Young Offender
March 17th, 2009
Oh MAN, you guys. First of all, my dad and stepmom are here pretty much waiting on us hand and foot, and it’s EMBARRASSING, but also really fabulous, because we’re eating food that doesn’t come from a package or the freezer. When they asked what we typically did for dinner since Sam’s been home, I had to admit that to date, our culinary adventures involved previously frozen lasagna and Hot Pockets. Last night’s dinner involved pork chops of Flintstone proportions and by the time they leave, we’re going to need to be rolled around our house like Weebles, barely able to care for our wee sprout.
I have managed thus far to shower every other day which I feel is a tremendous accomplishment, but did you know that brushing your teeth is bizarrely challenging? I know! SO GROSS. AND I DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS IS, especially because until last Friday, I’ve flossed every day of my entire life. Perhaps it’s that my hair is CLEARLY messy and in need of washing, whereas my mossy teeth are only noticeable by me. I don’t know, but we are in dire need of an oral hygiene intervention, stat.
We interrupt this tirade for a moment of baby cheeks:
Dude, this kid looks JUST LIKE her father and as I mused on Flickr, if I didn’t push her out myself, I’d wonder if she was mine.
I’ll tell you though, I don’t know if I’m still on a hormonal high or what, but I’m still enjoying this far more than I expected. So much so that I almost cried this morning when I noticed that her hands have already gotten bigger and that she’s growing and becoming more alert every day. HOW DARE SHE.
Also? She’s close to rolling over on her belly already. SHE IS NOT EVEN TWO WEEKS OLD, WTF.
This is … well, this is the best, most fun thing I’ve ever done, and I’m shocked that I feel that way. I mean, yes, it’s relentless, and when I change her diaper for the 4,567,950th time at 4 a.m., it feels like I am never, ever going to be able to sleep again, much less get my hair cut or leave the house alone, but the trade-offs have made those feelings seem hilariously minor when I look at the big picture. The only time I felt remotely trapped was when I saw the panic in my husband’s eyes when I told him I was running across the street (seriously, like two-hundred feet) to the store for some, uh, maxi pads, so he didn’t have to. I was gone fifteen minutes, but you’d think I was gearing up for a LIFETIME AWAY, such was his terror — not that he’s afraid to be alone with her, but because he can’t feed her … more on that later.
Anyway, the fact that I love it already makes me feel guilty, like by saying it’s enjoyable for me, I’m discounting the experiences of those it isn’t easy for, which, OMFG no. This shit is HARD, yo, and I think a lot of it is that I have an exceptionally easy baby by some stroke of dumbass luck. (Seriously, WTF? I AM NEVER LUCKY.)
(Please don’t get colic, Sam, and ruin this miraculous thing we’re rocking here. PLEASE. THANKS.)
Sigh. I am a guilt-machine, what can I say.
I am breastfeeding, as a few have asked, and I didn’t know it was possible to feel guilty for that, too, but I do, especially since it’s been relatively easy for me, because by saying that I don’t want to imply that I think it should be/would be easy for EVERYONE, but that there are a select group of lucky biological factors at work here that make it easier, and that if those factors weren’t at play, I could see how it could be a massive suckfest of epic proportions.
I mean, to be clear. I have not and will not turn into one of those breastfeeding zealots who insists not on whipping out her boob on the floor of Target and makes a daily political statement by boycotting Denny’s and screeching about it every chance she gets.
Not that there’s anything, uh, wrong with that, but this is one area where there seems to be absolutely no public middle ground and it makes me INSANE. I … I cover up when out in public, and even at home with my parents, because really, I don’t care how “natural” it is, it’s still MY BOOB, you know? I enjoy it (I KNOW WTF WHO AM I) and am surprised by that fact, but I still don’t give the slightest rip what anyone else does, because I don’t think it matters in the long run. And if nothing else, I have even less tolerance for those who are intolerant, if only because I can now at least say I’ve been on one side of the whole shebang.
In other words, my feelings on all of the big stuff haven’t changed, no matter what my personal experiences are. I’m still me, and thank God.
