all weekend. Good luck! No fear! RAWR!
5. page | March 6th, 2009 at 2:17 am
I squealed out loud when i got the Sunny/tehbaby tweet this afternoon, and sent my friend into giggling fits when I explained the backstory. She thought it was brilliant.
I am sure you are getting all kinds of advice as to how to self-induce as well. Do this! Don’t do that! Call this number and order the special curry… etc, etc. I cannot imagine how women get through the last couple of days of their pregnancy sane, and constantly thank my mom for not sliding headfirst down a waterslide in desperation when I came waaaay late (the upside was I was apparently such a short labor she never even got to a room at the hospital).
I’ll be thinking of you. All good mojo for the birth and all that surrounds it!
6. JMH | March 6th, 2009 at 5:39 am
And now I will have the Filet-o-fish song stuck in my head all day!
That commercial cracks me up every.single.time.
Hang in there, these last few days of waiting are the worst! I never wanted to leave my house either, so I totally understand. Good luck!
7. TwoBusy | March 6th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Tick. Tick. Tick.
TOCK.
Go forth and kick baby ass!
(so to speak)
8. Me | March 6th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Yay! I saw the twitter-’water break’ is good news indeed! Hope that baby comes out fast but gentle. And I know you are all ‘life-changing event’ and OMG newborn’, but ‘member to update your failthful throng whenever you get 2 seconds free (which will never happen, we know)! Good luck and take care Jonniker! Yay Baby Jonniker-to-be!
9. AndreAnna | March 6th, 2009 at 7:24 am
This post is useless because I’m sure mere hours after you wrote it, you twittered that your water broke.
Wishing you the best!
10. Swistle | March 6th, 2009 at 7:39 am
OMG OMG OMG SAW THAT YOUR WATER BROKE AM NOW IN FULL BABY-ALERT MODE! Happy birth! Oh, happy birth to you!
11. Urban CHick | March 6th, 2009 at 7:51 am
how funny
in the late stages of non-sleeping pregnancy, i watched lots of baby programmes on satellite TV, entitled ‘special deliver’ (aka ‘scary births’)
i found them oddly compelling
dh thought i was nuts
good luck as and when!!
12. Laura | March 6th, 2009 at 8:17 am
ahh! look at that twitter! Good luck…and way to go, punctual baby!She, she’s already not too much of an airy-fairy pisces, all showing up right on time with no doubt that you’re in labor! why am I using so many exclamation points! ahhh!
13. A. | March 6th, 2009 at 8:19 am
I love it. I check every day too for that reason, but you never think about how the mom-to-be feels about all the waiting. I’m so excited for you – she’ll come when she’s ready!
I watched The Baby Story the other day, and I too thought it was weird that everything has to be so dramatic. Why can’t they show a lovely, easy birth? I would think pregnant ladies like yourself would enjoy a show like that…
14. A. | March 6th, 2009 at 8:20 am
AH – I didn’t see Twitter!!!!! YAYAYAYAY!!!
15. -R- | March 6th, 2009 at 8:23 am
Good luck! I hope everything goes well! I am so excited for you! Exclamation points!!!
16. tutugirl1345 | March 6th, 2009 at 8:46 am
It would be just like life for you to write an entry on how the baby hasn’t come yet, and oops! here comes the baby!
Good luck, you’re going to be an awesome mom!
17. Christine | March 6th, 2009 at 9:08 am
YAY! Good luck w/ a nice easy birth and can’t wait to see your update here!
18. Sadie | March 6th, 2009 at 9:13 am
OMG your water broke. !!! Gigantor burrito FTW!
Seriously I am so happy for you that you didn’t have to wait another week and then hem and haw over induction et cetera…and YAY for a baby who comes on time!
Oh god I am unreasonably excited.
19. bessie.viola | March 6th, 2009 at 9:59 am
I love that I saw Twitter before I read this. YAY for you!
Can’t wait to see your gorgeous girl, be it two hours or two weeks from now. The internets can wait when there are baby cheeks to NOM NOM NOM.
20. Penny | March 6th, 2009 at 10:09 am
The end with the relative and friend curiosity always pissed me off. You seem to take it much better. Happy due date day!
21. chellebird | March 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Happy Baby Day!
And also? To your query: No, no there is no song catchier than the Filet o’ Fish song. I love that song and sing it often.
22. Anyabeth | March 6th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Saw the twitter and WHEEE! Come on out baby! There are ponies!
23. page | March 6th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I second baby cheeks NOM NOM NOM! Congrats and best of luck! Make sure Adam drops his pants too!!!!!
I am going to be smiling all day!!!!!!
24. Jessica | March 6th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Saw the Twitter! YAY! Good luck
25. H | March 6th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Looks like your daughter is a trickster — already setting out to mess with your plans! And yay for punctuality! Congrats and good luck!
26. Lori | March 6th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Hehehe “tehbaby” is a great blogger too. Thought we were going to share the same birthday, but it looks like she’s on the way. It probably wouldn’t be right to ask you to keep her in there until after midnight, right? … not even if I’m a loyal reader.
27. Leah | March 6th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
YOU’RE HAVING A BABY! RIGHT NOW! (I just dedicated the last episode of A Baby Story to you.)
28. Amy K | March 6th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Wow, 03/06/09 is a great, easy-to-remember birthday! Best of luck to you guys!
29. Amy K | March 6th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
P.S. Am seriously considering a burrito run right now.
30. claire | March 6th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
I saw the Twitter this morning, too and was all EEEEEEEE!! I keep checking Adam’s but it’s a little out of order, so i’m hoping we haven’t missed anything.
So! Exciting!! For! You!! and 3/6/09 is a great birthday, like Amy said. Multiple 3 day!
31. Anonymous New York | March 6th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
This post totally jinxed you! So funny! I hope everything goes (went) well! You, Adam and Teh Baby have been in my thoughts all day!
32. Jen | March 6th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Good luck good luck good luck! I am so excited to hear about this little lady
(I have to admit that I am a little jealous too…I was due on Wednesday and I’ve got NOTHING going on. Come on baby!)
Woohoo!
33. Kristin H | March 6th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Ooo, you might already have a baby in your arms! Well, of course you do by the time you read this. Congratulatons!! Can’t wait to hear how it went!
34. Danell | March 6th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Squeeeee!!! Congratulations you guys! Love her name! So glad you are all doing well!
35. Sadie | March 6th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Hello, it’s me, your stalker – saw Adam’s tweet – SHE’S HERE OMG YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Congratulations! Love her name, and I am sure you totally pwned childbirth but I can’t wait to hear how you write it.
36. Mauigirl | March 6th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Am catching up and see you have not yet had The Daughter! Love that Adam is twittering Teh Baby.
BTW, thanks for letting us know Lawyerish has unlocked her blog…but sorry to hear her news.
Thinking of you and wishing you a painles, short labor and a beautiful daughter!
37. Style Bard | March 7th, 2009 at 12:49 am
Awwwww that IS a great birthday! and a great name! And I am so thrilled for you, honestly. I can’t really convey it here without obnoxiously long strings of letters but congratulations congratulations congratulations! I can’t wait to hear all about her. =)
38. Rhea | March 7th, 2009 at 3:05 am
So many congratulations to all three of you!
Hurrah!
39. Marin | March 7th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Just checked Adam’s Twitter…CONGRATS! Love the name, too.
40. andrea | March 7th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Congratulations to all of you! Great name, can’t wait to catch a peak of her.
41. page | March 7th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Fantastic! So glad y’all are well. And what a beautiful name!
I love that she was beyond punctual. Hee!
42. -R- | March 7th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I am so happy and excited for you! Congratulations! I love sincerely love her name! I hope that you are feeling good!
43. Swistle | March 7th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
OMG I am so glad it is OVER, you know? First childbirths are so stressful because everything’s NEW. Yay for new baby!
44. Christine | March 7th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Just checked Adam’s twitter! Congratulations to you and Adam! Welcome baby Samantha!
45. Diana | March 7th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
My husband shares you affinity for the filet o fish song. He sings it in a Fozzie Bear voice, over and over and over.
And Congratulations of course!
46. claire | March 7th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
YAAAAYYYY!! Saw the twitter. Congratulations, guys!! Beautiful name! YAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!
47. Carolyn J. | March 7th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Excellent! Nice baby you’ve got there.
48. Julianna | March 7th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Congratulations! She is beautiful, the name is wonderful, and I’m sure you are all happy and exhausted!
49. samantha jo campen | March 7th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Again, CONGRATULATIONS! I hope everything is going well for you THREE and can’t wait to hear all about it and see her pictures of course
50. Danielle-Lee | March 8th, 2009 at 1:42 am
Yay!! Congrats! Happy due date, and happy BIRTH! Can’t wait to see a pic of your beautiful girl.
51. Pam | March 8th, 2009 at 2:20 am
And she’s punctual! Congratulations! Can’t wait for pictures.
52. page | March 8th, 2009 at 2:55 am
She is gorgeous! And a whole day old!! Can you believe it?
53. Kristin H | March 8th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
I’m sure you’ve had a song title in mind for ages for the blog after she’s born, but I was going to suggest “Born at the Right Time” — a song that always makes me tear up, even when I haven’t just given birth, and also one that is appropriate given her timeliness! Congratulations!!! I love love love her name.
54. MsPrufrock | March 10th, 2009 at 4:47 am
Belated congrats on the baby’s arrival.
I remember watching A Baby Story where the husband actually said he wished his wife wouldn’t have gone with an epidural. The precise words he used were, “I wish she could have soldiered through and not had any kind of intervention.” I was so furious when I watched it, I wanted to hunt this man down and squeeze his testicles until they burst. BASTARD.
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