Speaking of, have I sung the praises of this product yet? I think I’d have lost my mind ages ago if not for the awesomeness that is the original Bebe Au Lait nursing cover. I can be social without having to flash my boob to my father. Miraculous!
At any rate, my head is pounding, the kid is sleeping and I should go join her, however brief the respite may be. Lately she’s had these moments at 3 a.m. where she is WIDE AWAKE and SO HAPPY TO BE UP AND AT ‘EM, and I … well, dude, I’m sorry, but YOU try to ignore an alert, happy newborn with chipmunk cheeks at any hour, no matter how wrong the books tell you it is to indulge her that late. We’re watching plenty of TiVo’d West Wing reruns and the occasional Millionaire Matchmaker, and I think she has a girlcrush on Patti Stanger. I’m trying in vain to talk her out of it.
Happy Wednesday!
*New Order
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,Uncategorized
43 Comments Add your own
1. Katie | March 17th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Kiernan and I watched the entire West Wing series while nursing in the middle of the night and it continues to be one of my favorite babyhood experiences, period. And she’s now ten months old and I sob at her lack of tiny-ness, even though she’s still a wee-peanut and smaller than your average 6 month old.
2. She Likes Purple | March 17th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Jonna, I am so happy you are enjoying this time. You wanted this so badly and you deserve to have the easiest of babies and the loveliest of first weeks. I … am having a slightly different experience but I’m clinging to the fact that this child will eventually be able to comprehend things and I WILL MILK THIS LAST YEAR FOR EVERYTHING IT’S WORTH. This child will KNOW what guilt feels like
I think I assumed I’d get an easy baby because Mike and I are fairly laid back and … HA! (And this is why God created alcohol and breast pumps.)
Still loving reading about parenthood through your eyes.
3. Leah | March 17th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Hit the nail on the head again, you did. About the breastfeeding and about the easy baby and about the weird guilt over both because not everyone is so lucky. So glad to hear it’s all going so well so far!
4. Jamie | March 18th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Yes, talk her out of the Stanger crush! That woman is the devil in hooker heels.
I am so glad you are all happy and healthy. Seriously. You deserve that, and so much more.
5. Blythe | March 18th, 2009 at 12:13 am
I (SHOCKER) felt the same way. No problems nursing but somehow felt guilty that it was easy for us. And also felt like I was betraying someone (who? the people on the Facebook petition?) by not wanting to stare down anyone who got uncomfortable when it looked like I might flash them. I get it. I never know where to look when someone whips out the boob either. Even now that I’m part of the club.
I was shocked at how much fun it was (is) too. If I had a life philosophy it would probably be “hope for the best but expect the worst,” so I had halfheartedly hoped it would be kind of OK while obsessing about all the hard stuff I’d heard about and read (hello, mommyblogs). So when I found myself actually enjoying parenthood instead of enduring it, I was surprised.
6. Tara | March 18th, 2009 at 4:14 am
I’ve heard that a newborn is supposed to look like the dad so there’s no question of whose baby it is.
Now the whole world knows what you and your husband already knew – that you made her together. She is amazingly precious. Those cheeks are just too cute. Congratulations!
7. Beth Fish | March 18th, 2009 at 6:28 am
Whoops, I just accidentally swallowed your baby. Sorry about that.
8. Swistle | March 18th, 2009 at 6:41 am
ACK! CHOKING ON TEH CUTE!
The twins and I watched Big Brother. Henry and I watched Angel.
9. -R- | March 18th, 2009 at 7:22 am
She is gorgeous. And from the very few pictures I’ve seen of Adam, I agree that she looks so much like him!
I felt very differently than you do during the first few months, but I don’t begrudge you for loving motherhood so much, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it going so well. I’m happy for you!
10. Urban Chick | March 18th, 2009 at 7:31 am
oh my, she’s cute!
dh and i ate ready meals for ONE WHOLE YEAR and consequently, i cannot look a frozen supermarket lasagna in the face ever again
and so glad the b/f is going well – i feel lukcy that it worked for me with one twin but the other had expressed milk only
11. Hillary | March 18th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Old episodes of The Office are the perfect length for a feeding. Perfect.
And you’re not the only one that had issues with dental hygiene post-partum. I choose to think of it as being busy, not gross.
12. H | March 18th, 2009 at 8:22 am
I agree with you — no matter how tired I was at 3 a.m., a wide awake and happy newborn was irresistible! She is gorgeous!
13. Amanda | March 18th, 2009 at 8:25 am
I spent the first two weeks of motherhood going “OH MY GOD WHAT IS IN THE BABY’S MOUTH!! HE’S GOING TO CHOKE! Oh, never mind, it’s just another chunk of my NIPPLE.” So yeah, color me GREEN with envy and just overwhelmed with happiness that it’s going so well for you.
The baby stuff is over and done with for me and I look back on it as honestly some of the best days/weeks/months of my life, which is a view not all parents share. I’m glad you’re enjoying them while they’re happening!
Also: NOM NOM NOM! Those cheeks!
14. Mama Bub | March 18th, 2009 at 8:50 am
I love that you’re loving it. The guilt sucks, let it go (ha!) How could you not love those cheeks. Oh my, the cheeks.
And the Bebe Au Lait tops my list of must have baby products. I think my father was especially pleased that I had such a contraption. I’m all for everyone’s right to choose how they feel their baby and I chose the option to nurse without flashing my boob for all the world to see.
15. bessie.viola | March 18th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Oh, her cheeks are TOO MUCH. They are adorable. SHE is adorable!!
This entry just made me grin and grin. I’m so happy that you are all so happy… is that strange, given that I’ve never met you? I don’t care, I’m happy for you all anyway.
16. ali | March 18th, 2009 at 10:04 am
my sister in law had a hooter hider and i pretty much thought that was the best name for anything ever.
also? THE CHEEKS! ZOMG. THE CHEEKS!
she’s amazing!
17. KT | March 18th, 2009 at 10:48 am
You know the other thing that is good about breastfeeding? You burn TONS of calories!!
Oh and I gave you an award today on my blog!
18. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | March 18th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Sounds like things are going well! =) That’s awesome news! (And also very encouraging to those of us still waiting for our chipmunk-cheeked newborn).
19. Kristen | March 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I’m so happy to hear that you are loving this! Also, OMG the CHEEKS! It’s too much cute!
20. Bebe au Lait on Jonniker.&hellip | March 18th, 2009 at 11:49 am
[...] covers! In her post, she talks about her baby and breastfeeding experiences. Read the entire post here. Print This Post Media: Websites | Publication: [...]
21. Penny | March 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Ha ha, I remember with fondness that look of terror in my husband’s eye if i so much as left the room to take a shower.
And I liked breastfeeding too, and it was hard but not impossible, and I wish it was just as easy and enjoyable for everyone.
22. Anonymous New York | March 18th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Oh my! The adorableness! The cheeks! The little rosebud mouth! So cute!
I think my mom was the one who was afraid to leave us with dad. Word is that he carried us around like footballs.
23. Kristin H | March 18th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I only felt trapped once, and that was in the first couple of weeks. My husband told me he was going to the dump with a load of brush, and I realized I had been house-bound for two weeks, feeding her every 3 hours, round the clock. Suddenly, going to the dump sounded mighty good. And when I realized I could not go to the dump because I needed to nurse the baby, I cried and cried and cried. My husband, bless his heart, tried everything to help: Would I rather go? He’d stay! Or maybe we all could go! No, no no, I cried, she has to be fed NOW and that can only be done by ME (sob!).
Onto another topic! I was wondering what else you’ve found has been essential, now that you’re in the thick of it? I always find it interesting to see what other people find really useful with new babies.
24. Maggy | March 18th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I felt guilty about having an easy time with breastfeeding, too. What’s that about? Of course, I was that lady in Target feeding her baby anywhere. I figured I would breastfeed him anywhere that I saw a baby eating from a bottle. I didn’t actually care if anyone saw my breast (covered by the baby, anyway), but I did not want to show off my postpartum tummy. I always said my first weeks postpartum were surprisingly good, since I’d been preparing for the worst.
I chose breastfeeding because it was important to me. I am pro-breastfeeding from a public health standpoint, just like I’m pro- seatbelts and bike helmets and not smoking. Other than that, I care that people feed their kids.
25. Laziza | March 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I literally could have written this, right down to the Bebe au Lait nursing cover plug. Newborn with chubby cheeks? Check. Shockingly enjoyable? Check. Guilt over finding it shockingly enjoyable and ensuing over-assurance of sympathy and non-judgementalness? Check, check.
Thank God you wrote this so I feel a little more normal. NOW GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
26. TwoBusy | March 18th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
We lived on Hot Pockets for about 6 solid weeks after our twins were born.
NO SHAME.
27. Calliope | March 18th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
awwwwwww!!!
She is absolutely beautiful.
Those lips!!
28. Mrs Chaos | March 18th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I have friends who call me “The Carrier” (and also The Nanny) because my children both look so much like their father.
29. The New Girl | March 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I’ve heard RUMORS that there were some new moms with this kind of experience. I thought they were MYTHS. Like Unicorns.
As a decidedly NOT easy-transitioner with a decidedly NOT easy baby, I have to say that your thoughtfulness re: others who have had a hard time is touching and pure Jonniker. Not that I think you deserve the survivor guilt. I think you are a unique mothering snowflake.
With a baby as pretty as a unicorn.
xo
30. The New Girl | March 18th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
PS. my kid looks so much like her dad and his family that my sister says I look like her NANNY when we go out…
31. Sarah | March 18th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I am so happy you are enjoying motherhood. I had an amazingly easy first baby too, and I was all, “WHAT is this? I thought this was supposed to SUCK!” But I was So. Happy. And I didn’t mind being up at night with her, either. Of course, that was because I could sleep in until noon, also, which is… NOT the case once you have a toddler AND a newborn.
Anyways. Congratulations again.
32. Jess | March 18th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
She is so cute. She’s not just cute, she’s beautiful. I’m so happy that you’re so happy.
33. Ariel | March 18th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
My daughter is 5 and I’m still incandescently in love with her- which doesn’t mean there have not been hard times, and moments when I wondered what the hell am I doing… But… Still I just love every minute.
So she’ll probably start giving me hell around age 12
34. Anyabeth | March 18th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Ah when Ramona was a baby I watched old musicals and Disney movies while nursing. She still grins when the music from Mary Poppins come on.
Sadly, that feeling of HOW DARE YOU GET BIGGER AND DO WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO? hasn’t gone away. At least for me. I am not even a baby person but I just hate that she isn’t a little tiny baby anymore.
35. Swistle | March 19th, 2009 at 5:48 am
You can keep a toothbrush in the shower. It helps with the remembering thing. Not saying how I know this.
36. Amalah | March 19th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Sooooo happy to hear that you’re happy, because babies! They really are great. I always felt kind of guilty for how much I enjoyed the supposedly terrible newborn days too. I mean, there are always those moments, but oh. So small and squishy and sweet.
I would have a BUNCH more babies, honestly. Too bad I don’t necessarily want anymore CHILDREN.
And the bebe au lait cover is the best thing EVER. Next to the baby, of course.
37. Jennifer | March 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Adorbs! Glad everything seems to be going well – I think brushing in the shower is a fantastic idea!
38. Eve | March 19th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
She does look like him! So happy to see you gushing momma love– I love it. Miss you much.
39. Nikki | March 20th, 2009 at 8:04 am
You’re making me fondly remember my late nights with my easy-going chipmunk-cheeked girl. Keep enjoying your beautiful babe!
40. amber | March 20th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Wee sprout! How cute. Sam is beautiful, look at that mouth! Those cheeks! You sound so optimistic, so full of love, that you make ME want to have a baby. (And I don’t even have a boyfriend, nevermind a husband).
41. Rhea | March 20th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
So beautiful and lovely! lucky parents.
42. Mauigirl | March 21st, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Two words: SO CUTE!!!!
43. page | March 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 am
MONCH, indeed.
It’s so fun to hear all the deets… and to hear that you are so happy!!!!
Keep up the good work, Mama- she’s adorable and it sounds like you are doing well!
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